Elapsed
By Sweet Delusion
The time? The day? The month? The year? Nothing. I had no answers to my questions seeing I had stopped keeping track of such trivial things for the longest time. Time was one of the main objects that society ran on, and it was the very thing that was elapsed in my mind. Manners were forgotten and sometimes my colleagues' sanity was thrown out of the window. The people that I labeled as 'freaks' were the ones that had everything in tact and barely registered the animalistic behaviors that were the general affects of war.
Our senses of good and evil were blurred. This was no fairytale where the good and evil sides were clearly distinguished. Were we the bad guys? Were our enemies the bad guys? The inquiries were left unanswered from the cause that there was only one goal in our minds: survival. And it was only there from the human natures' primitive instinct.
Forget trying to shoot at the enemies, trying to dodge the bullets that were being shot at you was much more of an accomplishment.
We could faintly hear that 500 paces away from the base were gunshots. Another battle was being fought and it meant just another one that my regiment had to back-up.
War was an ugly creature of destruction, especially now that we were sucked into this World War. I could tell from the closed eyes from my comrades that they were praying to the God of whatever their region was. They despised war as much as the next person praying besides them. Just because we were fighting, didn't mean we had to enjoy it. It just meant that we were doing our responsibility for our government. They were praying that no lives would be taken from our side. We didn't want to suffer more losses and more families that have to suffer from the news…
I stood at the front, and called for attention from my troops. As everyone slowly came to a halt, I had to do something that I hated to do and that was to give inspiring words for my regiment to get all pumped for the new battle we had to enter. It's so out of character for me since I loathed speaking, but it was part of my job and well… Most leaders wouldn't want their men to enter the battle all depressed about what they left behind and get suicidal from the thoughts.
With a special girl on my mind, I spoke up gravelly in order to prepare these men into battle, "I know that most of you guys are sick of fighting and afraid of that one day that your best friend is going to end up dying in front of your eyes. But you know what I realized? Tragedies happen everyday. Fighting in this war is no exception and we have to make the best of it. War is an ugly creature, but we'll make the best of it by remembering those we left behind…our families, our wives, our girlfriends, our pets, our children, and etc and fight for them. We got to fight in order to defend them and do we want to see them getting hurt because we didn't do a good job? Hell f__king no!"
My right-hand man and best friend for a long time, Ruka Nogi nodded at my words and shouted out commands, "Griffin, Saito, Murray, Murphy, Korispky, Centopanti, and DeBiase cover the East side of the battle field. Bright, Workman, Romeo, Sergio, Davidson, and Gallo go to the West side. Chanda, Kelly, Graham, Stephens, and Collins to the front. Everyone else spread out."
He and I nodded as we took position at the frontline. One frighteningly depressive fact was that there were generals and leaders fighting in the World War that cowardly stood behind their men, instead of guiding them from the very front of the line. What kind of sick commanders were they?
Ruka and I fought our way up to our position, switching from lines of secretly spying on the opposite side to now holding down a regiment. We griped our guns and weaved in-between the trees, ducking whenever a bullet would come near us. I saw a flash of a uniform that wasn't distinguishable as my own and shot at the man.
One killed.
Saw a similar uniform as the first and shot.
Two killed.
The third bullet grazed the victim, but he continued to stagger on. I watched Ruka shot the enemies and ducked as a spray of bullets came at him. Fortunately, for him, none of them got to touch a single hair or cell of his body. After his lucky misses, he glanced at me and we exchanged knowing looks. We continued to battle our way up to the front, killing any soldier who didn't belong on the Japanese side.
Ruka's luck ran out when I saw that a man who sat in a tree aim his gun at him. Terrified, I swallowed down my unintelligent screams and I reacted in the only way I could. I raced over to him before it was too late. Thanks to the adrenaline rush I got, I ran nimbly. Beads of sweat trickled down my face and the only sound I could was the roaring of my blood. It felt like my heart was about to leap out of my chest from the way it thumped against m ribcage.
My only thought was that this couldn't be happening. My desire was for Ruka to realize that he was in peril, however, he didn't take notice of my silent plea. I knew that if I screamed in order to aid my friend, the man in the tree would've shot quicker than a blink of the eye.
I tackled the blonde man the very second the man fired his gun. I swallowed heavily; thanking any celestial being I had knowledge of from the top of my head. Ruka wasn't dead. The day of me watching my best friend dying before me was delayed. Whispering his name, I felt my vision getting hazy. My world turned blurry with some black spots at the edges of my eyesight. My head was throbbing, but my arm even more. The bullet hadn't killed us, but the two of us weren't unscratched.
Without putting up a fight, I surrendered to the darkness that enveloped me in an embrace.
"Oh come on! Hotaru, you look perfectly fine. Surmire, you look as stunning as usual. And I don't need to comment on you, Anna. Please, one more picture?" Mikan pleaded her friends only to be ignored. The girls exchanged eye contact, as if they were speaking in silent conversation. I watched the girl-of-my-dreams beg our female friends into taking one last picture on the day of our graduation.
"Oh fine," Hotaru rolled her violet eyes.
"Just one," Anna sighed as she twirled a lock of her hair and flashed a smile in Mikan's direction. Mikan grinned back and looked questioningly at Surmire, who in return, sagged her shoulders. Surmire moved her hand back and forth, granting the brunette her permission.
"Great!" Mikan chirped. She found the first person that she laid her eyes on and asked for him to take our picture which he conceded to. Ruka wrapped his arms around Hotaru as Mikan made her way over, beside me. Koko and Sumire each took their place on opposite side of Ruka and Hotaru. Meanwhile Mochu and Anna had done the same, except they were on the opposite side of Mikan and I.
Decked out in our graduation gowns and caps and smiling cheesy grins (at least everyone, but Hotaru and I), the camera flashed two seconds after Koko told us a joke to get us laughing and the man returned the camera back to Mikan. When we went back to look at it, Mikan and I were the only ones who were looking at the camera. Everyone else was looking at something else entirely.
"I like it," Anna declared boldly, making the first comment.
"So do I," Mikan admitted as she glanced back down at the picture. We were all laughing, and a friendly atmosphere was clearly visible, even Hotaru and I made a small attempt to smile. Hotaru and Ruka were gazing at each other. Anna was looking up at the sky, laughing. Mochu and Koko had the same goofy grin on their faces. Surmire's eyes were closed from her giggling. It was Kodak picture moment.
"Ew. My eyes are closed," Surmire protested, but in the end Mikan got her to admit that the picture was fantastic. We joked around for a moment longer and started to reminisce our lives before our graduation.
"God, we were so weird when we were younger," Mikan shook her head and sighed, but ended up chuckling at the memories all over again.
Hotaru looked at Mikan with a 'what the hell is your problem' look and scoffed sardonically, "When we were younger? Please, just last week didn't you give us a lecture about how boys had cooties?"
Mikan huffed, "But they do! Cooties obviously exist, but mostly only in the male gender. Males have cooties for many reasons… Why do you think they like to get dirty? Cooties form in dirt. When males play in the dirt, the cooties are attracted to their foul smell and there! You have it: boys have cooties. Scientists tend to think boys get cooties due to their stupidiy. Since girls are smart, they do not get cooties. Therefore it is stuck in the male population. There is no cure for cooties but it is recommended to STAY AWAY. Yes, girls can't get cooties because we're awesome, but sometimes things happen... On every September 50th one girl gets cooties. A person can get cooties from eating boy food, touching a boy, wearing boys' clothes, saying the alphabet backwards, liking a boy, or never having pie like Mochu. Stay away because cooties are out to get you!"
That got everyone to laugh.
"Oh! Remember that time when Surmire and Ruka got into a fight about who had the pants in Hotaru's and his relationship?" Anna cracked up in fits of hysterical laughing from the mere thought of the event that took place.
"Oh yeah! And Ruka mumbled, 'I'm wearing the pants…' and Surmire was like, 'No! Right now you are wearing a mini skirt! Be a man and start wearing those big boy jeans!'" Mikan joined into the explanation, chipping in a piece of the recollection.
"So Ruka didn't respond and Surmire barked, 'pull up those damn pants!' And everyone could hear it and like snickered at Ruka and the substitute teacher glared at Surmire for making a ruckus?" Koko laughed along with the two as Ruka burned from the memory.
Surmire concluded the memory with, "And Mochu got all tired with me telling Ruka to start wearing the pants and he's like 'No, sweet thang. Keep those pants down just the way I like it.'"
"Hey, Natsume. Along the lines of Ruka, why don't you man up and get yourself a girl?" Koko asked me with a tease and a twinkle in his hazel eyes after all of the laughter died down a bit. Everyone in our group chuckled at that (Although Mikan didn't get that the joke was about the two of us), except well… The victim, which happened to be me. I glared at Koko, which made the jokester shut up immediately, before walking away from the 7 of them.
It wasn't long before I heard footsteps behind me and Mikan had caught up to me.
"Why did you storm off like that, Natsume?" the girl snapped out of irritation.
As usual, I ignored her calls for me and my strides became longer. It was difficult for her to keep up with my fast pace, and I used that to my advantage. After a moment of silence, Mikan tested out broodingly, "I thought we were your friends… I was your friend. You didn't have to storm off like that, Natsume."
"Since when were we friends, Mikan? Tell me, Goddamnit! When were we ever friends?!" I exploded immediately after those words left her mouth as I quickly whipped around to face her.
Her face, contorted with hurt and confusion, made me regret my words. For the first time in my life, I realized that I was petrified. I was frightened of this person in front of me, but the fear had never registered until now. She was the only person that had the power to determine my happiness and my downfall.
She gulped as she responded in a hoarse tone, a pitch above a whisper, "Since we were five, Natsume. We had been together through every holiday, every odd event, and such. We've been there for each other through thick and thick and now you don't consider me as a friend? That stings, Natsume..."
I growled as I advanced closer and closer to her. With every step I took, she took one backwards, until she was up against a wall. There was no escape for her to make. I snarled in a low husky tone, "No, Mikan. We were never friends. That's not what friends do. We hugged. We kissed. We shared secrets. We fell asleep together. We have been through too much. I don't want to be friends, Mikan. I'm sick of our supposed friendship that was non-existent since the beginning."
She stared at me wide-eyed. She never ever seen me loose my cool like the way I did during this speech. She hesitated, but then she replied calmly, "Well, I don't want to be just friends, either, Natsume. But what happens tomorrow and the days after? I'm going to college and you have to serve the Imperialism Japanese Army. Wh—"
I silenced her with a kiss on her lips. It lasted shorter than I would have liked, but I spoke in her ear with her breath tickling it, "I've waited 12 years. I waited for you; Mikan and you don't know how hard that was for me. I'm not losing you from long distance relationships or anything."
"You know that I don't like you," Mikan finally mustered out after my confession. She smiled at my confused gaze that I cast down at her. It took a moment before I got the meaning of her bold statement. Her sentence wasn't finished because it was supposed to finish off with the unsaid words: because I love you.
"I am a man of my words and I definitely don't like you either, Miss Sakura," I replied with a chuckle escaping my parted lips. I leaned down and my lips met hers in a gentle manner. It was the very first kiss that we had shared since we somewhat confessed to each other on where we stood in each other's life. I wrapped my arms slowly around her waist. Her right hand raked through my dark hair. I felt her emotions surging, the desire, the passion, and the urgency. I responded back with everything I had and our tongues danced around each other's. We had to pause, to collect the stupid air that we needed to live, but we started up again after our gasp of breath.
After a few minutes locked in our little heaven, I started to walk away from her in the direction of the exit. Without turning to face her, I bid my final good-bye, "I'll be back for you, Mikan. I'll never forget you."
I felt a surge of hope for our future even if there was none. Indirectly, I left her a promise if she kept her end of the bargain. We may be parted for over 4 to 8 years, but time was inevitable. But time was something imaginary in the human world because it technically didn't exist. We don't need to know time to survive and we have nothing to prove that time existed. I turned to look at her once more and smiled.
I saw her eyes tear up as she whispered, "I love you."
My eyes started to open up partially in annoyance, thanks to someone drumming their fingers against my hospital bed. My head throbbed with searing pain and my left arm was bandaged to my chest. I usually forget that I had the injuries until I look at the broken arm and go 'oh yeah.' I glanced at that someone who had been tapping my right arm to face a pair of blue eyes. It was a very unique shade, if you don't mind me inputting. The man had dirty blonde hair, but what had gotten my attention were his broken arm and the long scar on his cheek.
He sighed in relief, "Thank God you are awake, Natsume. I thought you died in the process of saving my life. God, I can't thank you enough! My life is now in your debt…"
I nodded, but I was confused. Although, I didn't want to make a scene and actually speak up so I kept my lips closed. I didn't want to tell him straight up that I couldn't seem to remember him. The blonde man raved and ranted on and on about how I saved his life and how much he owed me, and etc. So far, I gathered that my name is Natsume (I already knew that because the doctors told me the day before), I saved his life, I served for the Imperialism Japanese Army, I was in charge of my own regiment, but now I'm back in my hometown to get tended for, and that's about it.
I heard the door of my hospital room, and I saw the girl that had been taking care of me for the past day or two now. She had long beautiful chestnut hair and dazzling hazel eyes. She wore a white button up shirt along with an above-the-knees tan skirt and a pair of tan high heels. She was the doctor that routinely came in to check if I had remembered anything about my life and ask questions.
"Mikan!" the blonde man shouted overjoyed. All I could assume was that they knew each other from their childhood since he wouldn't have reacted in such a happy manner and know her name straight off of the bat.
"Ruka," she nodded and smiled hugely at the man. They moved closer to hug each other. After the lingering hug, the blonde man must obligated to retell the story about how I saved his life or something like that.
I guess that I learned that the blonde's man's name is Ruka now and as I suspected, the pair was closely connected to each other. I studied on how they behaved, they kind of seemed to act like a couple, but if you look into it a little bit further, the relationship stayed as a close friendship. I heard tidbits of their conversation. None of the information really jumped out at me.
I saw them go from immensely friendly and happy to "Ruka" looking shocked and horrified, meanwhile Doctor Sakura look disturbingly depressed. Like if she were to be pushed further, she would have bawled like no tomorrow. Suddenly, Ruka frowned deeply and abruptly bid his farewell to the girl, forgetting that he was visiting me. Rude, wasn't he? I wondered why I had saved such a rude person from death. Shrugging, I just simply put it at the fact that no one deserved to die young, no matter how rude.
On his departure, the doctor walked over to me.
"Hello Natsume," the girl spoke in a waver in her voice. Her eyes were glistening with unshed tears that were threatening to fall out.
I said a quick hi and asked her bluntly, "Why are you so down?"
She shrugged her shoulders and smiled heartbrokenly at me, "The blonde man that was recently in your room, Ruka, reminded me of this man that I love to this very day and talked about how the two of us should get married because now that there wasn't anything to stop us like before with the long distance and that we were soul mates. The only downside is that the man I'm in love with can't seem to remember me at all."
I patted her hand sympathetically as I replied, "I'm really sorry for your lost, Doctor Sakura. Maybe you should try to forget him because if he can't remember a wonderful person like you, then he doesn't deserve you at all. Even if you think he's your soul mate, it's despicable for him to forget about you that quickly. You should move on with your life, don't mourn over him."
"Thank you... for your nice words... Natsume, but I... Really don't think I can forget about him that easily..." she blinked back away some of her tears, which caused a few tears to slip down her cheeks.
I clucked my tongue as I questioned, "How did he forget you? Do you mean in it in the sense that he cheated on you or…?"
She shook her head sadly as she replied, "No. He lost his memory of everything. He's an amnesiac."
"Like me?"
I heard her let out a sob before answering, "Very much."
I cringed as I spoke up truthfully, "God. I hope that I didn't have a significant other because I would hate to see her or him in your state, Doctor. Did I have a girlfriend? I mean, you probably don't know, but if you do…"
She smiled at me. Her actions were obviously forced in a way that showed that she didn't want me to be concerned about her. Her hazel eyes looked at me dully as she responded in a soft tone, "You're in luck… You… didn't have a significant other."
With that, she suddenly stood up, clenched her hands into fists, and immediately ran out of the room. I heard her mutter quietly, "His memory really has elapsed."
I just stared at the door that she exited out of, dumbfounded. Thousands of questions and comments formed in my mind. For example: Stupid Ruka for causing her to be this emotional, stupid me for prolonging the unwanted conversation, and etc. Nevertheless a single thought had been more vocal and outshone the rest. Whoever broke her heart must have been someone special...
Someone unlike me.
Notes: Orginally written for the first NatsumeSeries Contest, but I took out the tags in the summary. This was edited on Aug. 17th, 2009. 5:18 PM.
