A/n this little fic got in my head and wouldn't leave me alone till I wrote it. Don't worry the next chapter of Facing the Demon will be up soon.
The time for self-delusion is over, she's leaving today, and I can't stop it. I thought that if I left things the way they've always been, that someday everything would change, that she would see who I really am underneath the nerdy exterior. I was wrong. I forgot one important thing, change always happens. I assumed that she would always be here, that the whole team would remain intact, but look what happened with Elle, she was my friend and she left without saying goodbye. I guess I should be grateful that this time we know in advance. It doesn't make me feel any better though.
I still have the same problem. What do I do now? Do I let her walk out of my life with out a word, because I'm afraid of what she will say if I tell her how much she means to me? That's a viable option but not one that I seriously want to consider. I want to tell her that I'm in love with her, and that I don't want her to leave.
There's no time left, it's time to go to work and say goodbye. I'll listen to her say something like, she will keep in touch, but only ten percent of people who leave a job maintain a friendship relationship with former co-workers. Wait a minute; you're quoting statistics to yourself, that's not good, my friend.
I don't want to walk out that door…get in my car and drive to work…walk into the building…get into the elevator…ride it to the BAU…and see her for the last time. If I don't leave, then maybe time will stop and she won't leave. Don't be a fool; you know it doesn't work that way. Be mature about this and get in your car.
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Dr Reid did leave his apartment; he got in his car, drove to the BAU, got in the elevator, rode it up to their floor, got out and ran right into JJ, almost knocking her over.
"Um…Hi JJ…ah sorry I wasn't paying attention."
Why did I have to run in to her, why couldn't it be Morgan or Gideon, or Jimmy Hoffa, anyone but her, I can't handle this right now.
"That's okay Spence. How are you this morning." She's the only one who calls me Spence; I can't believe I'll never hear that ever again.
"Ah-good, how are you?" Come on buddy; say it now before you lose your nerve.
"I'm excited, but I'm gonna miss everyone here, I promise I'll keep in touch."
Reid bit down on his tongue so he didn't blurt out the statistics he'd so recently quoted to himself, she wouldn't appreciate hearing it.
"Hey Spence, you ok?"
No I'm not okay, you're leaving and I'll never see your face again.
What he said was, "Yeah, JJ I was just thinking about all the paperwork I have on my desk."
"Okay I'll let you get to it, I have stuff to clear up before I leave, and we'll talk later," She said brightly, and walked away.
Nice one Spencer, you chickened out again, what would Morgan say if he were here right now? Oh, who cares what he would think, what is important is that you still have problem; you need to grow a spine and talk to the girl. It doesn't matter what she says, if you don't at least try, you'll always wonder what could've been.
He walked to his desk, sat down, and began to try to concentrate on the stack of paperwork on his desk. Luckily, they didn't catch a case, and that meant that they could all go to the farewell party at the club they'd picked close to Quantico.
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I've been sure for weeks now that taking this new job in Washington is the right thing to do, until today, when I saw his face. I almost lost my nerve, he looked so sad. What am I going to do, this is a great opportunity, I want to work with the Director in DC, but I don't want to leave without resolving this.
Why did I tell him I only wanted to be friends, after all he was the one that left his comfort zone and asked me out? It was hard for him; I saw it in his face when he showed me the tickets to the Redskins game. So what do I do, I say yes, the game was great, but he was so shy he hardly spoke and I decided that I didn't want to pursue a relationship with someone so awkward because it would be hard for me? How selfish can you get? So I hurt him, and I watch him struggle every day to be more normal, because of me.
And all of this time, I didn't realize that I'm falling in love with him, too. Until today, I realized it when he nearly knocked me over at the elevator. It's time, time to go to the party they want to give me. Maybe I'll be able to tell him and he won't hate me. I don't want him to hate me. Please don't let him hate me.
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The team met at the club and entered the banquet room Garcia had arranged for them to use. All of the team, except JJ and Reid were having a great time. No one noticed that JJ wasn't thrilled to leave, and no one noticed that Reid wasn't happy for her. They ate, they laughed, they toasted JJ and they gave her gifts. She promised everyone that she would stay in touch and of course they believed her, all of them except for Reid. He knew better. It got late and it was time to leave.
They all scattered, and suddenly Reid was alone with JJ. If he didn't know better, he'd think they'd done it on purpose, but he realized the fault was with him, he was simply incapable of leaving her presence.
He wanted to memorize everything about her, the blue of her eyes, the gold of her hair, her small but perfect body, the enthusiasm she had for her job and the way she took charge of the media where ever they went.
JJ noticed the desertion of her friends and also wondered if it were on purpose. She didn't care if it was, she only knew that the very thought of leaving him was like a knife to the heart. So she made a decision.
She's getting up to leave, this is your last chance genius, for once in your life reach out and grab what you want before it's too late. He stood up and-
Come on girl-carpe noctum…seize the night…tell him how you feel…don't leave it like this, or you'll regret it for the rest of your life. She stood up and turned toward him-
"Listen JJ I-"
"Spence I-"
"You go first," he said blushing to the roots of his hair.
"No you go," She said, kicking herself, he was going to say goodbye and that would be it.
"Uh, would you sit down for a minute, I-ah I'd like to talk to you?" He gestured to one end of the long table. She sat down and looked expectantly at him, her heart racing. What would he say? She hoped it wasn't a long goodbye speech full of statistics about the bureau or the FBI.
"JJ I-ah…I wanted to-oh hell…here it is. I'm falling in love with you and I just wanted you to know before you left, and I hope you're not mad." He said in a rush, refusing to meet her eyes, his face beet red.
Wait; did he just say what I think he said?
Yes, smart girl he did, are you going to say something, or just stare at him like an idiot?
(She wasn't saying anything, nice job buddy; you made her mad and spoiled everything. Walk away now with what's left of your dignity.)
Reid stood up and said, "I'm ah-I'm sorry JJ…I'll go now…good luck." His heart was breaking and he was humiliated
"Spence wait, please-I'm sorry, you took me by surprise that's all. Please wait." She stood and laid a restraining hand on his arm.
"I was surprised that's all, I had it all planned to tell you that I'm in love with you and you beat me to it. I'm sorry if you thought I was mad, I'm not, just overwhelmed."
He could only stare at her for a moment, the color of his face slowly returned to normal, and he suddenly broke into a wide smile.
"Do you mean it JJ; you're not just humoring me?"
"I would never do that to you Spence." She lifted her hand off his arm and his heart mourned the loss of contact.
"So, what do we do now, you're leaving and-"
"Shh, she pressed a finger to his lips; we'll make it up as we go along." She took his hand and led him out of the club.
A/n ok this was intended to be a one shot, but I'll continue if you all think I should. Let me know.
