By Order of the Headmaster of Hogwarts
Since many of our students are too lazy to do anything active whatsoever because of the Triwizard Tournament, our school will be welcoming five new teachers for Physical Education classes coming into accord next week. Your heads of houses will be passing out new schedules the night before your first class. In the meantime, the staff will be constructing a gym and a track area. Have fun in gym class!
Albus Dumbledore
Headmaster of Hogwarts
"You have got to be kidding!" Harry said after reading the notice over the heads of a group of third years by the names of Ashley and Jenny.
"Gym classes?" Jenny said. She had blonde-ish, brown hair, hazel eyes, and looked like she purposefully mismatched her earrings. She also wore ankle high black-and-red socks that read 'Green Day', whoever they were. "Are they nuts?"
"Those crazy psycho freaks!" Ashley said. She had brown hair, brown eyes, and wore knee-high, pink-and-green socks that clashed horribly with her Gryffindor robes. "This totally sucks!" The two girls walked off, giving the Trio a full view of the sign that took up the whole notice board.
"First dragons, now gym teachers?" Harry said, exasperatedly.
"I think they're the same thing," Hermione said as she led her, Harry and Ron back to the couch by the fire. "Gym was my worst subject! I got a 'C' in muggle school!"
"How do you get a 'C' in gym?" Harry said this as if it were physically impossible.
"Not making the mile, that's how!"
"Sorry to interrupt, but what in the bloody hell is 'physical education'?" Ron asked, oblivious as he always was.
Harry and Hermione exchanged evil looks. "Only the worst subject on the face of this Earth!" Harry said.
"So are you planning on explaining what it is?" Ron pressed, getting more oblivious by the second.
"It's a class where all you do is work out, and run, and play sports. Muggle sports," Hermione added seeing Ron's face light up at the word 'sports'.
How could they be doing this? Making all these innocent students face the wrath of these evil gym teachers. Hogwarts was supposed to be a place where there were no evil gym teachers, or evil mile runs, or evil...evil...stuff!
"Hogwarts was supposed to be a place where there were no evil gym teachers, or evil mile runs, or evil...evil...stuff!" Harry said, flinging himself back on the couch in exasperation.
"You know, that sounds oddly familiar," Ron said, furrowing his brow in concentration.
"Ugh, we haven't even started gym and already I feel exhausted!" Hermione said, flinging herself onto an armchair. "Just thinking about gym class makes me tired! All the running, and baseball, and...and..." Hermione broke off sounding terrified.
"It can't be that bad," said Ron exasperatedly and obliviously.
"It is!" said Harry and Hermione together. "You just wait until Monday!"
It had been a week since the signs announcing P.E. had been put up in the common rooms and all of the houses were in alarm. The muggle born students had been most affected by the news; they had explained what P.E. was to the purebloods and half-bloods that didn't go to muggle school.
One girl, a blonde named Brittany, broke down in hysterics and had to be sent to the hospital wing for a calming potion. She was not the only one. People were randomly flinging themselves in all directions, causing more accidents than Quidditch.
At dinner on Friday, the Trio was treated with a treat when they entered the Great Hall; it was unusually quiet as they sat down at the Gryffindor table. As they looked across the hall to the Slytherin table the Trio saw a one Draco Malfoy sitting on the floor, rocking back and forth in the fetal position murmuring "not gym teachers, not gym teachers, not gym teachers" over and over.
"Hey Draco, not so sexy now, are you?" yelled a fourth year girl named Mackie - who had long brown hair and brown eyes - from the Hufflepuff table.
Draco, upon hearing this, immediately stood up and smirked, because that was the only other emotion, besides weeping unceremoniously (yet that is not canon at this moment in the story), he could muster.
"Foul, loathsome, evil, little cockroach," Hermione muttered. She particularly liked saying this about Malfoy. Though, when Ron was not sitting directly across from her she would toss in 'sexy' as an afterthought. She thought this, though, and smiled inwardly.
"Pickle," Ron said randomly.
Harry poked at his mashed potatoes angstily. "Stupid, evil, ungrateful, evil, mean, evil," at this Harry paused searching for more adjectives. He shrugged when he couldn't think of any and finished his sentence, "gym teachers."
True, they had not met their gym teachers yet, but it was common knowledge that gym teachers were going to be evil.
Hermione, giving up on her meatball, groaned and said, "It's already Friday. You know, by now it seems like a good idea to go join Brittany and Sammie in the hospital wing."
"Why wouldoo 'ant ooo 'o- Who's Sammie?" Ron said swallowing his food and, again, obliviously going off topic.
"Third year Ravenclaw. You know, kind of short, blonde, sort of crazy when it comes to sugar," she explained as if Ron was oblivious...which he is.
"Oh, her? Yeah, I think-" he took a big bite of mashed potatoes and corn at the same time "-I 'now ooo see ith."
Hermione didn't reply. Instead, she looked Ron up and down and said "Why do I even bother?' under her breath.
Harry took a bite of his taco, still angsty. Hermione, noticing his angstiness, asked, "Harry? Angtiness got you down?" Harry nodded and took another bite of his taco.
"Hey, look. McGonnagal's passing out the new schedules- unfortunately," Ron said, this time with no food in his mouth- thankfully. "You know, I don't know how we're supposed to be outside in the middle of winter where it snows."
Hermione huffed knowledgeably. "I already talked to Professor McGonnagall about that. The area where we are going to be doing all of our sports, testing, and running is going to be covered with a magical layer that blocks out snow."
"Oh, ok, then," Ron said, an understanding look spreading across his speckled mug. "I was worried I was going to freeze my bum off."
The Trio turned their attention back to the Heads of Houses passing out schedules. Professor McGonnagall, along with Professor Snape, Professor Flitwick, and Professor Sprout, were all passing out the new schedules, each one including an evil gym class. The teachers handed each student a schedule, then pointed what looked like towards the back of the castle. The Trio knew that that was where the track and field, and gym were going to be located.
"Hey, did you three get your schedules yet?" Jenny asked, walking over, arm-in-arm with Ashley.
"No, not yet, why?" Hermione asked.
"No reason, except that the third and fourth years from all houses have gym together," Ashley replied, a maniacal grin coming across her face.
"What?!" the three shrieked in unison. "Let me see!"
Ron grabbed at Jenny's schedule, nearly ripping it in half in the process. "Hey! I'm, like, going to need that later, so could you, like, try not to ruin it?"
The three crowded around her schedule, looking down at it. They knew theirs was going to be a little different, being fourth years, but wanted to see when they had gym.
Monday, Wednesday, Friday - Periods 1, 3, 5, 7, 9
Tuesday, Thursday - Periods 2, 4, 6, 8
Breakfast
1: Transfiguration - McGonnagall
2: Charms - Flitwick
Break
3: Gym - Whipple
4: Potions - Snape
5: History of Magic - Binns
Lunch
6: Divination - Trelawney
7: Defense Against the Dark Arts - Moody
8: Herbology - Sprout
9: Astronomy - Sinistra
Dinner
After they finished reading, Harry and Ron both held confused faces. Hermione looked as if she'd been hit with a ghost from her past. "Why did they change the classes to periods?" Ron asked.
"Because they're secretly plotting against you, Ron," Ashley said.
"They didn't. They've always been like that. And before you ask, the reason we have the schedule like block schedule is because the classes are a little shorter this year," Hermione replied, giving her answer to him as though explaining that two plus two was four.
"Oh, ok." There was a pause in which Ron contemplated his next question. He opened his mouth, but when nothing came out he said, "I forgot."
Harry rolled his eyes and asked, "Who's Whipple?"
"She's a gym teacher, obviously. She's actually pretty nice," Hermione replied.
"How d'you know?" Ron pestered.
"I had her; sixth grade."
They were silent. The only sounds being made were from other students around the hall, the teachers talking, and Ashley clicking her tongue in impatience. Basically, they were the only ones in the hall not talking.
"There are five teachers all together for gym. Mr. Page, Ms. Whipple, Ms. Kvidahl, Mr. Osborne, and Ms. Rechebong," Jenny said, breaking the awkward silence. "I hear Ms. Whipple and Ms. Kvidahl are pretty cool."
"Osborne, too. Remember, I had him?" Ashley said.
"Oh, yeah! That's weird! I didn't know he was a wizard!"
"Yeah, he was- OZZY!" Ashley got cut off mid-sentence by the entrance of a tall, black wizard coming through the double doors. He was followed by four other adults. The first was a woman who looked to be in her mid-twenties with brown hair. The second was a man who was short and bald with a little extra baggage. The third was a short woman who looked to be Japanese with black hair and the fourth was a woman taller than the third with strikingly bright, blonde hair.
Ashley was running over to "Ozzy" at such increasing speed students started to panic. At the rate she was going she could put holes in the floor. When she finally reached the man she embraced him in a hug, making him stumble backwards. The Trio watched as Jenny followed Ashley over to the new arrivals, but she gave the brown-haired woman a hug instead.
"Well, they can't be that bad if they're hugging them," Harry said.
"Potter, Weasley, Granger, your schedules," McGonnagall said, coming over to them. She handed them each a different piece of paper, though they were identical. Hermione had smartly dropped her other subjects and only stuck with Care of Magical Creatures and Arithmancy. Ron and Harry, however, still had Divination...unfortunately.
"See, now what is different about this term is that the classes are organized into a block schedule. Classes start at 9:30 and end at 7:30, meaning that each period is...well, pretty long, but shorter than last year," she said, not wanting to do the math. "Now, the new gym will be located around the back, almost by the pumpkin patch and the track will be by the lake. The football and baseball fields will be-"
"Foot and base, what?" Ron asked flabbergasted.
"Muggle sports, Weasley," McGonnagall replied, almost pityingly. "Now, Professor Dumbledore will be announcing our guests and then you can look over your schedules." She stalked off, them having been, conveniently, the last ones.
"Students, I would like to welcome your new teachers. Professor Page,-" the bald man waved '-Professor Kvidahl,-" the brown-haired woman smiled and was greeted with screams from Ashley and Jenny "-Professor Whipple,-" the blonde haired witch gave a half smile and was welcomed with wolf-whistles, making her scowl in the direction of the Slytherin table "-Professor Osborne,-" the tall man gave a huge grin and Ashley screamed, sending weird glances her way- she took no notice "-and Professor Rechebong." This woman made no facial expression, just nodded. "Now, I want you to treat our guests with respect. They will not be here for this year only, meaning that physical education is becoming a permanent part of Hogwarts."
The students groaned. Permanent part of Hogwarts? First no Quidditch this year, then exams, now P.E. forever? Could this get any worse?
"Thank you, teachers, make yourselves at home," Dumbledore said, gesturing at five empty seats at the staff table.
"Well, that was interesting," Hermione said. "Let's see what teacher we have."
The three of them looked down at their papers in unison. Hermione gave a small shrug, Ron groaned, and Harry, well, Harry did nothing.
"I have Ms. Whipple," Hermione said. "Who do you two have?"
"Mr. Page," they said in unison.
"Dunno if he's any good," Harry said
"Well, why don't we just wait to find out, shall we?" Hermione said. She stood up and stalked out of the great hall, her bushy hair bouncing off her shoulders.
"Well, you want to follow her?" Ron asked Harry, who was watching the new teachers.
"Huh? Yeah, ok," Harry replied, tearing his gaze away from the teachers. He stood up and walked out of the hall with Ron, and into his new life at Hogwarts.
