A/N: HELLO! I am officially back from the dust of my room and back here with something for you. Unfortunately, I didn't have enough time or inspiraton to come up with something original for you guys, so I'm just posting this here.
I decided to rewrite this to make it longer and because I thought Nat was a little OOC. After almost 3 years, my style has evolved a bit, so I hope you enjoy the new Julia way of writing. In case you don't, I'm keeping the old one posted so you can still read it.
I'm currently taking requests for one shots and you can send me ideas you want to read so I can also write multi-chapter stuff for you :)) (you can leave requests on the reviews and also on my tumblr: the url is the same as my username here).
Anyways, pls enjoy and don't forget to review 3
~X~
It had become a ritual to them, every night, Steve and Natasha watched movies together. Natasha's favorite genres were Romance and Drama, while Steve enjoyed the science fiction and suspense ones - he loved to see just how much much the special effects had evolved. Each night, they watched two movies, one chosen by her and one chosen by him, they ate pizza, had drinks and then spent the night talking about their lives.
Natasha felt really comfortable around Steve, comfortable enough to wear only sweatpants and tank top while with him, comfortable enough to rest her head against his shoulder whenever she wanted, comfortable enough to drop her guard when she was near him, comfortable enough to even share some of her life with him. That was a privilege not even Clint had at times.
Sometimes, when there was something that stopped them from having the movie night, but it was never a big deal, missions and business always came first, but they always did try to squeeze it in, to make time for it to happen. It was perfect, it had been for months.
One night, when Natasha was coming back from a mission, she got a text from Steve: 'Sorry, Nat, I'm not going to make it tonight' and then another one 'I got a date :)))'
"What?!" Natasha gasped when she looked at the message. She felt somewhat hurt, she knew there were no strings attached to their movie night, but still, they both knew there was. It was a special moment for them, at least to her it was.
'Well, good luck with the date.' She sent.
'Who's the lucky girl?'
'it's a girl, right?'
'Its a girl, Nat lol' he answered.
That whole conversation made her feel weird, sad about something. Why should she feel sad though? Steve wasn't forced to go to the movie night with her, he had never been. And plus, she had even helped him create an online dating profile to see if he could find someone. If anything, she should feel happy for him, he had become one of her best friends, after all.
Natasha sat on her couch and ordered Chinese food and decided to play something on the XBox Tony had gotten her for Christmas. Assassin's creed seemed like a good one. But she couldn't focus and she couldn't eat. A voice in the back of her head told her she should go into Steve's profile and see who was that girl. She told herself that she was only curious, she had the right to know, didn't she? She did help him create the profile, so she had the right to know.
The woman got her computer and logged into Steve's account, she looked through his profile and his messages, through the girls whose profiles he viewed and liked. Until she found her. Gabrielle. Natasha refused to acknowledge the reason why even hearing that name made her feel like there was something bubbling inside her, made her nervous. Deep down she knew, but she didn't want to admit it to herself. Knowing her intuition was true seemed to make it even harder to bear
She liked Steve, she wanted to be more than just friends. But she knew she shouldn't be feeling that way towards Steve.
"What do you want us to be?"
"What about friends?"
"What about friends?"- That single phrase echoed on her head, taunting her. Slaughtering all the hope she had of maybe, one day, getting to be with Steve.
~X~
A few months had passed and everything was the same, or so it seemed. The movie nights still happened, not with the same frequency, but they still happened and Natasha was happy for that, it was all the time she had with Steve now. He'd changed, Gabrielle didn't like it when he stayed over at Natasha's house, so he didn't anymore. And he no longer cared about the movies, whenever Natasha looked at him he was texting on his phone. He was no longer the Steve she knew.
She finally realised the change was completed when he proposed that Gabrielle started to come to the movie nights.
"What the hell, Steve? This is supposed to be our thing, our night together." Natasha sighed.
"But why not? She's my girlfriend, I want you two to meet." He pleaded.
"Look, you know how I feel about involving people who don't have any sort of trainment in my life. It's far too dangerous, imagine if someone tries to kidnap her to get to you or to me? I would never forgive myself." Her words were true, although not entirely. Gabrielle's supposed lack of trainment was, in fact a problem, but the real one was Natasha's jealousy.
"Come on, Nat… Let's try it, just once," He sighed, "I just want you two to meet, to get to know each other a bit better, it's not like this will happen all the time if we don't agree on it . Just please , meet her."
Eventually, she gave in. More because she was jealous and didn't want Steve to realise it than because she felt like meeting the other woman. Maybe, just maybe it wouldn't be so bad. And well, if she couldn't have Steve as a boyfriend, she still wanted to have him as a friend. It was his presence in her life that mattered.
"The two most important women in my life will finally meet. I'm so excited." He was happy. She smiled with him.
When he left, after she thought about the matter for a while, she realised that no one was at fault but her. She was the one who'd fallen for Steve but didn't admit it. She was the one who'd chosen not to speak up about her feelings when she knew she liked Steve. Natasha was the one who'd insisted he create the profile on that dating website. Now, she had to deal with the heartache that came with the decisions she'd made.
~X~
Steve wouldn't stop talking about that movie night. He kept texting Natasha reminding her like a wicked countdown. All that while, she kept busy, gathering information for Fury, practicing in the gym Tony had created, she even went shopping. She knew that if she stopped for even a minute to think about her decision she would regret it. And worse, she couldn't even tell anyone about the whole thing. All she had to do was hide her feelings though, it wasn't something she wasn't used to.
Natasha started to choose her clothes about an hour before, she looked through her closet trying to choose something that made her look effortlessly beautiful. It was a bit harder than she expected, but eventually, she decided on black jeans and a dark green, short sleeved turtleneck shirt and her black ankle boots. It was the perfect outfit for the chilly fall weather. As she looked at herself in the mirror, she barely recognized the woman staring back. She had changed so much throughout the years working alongside the Avengers. And now there she was, trying her best to look good for a guy.
The woman thought about that while she walked to Steve's place. Natasha kept trying to distract herself from the feeling of anxiety on the pit of her stomach that made her heart pound. The pounding only grew as she approached the apartment. The sound of her heart was so loud in her ears, she had a hard time distinguishing it from the knocks on the door. Natasha expected Steve to answer, but the person on the door was Gabrielle.
"Hi, you must be Natasha," The dark haired woman said in a sweet voice, "I'm Gabrielle, it's a pleasure to meet you."
"Yes! I've heard so much about you!" Natasha smiled as she analysed the woman, checked her from head to toe.
Gabrielle was much prettier in person than in her profile pictures, but still, she wasn't as pretty as some of the other women with whom Steve chatted. She had darker skin, a beautiful nose and full lips. Her eyes were dark brown, the same as her short, curly hair. Gabrielle had beautiful, full eyebrows and a slim frame. She was beautiful and as tall as she was, she could be a model if she wanted to.
"Please, do come in." Gabrielle made way for her, "Steve is just finishing with the popcorn."
"Thanks." Natasha said and went in the apartment, "So, what is the movie selection for tonight?"
"I proposed we watched something like a suspense movie, maybe a mystery." Gabrielle answered, "I love these kinds of movies."
"Yeah, so do I," Natasha lied, "They're amazing."
"Nat!" Steve smiled as he walked into the living room with a bucket of popcorn, "I'm glad you came."
"I'm glad I could come, I'll go get myself a glass of water." Natasha walked to the kitchen.
When she came back, Steve and Gabrielle were sitting on the couch, she laid her head on his shoulder and grabbed some popcorn as they waited for her to begin the movie. They looked good together
The movie began and, during both, Steve and Gabrielle were super respectful, they cuddled, but didn't start to makeout in front of her or anything like that. When the movie was over, they had pizza and drank beers.
"So, Gabrielle, what do you work with?" Natasha asked.
"I'm a NASA scientist, I work in the engineering of vehicles." The woman answered.
"Wow, that's amazing, that's actually really interesting." Natasha did like the stars and the sky. During the time of the Sputnik, she'd helped get some files for the Soviet government and she'd been really interested in them.
"What do you do for a living? The same as Steve?" Gabrielle asked.
"Yeah, we're colleagues." Natasha answered, not sure of what Steve told her. But then, Gabrielle must have seen them on TV anyway. After all that scandal that happened. But she wasn't sure.
Natasha finished her beer and left. As she walked back home, she thought about the night and realised that all the will she had to "destroy" Gabrielle faded. She was a good woman and she and Steve were happy, if she couldn't make Steve happy herself, she could, at least, be happy for him Maybe, instead of focusing on destroying their happiness, she should try to build her own. She should try to find someone who made her happy. Even if only for a night. Natasha had to forget about Steve, she had to find someone for herself. But where?
Natasha was no good with relationships, she had little experience in building one, the one thing she knew how to do was one night stands. Perhaps that was what she needed. Maybe going to a bar. If she went to one of those and talked to some people, who knew where that might lead?
But she didn't stop at a bar then. She didn't because that night Fury called and she went on a mission in Morocco.
~X~
Natasha only returned in the beginning of winter. She spent one month and a half away from home and without talking to any of her friends. As usual, one month and a half away from home made her miss her bed and her friends and, of course the movie night. But still, it was good to spend some time away from her life, so she could get back to it seeing things through a new perspective. Having spent some time focusing on the mission, she didn't worry about the way things were going between Gabrielle and Steve or the lack of a relationship in her life. Going off on a mission reminded her that her life had a purpose.
Natasha didn't feel like going to her apartment right away, she wanted to buy herself some coffee and maybe eat a muffin. Whilst waiting on the line, she saw a familiar face.
"Gabrielle?" Natasha said to the woman in front of her, "How good to see you."
"Natasha? Yes, it's very nice to meet you again," Gabrielle smiled, "I'm currently on break."
"I was traveling, just got back today." Natasha said, "I was sent to Morocco."
"Wow, I've always dreamed about travelling 'round the world." The woman said with dreamy eyes, "Hold on a sec, it's my turn to pay."
Natasha watched as Gabrielle ordered and then did the same herself. While they waited for their orders, they chatted some more.
"So, how are things going between you and Steve?" Natasha asked.
"Not really well, unfortunately," Gabrielle answered, "We broke up about one week after you left."
"Oh, I'm so sorry. I haven't heard from anyone in about over a month." Natasha felt her heart pounding against her chest, maybe it was her chance to be with Steve. He'd had some time to recover from the breakup, maybe he was already emotionally available.
"It's okay," Gabrielle waved it off, "I gotta go. See you around."
Natasha got her coffee and went to her place. She grabbed her phone which she'd left there and texted Steve.
'Hey, I'm back.'
'R u doing anything tonight?'
'Nope, I'm free.' Steve replied right away.
'Wanna go somewhere to chat?'
'Sure'
'How bout the WWII Memorial at 7?'
'Okay'
'See you there'
Natasha put her phone down and had a shower. She, then, decided she wanted to watch a movie, she grabbed herself a beer and laid down on her couch. 20 minutes into the movie, she fell asleep. She woke up because of the sound of an explosion of one of the war scenes of the movie. She checked the time on her phone, it was 6:45, she had to run or she'd be late.
She quickly put her hair back in place and then grabbed her jacket before running out the door. Natasha got her car and rode to the WWII memorial. She knew just where they were going to meet, in front of the lake. They usually met there and sat on the grass to talk about life when they didn't feel like staying at home.
Natasha drove fast so to not leave Steve waiting. It was cold outside and she left the window open, the wind messed her hair, but she didn't mind. She convinced herself to not have any expectations, to not hope that Steve might glance at her and fall in love instantly, but it was hard to do so. She felt like the teenager she never was.
At that time, it wasn't hard to find a spot to park. She looked at her phone, 6:00 sharp. She was on time. Natasha still took her time walking to the WWII memorial, knowing that not even Steve would be that punctual.
They met on the way to the memorial.
"Hey, Nat," Steve said and hugged her, "God, I've missed you."
"Hey, Steve," Natasha was surprised with the hug, "So have I."
They walked through the memorial, she knew how much Steve loved that place. All the names engraved, people he'd known, it made him feel like he knew something in that new, confusing world he was thrown into.
"So, what happened while I was gone?" Natasha asked.
"Well, Gabrielle and I broke up. I wasn't sent on any missions, just a lot of paperwork. I don't know, I feel kinda lost in my own life." Steve sighed.
"I know how you feel. After spending months away, I don't even know how much has changed." Natasha agreed with him, "Why did you break up with Gabrielle, though? I thought you two looked so good together, you seemed to be doing so fine."
"I know, I really liked her, but still, there was something lacking. Gabrielle was smart, pretty, she liked the same movies I did and the same kind of music. But, as you told me before, I didn't want her to get too involved and end up hurt. I'm going on this frantic chase for Bucky, I'm digging up a past that should be left alone…" He looked down, "And plus, I couldn't be honest with her and I felt like she wasn't been too honest with me either. Ater those months, I guess the whole initial spark was gone."
"I know. It sucks having this life. You want to be normal, but you never can be." Natasha shivered, "It's getting quite cold here, do you wanna come to my place? Order some pizza, play some videogames, watch some movies…"
"Yes, please," Steve looked around, "Sometimes, this place makes me feel sad."
~X~
"Aw, come on, Nat, I know you can do better than that." Steve took another sip from his beer.
"Shut up, Rogers, I was winning until the past two rounds." Natasha punched him softly on his arm.
"Let's watch some movies now, then? I'll give you a little break." He suggested while opening the pizza box and getting himself another piece.
"If you're feeling that intimidated by my mad skill, okay. Let's watch some netflix." Natasha grabbed the remote.
"Which movie. I'll let you pick."
"Oh, I see, you'll let me pick…" She taunted.
"The winner gets to choose the movie, right? I won, so I should choose it, yet I'm allowing you to do so in my place." Steve shrugged, "I'm a very nice guy, what can I do?"
"Okay, then let's watch a 007 movie, that new one, Spectre. They don't have it on Netflix, but we can always stream it."
The movie began, they ate the pizza and drank their beers. The movie was quite good and Steve seemed to be entertained with the special effects and the plot. She was enjoying herself, she liked the way things were, back to normal. Natasha had Steve back and it made her happy.
Still, tired as she was, Natasha ended up resting her head against his shoulder, after all, she felt comfortable around him, comfortable enough to do such a thing. Steve didn't mind and, if he did, she knew he was far too kind to say anything. Swiftly, he placed his arm around her. At first she did nothing, she waited a little. But, to her surprise, when she looked at him, he too was looking back at her.
He moved closer to her and, in that moment, in the dark, he did what Natasha hoped he would do for a long time, he kissed her.
