ENIGMAS OF A CLOSED BOOK
Chapter One
I always used to think; when I heard girls say 'he broke my heart' they were being over the top. But it's true hearts really do break.
You start to question everything. You wonder what you did wrong, or did you even do anything wrong? You feel empty and weak. Blown away like ash exposed to wind.
Every time I hear his name, my heart skips a beat. Whenever I see him I want to run away. When I think of him I get butterflies. So many things left unsaid between us. Why did he abandon me?
I really tried to let my guard down. I tried to let him in my life and tell him things I would seldom whisper to myself. I wanted to tell him about Aeris and Sephiroth.
I guess we are just too different. It must've shocked a lot of people to hear we were together. I don't think they ever thought I would want someone other than Aeris, and neither did I but that's love for you. But I never told him, not once. Maybe that was the very thing he needed to hear.
I remember how we got together; I play it in my head so many times I don't think I can ever forget. It comforts me and upsets me at the same time. I love him and I hate him and if you don't know how that feels I envy you.
The whole week had been criminally cold, so everyone had stayed inside, lounging and moaning in the rooms. Vincent had been in a bad mood all week, so I kept trying to cheer him up. On this particular day his mood seemed to have got even worse.
He spent most of the day in his room, only coming down to eat. I couldn't take it anymore so I went upstairs to talk to him. When I did, I found out his problem was me and he couldn't get me out of his head. It would've blown me off my feet had he not been so frustrated when he told me. I didn't know how to react, so I stood to gather my thoughts. He must've thought I was going to leave and grabbed my wrist. Then he kissed me.
You could say things grew from there … BUT …
Two months. Two whole months since Vincent came. Why?
Thoughts too confusing to put on paper, Cloud set his pen down and closed the notebook that had served as a diary.
He sighed heavily and crossed his bedroom to put the book on his bedside table.
He sat on his bed and looked around his room. It all reminded him of Vincent. Every time he looked at an area he would remember something they did together.
That's where we argued about what film was best.
The chair
That's where Vincent sat when sleep wouldn't claim him. I'd watch him sat there, deep in thought, till I fell asleep.
The huge gothic picture on the wall
A present from Vincent
The bed
Where we made love
He laid back and curled up on his side. Vincent's scent no longer clung to the sheets. He missed it. It had been an earthy scent, like he'd been outside and the cold had clung to his skin. Half remembered now, but it floated to him in dreams.
He didn't even know where he stood with Vincent. No words of separation had been spoken so technically they were still together. But Vincent had stopped coming round, surely that meant he'd moved on.
Then again, Vincent is the kind of man who likes to settle things. He would tell me if we weren't together … then why is he keeping me hanging?
Frustrated and angry, Cloud slammed his fist onto the bed and pushed himself up. He looked around the room once more accusingly, like the walls were hiding something.
Well I can't stay here, he thought standing up, and I'm not going to let him affect me like this.
"You hear that Vincent? There's more to my life than you!" He shouted. Even though no one had heard him, he felt good because he felt like he had a bit of control, no matter how small it was, short lived and a lie.
Vincent had been the biggest thing in his life. They'd been together for almost a year, and for a man who'd had so many traumas in his life, he liked having someone around. He wore his heart on his sleeve, he knew that, and had fiercely tried to guard it. But somehow Vincent had broken through his barriers and Cloud found himself loving the mysterious gun man.
He combed his hair and went downstairs to put his trainers on. Silently noting the room needed cleaning, he picked up his bike key and left.
As soon as he hit the road, he realised he didn't have a particular person in mind. He certainly wasn't going to Tifa or Aeris. Both of them would only try to comfort him and he didn't want or need that. They'd be offering him tea every 10 minutes and telling him "If you ever need to talk …" He wanted to be around someone who was down to earth. Someone who didn't involve themselves with other people's problems. Grinning, he turned his bike around and headed to Cid's house.
END CHAPTER
