Star Wars:

The Clone Wars

Episode 1: The Sith Surprise Party.

Credit given where credit

Is due. Including, but not limited to

Lucasfilm industries, creators of ted

Preface

A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far away, there waged galactic war. There were the Sith, also known as the Separatists, a group of rich warlords who wanted control of the galaxy by using their virtually limitless army of robots known as battle droids, and there was the Jedi, aka the Republic, a group of people who wanted galactic peace. Now, some people in this galaxy could manipulate things by using the Force, which moves through all things, living or dead. The Force is much like a sword. It can be used to attack and defend, and has no prejudice against anyone.

Now, both the Sith and the Jedi have the ability to manipulate the Force, but the Jedi are limited by their own system of rules and laws. They cannot choke using the Force, shoot lightning out of their hands, or kill without just cause. However, the Sith can do whatever they want. This causes corruptness, tyranny, and dishonor among them, but they're rich. Who cares about that stuff?

The weapon of choice for Jedi and Sith alike is the Light Saber. This is basically a sword that is extremely light, and extends out of a foot-long handle, or hilt. One more thing about the Light Saber: It is a sword made OUT OF LIGHT! IT WILL CUT YOUR ARM OFF AND CAUTERIZE THE WOUND INSTANTLY! This is why it is the weapon of choice for the Jedi and the Sith.

Although the Sith have a limitless supply of droids, nothing is more powerful than a Jedi. Except maybe an Apache Helicopter. Those things have machine guns AND rockets. They are truly magnificent machines of death and destruction. The Jedi also have an army. Clones. Millions of clones. They are faster than droids, faster thinkers, and much more resourceful. Droids, on the other hand, are slow, stupid, and basically a limitless supply of Larry, Mo, and Curly.

Our Story starts with Jedi Anakin Skywalker, a strong Jedi Knight and his padawan learner Ahsoka Tano, aka Snips, a bald alien who has odd tentacles hanging from her orange-skinned head. For the Sith, there is Count Dooku, a grumpy but formidable old man, General Grievious, a cyborg that is more robot than man, and a bunch of battle droids.

Chapter One

Count Dooku walked into the room. The droids all saluted. Dooku walked straight to the table and picked up a ham sandwich. As he was eating, Grievious, aka Bill, ran in.

"Dooku" Said Bill, "I have great news. We have captured a Republic Cruiser… Wait, is that MY ham sandwich?"

"Perhaps. Was it lying on the table?" Said Dooku.

"Yes."

"Was it made of rare space ham?"

"Yess."

"Was it on soft, cushy, white bread?"

"YES! That is what my sandwich is made of"

"Nope, Haven't seen it." Said Dooku arrogantly and taking a bite.

Grievious said, "More news of the republic cruiser awaits us on the bridge. Let's go there now. "Fine." Uttered Dooku as he took another bite of Grievious's sandwich.

As the door to the ship's bridge opened up, Dooku was greeted with a loud noise. It sounded like the intruder bell. Dooku immediately went into attack mode. Anything that moved, he struck in half with his Light Saber. After about thirty seconds, he stopped. He admired his work. There were pieces of battle droids everywhere, and they all had party hats on their heads. There was a rocket ship cake, but at that moment, the top half slid off the bottom half. Dooku suddenly remembered. It was his birthday, and he had destroyed his cake. He stared with his usual blank, grumpy face, then went to his room and bawled his eyes out.