In another world…Sirius Black was the Potter's Secret Keeper.
In another world…Sirius Black was arrested and imprisoned in Azkaban for thirteen years.
In another world…Harry Potter grew up alone, abused, miserable, and unaware of his true heritage.
This is not that world.
This is...Harry Potter and the New Marauders(TM)
"Harry James Potter!"
The ten years (and eleven months) old Harry Potter; the Boy-Who-Lived, Saviour of the Wizarding World and Vanquisher of the Dark Lord, was currently dozing peacefully in the sun halfway up a tree. At the sound of Sirius's voice he lazily opened one eye a crack and groaned quietly. Oh, what now…
Maybe Sirius had taken a bath and discovered the toy spider which inflated on contact with water…and came alive upon contact with soap. Or maybe it was the itching powder in his bath robe. Or the exploding dog's bone. Or…well, there was probably something else he had, ahem, 'accidentally' left lying around the house. Things which could, from a very selective and controversial viewpoint mind you, be considered 'pranks'.
"Harry! I swear, I just want to…give you this….biscuit?"
Harry opened his eyes and glanced down at the garden below. Sirius had poked his head out of the door and was glancing around suspiciously, although luckily he hadn't noticed Harry hidden in the branches of the tree at the bottom of the garden.
He had to admit, while Sirius was admittedly a genius when it came to the practical side of pranking, he was completely useless when it came to improv. As in, genuinely and totally useless. Unless he had an hour or two to get a story straight in his head then he had a tendency to ramble nonsensically. Of course with practical aspect he had the unfair advantage of a) having a wand and b) actually knowing how to use one.
Harry had been given plenty of lessons in charms, jinxes, a few of the less harmful curses and defensive spells, of course, but they were all theoretical lessons. No witch or wizard under the age of eleven was allowed a wand. Sirius in particular was extremely grateful for that law, as it had given him time to complete the sound, fire, and magic-proof shelter he was planning to hide in the second Harry turned eleven.
Harry gave that particular claim 50:50 odds of actually being true. Maybe 60:40.
"Harry!" Sirius yelled one last time, before abandoning that tactic. He had a better method anyway. He glanced around once more, this time to check and see whether there was anyone watching. Then he began to change…
And the world changed with him.
Suddenly every other sense: taste, touch, sight and hearing, was forced into the back seat as smell took control. It was impossible to describe too a human exactly how the world appeared to Sirius in his animal form, but the most accurate metaphor would be smoky trails of colour floating through the air, ribbons of light with coloured paths showing the passage of animals and people as they moved through the tangled web of-
Alright, well maybe that metaphor got a bit lost, but you've all seen TV. You know what I'm rambling about.
But there it was. Harry's scent was all over the garden, he did live there after all, but the most recent trail led straight out of the two story house, down the garden and up the tree at the back…
Straight to a fluffy, midnight black tom that was halfway between being a kitten and being a cat.
Sirius's tail began wagging rapidly from side to side and his lips pulled back in the doggy equivalent of a grin. Gotcha, you psychopathic little furball…
Harry opened one eye suspiciously, his tail flicking from side to side reflexively. Sirius had randomly gone quiet for the past minute or so, which usually meant that something nasty was about to-
A colossal, shaggy haired dog leapt out of nowhere and straight onto the branch Harry was lazing on and snapped it in half, sending Harry tumbling to the ground with a horrific wail. For a few seconds he lay stunned on the ground, while Sirius's laugh-like bark changed back into a barking laugh. Harry's vision had just finished swimming in front of their eyes when everything went dark. When the world came back he had hands. And an oddly empty feeling where his tail used to be.
"Why would you do that?" Harry groaned, rubbing the back of his head. "Really, though, OW...I think you gave me concussion..."
"And here I thought cats were always supposed to land on their feet." Sirius grinned. He hadn't stopped teasing Harry about being a cat since he had helped Harry complete the potion as a tenth birthday present. Sirius was oddly flighty when it came to rules; any which he himself had decided on were defended with an implacable will and iron determination to enforce them. Little things like laws however were viewed far more subjectively.
Not exactly the best stance for the third most senior Auror in the Ministry, but what could you do?
"Not when an obese dog jumps them they don't. Ow, that really hurt..." Harry complained. His head wasn't sore any more, but you couldn't just let go of something like this. It was the principal of the thing.
"Good thing we're going to St Mungo's then." Sirius grinned.
(A Note from Go-I mean, the Author: I'm not sure whether or not JKR is aware of what 'mungo' means up here in the barbaric wastes known as Scotland, but I cannot read, write or hear that word without giggling. Just wanted to let you know what I have to suffer through to make this story possible.)
"St Mungo's..." Harry repeated uncertainly, the question in his voice.
"Yes...St Mungo's...you have an appointment remember? Wow, you must have hit your head harder than I thought. Or maybe that's just your regular brand of brain-dead."
"Of course I remembered." Harry snorted dismissively, while inside he was smacking himself repeatedly over the back of the head. Of course that was why Sirius was looking for him, stupid! Unfortunately though, despite the fact that Sirius was a horrific liar, he was incredibly skilled at figuring out when Harry was doing it. He was giving Harry his regular I-know-you're-up-to-something-so-why-don't-you-just-tell-me-now-and-save-yourself-the-hassle look.
"What did you do?" He asked, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.
"Nothing." Harry replied, a little too quickly and a little too high-pitched.
"Uhuh." Sirius said, shooting Harry one last look that made it clear that this was not over before pushing himself to his feet. "Come on, furball." He grinned. "Time to go." He held his hand out to help Harry up and the Boy-Who-Lived accepted it. As soon as he was on his feet Sirius twisted around on the spot and they were gone into squeezing, swirling, twisting vortex of colour and then, just as suddenly as they had left, they were somewhere else.
"That was for the teacup that bit my hand." Sirius smirked evilly, holding up his wounded hand for inspection as Harry leaned against the wall and sagged down to the ground, his head spinning like he had been put into a blender and set to puree. "Now quiet being such a pussy-cat and come on. We're gonna be late." Harry tried to get up but then collapsed to the ground as another wave of dizziness hit him. "Come on." Sirius laughed, pulling his godson off of the ground and wrapped an arm around his shoulder, guiding him into the hospital.
"Good morning, and welcome to St Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries." The receptionist intoned in a voice that implied there were thousands of things she would rather be doing, some of them involving her own eyes and sharp instruments. "We aim to provide the most efficient and pleasant healing experince in Europe, and- Oh, hello." She smiled as She spotted the man heading her way, her tone now making it clear that the list of things she would rather be doing now included Sirius. "How can I help- Oh, what's wrong with him?" She asked, noticing the dazed child Sirius was supporting.
"We were doing shots." Harry muttered under his breath, rolling his eyes dismissively. She was doing that thing women always did around Sirius, staring straight at him and puffing out their chests for some bizzare reason. He really didn't know why, since it made them go all red faced and swollen. Any second now she'd do that wierd giggly laugh.
"Don't listen to him." Sirius said dismissively, smiling charmingly. "He just can't handle his apparition, the little tyke." Three, two...
"Oh, it's fine." The girl replied, letting out a giggly laugh. One. "He's just messing around. I have a son-I mean, a little brother at home. A little brother who is like a son." She added, just to pound that final nail into the coffin.
"That's great." Sirius smiled. "But I'm afraid this little guy has an appointment, and he's already late so..."
"Oh, of course." The witch smiled, dropping her eyes to the parchment in front of her. It was magically enchanted so that all she had to do was write down the patients name and a complete list of the patients appointments would be displayed. "What's his name.
"Oh, don't worry, don't ask me." Harry muttered under his breath. "Wouldn't expect the almost eleven year old to be able to say his own name. It's fine, I'm not hurt or anything. It's not like anyone under the age of thirteen has feelings or anything..."
"Harry Potter." Sirius told the with calmly, ignoring Harry's muttering with practiced ease.
The witch's quill dropped out of her hand.
"Harry Potter?" She gasped. "The Harry Potter?"
Oh, Merlin, any moment she was going to ask Harry for his autograph...
"Yes, that one." Harry confirmed, pushing up his bangs to display his lightning bolt shaped scar with the most bored expression he could muster. "Please don't try and touch the scar, I hate it when people do that..."
"He really does." Sirius nodded, wincing at the memories. "As in: 'accidental wandless magic' hates it. Y'know we never did find out what happened to that flamingo..."
Meanwhile, the receptionist witch hadn't been paying attention to a word either of them had been saying. She had been too busy staring at Harry's scar, her mind still reeling from the shock of having the Boy-Who-Lived (not to mention Sirius Black! The man who had been competing with Gilderoy Lockhart for Witch Weekly's Most Perfect Smile for the past ten years and had won six years out of the past ten) in her reception room.
"Excuse me?" Harry called, standing on tip toe so he could see over the top of the womans desk and waving his hand in front of her eyes. "I kinda have an appointment."
"Oh, of course..." The woman said, snapping herself out of her daze and trying to focus on her job. "One second, Mr Potter..."
"Oh, now it's Mr Potter. A minute ago I was that little tyke..."
"Quiet, furball." Sirius hissed out of the corner of his mouth. Harry stuck his tongue out at his godfather. Sirius stuck his tongue out back and crossed his eyes. Harry copied him and then flapped his ears backwards and forwards using his fingers.
"Okay, Mr Potter, you have an appointment up on the forth floor with Healer Abbott..." The receptionist glanced up and saw the Boy-Who-Lived and his gorgeous godfather standing there with their hands behind their backs, looking completely and suspiciously innocent. "Have a nice day.
"Sure." Harry answered quickly, fighting back giggles.
"Thanks." Sirius grinned as he led his godson away, also looking suspiciously tight-lipped.
Of course, he was still focused enough to give the witch a wink as he left the room. Some things you always remembered to do.
The white-robed woman moved her wand from Harry's right eye to his left, a ball of light floating just above the tip. Harry had no idea what that ball of light did, but obviously Healer Abbott did, since she was watching it with a focused expression until finally she seemed satisfied. She stepped back and flicked her wand, the ball of light dissolving with a flicker.
"Alright, Mr Potter." She smiled, giving him a fond look. Harry liked Healer Abbott. She was a little older than Sirius; a lot older actually, but she was nice and she never acted strangely around him, unlike most of the people in the wizarding world. Plus, her niece Hannah was going to be in his year at school, so she had made a point of introducing the two of them. It was nice to know he would know a few of the people he would be starting school with.
Apart from Ron, of course. But we'll get to the Weasley's later, dear readers...
"Your eye seems to adjusting perfectly to the treatment. We'll need to do annual check ups up until your sixteenth birthday, of course, but aside from that, no problems."
Harry grinned happily and let out a breath he had been holding in. Harry knew there was little chance of Healer Abbott getting anything wrong with his treatment, but for some reason hospitals always made him nervous. Plus, the thought of going blind if anything went wrong wasn't exactly comforting...
"Does this mean I have to keep paying to fix the little brats sight?" Sirius asked, pouting like a child. Healer Abbott rolled her eyes and rounded on the handsome Auror, who flinched at the sight of her evil eye. That was the other reason Harry liked Healer Abbott so much. She seemed to be immune to whatever charm Sirius had over witches like the receptionist.
"No, Mr Black you do not have to pay a fee because you're job at the Ministry provides health care for you and you're loved ones. I wouldn't mind so much of course, if it wasn't for the fact that we have this same conversation every time you're here. Really, does you're godfather never come up with any new material?" She directed the last question at Harry, turning to face him so that Sirius wouldn't see her wink.
"Nah, he's got timing but he's not very creative. Gets kind of dull after a while, doesn't it?" Harry agreed, completely straight faced.
"Very." Healer Abbott agreed wearily.
"Excuse me!" Sirius complained, gaping at the two of them in horror. "I will have you know that I am a creative genius! A paragon of comedy! A fountain of humour and witticisms!"
"Not to mention vain and gullible." Harry smirked, and Healer Abbott giggled. Both Sirius and Harry stared at her as she blushed. Hearing a seventy+ Healer witch giggle was just...weird.
"Anyway..." Sirius said, changing the subject as quickly as he could. "If you're done draining my resources for today, furball, we need to get back to the house. We've got the Weasleys and the Tonks coming round for dinner, remember? And I wouldn't trust Kreacher to make a bowlful of dog food." Which was true. Sirius had learned his lesson.
"Alright then." Healer Abbott said quickly, glad that her moment of embarrassment was being ignored. It was a mark of how much Harry and Sirius liked and respected that Witch that they did so. Under any other circumstances that would have been like blood to a shark. "I'll send you a floo when we've got you're appointment booked, Mr Potter."
"Thank you, Healer Abbott." Harry said politely, jumping down off of the table he was sitting on. "It was nice to see you again."
"It was nice to see you too, Harry." Healer Abbott smiled affectionately. "Hannah says she's looking forward to seeing you at Hogwarts." She added.
"I hope you're not trying to set my godson up already, Viviane." Sirius admonished lightly. "He is only eleven after all?"
"Don't be crude, Sirius." Healer Abbott replied wearily. "I just want to make sure they don't both turn up at school not knowing anyone; no friends, no family...it's scary enough without all that on your head."
"You don't need to worry about me." Harry said, giving the Healer a surprised look. He hadn't realised that she felt so protective towards him. But then again, maybe it was natural. She was a Healer after all, so she would be concerned about her patients well being. "I'll be fine, really. All the Weasley's'll be there, and Tonks is in seventh year so if anyone tries to make trouble-"
"Cough! Malfoy! Cough!"
"-she'll sort them out." Harry finished, grinning at his godfather. Healer Abbott tried to give him a disapproving look, but she couldn't help but smile as well.
"I know, Harry, I know." She smiled. "But I can't help but worry. Indulge an old woman, will you?"
"You're not that old." Harry laughed. Healer Abbott laughed as well.
"Yes, I am." She smiled. "But I can still use a wand, Sirius Black, so you better put that potion down now."
"Sorry, sorry." Sirius said quickly, putting down the potion he had been inspecting and backing away from the rack of them on the wall. "I think we should go now Harry. Before Healer Abbott does something horrific and medical to me."
"Alright, time to go." Harry agreed. "See you later, Healer Abbott."
"See you next time, Harry." She smiled. "And Sirius? Try and stay out of trouble."
Harry was still laughing at his godfathers mangled attempts to declare his innocence as they left the hospital.
A/N: Alright, that's the first chapter out. Just wanted to give you all a peek into what Harry's home life is like. Just to let you know I'm not going to be one of those authors who says 'I'll post in a week' and then forgets and ends up begging for forgiveness. I'll post as soon as the next chapter is ready, so put an alert on to keep up to date. Oh, and reviews are like crack to me. So is chocolate though, so either of them will do.
