I feel like I could drop dead any minute now. Both my arms and legs are very heavy. Ugh. I think I'll just stay here….

"Oi, Y/N." I felt the tip of a boot nudge me on my face. How rude.

"Just… leave me here to die…" I said, sneaking a peek at Levi. From my position on the floor, I could barely even see his knees. Great. I felt him grab my hand – no, my arm and help me sit upright.

"You idiot. I can't believe after last week you'll go right back into doing this again." Uh-oh, it's the start of a Levi lecture. I finally got on my feet, and if I had the energy I would be whining and complaining. And the moment I finally looked into Levi's face; I can read the worry clearly. Great. Now I am tired and full of guilt.

"I know. I'm sorry." Yes, all I could look at was the floor in shame. It wasn't supposed to turn out this way. I started training harder to become less of a burden to Levi – to be able to do more during expeditions. But here we are, two weeks in and Levi had to drag me from the training hall.

The walk back to our shared room wasn't pleasant. Levi is being… talkative, which is a lot more unnerving than when he's silent. He won't stop talking about how everyone is constipated or how we should have training sessions for cleaning.

Unceremoniously throwing my boots to a corner of our room, I started undoing my annoying straps. I really should stop training in full uniform.

"Tsk." Levi clucked his tongue, putting away my boots properly. And now I have him cleaning after me! Get it together, Y/N! I made sure to set my straps properly aside and put my dirties in our hamper – separating the colored from the whites. The least I could do for Levi is to take care of myself.


The moment I pulled my sleeping gown on I dropped on the bed. Fighting against everything my body wants me to do, I gestured for Levi to join me in bed. I looked at him just in time to see him taking off his day clothes. Yeah, the sight of his abs woke me up a bit.

In a huff, he finished changing and sat down on our bed. "What has gotten into you, Y/N? You suddenly upped your training routine – so much so that you look like you're already half dead."

I turned on my back, finally able to look him straight in the eyes. The eyebags under his eyes look a little more prominent. "Nothing. I just think it's something a soldier like us should do, you know?"

"When correctly paced and scheduled, yes. But you just… you do it until you're like this." He gestured at me, making sure my eyes go where his does – the bruises on my arms and legs that are already darkening like berries. "You stop only when you pass out!"

I really have nothing to say to that… but the expedition is in two days! I think I should put in more hours, actually. I can't have a repeat of the last expedition. I can't just wait for Levi to save my ass. We're both soldiers for goodness' sake!

He sighed for probably the thousandth time today, before lying down beside me. "Just, promise you won't do anything stupid." He grabbed my hand, eyes full of affection and worry. My chest felt so tight from it… and maybe from the guilt as I can't promise him what he wants me to.

"Ugh!" What is up with these titans?! I can't help but think that they seem a lot stronger than the ones before. I'm sure it's all just in my head, still, all that training should be helping! But I'm still the same weak, pathetic idiot. Levi's voice can't help but ring in my mind, saying I told you so. This is why I should've had a better training routine, all this time I just tired myself out. How can I be so reckless?

"Titans have already taken over the left platoon. Pass this message to the right."

"Y/N, you heard the man, pass it on!" My squad leader Mike told me and I obeyed right away. "Nanaba, you fire the flare!"

The squad to our right is Levi's Special Operations Squad, accompanied by the squad assigned to wagon duty. Best way to protect the supplies is to have it with the best soldier. I'm still a little bitter I wasn't hand-picked by Levi… but that's not important.

"Message, Captain!" I yelled the moment I got within earshot. "Titans have taken over the left platoon!" Levi nodded, telling Gunther to pass the message and Olou to fire the flare.

"You look horrible." Levi said flatly. It hurts, but he's right. I started to steer my horse back where we came from, but Levi stopped me. "You can stay here. Mike won't mind." I can't do that… he'll be looking after me again. I have to be able to hold my own! It's the whole point of the past month's training. I have to be able to kill titans on my own.

"I can't…" Levi already has his signature glare on, and I wasn't even finished.

"Y/N…" But it's my turn to cut him off.

"I know what you're trying to do, Levi. You don't need to look after me. I can take care of myself."

"You look like you're ready to croak." We stayed silent, almost forgetting the people around us… and the Titans. "I'm serious, Y/N. It's like you have a death wish! Working yourself to death back at the HQ makes me nervous about what you'd do today."

That hit a nerve. I steered my horse away and was making good distance, not before I heard Levi yell something to me though. "Don't do anything reckless!"

My squad traveled quite far while I was away. I haven't caught up with them in minutes. But that's okay. It's okay. I can do this. I mean, it's bad to travel alone here in the titan's territory but what else can I do?

However, the telltale shake of the Earth happened. Titans! "No way! Hiya!" There's no time to dilly dally! I need to catch up to my squad! The blasted titans were making good time.

"Ah! Help! You there!" Huh? Someone on a horse was riding ahead of the Titans? I've been on so many expeditions to know that he's not gonna make it to me. A titan will be able to grab him way before he reached even thirty feet near me. As for me, I think I'd fare better if I go back to Levi's squad.

"Ahhhhhh!" As I said, that soldier was grabbed by the thirteen-meter class titan behind him. "Help me!" Tsk! The closest titans to us are the one holding him and two small ones – probably around five and seven meters. Oh, what the hell. "Hiya!" I steered my horse towards the titan – deciding to help out my fellow soldier.

"Okay, just like we practiced." I tried to stand on my horse, getting my 3DM gear ready. Being in an open field really isn't ideal. Okay, I can't stand up straight on my horse at the speed that we're going. Still, I fired my gear and went for the titan. I didn't even get passed its waist!

"Hurry – ack!"

"I won't be able to go straight for its nape, so I went for the ankle instead. "Ha!" I was able to sever one, making it stumble. "Come on, get up!" I think the guy's name is Ivan or something, doesn't matter. He said something, but my focus is on the titan who's now very angry at me. It was on its knees. Good. Without much of a running start, I still tried to go for the nape – which is a really bad idea. I felt its hand hold on to me in a single breath. Damn, it's fast! What to do? "Ahhhh." Oh yeah, I'm not alone. "A little help here?" I asked before turning to look at Victor something. I don't really know his name.

He didn't answer. He was too busy running up to my horse! That bastard! I wiggled, trying to free myself from the titan's hand. Yeah, it didn't work. Not a hundred percent, but I was able to free my left arm. Grabbing a flare, I fired it right on the titan's face!

Being dropped didn't feel good. Ugh. I need to make a move while it's distracted, which would be difficult since my 3DM gear started malfunctioning. Clearly being squeezed by a titan is not good for both of us.

Think! I can still use my blades; I just can't fire my wires. I have to move fast! The Titan is now on its knees and is still rubbing its eyes. I moved and climbed up its leg, making my way to its shoulders. I can't believe how easy this part is! The neck slicing part was a bit difficult, though. But I did it.

Then another heavy thump rang around. The other two titans are really close and are already steaming. "What?"

"I knew you'd do something stupid."

"Levi!" Relief and anger bubbled in my chest. Relief that I am still alive mostly because of him. Angry because I am still alive because of him. "I had it handled!"

"You have no horse and you're alone. And it looks like your gear isn't working too." Levi is definitely mad now. His eyes are burning and I almost wavered. Almost.

"But I was able to kill that titan. And I wasn't alone. I saved Alec... or Victor. I don't know his name. But I saved someone, I'm not the only one that needs saving!"

"And I still have to save you! I thought…" A deep sigh escaped Levi and for a moment his eyes softened. He looked more broken than angry. Then it was gone and he was cold. "I thought I told you not to do something stupid, as reckless as this?"

"Why don't you trust me? I can take care of myself. Levi, I'm a Survey Corps soldier too!" I couldn't stop the tears, and I know just how much it doesn't help my argument.

"I do trust you! I just… I don't want to lose you Y/N." That gave me pause. "Has it never occurred to you that I'm doing this more for my sake? I need you to stay safe… for me. But if you insist on dragging yourself to every dangerous situation, I don't think I can do this anymore."

"What? What are you talking about Levi? You can't mean that." I reached out for his hand, he let me touch him but he's not responding. He's just… he looks like he's given up. More thundering thumps of titans can be felt on the ground, and the unmistakable screams of titans are sounding closer and closer.

"Eld!" I didn't notice the rest of Levi's squad was a few feet from us.

"Captain?" Eld saluted, coming to us at once.

"Give Y/N a horse." Eld moved right away. "We'll talk later, that is if you stop trying to die."

As we make our way to my squad, my mind kept wondering to my conversation with Levi. Guilt sat heavily on my chest. Maybe, I should heed to his ultimatum after all.