Something Else
A/N: If you thought Something Blue was fun, wait 'til you get a load of this! A different way for Tara to have reacted to Tabula Rasa. She can't handle the idea of losing her, but she also can't lose her to dark magicks. She still moves out but doesn't break up with Willow in Smashed. Instead she casts a spell on her so that she has to tell Tara the truth, however, spells in Sunnydale don't always go to plan. Some dialogue taken straight from episode 9 of season 6 (Smashed) but goes a little differently than it does on the show. Also Amy doesn't appear in this version as a human. Nothing belongs to me! It is all from the brilliant mind of Joss Whedon.
Chapter 1 Smashed
"Let no untruths be spoken..." the voice echoed through the room as the auburn-haired witch slept peacefully in her bed, "Willow, forgive me."
"Willow!" Dawn's voice called out, awaking her from her sleep, "We're making pancakes, and we all know how Buffy tends to burn things so help would be nice!"
"Uh yeah..." Willow replied, still groggy from sleep, "I'll be right down!"
Willow came downstairs to find some misshaped pancakes on a plate with syrup, whipped cream, and chocolate chips to the side.
"They were supposed to spell 'Will', but they didn't come out exactly how I wanted," Buffy started before Dawn cut in.
"-And there are chocolate chips in the pancakes but I put those there in case you wanted some on top!"
"Guys,you don't have to do this..." Willow spoke up, halting their actions, "Tara and I are fine, she just thinks we will be able to work on this better if we take a step back. It's all temporary. A set-back, not an end. I just need to make up for what I did."
"And you will," Buffy said pointedly, leaning against the counter, "I know you will."
"Still nice to start the day off balanced though!" the red-head remarked, pouring some syrup across her plate and digging in.
"Even if it is at 12:30 in the afternoon," Dawn replied with a smile, missing the uncomfortable look that crossed Willow's face.
"I didn't realize it was so late..." she responded sheepishly.
"We all have those days," Buffy tried to lighten the mood.
Just then the kitchen door swung open and Spike ran in with his coat pulled over his head. If Buffy hadn't smoked up the kitchen enough with her first attempt at breakfast, Spike sure wasn't helping.
"'ello all," the vampire spoke with a wave of his hand as he shrugged his shoulders so that his coat fell properly, "Buffy."
"Spike," she bit out, "Do you need something?"
"Just a word," he said, smirk spreading across his face.
"I should probably get in non-pajama clothes anyway," Willow remarked before leaving them to their discussion.
"Ooh, and I was going to bribe her to take me by the Magic Box, so... yeah..." Dawn added, motioning toward the door behind her before disappearing as well.
"What do you want, Spike?" Buffy asked pointedly after the others cleared out.
"Well, there's that sparkling personality I've come to love so much!" he responded sarcastically.
"Can we just get to the point?" she sighed, clearly not in the mood.
"Wanna jump right into the kissing then, eh?" he asked without missing a beat.
"I'm not kissing you," she replied nonchalantly, "Once was-"
"Twice," he made sure to correct.
Buffy's voice hushed but not from discretion but as if fighting herself, "But not again..."
She quickly walked passed him and out of the kitchen toward the living room.
"You're a tease, Slayer. Know that?" he followed, obviously irritated as well now, "Get a fella's motor revvin', let the tension marinate a couple of days, then- bam! Crown yourself the Ice Queen!"
"You need anymore metaphors for that li'l mix?" she asked, leading him toward the door.
"Only a matter of time before you realize," he began hurriedly as she pushed him onto the covered porch, "I'm the only one here for you, pet. You got no one else."
With a thud, the door shut in his face, and he threw the coat back over his head before running down the steps and away from the slayer.
"Spike leave?" Dawn asked Buffy as she descended the stairs to find her sister leaning against the door with a look she couldn't quite place.
"I kicked him out," the blonde Summers responded with her brow furrowed, "He was making me uncomfortable."
"Oh... okay," Dawn responded, a little taken aback, "Buffy, are you o-"
"Ready to go?" Willow's voice cut her off as she joined the two.
"Yes," Buffy spoke up a little too quickly, her mind obviously on something else, but then added, "You guys have fun."
"Okay..." Dawn settled on it uneasily, but the two moved toward the door nonetheless, "Call the shop if you need me."
"Will do," Buffy replied, putting on a decent attempt at a genuine smile.
Dawn's was almost a perfect match before she disappeared through the doorway and left Buffy to her own devices.
After an entire afternoon of running errands, Buffy could tell that something was wrong with her. It's like she had no filter.
"I really need to get a good night's sleep..." she thought out loud, "Maybe a decent meal or twelve..."
She touched her stomach as it seemed to turn itself over. When was the last time she'd eaten? Or maybe she really was just losing her mind?
Similar thoughts were all she could focus on for the remainder of the day, and as dusk settled and night approached, she seemed relieved for the distraction from herself.
"Time to do what I do best," she spoke aloud as she stood from her spot on the couch.
And as if on cue something on the news caught her attention.
"Something froze a guy?" she spoke up again after a moment, "That'll do."
She turned on her heel and grabbed her coat before rushing from the house.
As she approached the museum, she realized it was going to be difficult to do anything with this many people around. Her attempts to get through the crowd weren't completely fruitless though as she got a glimpse of the body as the medics were loading it in. She walked away after a few moments, making a point to bring this up to Giles.
As she reached the edge of the building she began to slow and grimaced as a familiar feeling fell over her, "Great..."
"Well, well, well, look who decided to show up."
"What are you doing here?" Buffy huffed.
"You know, a man was frozen alive in there. Little compassion, love," he replied, trying to hide the fact that he just wanted to see her.
"And I'm supposed to believe you just happen to be on the case?" she challenged.
"Buffy. I'm on everyone's case," he smirked.
She followed around the structure toward the side entrance, and Spike quickened his pace to keep up.
"You know, as long as we're both here, you might as well tag along," he spoke up, feigning control over the situation, "I mean, as a team, we could-"
Buffy snorts in amusement at his attempts.
"Yeah, that never really seems to end well, does it?" she cut him off and attempted to shut him down.
Her attempt failed as he took the conversation another way.
"It did the other night."
She should've seen that coming.
"You seem awfully fixated on a couple of kisses, Spike," her voice shook slightly.
"And you seem awfully quick to forget about 'em..." he dropped his head, "Did it mean anything?"
"I don't know..." she clapped her hands over her mouth before trying to salvage, "I mean, I think I'm just looking for some comfort, and for some reason, you feel right to me right now, but it could be more than that-"
She finally seemed able to stop herself again as she stared at him, hands covering her mouth and eyes wide with confusion.
"Slayer..." he hushed, stepping closer, "What are you saying?"
"I don't know!" and with that she ran.
"Buffy, wait!" he called, racing after her.
He swung her around to face him again as he caught up.
"Did it work?" he pushed, "Did you convince yourself?"
"Please," she plead, "Stop."
She pulled away and once again attempted to get away, this time a weaker attempt at a slow pace.
"A man can change," he stated matter-of-factly.
"You're not a man," she replied before managing to force out the next part, "You're a thing."
Pain flashed in her eyes, and she increased her pace, but he grabbed her once again by the shoulders and turned her around.
"Stop walking away-" he tried.
"Don't touch me!" she yelled, whipping around and clocking him in the jaw.
He hits her back before he even realizes he's done it, and prepares to have the head ache of a lifetime, but when nothing happens, his mind begins to race.
"Ow," he suddenly cries, not wanting Buffy to know about this just yet, "Owwww!"
"You're just a thing. An evil, disgusting thing. All right?" she spat at him before taking off for the final time.
"You don't mean that, do you?" he called after her desperately.
"No!" she yells behind her, unable to stop herself.
The next day...
"How'd you like the movie?" Tara asked Dawn as they exited the theater.
"It was okay."
"Oh... okay," she feigned cheerfulness, "Ready for the shake part of our day?"
"Yes!" the young girl perked up, smiling widely at the blonde witch.
…...
"Here," Willow piped up from her seat at the table in the magic box, "Says the guard's definitely gonna live."
"He's all thawed out," Xander read from the paper in his hands, "They used hairdryers... Huh."
"Everything slowed down, nervous system, circulatory system," Willow read on before looking up at Anya and Xander solemnly, "He's still unconscious."
Anya makes her frustration known to the room with a huff, and Buffy decides to take the bait.
"Anya?" she asks expectantly.
"It's such a pain. The text I wanted?" she looked at the group like they should know what she was talking about, "Giles took it with him," another huff, "He has this thing that owning a book made it, like, his property."
"So what do we do? Call him?" Buffy asked, looking at the clock, "It's the middle of last night there. Or maybe tomorrow. Does anyone remember how that works?"
"It's okay. No one freak. We'll just do this another way," Willow spoke up.
"Magic?" Buffy voiced what the others were thinking, "I don't think we need to resort to-"
Willow lifted the laptop into view and placed it on top of the table causing Buffy to change directions mid-sentence.
"Oh hey! Cool," she smiled, "That's great, Will. Haven't seen you do that in a long time..."
But as Willow placed her hands over the keyboard, it began to glow, and Willow's eyes locked onto a random spot over their shoulders.
"Don't remember that part..."
…...
"Good God, that's a lot of shake," Tara exclaimed, "I mean, I know, big part of our day of movie and milk shake fun day, but... Good God, that's a lot of shake!"
Dawn slurps the milkshake emphatically before answering, "Helps to wash down the Raisinets."
"Promise me you'll eat something green tonight," Tara said sternly, "Leafy green, not gummi green."
Dawn nods and continues drinking her shake. They sit for a moment before Tara feels the need to fill the silence.
"Movie was fun."
"Yeah, it was ironic when all those cute inner city kids taught their coach a valuable lesson," Dawn smirked.
"You know I'll always be there for you, right?" Tara blurts seemingly out of nowhere.
Dawn quirks an eyebrow at her and her slurping ceases.
"There was actually more of a lead-in when I practiced that at home..."
"I don't know..." Dawn whispered.
"What do you mean?" Tara's face wrinkled in concern.
"I don't know that you'll always be here," Dawn stated plainly.
"Dawnie..."
"Do you think you'll stay together?" she asked the so far undiscussed topic.
"I wish I knew," Tara dropped her head, "What if we don't?"
"If you aren't with her then how long are you going to stick around?"
"Dawn, I'm not going anywhere," Tara pleaded, "Why are you saying this?"
"Because everyone leaves!" Dawn yelled, "What makes you any different!"
There was silence for a moment before anyone dare speak.
"Dawn, are you okay?"
The teen reached up to touch her nose and when she pulled away she could see the bright red liquid on her finger.
…...
"It's quicker," Willow replied, breaking her focus away and glancing at Buffy, "It'll just take a sec to go through the files."
She went on to explain that a diamond was stolen, which seemed to intrigue them enough to at least hold off on the judgments for a time.
"Is it a supernatural diamond?" Buffy asked, leaning against the table, "Like, all good-lucky? Or healing powers?"
"Maybe it's cursed," Anya voiced up, joining the group around the table, "Diamonds are excellent for cursing."
"Well, let's do some more checking, shall we?"
"No," Buffy answered despite herself, "You shouldn't be using magic like this. Everyone's uncomfortable."
"Buffy!" Xander jumped in, "Little harsh..."
"I'm so sorry," her hand flew to her mouth, "I don't know what's going on with me right now..."
"Guys, I'm fine, really," Willow piped up, "What's the deal with-"
"Oh, for crying out loud. This is bizarre," Anya interrupted, "You're all la la with the magic and the not-talking, like everything's normal, when we all know that Tara up and left you and now everyone's scared to say anything to you," she paused, "Except me. And Buffy apparently," she then turned to Xander in realization, "Is this the thing I do that you comment on sometimes?"
"Guys, it's okay. It's hard, but-" Willow took a steadying breath, "We didn't break up, little things just started taking over, things that don't matter, but we saw them differently, and so they got blown out of proportion."
"Do you really believe it's going to work out?" Anya asked, receiving a look from Xander.
"No," Willow couldn't help but say, and her confusion was apparent, "I don't think it's going to last."
"Why not?" Xander asked, reaching out to comfort her.
"There are too many differences between us," Willow answered somberly, "We're drowning in them..."
…...
"I think I should take you back to Buffy," Tara stood.
"It's just a nose bleed," Dawn brushed it off, "No big."
"We should probably still head back," Tara concluded, standing up and motioning for Dawn, "Come on."
"Hello, We're home!" Dawn announced as she burst into the house.
Tara peaked into the living room, "Looks like no one's here.
Dawn brushed past her and plopped down on the couch and began flipping through channels, "Well they'll be back soon. I know Willow and Buffy were meeting up with Xander to do some research."
"Ok, well, then I should probably stay with you until they get back," Tara decided, taking the seat next to Dawn on the couch as the young Summers snuggled in close.
"Ha! Talking cat," Dawn pointed toward the television.
…...
"I think I'm going to get some air..." Willow stated, feeling the need to remove herself from saying anything more.
She rushed out before anyone could object, and that's when Xander turned to Buffy with an accusatory look.
"Here goes..."
"What the hell, Buffy," he exclaimed, waving his arms.
"I-" she started to speak, but Xander apparently wasn't done.
"I mean, I expect this from Anya- No offense, Honey," he added as the former demon hit him on the arm, "But not you too, Buffy... Really put your foot in your mouth."
"I didn't mean to!" the slayer exclaimed.
"I know... It's a lot to handle," she replied, rubbing the back of his neck thoughtfully, "No reason to jump down each other's throats right now."
"I just hope Willow's okay..." Buffy sighed.
…...
Willow roamed for a while before ending up at the Bronze. She took a seat, ordered a drink, and sat in silence for a while before something finally managed to break her from her introspection... well, someone.
"Hey," a girl said to Willow, taking a seat near hers.
She had dark brown hair that was thrown up into a pony tale and a smile that seemed really genuine.
"Hey," Willow responded with as good of a smile as she could muster.
"I'm Ryan," she added, offering her hand to the red-head.
"Willow," she replied, shaking the offered hand.
"You don't look so good, Willow," she stated the obvious with a smile, "No offense."
"Got a lot on my mind..." was all Willow could think to say, but then gave the woman a sympathetic smile for putting up with a stranger's depressed mood.
"Can I buy you a drink?"
"I'm seeing someone," Willow responded a little too quickly.
"That's fine," the woman laughed, "Unless she's against you drinking, which I don't supposed she does judging by your glass."
"Sorry, and yes," Willow looked mildly embarrassed.
The woman motioned toward the two drinks and hailed for another, "Care to talk about it?"
"I don't think you'd care to hear it," Willow answered, again with the over-sharing, "You'd just get freaked and leave like they all do- and I need to shut up and drink!"
"I don't freak," the girl responded simply, thanking the bartender as he gave them their drinks, "I just listen and try to understand what people tell me. We're complex beasts."
"You have no idea," Willow sighed.
…...
"We suck," Buffy sighed, pushing the text she'd been reading away from her.
"We need new brains," Xander added, "What's up with Willow?"
"All she said was she was 'getting air'," Buffy replied.
"Probably out doing magic!" Anya said pointed.
"At least she's not cooped up and crying, that's forward momentum," Xander spoke hopefully, "I don't know everything that happened with Tara, but Willow was-"
"Tara thinks Willow was doing too much magic," Buffy replied, "She's not the only one."
"I think she'll be fine," Xander tried, "This is Willow, she of the level head.
"Those are the ones you have to watch out for the most," Anya spoke up, "Responsible types."
"Right cause they might go all crazy and start alphabetizing everything," Buffy teased.
"I'm serious. Responsible people try so hard to be good all the time," Anya warned, "When they get a taste of being bad, they can't get enough. It's like – kablooey!"
"That's not true!" Buffy stated, starting to take it all personaly.
"Okay, maybe not kabloory," Anya corrected, "More like BAM!"
"It's human nature, Buff. Will's getting a taste of something powerful, way bigger than her." Xander responded.
"She was getting out of control with it before Tara left..." Anya began, "And now that they're on rocky soil..."
"It must be seductive, just to give into it," Xander pondered, "Go totally wild... We need to keep an eye on her."
"Okay, we'll keep an eye," Buffy began, still feeling defensive, "But we don't have to assume everybody's getting seduced. Sometimes-"
The phone rang causing Buffy to jump out of her skin before she actually rose to answer it.
"Hello?" she spoke into the receiver, glad for the interruption.
"Slayer," Spike hissed on the other line.
"Spike?"
"Meet me at the cemetery," he continued, "Twenty minutes. Come alone."
"Spike?" she repeats, and he sighs in resignation.
"Bloody hell, yes, it's me," he responded.
"You're calling me on the phone?" she asked, sounding very confused by his actions.
"Just be there."
"Why, are you helping again?" she asked, glancing over her shoulder to see if the others were listening, "You have a lead on the Frost Monster thingie?"
"Something like that, yeah," he smirked, "Kinda thought you might be up for a little grunt work."
"What? No!" she replied quickly, whipping her head around to look at the others again, "No grunting."
"I was talking shop, love," his smile grew, "But if you've got other ideas... You and me... Cozy little tomb with a view-"
Buffy answered by hanging up the phone and turning back to the others.
"What did captain peroxide want?" Xander asked as she walked toward her seat.
"He wanted to patrol or have sex... I'm not really sure," she answered without a thought then looked up to see some really confused looks coming from the others, "I mean, you know Spike! I mean- I should probably go!"
She paused at the door, "I'll do a quick patrol, then, tomorrow, after a good night's sleep, we solve this."
"Optimism..." Anya remarked, "I remember optimism."
"That's 'cause you're like a thousand," Xander smiled lovingly.
"Night guys," Buffy said quickly before rushing out the door.
"Night," Xander spoke looking up at the empty space where Buffy had stood.
Buffy walked toward the cemetery absentmindedly. She was so lost in thought that she didn't sense Spike's approach
"Slayer," she heard the familiar voice hiss as Spike stepped out of the shadows.
"Sorry," she replied, "A little busy actually doing stuff."
"You shouldn't be so flip, love," the vampire continued.
"Why, what are you gonna do?" she challenged, continuing on her path, "Walk me to death?"
He cuts her off, a different air about him than she had come accustomed to recently.
"I'm just saying, things might be a little different now," his eyes flashed dangerously, "You outta be careful..."
She tries to dodge around him, but he blocks her.
"Spike, enough!" she said, brow furrowed in frustration, "Move.
"Or what?" he pushed.
"Spike..." she warned, but he stood defiant.
She shrugged and clocked him in the jaw, adding to his already existing bruises. He stands still for a moment, anger building beneath the surface. He rose and returned her blow, showing no sign of the painful response he should be feeling.
"Ohh, the pain, the pain..." he smirked, "Is gone."
Buffy stares at him in shock, the realization of the situation sinking in.
"Guess what I just found out," he taunted further, "Looks like I'm not as toothless as you thought, sweetheart."
"How?" was all she could manage.
"Don't you get it?" he was incredulous, "Don't you see?"
His smile twists in a way she hadn't seen in quite some time and she shudders slightly at the sight.
"You came back wrong," his words fell with a thud over the silence.
…...
"So you're telling me that you," Ryan looked her over skeptically, "Are an addict..."
"Yes," Willow gushed over her fifth drink.
It was, as she had remarked at some point during the conversation, much stronger than a drink should be.
"I messed everything up because I couldn't let go..." the witch remarked, defeated.
"Willow..." an all-too-familiar voice spoke behind her, "Can we talk?"
She turned to see the woman standing behind her.
"Tara..."
She motioned toward a booth and the red-head obliged, following her lead. The two sat opposite each other and a silence fell for a few moments before either dared speak.
"Do you love me?" Tara whispered.
"Yes," Willow answered eagerly, gripping the side of the table, "Of course I do!"
The blonde witch looked her deeply in the eyes before she asked her next question.
"How much magic have you really been using lately?"
Willow's inner turmoil was visible until she finally spoke, "I do magic all of the time. I use magic for everything."
"Could you stop?" she continued.
"I don't know..." the auburn-haired woman replied honestly, clearly speaking against her will.
"Would you... for me?" Tara's voice shook.
"No..." she answered through gritted teeth as tears fell down her face, "I'm too far in."
"...Am I wasting my time?" a single tear fell down Tara's cheek.
Willow was silent for a while, fighting as hard as she could to remain that way.
Tara winced as she repeated the question, "Am I wasting my time?"
Willow's head dropped so that her hair fell over her face, "...Yes."
…...
"It's a trick, you did something to the chip!" Buffy countered, as they matched blow-for-blow, "It's a trick!"
"No trick, it's not me, it's you," he spat mockingly.
He hit her multiple times to further prove his point... and to piss her off.
"It's just you, that's the funny part," he went on, "You're the one who changed, that's why this doesn't hurt me," a smirk, "Came back a little less human than you were."
Buffy kicked Spike square in the chest, sending him flying into the wall, but he balanced himself before immediately advancing toward her. She swung but he beat her to it, hitting her in the jaw.
"See? Doesn't hurt," he reinforced.
"See?" she asked before punching him in the nose, "Yes, it does!"
She began unleashing her anger on him blow after blow as they moved closer and closer toward an abandoned house.
…...
The feuding pair ends up inside the house, carrying their battle through each of the downstairs rooms. Buffy's fist came into contact with Spike's chest and the blow sent him flying into the dining room. He glanced up at the chandelier above him before letting out an animalistic laugh.
"Oh, poor little lost girl," he taunted before jumping up to grab hold of the chandelier.
He swung from the fixture and kicked Buffy hard in the chest.
"She doesn't fit in anywhere," he continued, releasing the weakened chandelier, "She has no one to love."
A groan escaped him as she slung him into the staircase.
"Me? I'm lost? Look at you, you idiot!" she exclaimed in amusement, "Poor Spikey. Can't be a human, can't be a vampire… Where the hell do you fit in?"
Buffy's anger was clearly fueling her in this fight, and it was paying off. She grabbed him by the collar and threw him into the fireplace in the living room.
"Your job is to kill the Slayer, but all you do is follow me around, making moon-eyes," she spat.
"I'm in love with you!"
"You're in love with pain," she responded coldly, "Admit it. You like me because you enjoy getting beat down… So who's really screwed up?"
"Hello! Vampire here!" he shot up to his feet and threw her into the wall, "I'm supposed to be treading on the dark side!"
Throwing her to the floor, he pinned her down, his face only inches from hers.
"What's your excuse?" he hissed daringly.
She answers by throwing him off of her and into the wall, diving toward him as he hit the floor.
…
"Tara, please…" Willow pleaded.
"Just one more question…" she whispered, no longer able to look the other woman in the eyes, "Why does it mean so much to you? So much more than I do…"
The auburn-haired witch's eyes snapped closed, "I'm useless without it… I don't know who I am without it or what good I'd do."
"Is it not enough to just be what I need?" Tara asked, grabbing the other witch's hand.
"It's not…" Willow's voice shook, her eyes finally looking up to meet Tara's, "Not after life with the Scoobies… Not after being in the battle for as long as I have…"
She choked back the lump in her throat before continuing.
"I have a mission… I can't go back to being just normal, boring Willow when I know that I can do some good."
"You won't do any good if you lose yourself in the process!" Tara's words burst from her lips like a cannon, "Willow, you're going to disappear in the darkness!"
"That's a risk I'm willing to take."
…
Buffy threw Spike against a wall and they exchanged blows as the bleach-blonde vampire laughed at her efforts. This only managed to infuriate her more.
"I wasn't planning on hurting you," he mused, "Much."
"You haven't come close to hurting me," she assured him spitefully.
"Afraid to give me the chance?" he asked before taking the power
He took back the power, shoving her back and leaping toward her. She's too quick though and manages to spin him around before throwing him into the wall and pinning him there. The two just stood staring at each other at a stalemate before either dare to speak or move.
Spike, unable to keep his mouth shut, was the first to break the silence, "Afraid I'm gonna-"
Her mouth had connected with his before he knew what was happening, and he could feel the wall shake as she punched through the part of the column over his head. Their bodies, while still intertwined, move from one wall to slam into another and Spike presses Buffy's back against it as plaster begins to fall around them. The petite blonde pushes him away just in time for a beam to fall behind them as the structure continues to crack and crumble around them. Bracing herself against him, her legs wrap around his waist. Their eyes meet as both hands fumble with clothing and a breath catches in Buffy's throat as she begins to move in rhythm with him.
…
"I didn't mean to push you, I'm sorry…" Tara finally spoke up before letting her head fall into her hands, "I don't know what I'm doing anymore…"
"I know the feeling…" Willow responded, weakened and drained of emotion, "I think I might go home now."
The red-head stood from her seat before her attention returned to the blonde woman still seated in the booth.
"I think I might need a few days to think before…" Willow began, unsure of her words.
"Before we see each other again," Tara finished for her, head still cast downward, "I understand…"
"I'm glad one of us does…" she responded before looking around as if noticing the rest of the room for the first time in a while.
"Can I take you home?" Tara asked carefully.
"That would be nice actually, yes…" Willow sighed in relief, "I'm gonna go pay up…"
