Disclaimer: All mad props and ownership of Twilight characters go to Stephenie Meyer. More mad props to Randy Travis for this lyrics to the song, and super mad props to Carrie Underwood for singing the version I so sincerely adore. They own it all. Except for this one tiny plot idea…that's mine. *smile*
Second semi-disclaimer: Bold song lyrics are Edward's thoughts in between his inner monologue replaying memories of Bella.
Oh, and another side note… characters are a little OOC…just roll with it! Pretty please!
Ok that's all. You may read now.
I missed her. I spend all this time convincing myself that what I did to her was to keep her safe. Who am I kidding? Maybe that was the case at first…maybe now I realize I left because I didn't want to give her what she wanted. Forever. Sure, I wanted forever. Heck, I had forever. I wanted forever with her, though. That was something I'll never have. I stand by my decision in refusing to change her. I'm not sorry for that. I am sorry for leaving her.
What if? No, I couldn't do that…could I?
Suppose I called you up tonight and toldyou that I loved you
And suppose I said "I wanna come back home."
And suppose I cried and said "I think I finally learned my lesson
And I'm tired a-spendin' all my time alone."
Okay, maybe I wouldn't cry. But only because I physically can't. Believe me, if I was able to produce tears, I would have cried them. Many times. Too many times.
If I toldyou that I realized you're all I ever wanted
And it's killin' me to be so far away.
Would you tell me that you loved me too and would we cry together?
Or would you simply laugh at me and say:
"I toldyouso, oh I toldyouso
I toldyou some day you come crawling back and asking me to take you in
I toldyouso, but you had to go
Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again."
I remember her face when I left her. She really didn't believe those words I spoke. I couldn't believe the words she spoke either.
FLASHBACK
I led her into the woods. Far enough away from her house where I could make a quick getaway but close enough to where Charlie would be able to find her in case she stayed out here too long.
I breathed in her scent for the last time. She was unbelievably fragrant, yet I could never put my finger on the aroma. I didn't want to; to put a name on it could never hold a candle to the indescribable beauty and perfume that was Bella.
She looked at me with confusion in her chocolate brown eyes. I smiled sadly. Here goes nothing, I thought.
"I have to go," I said. "I can't stay here any longer."
"What are you talking about?" she whispered.
"This. Us. I can't do it anymore. We're fooling ourselves, Bella," I muttered through gritted teeth. I only hoped she couldn't see through my bluff.
She could. "Fooling ourselves, huh? I love you and you love me, and that's fooling ourselves!?" she cried. "You're unbelievable, Edward!"
Well, that wasn't exactly the reaction I was expecting. I didn't know what to say.
"You're making a mistake. I know you'll come back to me when you come to your senses," she spit the words out angrily.
"No. No, I won't come back. I can't. None of the family can or will. It will be as if I never existed," I claimed.
"So this is it? Months of happiness and one stupid mistake at a stupid birthday party that I never would have had if you and Alice had even cared to listen to me! I didn't WANT a party! I didn't ASK for a paper cut! I didn't PLAN for Jasper to have a weak moment!" She was rambling a mile a minute. I was fairly sure her head would explode any second.
"I know all of that. This is really my fault." I reasoned. "I want out. I can't love you anymore. It's too dangerous. Just let me go." I finished lamely. Wow, that was smooth, I thought.
"Fine, go. But I told you. You'll be back," she said as she spun on her heels back to her house.
My eyes followed her as she stumbled through the woods. I'd have to have Alice keep an eye on her. Just to be safe.
END FLASHBACK
I kept tabs on her for those first few months. Alice would come to me with the same sad eyes. She knew as well as I did that Bella had only put up a front. But then, a few more months passed, and Bella's future started to look patchy. It was like Alice couldn't see her. That could have only meant one thing. I knew it. She had moved on. And she had done it by turning to that mutt. I ached to my very core with that thought.
Only one thing gave me the slightest inkling of hope. I could make her change her mind. I loved her still. I needed her. I wanted her with me. Would she say that that she'd moved on? All I'd have to do is go back to Forks and find out.
If I got down on my knees and toldyou I was yours forever
Would you get down on yours to and take my hand?
Would we get that old time feelin', would we laugh and talk for hours
The way we did when our love first began?
Not a day goes by that I don't "stroll down memory lane." It's too hard not to. Everything about her invades my memories. It's like I didn't even know a time before I knew her. We were two halves. Without her, I was miserable. I remember the meadow most of all. We shared some of our deepest secrets, longings, desires, and conversations there. Could we get back to that place?
Would you tell me that you'd missed me too and that you'd been so lonely
And you waited for the day that I return.
And we'd live in love forever and that I'm your one and only
Or would you say the tables finally turned?
Would you say:toldyouso, oh I toldyouso
I toldyou some day you come crawling back and asking me to take you in
I toldyouso, but you had to go
Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again."
I was now resolved. I had to go to her. I was her one and only. She was my one and only. We could still have our forever.
I traveled as fast as a plane would take me. From the Forks airport, I ran. I ran with the sensation of knowing my Bella could be my love again. I ran with the hope that I wasn't too late. I ran with the resolve that I would fight for her.
I reached her front porch as she was stepping out of the door. Thankfully I wasn't out of breath, because her beauty took mine away. She was all dressed up, long brown hair curled in soft ringlets, a pale pink dress with cream colored heels. I smiled. She's going to break her neck on those, I thought. Surprisingly, she walked efficiently down the steps with her head down. She still hadn't seen me. When she did, she stopped in her tracks.
"Wha-what are you doing here?" she asked, more shocked than accusingly.
Every pre-arranged thought I had scripted in my head flew out the window. I closed the gap between us. "I came back. For you. If only you could know how miserable I've been. I know I told you I'd never come back. But I lied. I lied about it all. I love you. I could never stop." My words came out in a rush, but when I looked into her eyes, I knew she had caught them all.
Understanding dawned on her face. She shook her head slowly. "I told you so," she murmured quietly. She smiled sadly. "I'm sorry, Edward. I can't." She backed away slowly.
"What do you mean?" I asked. But I already knew the answer. I had lost her. This time it was for good.
"I waited for you, Edward. I did. For too long. And you never came back. You left me in pieces. And Jacob," she hesitated, "he became my stitches. I love him, Edward."
Definitely NOT how I imagined this going. But of course, Bella always had a way of surprising me.
"Tonight is our anniversary," she stated. "He's on patrol till seven, but then we're going to celebrate. That's why I'm all dressed up."
"Well, you look breathtaking," I said softly.
"I'm sorry, Edward. But you broke my heart. I couldn't take it if you did it again. I'm just starting to feel whole again." She gave my hand a quick squeeze and then skittered to her truck. She paused to turn back to me. "I'll always love you, Edward. Goodbye."
I waited until she drove away. Well, at least now I knew. I had to leave. I couldn't stand the pain. It was my own fault. I made the mistake. I blew it. And she told me so.
Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again.
