There are these moments in life when your stomach drops and breathing gets just a bit better. Joey Potter had a lot of these in her life, most of them bad. From a childhood that was lacking a mother, a stable father, and money to the heartbreaks she has given and received over her teenage years. Then there were the good ones. Every time she kissed a boy she got that feeling in her gut that she would refuse to describe as butterflies. And sometimes they were good kisses with the right boy where the butterflies made her smile and made her feel alive. Then there were the ones where she just wanted to go back to being that little kid watching movies with her best friend. What surprises her most is when she realizes something and suddenly her stomach is flipping and her world feels just a little off center.

Which is exactly how she feels when she figures out just why she is taking Pacey to go rescue her roommate from the bathroom she is refusing to leave. The funny thing is she knows it isn't fair. She was just getting those tingly butterflies that made it hard to think with her professor and here she is with a twisting stomach and she feels like crying. Of course she does what Joey does and goes to comfort her friend, ignoring Pacey's eyes on her. Why would it be weird if her ex-boyfriend who broke up with her over six months ago starts dating her roommate? And is it just a little bit wrong that she would much much prefer him to be hooking up with some random ditz then with her amazing roommate?

"Why should I be upset? Because you kissed Pacey?" She hoped she sounded like it was a funny notion and not like she was actually upset. "I'm not exactly upset."

"Really?" Audrey sounded like such a little girl sometimes. Of course that is a side effect of growing up the way they all did.

"I mean it might be a little weird, but I love you." She grabbed Audrey at the waist and then turned to grab Pacey by the hips. "And I love you. In the simplest ways possible." She knew she shouldn't look at Pacey but she couldn't help to look up his eye which were just as bright as she always remembered. One of the reasons she didn't get this close to him often. She turned to Audrey again before she got caught up in that smile that always made her a little weak at the knees.

"So you are giving us permission?" Audrey was watching Joey, oblivious to the tension that seemed to be radiating off her.

"You don't need my permission. I'm not sure how great this idea is but you have my blessing if you want." She had barely managed to get the words out before Audrey's arms were around her, spinning her around a few times. When she looked up from the hug she was looking directly into Pacey's eyes and she held the eye contact till Audrey was in Pacey's arms. After a few seconds he released her from the hug and told her to go get back to work and that he would be back in a few minutes. Which left Joey alone with Pacey and suddenly she wished she hadn't left the professors house to come sort out her friends. Why did she always have to be the mature one anyway? After about a minute of silence that seemed to stretch forever she looked up from the sinks and into the mirror, almost instinctively meeting his eyes in the mirror. He had moved to lean against the doorway to one of the stalls, hands in pocket and head tilted to the side.

"You sure your okay with this?" How did his voice manage to go so low? And why did it always make her palms sweaty?

"I'll be fine." She could see the next question before she had even finished answering. "I should be getting back to..." she flung her arm towards the door. She did not want to discuss what she was doing before she got here. That would just lead to a discussion of what might happen after she left and she suddenly realized she might not want to be going back.

"You know if this makes you uncomfortable I wouldn't. You just have to say the words."

"What am I suppose to say Pacey?! That this is awkward? It's awkward okay! Do you want me to tell you that I think it's a mistake? Well I do. But we broke up a long time ago and I don't have the right to be upset by this. Did you see how happy she is? I can't take that away." She saw him straighten up and immediately started for the door.

"What about what I want? What makes me happy?" Her hand stopped turning the knob halfway and she hung her head a little before turning to look at him, not taking her hand off just yet.

"What would make you happy Pace?" Her voice was barely above a whisper. She didn't want this fight. She just wanted to go back to her dorm and curl up under her blankets.

"You know that answer, Potter. You always have." He went to take a step towards her but she was pulling open the door and leaving before he could reach his arm out to her. She turned back to him as the door closed behind them both.

"I can't make you happy anymore. Go kiss the girl Pace. You might just be good together."

And then she was gone into the snowy night, leaving the only boy who loved her the way she always wanted and needed to be loved standing there in the dark hallway to unsure to make a move either way.


I hope you guys liked this. I have a few more chapters written then I'm not sure if I want to continue it on, or where to go from there. Let me know what you think?

As Always its fanfiction so I obviously don't have any ownership of any of the characters etc.