'Victors of Victorine'
Chapter 1 'Auntie, the Butler & the Closet' or 'Zamarkand's Sole Survivour'
DISCLAIMER: As the sole survivour of the once mighty 'Zamarkand', I, 'Ahura Gladius Mazdan', have been given the supreme honour of reading this document to you, the loyal readers and followers of these adventures of my newfound friends, the new colonizers of this brave new world of 'Victorine'.
First, we wish to thank the numerous Creators whose works and characters we have the privilege and honour to be graciously permitted to utilize especially our great effendi, Mr Haruka-San Takachiho without whose kindly permission none of these vidreports and vidlog sharings would be possible.
Of course, we graciously and humbly wish to allow the usage of any of our own original works and characters of which we have the honour to be the Creators. We ask only that we be afforded equal credit for their Creation. We ask this in the name of the mighty god whom I myself resemble and whom, on a long ago visit to Terra, the Earth, I was mistakenly recognized to represent- the great 'Ahura Mazda' of ancient Persia.
The following is a brief synopses of the events which are to be related to ye in this modernistic version of the Thousand and One Nights of the beautiful Scheherazade. Therefore, read on and be amazed, my friends-
I'll soon be starting my new ff venture entitled 'Victors of Victorine'. It will include characters from other time eras and places, but they will not be coming through the space/time Continuum barrier. Look for stowaways on a TARDIS instead. That leads me to my glaring problem. My readers and followers want to see Auntie Harriet Cooper and Alfred Pennyworth reunited with Bruce Wayne/Batman and Dick Grayson/Robin on the brave new world. I envision Auntie H accidentally stumbling aboard the TARDIS which will resemble something unusual inside of Wayne Manor.
I also envision Alfred the Wayne Manor's butler trying to rescue her and stumbling aboard with her. Before they can leave, however, the TARDIS will activate and they will be whisked off to either Shimougou's EC or FC 3WA HQ or Academy or to the Federation HQ at Kurestan on Alderaan and eventually being transported via 3WA starship to Victorine where they will be reunited with Bruce and Dick. Of course, it means that Auntie H will have to be apprised of the guys' secret identities. No problem there since everyone in the 23rd Century knows whom Dick and Bruce are in reality- the 'Dynamic Duo'- not to be confused with our own Angelic 'Deadly Dynamic Duo' of Kei O'Halloran & Yuri Donovan.
The problem arises in stately Wayne Manor. What could the TARDIS resemble on the outside that would make her curious enough to step through it or into it and wind up aboard the Type 40 machine?
In my versions, of course, the 'chameleon circuit' has been replaced and now allows the TARDIS's outside to resemble anything that the time lord or time lady might choose or need. Allison's Type 40 resembles 'Kaw-Liga', a wooden cigar store Indian chief, but I just cannot see this matronly lady accidentally walking into it! Ditto for a china closet or suit of armour. Perhaps an armoire or a wardrobe?
In the two Peter Cushing 'Dr Who' films, the 'Doctor Grandfather' kept his TARDIS in the hall closet! Perhaps Auntie H could walk into the closet and fall through the back 'wall' and onto the Type 40? She'd scream the house down and bring Alfie running. Seeing her dress disappearing into the 'wall', he would, naturally, make a grab for it and centrifugal force would yank him through as well?
Because of the commotion, they would come out not in the main or auxilliary control room 'bridge' but in one of the rear storage rooms. By the time that they had finally found the bridge, the TARDIS would be 'lightys' or light years away from Terra which is what we call Earth in the 23rd Century. Taking them back home is now impossible because the TARDIS can never return to the same spacial place or time once it has already landed there once. The only alternative is for the time lord or lady and his/her companions to take the 'stowaways' with them to their mission's destination.
Poor Mr Garner! As Territorial Sector Chief of the Aquarian Galaxy, they would become his responsibility and he'd shuffle them off to the new world that was being colonized on the next available vessel.
In Ch 40 of NGS, I introduced the sole survivour of Victorine. Of course, he knew that world as 'Zamarkand'. 'Ahura Gladius Mazdan' is a powerful, but not evil, Djinn who possesses powers of invisibility amd wish granting as well as being an adept at 'mind send' like a telepath or a Beta Zoid. He has already solved the colonists' water supply problems at the new 'Victoria City', the 'staging area' and the campsite of 'Stalag 13' by redirecting the 'Amaazonian River' and creating a lake, a reservoir and a creek for them. As he has yet to reveal himself to them, the colonists are all agog and possible explanations are rampant!
When they arrive there, Auntie H and Alfie are billetted with ? because Bruce, Dick and the rest of the 'Justice League' and some reformed members of the 'Legion of Doom' are away on another mission for the 3WA or the Federation. Alfie becomes a butler for the Walkers while Auntie H is pressed into service as a babysitter for the new Walker baby and Eric & Sookie Northman's twins who are almost three Earther years. The 'reborn' Angela Walker (She is now 5) makes a huge hit with Auntie Harry. Her older 'sister' (Born a few months earlier and who looks and acts like a grown woman of 20 something) has stowed away to Victorine aboard a space rig piloted by Sir Integra Wyngate van Helsing, the Hellsing leader and her co-pilot, Louie LeBeau from 'Stalag 13'. The older Angela intends to live together with her boyfriend, Paramedic/Firefighter Johnny Gage!
Well, that's how the first few chapters of VOV will be laid out as soon as I decide how Auntie H and Alfie leave Wayne Manor! I am looking for a good pix for the FFN title page. I want a planet with twin suns on the horizon and Tattooine from Star Wars is out because it's a desert planet and Victorine has been newly terraformed and is now being colonized using Dr Brief's 'building capsules'.
I may have found such a pix and I also may have found a good pix of a good Djinn who will resemble the Zoroastrian/Zarathustrian Persian god Ahura Mazda. How about that eh? A Japanese car named after an ancient Persian (Iran) god! Iraq used to be known as Mesopotamia. Can't recall where 'Samarkand' was though although HP Lovecraft used it several times in his 'Great Old Ones' stories as the city of Cthulhu. Arabian land I believe but don't quote me on it.
"Mrs Cooper? Madam? Did you summon me, Madam Cooper? That is strange. Could the good lady have entered Master Bruce's study? She knows that is a room that is forbidden to her. Oh my goodness! There goes the 'Batphone'! I wonder what sort of a mess Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara have gotten themselves into this time? What a time for the Master and his young ward, Master Grayson, to be away on a mission for those 3WA ladies and I use the term loosely, very loosely indeed!
"Good afternoon, sir. No, I fear that he and Master Robin are not at home, sir. Whom, sir? The 'Time Traveller', sir? He is a new villain, sir, is he not? Yes, I thought as much, sir. Yes, I will certainly convey that message to him, sir. Yes, the 'Bat Signal' is sometimes quite useful, sir. However, in this case, I fear that he is well beyond its range, sir. Yes, as soon as I can, sir. Stiff upper lip and all, sir. Quite a sticky wicket indeed, sir. Yes. Good day, sir.
"Heavens to Murgatroyd! Oh dear me. I simply must stop reading Master Dick's comic books! Mrs Cooper? Madam? Ah, there you are, mum. No, don't dust the Bard, Madam! Oh dear! No! Please do not touch that switch! Oh dear! Be careful, Madam! Madam? How unusual. She seems to have walked through the wall behind the 'Bat Poles'! Madam! I'm coming, mum. My! How that lady can scream! Here I come, Madam. Alfred to the rescue. Ah well, mine is not to reason why, mine is but to- I am wasting time.
"In for a farthing, in for a Euro, I suppose. My word! Where the deuce am I? Madam! Keep shouting, Mrs Cooper. I am coming. I think that I am, anyway. What a strange looking wall. It seems to be made of some sort of shiny metallic alloy. Not steel at any rate. What are these round things I wonder?
"Ah, there you are, Madam. Allow me to assist you to rise, mum. What's that, Madam?" said the bearded and mustachioed grey-headed gentleman butler of stately Wayne Manor located just 14 miles from Gotham City.
"Alfred! Where on Earth are we? I touched that button inside the bust of Mr Shakespeare in Bruce's study and the wall opened! I was curious and I fell against those two poles marked 'Bruce' and 'Dick'! Then I fell through the wall and bumped my head! When I came to, I was lying on this bed! My goodness gracious! What was that, Alfred? Let's go back to the house." said the matronly white-haired Mrs Harriet Daggett Cooper whose young teen-aged nephew, Richard Grayson, was the adopted ward of the eccentric multi-billionaire, Bruce Wayne.
"To paraphrase Mr L Frank Baum, Madam: 'I do not believe that we are in Gotham City anymore, mum.' Shall we see where this passageway leads, Madam? Do be careful, Madam. The floor seems quite slippery. Oh my stars! Look at this room! Unless I miss my guess, Madam, we seem to be aboard a 'space vessel' of some kind, Madam. No! Don't touch that, Mrs Cooper! Oh my goodness! Hold onto me, Madam! We appear to be lifting off!" said the Wayne butler, grasping the older woman around the middle with one arm and wrapping his other arm around the strange looking console just as the pylon began 'pile driving' up and down!
"Ach! Who be ye and what be ye doin' aboard Mistress Galatea's 'TARDIS'?" yelled a big strapping Scotsman complete with kilt, sporrin and 'Claymore' broadsword who had just popped through another door and was frantically throwing switches.
"Well? Answer Master MacCrimmon, please. I have never had stowaways on my Type 40 before, have we, Jamie, me lad?" said a tall raven-haired woman wearing a black jumpsuit who had followed 'Jamie MacCrimmon' onto the 'bridge' of her travelling machine. She had leveled an evil-looking flintlock pistol at the two trespassers, but she immediately holstered it when the older matronly lady fainted into the older gentleman's arms.
"Jamie, take the lady to one of the bedrooms. Not you, sir. Surely some sort of an explanation is in order, sir? I am listening." said Lady 'Galatea Getraeran' of the Gallifreyan clan of Karpathia. She quickly 'repped' up two comfy armchairs and a java table beside the console and signed for Mr Pennyworth to sit. He instead walked over to her and held her chair while she sat first and then he took the other chair while she poured tea for them both.
Alfred Pennyworth slowly and carefully explained the events from the time that he had noticed that his own mistress was missing from stately Wayne Manor until he had followed Mrs Cooper aboard this vessel and so on and so forth until they had reached this control room.
"Then you must work for the 'Bat' and his snot-nosed brat, Mr Pennyworth. Is that correct, sir? Lemon or milk? Sugar?" said the tall Patrician-featured time lady who had landed to make a few minor repairs before she, Jamie and Leila the 'Jungle Girl' could return to Gallifrey.
"That is correct, Madam. However, mum's the word around Mrs Cooper, please. Outside of myself and Mr Gordon's daughter, Barbara, no one else knows Master Bruce and Master Dick's true identities and-" explained Alfred and his hostess burst into peals of raucous laughter.
"Really, 'Madam Karpathia'. Manners!" said an annoyed butler angrily or as angry as Alfie ever got anyway.
"Your pardon, my good sir, I beg. However, out here everyone knows that Brucie boy's really Batman and Dickie's really Robin the Boy Blunder, I mean, Wonder. Just where d'ya think ya are, um, may I call you Alfred?" asked Her Ladyship.
"Of course, Madam. That is my name." replied Alfred.
"Finestkind, man. Do call me Gally. Everone else does. Anyway, you seem to have stumbled aboard my TARDIS. It stands for 'Time and Relative Dimensions In Space' but don't ask me to explain quantum physics. All I know is that it travels through both time and space. Looks like you and Granny Moses are with us for the long haul. Hmmn. We cannot very well take you to Gallifrey with us. I know!
"We'll drop you and Grandma off at 3WA HQ in 'Elenore City'. That's in Western 'Shimougou', man. Then you can hop the next flight to 'Victorine'. That's where Batty and Robbie are for the next year. Not to worry! As we speak, clonic replicas of them, you and the old doll next door have 'materialized' in this 'Wayne Manor' place o' yourn so that those two crybabies in Gotham will have somebody to do their jobs for 'em until you, the genuine articles return- if ever that is." chuckled Gally.
"That simply will not do at all, Madam Gally. Not at all. I am afraid that I must insist upon your returning both of us to 'Wayne Manor' at once. Turn this contraption of yours around and-" said a stern-faced Alfred Pennyworth and Gally started to giggle.
"No can do, Alfred, baby. Goes against the rules of Rassilon, man. No time jockey can ever return to the exact same time and place for a second time. Rassy's our founder- ya see? Nah, ya don't see, do ya? Well, one o' my nephews or nieces will explain it all to ya when we get ya to 'El City', pal. Kapish?" said a still giggling time lady.
"I must defer to your wishes, Madam Karpathia. Pray tell- how long will this, um, 'voyage', last?" asked Alfred, helping himself to some of Jamie's descendant's scones. They were quite delicious.
"Uh, lessee. We just left the Terran 20th Century and we're goin' to 23rd Century Shim so- that's only a hundred thousand 'lightys'- say, two days, give or take a solar hour or two." yawned his hostess.
"And what, pray tell, is a 'lighty', Miss Gally?" he asked quietly.
"Huh? Oh, that's what we call a 'light year'. The distance from the Sun to the Earth that light travels in a year. I think that is how 'Scarfy' (Doctor No. 4) explained it to me, man. Ask Leila for the details if ya really wanna know. I'm sleepy. I need to return to my catnap. Leila! Get your cute tushy out here on the double, girlie!" replied Gally, bellowing for Jamie's companion.
"Madam? You must surely be mistaken. Light travels at the rate of 186 million miles per second! It is physically impossible to exceed the speed of light!" shouted Alfred.
"Of course lightspeed's possible, you dimwit! You never heard of 'warp speeds', man?" she asked incredulously and then remembered that there was no such thing as a 'warp' in the 20th Century.
"You bellowed, Gally? What d'ya want now? Damnation! If I knew that we had guests, I'd have dressed! Pardon my kimono, mister! Well? What d'ya want, pest?" demanded the most lovely red-headed creature that Alfred had ever laid eyes upon in his long life! Had he died and gone to Heaven? Surely this Angel was not real?
"Our other guest is in Zoe's old room. Take Alfred here to Stephen's old room across the hall from her. Dinner's at 1700, Alfie. That means five o'clock, man." called Gally after the departing duo.
"Yes, Miss Gally. I do know military time, mum." he said stiffly and Leila took him firmly by the arm and guided him towards the door to the bedrooms portion of the vessel.
"Don't mind Gally, Pops. Her bark's a lot worse than her bite, man. Ya wanna check on the old lady, Alf? Sure, here ya go. Jamie gave her a couple o' 'Hydroxylein' capsules to calm her down. Here's yer room. Know how to use a 'replicator'? Just tell it what ya want and it makes it for ya. See ya at five, man. Yes, I will be wearing more than this old bathrobe at dinner, Alf." chuckled Leila and she turned to go.
"Do we, um, dress for dinner, Miss Leila? Formal attire, I mean?" asked the older gentleman and she smiled.
"Nope. Wear whatever ya wanna, man. Two more days. Um, I did hear Gally say that we're going to 'Shim', didn't I?" asked Leila. Alfred nodded and closed his door behind her.
"Curiouser and curiouser. My goodness. Everyone knows who Master Bruce and Master Dick are really? Extraordinary. Well, I could do with a bit of a rest." mumbled Alfred to himself.
"May I call you for dinner, sir?" asked a voice coming from everywhere at once!
"Who said that? Show yourself, sir." demanded Alfred, reaching for a fireplace andiron.
"I cannot do that, sir. I am Mistress Galatea's computer programming unit. You may call me 'Tod', sir." replied the voice.
"Oh, very well. You may call me at a quarter to five, um, 'Tod'. Thank you." said Alfred, yawning. It had been a tiresome day.
"Very good, sir. Pleasant dreams." replied the voice.
"I got a real strange feeling about this planet, Boss. You sure that this place is uninhabited?" asked Vash the Stampede, stuffing three more doughnuts into his mouth.
"You are such a p-i-g, pig, Vashie! Don't ya know that it ain't polite to talk with your mouth full, man?" sighed a perturbed 'Derringer' Merrill Stryfe. The 'Gunsmoke Gang' had been speedily pressed into service when the Boss had been ordered to take her flagship, the 'Lovely Angel 2', to her home world of 'Workoh' in the mysterious 'Omega Quadrant'.
Nobody else had fancied trekking halfway across the known Universes in the middle of winter. When Vash and Reverend Wolfwood had heard about the trip, however, they had volunteered themselves and the 'Insurance Girls' and Legato Bluesummers for the voyage. Without bothering to tell them where they were heading until after they had lifted off from 'Elenore City', of course!
"Relax, Gunslinger Boy. I was the sole survivour there until I was ten years old, man. When I left with my 'Mugghi'- (a six and a half foot tall nekomata cat thing that the Boss had kept as a pet)- the place was deserted. We got nuttin' to worry about at all." chortled the tall red-headed Amazon Hellcat firebrand who was now the Supreme Marshall of the Aquarian Galaxy. She was making the trip without her Vice Marshall, Yuri Donovan, who was helping the colonists on 'Victorine'. Kome Sawaguchi was tooling around with the 'Outlaw Star' as a gunner's mate. Marlene Angel- newly promoted Air Marshall of Minerva- was on a mission to rescue the 'Bebops' from the 'Nighthawk's evil and villainous commander. Lord Vicious was well named indeed!
Unknown to her, however, at this very moment in time, Mar and her 'LA5' were streaking towards home- Shimougou- having rescued Jett Black, Spike Steigel, Faye Valentine and Edward Appledore along with Ein the Data Doggie from the 'Nighthawk's evil clutches. Having no authority within the Romulan/Zygon 'Neutral Zone', she had been forced to spirit away the four 'cowboys and cowgirls' and their 'Bebop' starship and make a hasty retreat back to N-Space and then turn for home.
What had become of Vicious and his cronies aboard the 'Nighthawk'? She neither knew nor did she care to stick around and find out! Her mission had been to rescue the 'Nighthawk' prisoners and that she had already accomplished. Time for them to go back home and Vicious be damned!
"I fear that I must agree with Vash, Reds. (Kei grimaced. She loathed that nickname!) Something just does not feel quite Kosher. Your pardon, Father Evergreen! I meant no disrespect to our faith, Your Eminence!" said a worried Nicholas D Wolfwood who was staring out of the ship's 'window'.
"None taken, me boyo. Madam O'Halloran, mum? Why was it necessary for both myself and Nickie to accompany you? We had several weddings planned on 'Vic', ye know?" asked Father Chapel the Evergreen, late of the 'Gung Ho Guns of Gunsmoke'. Like the other 'Guns', he too had turned over a new banna leaf and was now practicing what he preached.
"Ever hear tell of the 'Cybremen'? The Daleks? The Gundamites? Didn't think so, me boyos. We are going to 'Workoh' to seek out 'Mobile Gundam' fighting suits and to be on the lookout for more Daleks and those dreaded pests- 'Cybremen'. The 'G Boys' think tank are of the opinion that all three groups are being banded together under one banner, so to speak- headed up by our old foe. Suffice it to say- Yuck! I'm spending too much time around the Vacuumhead!- they are all bad boys and out to control the Universes, if not Time itself." explained the Commander.
"What foe, mum?" asked a yawning 'Stun Gun' Millie Thompson, the other half of Vash's 'Insurance Girls'. She had been dozing at her post. She and Merrill were two of the ship's gunners.
"That would be our old pal, 'Zygmund Davros', my friends." said the 'Leprechaun', Doctor No. 7. He'd been chosen for this mission because, of all of the other time lords and time ladies, he, alone, had tangled with all three of their opponents and their new fearless leader, Davros, on several different occasions. Mel Bush and Ace Johnston had immediately volunteered for duty and had been speedily accepted. Then they had wished that they had kept their big yaps shut! They too were gunners, but they were under the command of the new weapons officer, Colonel Regina Phillips and she brooked no interference with her orders!
"Is it too late to turn around and go back home?" asked 'Wasp Girl' Susan Stinger.
"Buck up, girl! The Doc's pulled us through tougher gigs than this one, man." Periwinkle Brown reassured the frightened teenager from the 'Big Apple' of a couple of centuries ago. Peri was the ship's 'yeoman' or record keeper and file clerk. Susan was her assistant. They had both been selected because of their familiarity with Daleks and Cybremen.
"I dunno, man. I still got a bad feelin' about this place, Reds. What a dump!" Vash adjusted his spectacles and lit a cheroot.
"I'll thank ya to keep a civil tongue in yer head when ya talk about my homeland, sir." growled the Boss. She too had a lit cheroot in her mouth. "Take us down, Saavy and don't drop our 'cloak'. These old boyos may just be right, kids." she added thoughtfully.
"Voldevort! Take us down but do not drop our 'cloak'. Better we be safe than sorry, eh? We were damned lucky to make it out of the Zone undetected. We'll lay low here for awhile- say a week- and then we'll head for 'Dariabar Six' to meet up with our new friend and benefactor." said a grim-faced Lord Vicious.
"How in the Universes did old Oakbrain ever manage to escape from the 'Matrix', milord?" asked Seamus O'Malley. This man had been loyal to Vicious ever since he had joined the 'Red Dragons of Mars' all of those many decades ago. Aboard the 'Nighthawk', he was second in command only to Vicious himself. Besides which, the pair were damned good friends.
"What d'ya think, Gael? Behind that outcropping of green rock? There's a small river there." said Voldevort, the craft's adept pilot. Seamus nodded sagely and clapped him on the shoulder.
"Well thought, my friend. We can see the enemy coming from all sides. In a pinch, we could blow that dam above the marshes and escape in the confusion. Make it so, laddie." rumbled the big Irishman.
"Shamey, make sure that you leave a few guards aboard the ship. Then take an away team and scout out the terrain once we make planetfall. The 'widow' (The 'Black Widow' was chief gunner) and her ladies can start din din while the rest of us set up camp. We still have some o' those 'building capsules' that we 'liberated' from that space rig on 'Victorine'?" chuckled Vicious who, for once, seemed to be in a good mood. He was no fun when he was in a bad mood, baby!
"Commander, sir? I sense an alien presence on the planet, sire." said Vice Controller Gyllead to his 'Cybreman' Leader.
"Where is that, Vice Controller? I sense nothing at all. However, I must defer to your superior telepathics." replied his Leader. Their 'camp' was on the opposite riverbank and directly across from Vicious's goons. Like his enemy, he had ordered the 'mantle of invisibility' drawn tightly above their whole campsite and so they too were not visible to the 'Nighthawk' crew.
"Over yonder, sire. At least twenty or thirty souls- mostly alien and human. Shall I send out a probe?" asked Gyllead, but his Leader shook his head.
"Negative. Perhaps they have merely landed to make repairs or to replenish their foodstuffs and water supplies. We will give them a few days. Our orders from Lord D were to remain hidden at all costs. Remember too that we are but five to their thirty. Has Geologist Special Officer Yaggalak found any of that 'accursed metal' yet?" asked the Commander. Gold was 'cybre death' to these 'Cybremen' and the 'G' word was never used by any of them- on pain of instant termination!
"Negative, sire. It appears that we may have erred in that respect. This does appear to be a dead world bereft of all native life forms. That subterranean city which we found was quite ancient, sire." said Lord Gyllead.
"We will remain here for three more solar days, seventy-two solar hours, Vice Controller. If, by that time, we have still not found any of the accursed metal, we shall depart from here and fly directly to that triple-sunned planet to our South and West. What is it called, Gyllead?" asked his superior officer.
"Shimougou, my lord. It is quite close to the world known as Mars in the Aquarian Galaxy, sire." replied the Vice Controller.
"You have done well, Marlene. You too, Miss Saavik. Have you explained to the 'Beboppers' the reason why they must make the trip to 'Victorine'?" said Territorial Sector Chief Charles Augustus Milverton Garner.
"More to the point- have they agreed to remain here in 'Elenore City' until the next 'window' opens in a few days, Mar?" asked Aquarian Galaxy Chief Andre Francis Gooley. The 'LA5' had docked a few hours ago after a successful rescue mission and now the Air Marshall and her new Lt Commander Saavik were being debriefed at Western HQ of the 3WA by three of the 'G Boys'. Gustav and Galadriel were with the Federation Senate on Alderaan.
"Yup. They said no sweat so long as they don't have to stay on 'Vic' more'n a few weeks, man. Anyone want a drink or some nosh?" chuckled Vice Territorial Sector Chief Donald Poporo, popping the top on his sixth 'Lykorian Lager' beer container. 'Mr Popo' was to make the voyage aboard the 'Bebop' as an 'advisor' to the colonists. He was to remain on 'Vic' for three monthlets and he was as excited as a kid with a new toy. He was to use a newly renovated 'Type 88' drilling suit to help the colonists to find the precious water that they would need to survive on their new home world.
He had no idea, of course, that Ahura Gladius Mazdan, their gigantic kindly Djinn had already solved the colonists' water problems for them! The colonists knew about the water, but as Mr Mazdan had not yet revealed himself to them, they were as much in the dark as to how these major miracles had been achieved as anyone!
"Go easy on that stuff, Popo! Remember. You're the designated driver tonight." said Gooley.
"He looks more like our designated drinker, Andy. Guess one of us will be piloting us home tonight. OK. I don't have anything else for the kids. You, Andy? Popo? No? Fine. This debriefing is now over. You guys don't mind staying at the Academy again, do ya? The 'LA5' will be taking more supplies to 'Vic' when the next 'window' opens on Friday. Until then, everyone's on shore leave. Oh and do try not to get us banned from any more bars, please? Thank Kami that the Vacuumhead's on 'Vic' and the firebrand's visiting her old stomping grounds again." said Charlie Garner.
"Yeah. After all, what trouble can they get into anyway? One's on a new world and the other one's on a dead world. Here's to peace and tranquility at last." said Andy, toasting Charlie and Don. Mar and Saavy had saluted and left for the rooftop parking docks where Mar's new speeder was berthed. The rest of her crew had been dismissed as soon as they'd landed and they had been transported to various locations throughout the largest city on Shimougou.
"Whew! Man, is it ever hot, Mar! I thought that we were in the middle of winter?" grumbled Saavy, turning the resonator control of the speeder's cooling units up full blast.
"It is, dummy. Didn't ya ever hear about our global warming problems? Wait'll summer gets here. You'll freeze yer bum off." laughed Marlene, shrugging off her jacket and pulling off her heavy deck boots before getting behind the controls of her new green and yellow toy which she'd christened 'Packer Lady'.
"Whoa there, gal! You ain't goin' 'Gypsy Rose Lee' there, are ya?" giggled the Vulcan girl, taking a long swig of bottled water.
"Get real, silly. Is my hair red or purple? Whew! I think that it might be getting warmer. Get your hand clear of your gull wing door. I'm sealing the top too. Ready? Here we go. Next stop, Academia. Wagons roll!" said the grinning blonde and off they rocketed- away from the burning triple suns. The speeder ate up the aether and in another few minutes, they had touched down on the roof of one of the smaller dormitories. Mar had a permanent suite on the top floor- a penthouse no less!
When they had finally stepped into the coolness of the huge 'great room' of the suite, Saavy thought for sure that they were at New York's Grand Central Station! Mar was allowing the entire bridge crew of the 'LA5' and the four 'Beboppers' to bunk in with her and Saavy. Saavy's eyes popped when she saw Ed holding Ein out of the open window- some three thousand feet above the ground! She raced to the window just in time to get spritzed with Ein's sticky urine! Yuck!
"Edward! I told you to take that mutt outside to relieve himself, not hold him out the window!" yelled Faye Valentine who was playing poker with the 'Mayberry' newcomers- Sam Jones, Millie Swanson, Clara Edwards (No relation to Lt Nat and Trace), Howard Sprague, Goober Pyle and Emmit Clark. His wife and Alice Jones were in the kitchen cooking lunch and young Mike Jones was throwing a baseball at the unbreakable transparent windows!
"Dealer takes two. Raise ya a hundred." said Faye, holding her Skotch glass up for a refill.
"There! Gin!" yelled the pert blonde Millie.
"Millie! I told ya. We are playing poker, not Gin Rummy!" yelled Howard.
"Then I cain't go fish, Howard?" asked Goober who was wearing his 'Jughead' hat as usual.
"Call. I am certainly glad that you talked Mr Steigel out of our playing strip poker, Sam." said Clara.
"Huh? We can if ya wanna, Miz Edwards. Right, guys?" said the big guy with the metal arm, Jett Black, with a chuckle.
"No, that's all right, Mr Black, sir. Do I bid trumps or spades, Sam?" asked Millie who hadn't a clue what game they were playing.
"That's in bridge, Mill. This is poker. Gimme another beer outta the fridge, somebody. Mike! You know that ball playing is done outside! Do you want to break another window? Call." said Sam.
"Has anyone seen my underpants?" asked a completely naked and wet robot-girl whose metal tail was striking sparks from the bannister while the water was dripping off her lithe young body.
"Oh my goodness! Sam! That young lady has no clothes on!" yelped Clara.
"I thought ya said that we wasn't playin' strip poker, guys?" grumbled Spike.
"Mira Yurizaki! You know better than that, young lady! Go and put something on! Sorry, folks. Oh yeah- I fold." said Kyoma Mabuchi. These two were 'coil collectors' of stuff from someplace called 'Dimension W'!
"I told ya! I cannot find my suitcases, Kyoma!" screamed Mira, not caring in the least that she was putting on a free peep show for everyone!
"Then wear something of mine, 'Kitty Kat'. These guys are slobbering at the mouth and champing at the bit. Royal Flush." said Faye, accepting a refill of her Skotch & soda from a 'server 'droid'.
"Damn! How does she do it, Sam? I thought sure that I had her with a straight! Honey! Got any cookies out there?" yelled Emmit. He was Mayberry's 'fix it man', but when he had started beating on the 'replicators' with a rubber hammer, Neko Olson had taken it away from him and boxed his ears! Someone had suggested poker instead.
Now the whole place resembled the opening scene from 'Hunter'! Elly Mae Clampett and Daisy Duke trooped past the company wearing very daring bikini bathing suits on their way to 'catch some rays' on the roof! Whistles and catcalls followed them.
"No more than fifteen minutes, girls! Those three suns will fry you to a crisp if you stay out there any longer!" warned Auntie Beatrice Taylor. "Alfred! Are the canapes ready yet?" she called to the very proper butler.
"Coming, Madam Taylor. Has anyone seen Mrs Cooper?" replied Alfred Pennyworth. He and Auntie Harriet Cooper had been dumped off at Mar's place by Lady Galatea earlier that morning. Then Gally had returned to her Type 40 TARDIS to continue her mission to Gallifrey.
"I seen her, Mr Alfred, sir. She's in the 'star room' trying to call some place called 'Gotham City' on the telephone thing." answered Mike Jones who had stopped tossing his ball at the windows and had discovered vidgames.
"Three more days of this and I will go insane, Mar. Where's the closest tavern that we ain't been banned from yet, man?" asked Saavy who looked cooler in halter and Bermuda shorts than she had in that heavy flightsuit.
"Three blocks down Jupiter Plaza, then cut across the park to Lapis Lazulis Lane. Place is called 'Hangman's Noose'. I don't think that we've worn out our welcome there- yet. Hang on a bit. I'll get changed and go with ya. Anyone else fancy a brewski or two?" said Mar, shouting to be heard above the raucous din. Giving it up at last, she shrugged her shoulders and disappeared into her bedroom.
"OK. Let's go. Parking's lousy over at the 'Noose' this time of day. Let's 'jet' over there instead. Put these on, Saavy." said Mar, handing her friend a pair of 'jet trainer sneakers' and lacing on her own. She was wearing a light tee shirt, jeans and a windbreaker to cover her small Mark III miniblaster. As a 3WA officer, she was required to be armed at all times. She pulled on her 'Patriots' cap and handed one to Saavy.
"We won't be out too long, kiddies. Keep lunch warm for us, please." she called over her shoulder and then she and the Vulcan girl activated their 'jet shoes' and stepped out the window. The flight through the aether took less than a minute and they touched down at the portals to the saloon where their hands were both 'stamped' and 'scanned'. When the 'scanner' beeped, Mar and Saavik produced their 3WA vid ID cards and the shiny '3WA' and the ranks of 'Air Marshall' and 'Lt Comdr' made the 'greeter's eyes pop outta their sockets as he speedily led them to an empty table.
"Rank has its perks, Saavy. If the Boss was with us though, we'd get kicked out for sure." giggled Mar, tasting her icy cold white Zinfandel and nodding her approval at the 'wine 'droid' while Saavy took a swig of her 'Tres Quatro' beer.
"Let's skip lunch now that the weather's turned cooler. I wanna explore the city, man." suggested Saavy and Mar sighed.
"OK. But, remember that we're on call so we might get 'trilled' back at any time. Got it?" said Marlene, digging out her vidwallet. "This one's on me, kiddo. Garcon?" she added and a fat rotund little 'Ferengi' bustled over to them.
"Oh no, Madam Marshall. 'She' is not with you, I hope?" asked the worried alien, glancing around the bar.
"Nah, she ain't, Rudy. She's away offworld for a few weeks. So's the other one. Can't say where though. What are the damages, my friend?" laughed Mar but the Ferengi waved away her wallet.
"No charge today, Marlene. We, uh, heard how ya rescued the 'Bebop' quartet and they spend a bundle in here. Nice to see ya, Vulcan." he replied, leering at poor Saavy.
"Thanks, Rudy. Have a nice day. Bye." said Mar, pocketing her vidwallet. Then she noticed the strange look on Saavy's face.
"What's with that creep, man?" she asked. "Did ya see the way he was looking at me?" she added.
"Oh, it ain't you. He's just not used to seeing women with their clothes on yet. On 'Ferrengastan', where he hails from, only the men wear clothes. Their women are only allowed to dress if they are traveling offworld. Oh and he likes Vulcans. C'mon. Let's motor. I'm not going exploring without 'Packer Lady'. We'll 'jet' back home and see if Elly and Daisy wanna take a ride with us. Wonder what's happening back at the suite?" said Mar and Saavy's mouth dropped open.
"You'll get used to things, kid. Let's split." said Mar and they had soon reclaimed the speeder and invited the now almost 'fricaseed' bathing beauties to go for a jaunt. They had hastened downstairs to dress and now all four ladies were rocketing across the aether while Mar was pointing out the sights of 'EC' and the others were 'oohing' and 'ahhing' all over the place.
"Look at this, everyone! It looks like a huge footprint!" shouted Mr Peabody and everyone came rushing over to see what the little pest was yapping about this time. However, this time it really was something. The 'footprint' was that of a sandaled foot at least six or seven metres long and half as wide! It was right beside the new lake at the 'staging area'. About twenty feet beyond the 'lake' but on the opposite shore, Helga Schmidt and Manny Hochstetter had found an identical footprint and they seemed to be heading up the side of the big mountain behind 'Stalag 13'.
They all raced back to the huts for their weapons and then they all began tracking the 'beast'! A few miles from their campsite, the footprints ended. Then the twin suns were blotted out and although it was still late afternoon, the sky became as dark as night!
"So! You are my new neighbours, eh? I have provided for your water needs, my friends. A stream and a lake here; a new well and a river at the campsite at the foot of my mountain and a reservoir and an 'arroyo' for your wondrous new city. Incidentally, you have chosen to build your city on the exact site where 'Damagog' once stood many millennia ago.
"Your pardons I beg! I am 'Ahura Gladius Mazdan' and I am what your people call a 'Djinn'. I am the sole survivour of the once beautiful world of 'Zamarkand'. You are welcome to share my world. Up here, if you please. Pardon me! I am blotting out your twin suns! I will rest my weary self on this mountaintop. I am fatigued from my exertions upon your behalf.
"Much better. Fear me not. I have been moving amongst you invisibly so as not to alarm you unduly. Have any of you a wish or two? No, Miss Poe. I know what you are thinking and I am sorry to say that although I can become smoke at will, I do not reside in a jar, a box or a bottle and you need not rub anything to summon me forth. Come now, not even a small wish?" rumbled the giant, who was twice as tall as 'Mt Peabody' which had been christened as such because the small white doggie had been the first one to discover it.
"I sure wish that I hadn't have left my backpack in the hut, Darling. I'd love to take a video of this fellow." whispered Helga to her new husband, the former Gestapo major.
"Granted. Behold!" said Ahura, tossing her backpack to the frightened German blonde beauty who almost missed catching it.
"My right profile is my best feature, Mrs Hochstetter. Anyone else? No? Well, just think your wishes and I will grant them. No, Mr Walker, sir. There is no limit, although others of my kind may have only allowed three wishes per customer. I weary of this talk. I will return to see you tonight. No, little doggie. Your name will remain for my mountain. See? I am not dangerous. I ask only that you do not engage in warring betwixt thyselves. That was how our once beautiful world was destroyed and devastated long long agone.
"Aha! Two of your supply ships have just departed from 'Elenore City' to come here. The 'Lovely Angel 5' whose commander is the lovely blonde, Marlene Angel and the 'Bebop', whose captain is the large giant with the metal arm, Mr Jett Black. They will arrive here in three of your solar days. For now, I bid ye all adieu. Take care, my friends." rumbled Ahura and then he vanished as quickly as he had appeared!
"My word! We are sharing our new home with a 'genie'!" said Mr Peabody, adjusting his monocle and wiping his forehead.
"I prefer 'Djinn' to 'Genie', sir. 'Genie' is so effeminate, don't y'know?" said Ahura's mighty voice although the being himself remained invisible to them.
"What happened to Angie Poo, Eveie?" asked the other half of the 'Dynamite Kiss Dolls'. Blackie was sitting beside her partner in the 'shotgun' seat of the huge space rig which the girls had 'borrowed' from the 'Victorine Motor Pool'.
"She stayed behind with her Pop, Blackie. Where did ya say that ya saw that glittery cave on our way down?" growled the blonde who was trying to pilot the hige vessel over the summit of 'Mt Peabody' and she was barely clearing it.
"I dunno. I think it was back that way a few miles. I didn't know that you knew how to fly, Eveie. Think ya could learn me?" yawned the sleepy brunette. "Hold it, man! Down there- three o'clock or is that four o'clock? I wish I knew how to tell time, man! Yo! Find us a place to park! I saw that glittery stuff in that cave right down there, man!" yelled an excited Blackie.
"Teach you? I'm just wingin' it myself, Blackie. I sure hope that old dinosaur guy don't notice that this rig's missin' from his motor pool. Hey! I see it now too! Funny. I never heard of a gold mine this high up a mountainside, man. Looks wide enough and high enough for the rig. I'll put us down inside the cavern. There! Down safe and sound.
"I'll scout around to see what's what. In the meantime, you better put some clothes on, Dumbass. Ya can't go explorin' in a towel! Hmmn. Don't look like no mine I ever seen, kiddo. Pass me that laser torch from the glove box. Don't worry. I won't be long. You can set up camp for us while I'm gone. Use them 'capsules' o' Dr Brief's in the back o' the rig. Just toss 'em on the ground. OK? I'll be back afore ya know it, Honey. Wish me luck." said Eveie, shouldering her plasma rifle and igniting the laser sword 'torch'. Then she was gone.
"Good luck, Eveie. Don't get killed or nothin', man!" yelled Blackie, the echoes of her voice deafening the blonde who was already 200 metres deep in the cavern, her 'jet boots' rocketing her further and further away from her dark-haired companion.
Ten minutes later, Blackie cautiously crawled into the 'semi' portion of their rig and pulled on a flightsuit and deck boots. She slid her trusty 'katana' Samurai sword into its sheath which was strapped across her back. She slipped a 'small' Mark XII disruptor blaster into its holster and then she used her laser 'torch' to heat up a few rocks which she had found arranged in a circle.
POOF! POOF! POOF! Three unusual looking 'buildings' were now standing behind the makeshift 'campsite'. The brunette girl dusted off her pants and lit up a cigarette by pressing its tip against one of the 'hot rocks'. Eveie had taken her cigarette lighter and matches away from her when she had 'accidentally' burned down the hotel that they were crashing in back in 20th Century Terran 'Roanispur'.
Next, she arranged the two 'food rations' packets on the bed of moss which she had used to start a small fire for them. As soon as the packets were smoking, she carefully tipped them onto a 'replicated' table and poured bit of water on each and hey presto! Two steak dinners complete with all the fixings and two cans of ice cold 'Lygurian Lager' beer.
"Eve-ie! Lunch is ready, man!" she screamed at the top of her young lungs and an extraordinary thing happened. The wall disappeared and so did the light from the twin suns streaming in from outside of the cavern! Cool and calm as she always was, Blackie panicked and began blasting away at the shadows and anything else that moved- including the fire!
"That will be quite enough of that, young lady! Give that to me. Young ladies should never play with firearms- especially young ladies as beautiful as you seem to be, my dear child. Must you be so noisy? It took me ages to fall asleep and thou hast awakened me." roared a voice from the darkness.
Blackie's blaster was yanked from her grasp and she fell down flat on her bum! She yanked out 'Laurina', her trusty 'katana' and held it out in front of herself while her wild cat-like eyes raked the area illumined by the firelight and she saw- nothing!
"Show yourself, cowardly cur! Or do you gets yer jollies by scarin' poor innocent defenseless girls outta their wits, man?" yelled the 'DK Doll' angrily.
Raucous laughter filled the cavern just as Eveie came racing back to the campsite, leveling her plasma rifle and sending a blue bolt of ionic energy right at and through the thing that was slowly materializing in front of her astonished eyes! So tall was this apparition that he was forced to lower his head almost to his knees and the poor guy looked as uncomfortable as Hell!
"Please! Ladies! I beg your pardons for not revealing myself sooner! I think that I had better take this and this from thee, children. Then we will continue this discussion out of doors." roared the immense bearded giant who was wearing a dark morning suit complete with cravat, spats, white gloves and black topper! He was also carrying a 'cane' or 'walking stick' in his gloved fist only it was really a small tree!
He had plucked Black's 'katana' and Eveie's rifle from the frightened girls as easily as you might have have taken a toothpick from a young human child! The giant led the way out of the cavern and into the bright sunlights from the twin suns with the two girls following him warily. The 'Dolls' had already left the 'staging area' when Ahura Gladius Mazdan had made his debut to the other settlers.
"Hmmn. I see that you are both well-armed under your attires. However, rest assured that I will not ask you to disrobe. None of your toys can harm me in the slightest. He tossed down blaster, rifle and blade and signed for the girls to reclaim their properties which they wasted absolutely no time in doing!
"I apologize for frightening you, my children. I am a 'Djinn' and-" began the giant.
"A 'Genie'? A real live honest to Kami 'Genie'? Better not fXXX with us or we'll stick ya back in yer lamp, buster! I means it!" shouted a defiant Blackie.
"Yo! Stupid! If he is a 'Genie', he can grant wishes. He can wish us back through the time Contimuum barrier and back to good old Terra! Earth, Dumbass!" whispered Eveie to her compadre and Ahura (For of course it was he! Whom else could it be?) chuckled loudly. He didn't even admonish them for the 'Genie' insult.
"Yes, Father Ahura Gladius Mazdan can indeed grant wishes, children. However, sending you back home through the time barrier is beyond even my powers, Evelyn Jane Rockford. And I do not reside in a lamp, box, bottle or whatever else they say about us 'Djinn' in your Terran folklores, Kira Lorraine Yamaguchi. You may call me Ahura, children. Now, I imagine that you are both quite hungry? (Both girls nodded eagerly and Blackie rubbed her tummy and pointed to her open mouth! Blackie is quite baka stupid.) Have no fear. Although Miss Yamaguchi's fireworks display hath ruined your dinners, I can easily rectify matters for you. Behold! Eat and drink to thy hearts' content!" rumbled Ahura and instantly a huge table filled with goodies of all kinds appeared before the astounded girls. They were still trying to figure out how Ahura knew their full names which neither girl had ever revealed to anyone save each other!
As soon as any dish was emptied by their voracious appetites or any pitcher became dry of liquid refreshment, it was instantly filled again- like magic! Well, he is a 'Djinn', ain't he, folks?
While they ate and he drank from a drinking horn the size of a bath tub, Ahura explained his strange history to them and told them all about his new 'friends'- the colonists. Evelyn (Her father was Jim Rockford, the 20th Century California private eye. Eve had run away from home when she she was twelve.) listened attentively, fascinated by his tales. Not so Kira (This child had been trained by her grandfather in the arts of killing. He had been a mighty 'daimyo sensei' Shogunnite leader in Terran Japan until Kira had almost beheaded the poor chap! Ashamed of her lack of skills, she had packed up her goodies and 'Laurina' and left his 'dojo' for good not long thereafter.) who was bored and sleepy so she merely yawned a few times, stripped off her flightsuit and deck boots and curled up by the cavern's entrance 'au natural'. Ahura produced a blanket and pillow from the aether and tucked in the cute little minx tigress.
"By the by, Evelyn- your 'borrowing' of a rig and its contents has been discovered and the white doggie is zeroing in on your 'vidcellphone's comm relay signals. Yes, I understand, child. The pair of ye are hopelessly lost and ye have discovered that this cave is not a gold mine. Instead, ye have discovered an underground city. That city is 'Zerzura' and once upon a time, it was the shining jewel of your Terran Sahara Desert. Built by Crusaders returning from the wars to Europe, they became hopelessly lost and built this wondrous fortress city which I transported here at the behest of my people of 'Zamarkand'." explained the kindly 'Djinn' to Eveie.
"It is what you now call 'Victorine', Evelyn dear. I read minds as easily as you might read the morning 'vidpape', child. I grow weary again. Know this before I leave thee. Before the setting of yonder twin suns, your friends will arrive and take ye back to this 'staging area' as they refer to the place. I fear that your leader will be quite cross with thee and Kira. However, Allison doth a kindly heart have within her small breast and all will be well once more. Farewell, my little flowers of 'Zerzura'." said Ahura before he vanished in a cloud of smoke.
"There you are! Boy, are you guys ever in trouble, man! Dynamo almost blew a gasket when he discovered 'Teggie's rig was gone! Wake up, sleepyhead! Rise 'n shine, Sweetie!" said Ranger Jimmy Trivette, flipping the blanket off of Blackie and then doing a double take. Boy! Was his face red!
"If I were like Willy Klink, you would each get a monthlet in the 'cooler' for this escapade. However, you did discover a hidden city beneath the surface and 'Gladdy' told me that you had meant no harm so- I will overlook it- this time. Next time though-" warned a stern-faced President Poe.
"Ain't gonna be no next time, mum. And you can take that to the bank, Excellency. C'mon, Blackie. We beat that rap." said Eveie.
"Not quite, ladies. Report to the kitchens. You have KP duty for the next monthlet. That should keep you both out of mischief." said Lady Galatea. The time lady had just returned from her mission to Gallifrey and had finished her debriefing session with Allie Poe only moments before the two miscreants had returned.
"Ya means that ye're gonna let this bitch give the orders around here, Alley Cat?" demanded Blackie who'd polished off a case of 'Lygerian Lager' on the trip back to the 'staging area'. The blonde grabbed her by the arm and frog-marched her out the portals.
"Yes'm. Very fair punishment, ma'am. When will you ever learn to keep that big mouth of yours shut, Dumbass? That 'bitch' is replacing Allison as the new Gallifrey/Federation/3WA/Shimougou and Mars 'liaison officer' and she's even older'n Allie!" said Eveie, dropping her voice to a whisper when they had left the office.
"Well! Not a very bad job for a bunch of stupid colonists, man. I won't mind becoming their new king, that I certainly will not mind, Lord Karrolton. You have done well indeed- for a disgraced Councillor. You will receive your thirty pieces of silver, sir and I consider thirty billion UniCreds a bargain. After all, I am buying an entire world- for a song! Ha! Ha! Ha!" chortled a voice from the shadows outside of the President's offices.
"I still say that there is someone else here, Boss." said a worried Vash the Stampede to his Commander, Supreme Marshall O'Halloran. They had just touched down with the 'LA2' upon the surface of 'Workoh'.
"This time I gotta agree with the doughnut freak, Reds. Something strange is in the aether." said Nick Wolfwood who was sitting astride his motorcycle which had his 'Cross Box' strapped on behind the reverend.
"Perhaps a scouting expedition is in order, Madam Marshall? I sense the presence of two groups. One on either riverbank. You feel it too, don't you, Legato?" asked Father 'Chapel the Evergreen' who was fingering his 'Exorcist Special .45' holy bullets pistols.
"Unh huh. I do feel something, Excellency and it feels positively evil. May I suggest that Vash, Nick and I check out this river first?" replied Legato Bluesummers. With the exception of Vash, these men had all once been part of the 'Gung Ho Guns' gang on 'Gunsmoke' and Chapel had been Nick's mentor. Blue had been the gang's leader although he reported directly to Vash's brother, Knives. The latter was now cooling his jets on 'Seto Kaibo' where he would remain for another five centuries. The poor fool had attempted to assassinate 'Supreme Commander Madam President Solo' at Kurestan on Alderaan. The high justices had been unsympathetic to Mr Mason's pleas for leniency much to the delight of Mr Ham Burger.
"You will need spiritual guidance and my 'mercy bullets', Legato so I had better accompany you. With Madam Marshall's permission of course?" said Chapel very softly and Kei nodded curtly.
"Make it so then. Nick's in charge and no arguments, boyos. It's like 1500 (3 PM) now and I want you bozos back no later than 1700 (5 PM) and stay in touch with us. Got it?" growled the Boss firebrand Hellcat in a tone that brooked no interference.
"Understood, mum. Vash- you and Blue each pilot a skysled. Excellency, you will ride with Blue. And don't forget to 'cloak'- yourselves and your crafts. We'll rendezvous at the mouth of the river. Let's move out." ordered Nick.
"Uh, what river, Nick?" asked a confused Vash and Chapel sighed and pointed to the ribbon of silver sparkling in the pale sunlight in the distance.
With a roar from his twin ion engines, Nick and his cycle winked out of sight and off he roared. Vash was next followed by Blue and Chapel who were similarly 'cloaked' and invisible to anyone's average eyesight. Of course, 'cloaks' never worked on the Ninja Hyuugans' 'Byakagun' eyes but they were back home on 'Shim'.
"OK. Let's start a quad-scan from the North to the South and another from the East to the West. Report anything unusual to me. I'll be in my quarters. Peri, you're with me. Now- where was I, kid?" growled the Commander and Peri backscreened to the report which Kei'd been dictating for Garner.
"And so, you dirty old (expletive)(expletive) male Chauvinist pig, I demand that you send Mar and the 'LA5' to rendezvous with my flagship on 'Minerva' as soon as- That's where you stopped dictating, Boss." read out Periwinkle Brown, Kei's current yeoperson. All of her previous yeoperson personnel had put in for transfers following a mission or two with 'She Who WILL Be Obeyed'. Peri was different. She adored the Boss and admired her spunk and no nonsense attitude.
"Better omit the expletives and the male Chauvinist pig crap and change 'demand' to 'request', OK?" said Kei.
"If I may suggest, mum- 'humbly request' might put Mr Garner into a better mood and-" began Peri.
"Don't push it, Ensign. Just using 'request' sounds a lot like I'm grovelin' at his feet, don't it?" seethed the Boss, pouring out Jameson's Irish whiskies for herself and Peri who was starting to develop a taste for the stuff! Poor kid!
"I'm a Subaltern, mum. Not an Ensign anymore." corrected the Floridian 'beach bunny' and Kei grinned.
"Nothing is forever, Sweetie. Oh, forget it. I'm in a foul mood today, dammit." she replied, swallowing five fingers of hooch in one gulp! Peri sipped hers appreciatively, having learned the hard way what happens when one tres to drink like an Angel drinks! She'd been sick for a week!
"And when aren't ya in a foul mood?" said Peri under her breath. If the Boss's keen hearing had picked up on it, she gave no sign of being angry- or rather- any angrier.
"Ya know, Boss. Charlie's not gonna send yet another Air Marshall out to this Kami-forsaken world. You're just wastin' yer breath and my time." slurred Peri and then bit her tongue.
"Your time? I'm wasting YOUR time, Suba Brown? Since when does a 'yeo' offer an opinion? And- to me? Just comm relay that signal to Chuckie Boy and don't change another word of it. Understood?" snarled Kei and Peri was quaking in her sandals. "Oh and don't forget to spell 'Lattie' (Warrant One Jane Lattimer) on the scans at 1600 (4 PM)- after you send that off to Chuck Garner." added the Boss.
"Yes'm. Um, where is he these days, mum? Alderaan or Shimougou?" asked Peri.
"Shim." replied Kei, lighting a cheroot using a 'spill' from the fireplace.
"East or West?" she asked, meaning 3WA HQ in 'Furool (Foo-Lon) City' in the East or 'Elenore City' in the West.
"He's in 'EC' but his offices are at the Academy. Just ask 'Shimformation' for his address and vidcode numbers. Do I gotta do everything, Brown?" yelled Kei angrily. Must be the booze talkin'. thought Peri, making a hasty retreat. Balderdash! I sure as Hell hope that she ain't gonna insist on goin' on tomorrow's away mission to explore that underground Dalek city! Wherever Kei went, her shadow went as well. Peri and the Boss were inseparable.
"Rats! I was gonna take a nice long bubble bath tomorrow on the TARDIS and then play a few rounds of golf on the holodecks. After all, it IS my day off, isn't it?" mused Peri while she was tapping in the codes for the relay to Shimougou Central.
"Hi there. This is Suba Brown, 'LA2' here. Fine. You? Great. Listen, can ya patch me through to TSC Garner, please? He's at the Western Academy. No? He went where? Damnation! Sorry, captain. OK. I'm sending you a signal 'Eyes Only. Top Secret'. Make sure that you 'scramble' it and then comm relay it directly to Mr Garner's office. By the by, why'd he go all the way to 'Kagura', Ashley? You're kiddin'! No! Yeah, must be nice. The closest I ever get to a swanky course is the holodecks! OK. Here it comes. Got it? Good. Don't forget to 'scramble' it afore ya relay it to him. Don't muck it up, Ash. OK, but your tushie's grass if anything happens to it and- 'She' will be the lawnmower! If ya get my drift, Honey? OK. Don't bite my head off, captain. I'm just the mailgirl! OK. Bye bye, Ashley. My best to everyone there. Toodles. Brown out." said Peri and then she sat down in her quarters with a nice steamy mug of hot cocoa and mint leaves. Then the chromo chimed four times.
"Subaltern Brown. Please report to scanning immediately. You are needed. That is all." blared out the squawkbox above Peri's head. She sighed and took her mug in hand and snagged her jacket. Then she strode swiftly to the lift.
"OK, Dynamo. I'll bite. Where the Hell did ya hide the rig?" demanded Major Integra Wyngate van Helsing.
"Mon Dieu! (My God!) My crepe suzettes and streudels were on that truck, mon ami! Now they are gone!" cried a furious Louie LeBeau.
"Der streudels vere on der truck? I vill starve! Please make some more, little cockroach!" pleaded big fat Hans Schultz who was our resident glutton- especially when it came to Louie's cooking and baking.
"Never mind der damned streudels und French pancakes, Schultz! My easel and oil paints vere on dat truck!" sobbed Willy Klink. "Gruss Gott! (Good God!)!" he added while big Freddie Burkhalter tried to comfort the big crybaby.
"I do wish that you'd stop using profanity in front of my 'child', please. Especially 'that word'!" admonished Godric Northman, the ancient vampire.
"Wait a damned minute here! You're tellin' me that Will & Sonny's rig is missing, 'Teggie'?" rumbled the big Triceratops alien dinosaur 'truck push'. He tossed away his cigar butt and fired up another one of his foul smelling 'stogies' which caused Allison Poe to cough and retch. He ignored the poor time lady and threw open the sliding doors of the 'parking lot'.
Sure enough, like 'Teggie' van Helsing had been complaining, the parking dock slot assigned to her rig was empty! 'Ryuuk' and Light Yagami strolled over to see what all the commotion was about.
"Ya mean the big space rig that was in that slot, Colonel Dy?" asked the big ugly 'Shinigami death god' who was eating yet another apple.
"Hey! Slow down on them things, pal or I'll have to put ya on 'NutrySystem' or 'Weight Droppers', man." warned Light.
"Yes, the rig truck that was in that slot, Ry. Have you seen it?" asked Allie, attaching a sterile doctor's mask over her nose and mouth so that she could breathe a little easier.
"Sure thing, Miz Poe. Them two brats that came in with Miz van Helsing and Mr LeBeau flew it out this mornin' around three AM, I mean 0300 hours, mum. Why?" asked a puzzled death god, opening a new bushel basket of 'Golden Delicious' apples.
"You didn't think to ask them if they had permission from Mr Dynamo, ya big lummox?" demanded Light Yagami and 'Ryuuk' shook his huge head.
"I don't suppose that you thought to ask them where the Hell they were going, did ya, Ry?" demanded a very angry dinosaur alien. Light yanked Ry's tail viciously.
"O' course I did, Light! The brunette said they was goin' off to find a mine and the blonde asked me which way was West." explained 'Ryuuk'.
"What kind of mine, mon ami?" asked Louie curiously.
"She said a gold mine and to keep my yap shut about it. Oops! Guess I wasn't supposed to be a big blabbermouth, huh?" replied the big hulking death god.
By this time, the Texas Rangers had arrived on the scene. After all, as the soon to be law enforcement department here, they were the law on this new world. Walker had wormed the story out of Major Jeannie Huntley who was to be the new hospital's head nurse temporarily until Subaltern Dixie McCall arrived on the next transport ship.
"OK. Guess we'll have to go find 'em, folks. Jimmy- you and CD take a skysled and head West. Gage- you and Sidney take another sled and head North. Captain Hogg- you, Bo and Luke take an air car and head South. Paul and Alex- you're with me. We'll take one of the surace crafts and go East. Don't worry, guys. We'll soon find 'em. Wonder where that girl got the bright idea about a gold mine? Didn't Ahura tell us that there were no mines on this world at all?" said Brigadier Cordell Walker.
"We are talking about Eve and Blackie, aren't we? The two 'Dynamite Kiss Dolls', dearest. Those two morons would believe anything. Oh, hello there, Jed, Jethro, Granny, Ellie Mae. What are you doing here?" asked Lt Colonel Alexandra Cahill-Walker who was married to Cordell Walker.
"Seems like you folks are gettin' together a searchin' party. You'll need all the help ya kin gits. Jethro's got the Dukes's 'General Lee' racin' car and I've got Mr Stiles's Corvette sporty car so Jethro and Ellie Mae will go with Frank (Gage) and Sidney (Gage-Cooke) while Granny and me will tag along with Jimmy and Colonel Parker. The Drysdales are playin' that golf game with the Howells on the holly-deck (holodeck). Let's gits a-goin'." said Jed Clampett. Granny snorted.
"Golf huh? More'n likely it's just plain laziness, Jed. Did ya know that Mr Howell never gits up afore noon? And ya knows yerself, Jed, that Mr Drysdale never opened up that bank o' his'n back in Californy afore nine o' the clock! Wastes the whole damn mornin' they does. Here, Jethro. make yerself useful and put my ol' shootin' irons in that there automobile that Mr Stiles ain't finished buildin' yet." yelled Granny. Granny just didn't understand about convertible tops.
"Should we bring the engine truck and the rescue truck just to be on the safe side, Ranger Walker?" asked Captain Hank Stanley who was to command the new 'Victoria City Fire & Rescue Service 51' when it was built. Walker nodded and soon Chet Kelly, Mike Stokes, Marco and Henry, the fire station's pooch along with Hank, were racing off towards the West with the big hook and ladder fire engine rig. Johnny Gage and Roy deSoto's rescue truck weren't far behind them.
"Oh, I do love going for rides, don't you, Luna dear?" purred Artemis. She was sitting up on the rescue truck's console and watching through the windscreen.
"Yes, it does break up the monotony, Artemis love. Wake me when we find those two idiots, please." yawned Luna, snuggling up into a ball on Johnny's lap. Since Henry was the fire dog, Luna and Artemis had decided to become the 'rescue cats'.
"Where d'ya think we are, guys?" asked the short cute brunette in the flowered kimono. A tiny flying squirrel, her pet, popped its head up out of her cleavage which one of her duet of male traveling companions had not taken his eyes from for the last ten minutes of their journey!
"I dunno. You're the dumbass that wanted to take this road ya know? I'm starvin', man!" said the tall 'ronin' fighter wearing biker shorts and a red shirt under his dirty patched dark blue kimono. Across his back was a huge 'katana' blade while a shorter 'Kadaschi' blade was strapped to his right hip.
"From the two suns' declination, I would estimate that we are proceeding in a Southeasterly direction. As they seem to be setting in the North behind us-" observed the very tall and skinny brainiac know-it-all 'ronin' Samurai wearing a pair of old-fashioned horn-rimmed tortoise shell spectacles. By his left side rested a pair of 'katana' blades. This third companion was a true Samurai, albeit one who had killed his 'sensei' and had been ostracized from his 'dojo' or training hall school.
"Wait a minute, Jin. I don't know very damned much about star gazin' and stuff, but I do know that there ain't but one sun up there, not two!" yelled Mugen, the 'ronin' wandering self-taught 'Samurai' fighter, ticking off his objections on his fingers.
"And I know that the sun rises in the East and sets in the West, Jin. What is it, Momo? Oh, it's just a flying machine of some kind. Nothing to worr- Holy shit and shinola cookies! Look up there, guys! Jin's right! There are two suns and they are both sinking into the Northern horizon!" screeched Fuu. She and her pet, Momo, were the only females in the small group of travelers.
Mugen had already yanked out his sword while Jin had grasped his own blade, preparatory to drawing it forth while Fuu had picked up a handful of small rocks for her slinging weapon. She loaded up with the first pebble and whirled it around and around and let it fly- right into Mugen's jaw!
"OW! For Kami's sake, Fuu! Aim that thing someplace else, will ya! What d'ya make of that thing up there, Jin?" yelled Mugen, but all that the Samurai could do was shake his head back and forth.
"I have, of course, heard about the aviational strides being made by the Brothers Montgolfier in France and Leonardo DaVinci's 'flying birds' in Florence, but never have I seen or heard of anything quite like that, Mugen." said Jin.
"Guys? Something tells me that we are no longer in Japan. Perhaps we are not even on Earth anymore. Don't worry, Momo. We'll protect you from the bad sky people, won't we, guys?" said Fuu.
"Speak for yerself, kid. What d'ya think, Jin? That thing looks like it's comin' down- and fast!" said Mugen.
"Discretion seems to be the better part of valour in this case, my friends." observed Jin.
"What does that mean, O wise one?" demanded Mugen.
"I think that it means that we should run like Hell, Stupid! Let's go!" screamed Fuu, turning to flee and sliding down the stony mountainous path and landing on her keester!
The huge flying 'thing' slid gently to a stop beside them and the top popped open! A big lanky 20-something guy with broad shoulders hopped out of the contraption followed by a slightly shorter dark-haired guy. They both grabbed one of Fuu's arms and yanked the frightened girl to her feet. She put down her right ankle and shrieked in pain from the twisted ankle caused by her fall. The first guy swept her up into his powerful arms and carried her to the flying vessel and gently laid her across the back seat while the other guy fished out a first aid kit and sprayed her ankle with some smelly stuff while an older heavy-set (OK, fat!) gentleman dressed in white and smoking a fat cigar, began wrapping an Ace bandage around Fuu's ankle.
Momo leaped out of her cleavage and perched herself on Fuu's shoulder. By this time, Jin and Mugen had warily approached the machine and were gingerly feeling it to make certain that it was real and not just an illusion, mirage or an hallucination brought on by the keg of 'sake' liquor that they had polished off last night!
"Ahh say thair, suhs, ma'am! Where are mah manners today? Lemme introduce mahself to ya. Ahh am Jefferson Davis Hogg, suhs, ma'am, but ya kin calls me 'Boss'. These two strappin' youngsters are the Duke boys- the medical fella here is Luke and that big strappin' laddie thair is his younger brother, Bo.
"Luke? Ya better had, um, call up Walker and tell him that we ain't found them 'Dolls' yet and we've been a-goin' South fer two hours. Tell 'im that we are bringin' in three new strangers named- (Jin made the necessary introductions all round.) Jin, Mugen and Fuu- strange names fer three nice young folks if ahh does says so meself- Fuu's got a sprained ankle and she has a lil pet mouse too. You three folks feel up to travelin'?" said the big Terran from ancient Georgia in the Southern US of A.
"Got any food, man? We ain't eaten in a few days, man!" whined Mugen.
"We ate breakfast three hours ago, sir. However, we have been unable to find water. Our throats are a bit parched, Mr Hogg." corrected Jin quietly. Fuu moaned a little and Luke held one of her hands while his brother held the other one.
"Give her some o' that thair 'snake bite remedy', boys. If she kin stomach that Japanesey 'sack-ee' stuff, a hunnert and fifty proof 'moonshine' ain't a-gonna hurts her none. You boys be a-kereful o' them thair 'pig stickers', won't ya? I don't fancy bein' sheesh-ka-bobbled, suhs! Close down the top, Bo. Luke, 'rep' 'em up some burgers and stuff and give 'em somethin' to drink too. Everyone set? Then away we go!" chortled 'Boss' Hogg, formerly of Hazzard County, Georgia.
They arrived back at the 'staging area' to the good news that Jimmy Trivette and CD Parker had found the 'DK Dolls' safe and sound along with the 'borrowed' space rig. However, as the twin suns were setting in the North already, they had decided to spend the night in Ahura's cavern.
"Young lady, you are very lucky that someone had the good sense to wrap that ankle right away. Otherwise, gangrene could have set in from that matchstick fracture that you sustained when you fell. Dix? Get a soft cast on her ankle and you'd better find her and her friends some clothes. What's that thing doing in my treatment room, Joe?" said Dr Kelly Brackett, new Chief Surgeon at the makeshift 'Victoria City Clinic'.
"Just Miss Fuu's pet, Kell. Her name's Momo. Isn't she cute?" said Dr Joe Early, petting Momo gently with his index finger. Momo was purring quietly and starting to fall asleep.
"This is no place for white mice, Joe. Get it out of here and I mean right now!" yelled Kelly.
"If she goes, I go, dammit!" screeched Fuu, trying to stand up. Her hospital gown slid to the floor revealing her perky breasts and flat tummy over her 'box'. Dixie hastily tossed a blanket across the naked girl.
"Have a heart, Kell. Momo seems to be a clean little animal. And she's a 'sugar slider' flying squirrel, not a white mouse. Didn't you have a pet when you were a kid?" asked Dixie, petting Momo's head.
"Yeah, an Airedale, not a rat! Oh, alright! You win, Miss Fuu. Momo can stay, but keep her out of mischief. A Helluva way to run a hospital! You and Momo are staying here for now. Bed rest for at least a week and no visitors until tomorrow." grumbled Dr Brackett. Then he too patted little Momo's head. Dixie tenderly tucked the small pet under Fuu's blanket. She administered an 'autohypo' of 'Axileine 15'- a sedative- to the girl and switched off the illuminators when Fuu's eyes closed and the young girl drifted off to sleep.
"A good thing that Luke had the good sense to immobilize that leg, Joe. All of that bumping around in Boss's 'air car' could have caused a real fracture or worse. Where are the other two?" asked Kelly.
"Mugen's having dinner and Jin's with Allie in her office. Kell? How did they get here? Garner confirmed that there are no rifts in the Continuum and they sure as Hell didn't hitch a TARDIS ride. They seem to hail from 17th Century Japan on Earth. According to Jin, they never even noticed the transition until they noticed the twin suns above them and saw the 'air car' flying overhead. So how'd they get here I wonder?" asked the blonde head nurse, lighting a cigarette for herself and Kelly.
"That's what I'd like to know, Dix. Maybe one of our time jockeys will know. Who's on duty tonight?" replied the doctor.
"Sookie Northman and Flossie." answered Dixie McCall.
"Have 'em check on Miss Fuu every hour. I don't want her getting out of bed. Better tell Mike (Dr Morton) too." said Kelly.
"It seems, Mr Jin, that you and Fuu and Mugen passed through a 'temporal vortex' which was why you never noticed the transition. These vortexes open every so often in the time barrier wall, but, unlike a true rift or hole, they close up again almost immediately so there is no danger of upsetting the Universes' status quo. I must say that grey pinstripe suit really makes you look quite handsome, sir." said Allison Poe to her guest. She poured out more tea for them and Jin smiled at the 'young' time lady.
"May I ask you a question, Madam President?" asked Jin and she nodded.
"Where exactly are we and what is the year?" he asked, sipping his tea.
"This is the newly terraformed planet that we call 'Victorine'. We have only just begun colonizing it. The year is AD 2260 in the 23rd Century and, if I may anticipate your next question, sir- this will be your new home from now on. To quote Thomas Wolfe- 'You cannot go home again'. Now, as to what we will do with you? Temporarily, I have assigned you rooms in this building. Each room is equipped with a 'replicator'. Pretty simple to operate. Simply tell it what you want and it will be made for you. Your friend, Mr Mugen, has already availed himself of his 'repper' and he is- I believe the Terran term is 'pigging out'- in his rooms. You have a suite of rooms next door to his and I have assigned the suite on the other side of yours to Miss Fuu. Here are your vidkeys and vidcodes. Someone will teach you how to use them. Now, I'd better have you taken to your rooms. I have such a mass of vidpapes to go through before tomorrow and my yeoperson is indisposed. (Too much celebrating at her birthday party last night!) Please send Lancer Williamson to my office. Thank you. Any other questions, Mr Jin?" explained Allison and he shook his head.
"Lancer Williamson reporting as ordered, mum." announced Thelma Ariel Williamson, snapping to attention and giving her superior the 'Galactic Salute', right fist striking left breast.
"At ease, Thelma. This is Mr Jin. Please escort him to Suite 107 and demonstrate how his vidkeys and vidcodes operate. You might coach him in the usage of his 'repper' as well. Thank you. Have a pleasant stay, Mr Jin. Thelma will come at 1700 hours- 5 PM- to escort you to dinner. Attire is casual and you will find ample wardobes in your rooms, sir. Good day." said the always efficient time lady.
"Very good, mum! Please come with me, sir." she replied, clicking her bootheels together, snapping to attention and saluting her superior. Then she took Jin's arm and led him down the long hallway to a portal marked '107' where she carefully explained to him the workings of the portal release systems until she was certain sure that he understood it.
"One more thing, sir. Your 'comm badge', 'wristchromo' and 'Mark XIII' ion cannon weapon, sir. Speak into the aether and your badge will comm relay your voice to whomsoever you are thinking about. The 'wristchromo' operates the same as a Terran wristwatch, but it also contains a computer, calculator, alarm, calendar and it is luminous as well. This is a hand held 'Mark XIII' ion cannon. Loads thusly with a 'power pack' cartridge and is capable of firing an ionic blast that can incapacitate, paralyze or kill your opponent. I will demonstrate." said the efficient NCO girl, aiming the 'gun' at the ceiling which was also the quonset hut's roof.
ZAPP! A small hole the size of a dinner plate was burned through Jin's ceiling and dark starlight streamed through it. The scorched smell permeated the room until Thelma activated the 'aether cleansers'. A 'repairs 'droid' popped out and speedily patched the hole in the ceiling and roof. To say that Jin was impressed would have been an understatement! He was scared out of his wits!
"That was its lowest setting, sir. I advise you to keep it set on either 'low' or 'stun', sir. No questions, sir? Then I will return at 1645 hours to escort you to dinner unless you wish to 'rep up' your own? (Jin shook his head.) Until then, sir." said Thelma, saluting him. He waved back and she was gone.
Jin tapped on the communicating bulkhead wall and there was no answering knock. "That must be Fuu's side." he mused and crossed the room to tap on the other wall.
"Yeah? Who's there and what d'ya want, man?" called Mugen's voice.
"It's me. Jin. Fuu's still in hospital. Doctor's holding her a week for observation. Dinner's at 5. Going?" replied Jin.
"Hell yeah, I'm goin', pal. A cute green-haired babe's comin' fer me at a quarter to 5. You goin'?" asked Mugen.
"Of course. This surely seems to be a much better place than the Japan we came from, doesn't it?" said Jin softly. "Did they tell you that this is 'home' from now on?" he added.
"Who cares? Waited on hand and foot. Good lookin' chicks at my beck and call. What ain't ta like, man? Coolest duds, too. See ya at din din." said Mugen.
"Hmmn. Thelma said that most everyone wears these 'flight suit' things so- when in Rome eh." mused Jin, removing his pinstriped finery and donning a black and silver flight suit and soft doeskin boots. He had showered as soon as his escort had left him alone. Mugen had hunted in vain for a bath tub and had finally asked the machine thing for one and it had appeared in the bath room, filled with soapy sweet scented flowers. He had luxuriated in the warm water for a whole half hour before he too had stood in the 'drying alcove' and then dressed himself in a flight suit identical to Jin's. However, boots were not for him. Instead, he had 'repped up' a new pair of wooden sandals.
While he awaited his dinner escort, Mugen amused himself with his new 'toy' by shooting holes in the walls and watching the 'repairs 'droid' fix them. Jin had discovered a 'vidtextbook' entitled 'History of Shimougou' and was reading it carefully. Madam Poe had told him that most of the 'colonists' had originated on this faroff world in a place called 'Elenore City' and he was curious to see how these folks differed from those of his own world of Earth which they called Terra.
Sharp at a quarter to 5, Thelma pulled both guys' klaxons and escorted them to dinner. No longer in uniform, the pert blonde was wearing a dark green pantsuit over a pale green turtleneck. She wore green/white sneakers on her feet. She stared at Mugen and Jin and then shrugged her shoulders.
"Nobody told ya that ya can wear whatever ya wanna, huh guys? I thought for sure that I had told ya that, man. Oh well, heres our dining hall. She threw open the double portals as she spoke and Jin and Mugen stared in shock and amazement. The 'hall' was bigger than the dining room at 'Edo Castle'! They found seats at a table with the Clampetts and the Dukes and Boss Hogg.
"Better than the 'pigs' table', I suppose." sighed their blonde escort. Jin and Mugen forebore asking her to elabourate. Mugen looked around and smelled the delicious odours in the room's aether. Jin politely asked Thelma where the menu was. A cute kid wearing a waitress's outfit complete with a lacey white cap atop her blonde curls jetted over to their table and braked her 'jet boots' to a screeching halt between Mugen and Jin.
"What can I get for you guys?" asked Mira, the 'coil collector' robot girl.
"Just bring us a menu, please. Thank you, miss." said Jin. Thelma used her napkin to hide her giggling while Mugen began pulling on Mira's electrical cord tail until she whirled around and smacked his face.
"And don't try yankin' my skirt off either, mister! Sheesh! I get all the freaks, man! No menu, sir. Just order it and we'll make it for ya. Hurry up. We're short-handed today so please give me your orders. I'm comin'! Hold yer horseys, man! The usual, Thelma? You'll have the same, sirs? Great. Be right back and, sir, you can either move that hand or lose it, pal!" yipped Mira.
Dinner was much more than they had ever expected it to be and after dinner, Thelma suggested a stroll by the new lake. Jin was willing, but Mugen's eyes were on the big red-headed Colonel Revy Roberts. The stroll was very pleasant and Jin kissed Thelma in the light of several moons before they adjourned to an empty hut and, well- you know, right?
"What happened to you, Mugen? Get drunk as a skunk and walk into another door?" chuckled a grinning Jin. Jin never grinned- as a rule! Mugen was sporting a real 'shiner'- a black eye! Jin 'repped up' a piece of raw steak and taped it to Mugen's injured optic while Mugen explained that 'that big damned redhead hits like a trooper!' Jin looked at him and grinned.
"OK! I followed the lady into her hut. She'd been winkin' at me and I thought it was the 'come hither' look. It wasn't! When I grabbed her and kissed her, she belted me one! Then she told me that she had something in her eye. When I tried to help her to remove it, my hand accidentally slipped down to her belt buckle and- POW! That was when she gave me this 'shiner'!" whimpered the poor 'ronin' fighter who was still in pain.
"You mean that you went after Colonel Roberts? After what Dynamo told us about the lady? You got a death wish or something, Mugen?" laughed Jin. Then he told him all about his evening with his voluptuous blonde bombshell. They finished off the night by splitting a magnum of champagne.
"Hey! What's that stickin' outta yer pocket, man? That pink thing I mean." asked Mugen and Jin pulled out a pair of ladies' pink thong panties!
"Cool! You got a trophy, Jin! Let's show the guys!" yelled Mugen, making a grab for the pink silken underdrawers. Jin was quicker and snatched them back.
"I will return them to Thelma in the morning. Can't think how they got there. Oh- yes, I do. She didn't want to get them all dusty so she stuck them in my flight suit's pocket. I hope that she doesn't catch a chill tonight. Well? Why shouldn't I have a little fun as well as you, lecherous one? No harm done, is there?" said Jin, pocketing his lady's favour and tossing the empty champagne bottle down the recycling chute before he went back to his own rooms.
In the morning, both Mugen and Jin were rousted out of their bunks at 0600 hours- 6 AM. Jin and his friend opened their portals to find, not Thelma Williamson, but a tall statuesque brunette standing there.
"Gentlemen? Name's Kresh, Lt Anastasia Kresh. I'm OD- officer of the day. Would you guys please dress and accompany me to the Commander-In-Chief's office? She wants to speak with the both of ya. I'll wait in the hall for you." said the vivacious 'Agrarian' female wearing full battle dress. A brace of wicked looking ion cannons were strapped to her hips. The guys dressed hurriedly and followed Ana Kresh to the big office at the end of the long hallway.
"OK. I can take a joke as well as the next girl, gentlemen. However, you have gone too far, sirs. I did not invite you to sit, Mr Mugen. Now- which one of you had the date with Lancer Williamson? You remember her, do you not? Thelma Ariel Williamson?" demanded a furious Allison Poe, who had not yet changed out of her pajamas and dressing gown. Jin raised his hand and cleared his throat.
"I did, madam. Surely Miss Williamson is past the age of consent? However, if your customs are not the same as ours, I humbly apologize. I left her late last evening at the, um, hut that was our trysting place last night. In fact, I was on my way over to see her this morning before breakfast, madam." explained Jin.
"Wait a moment. What is that in your pocket, sir? I say! These are certainly not yours nor are they Mr Mugen's, sir! Look, Alley Cat! These are Thelma's! See? Her name is stitched inside the waistband, mum! OK! (She drew one of her cannons and rammed it into Jin's back!) Where is she? I am not kiddin', fella! Where's Thelma?" snarled Lt Kresh angrily. Suddenly, both of Allison's fists crashed down on her desktop.
"That will be quite enough of that, lieutenant! We are civilized here even if this planet has yet to be fully colonized. Am I to understand, Mr Jin, that you did not know that Thelma Williamson has dsappeared? That she failed to report in to Lt Kresh, the 'officer of the day'? Then I take it that you have no idea where she might be, sir?" demanded the new President of Victorine.
"As the good Kami is my witness, Madam Poe, I know nothing of her disappearance nor have I the slightest idea where she might be, madam. I left her at our trysting hut and I went back to my rooms. Mugen can confirm the truth and veracity of my statements. I wanted to see her back to her own hut, but she told me that she might get into trouble for staying out past curfew so I left first. I swear that I thought that she'd be right behind me, madam." said Jin earnestly.
"If ya mean, was Jin and me together last night after midnight, the answer is yeah. We was together until almost three. We done now? I'm hungry." fumed Mugen.
"Has the hut been searched yet, Kresh?" asked her superior.
"It's the empty one behind the big warehouse by the motor carriages, madam." supplied Jin.
"I searched that one myself, madam." admitted Kresh.
"And-" prompted Mugen impatiently.
"All that I found in there were the rest of her clothes. Pantsuit, turtleneck, sneakers, socks and brasierre. You recognize this clothing, Mr Jin?" asked the lieutenant and Jin nodded.
"Yes, miss. That's what she was wearing at dinner last night. She was still in the bunk when I left the hut though. Apparently, something must have happened to her after I left her, Madam President." replied Jin. He and Mugen began worrying. They well knew what could happen to a girl late at night back in Japan. Was this place any different?
"No! That's not the right girl, you blithering idiots!" screeched Zorin Oakenshield when his minions dragged in a tearful naked Thelma Williamson and tossed the manacled and force-beam cuffed girl roughly at his feet.
"She's a blonde, ain't she Oakie?" asked DeJoliet, Zorin's number one officer. "Where did you find her, Peterson?" he added.
"In the hut beside the motor pool, sir. Right where you told us that Air Marshall Angel would be staying, sir. We waited for her boyfriend to finish their bit o' nooky first and then we grabbed her. Now ya say that she ain't the right one, man?" replied John Peterson who had been sent to kidnap the svelte blonde Commander of the 'Lovely Angel 5' starship. This was the female 3WA Commander who had nabbed Zorin back in '57 and Zorin had sworn vengeance on her.
"Oh for the love of kitty cats, you can see that this squalling brat cannot possibly be a starship commander! I doubt if she is even intelligent enough to be an officer! Are you, my precious child?" purred 'Catwoman', who was sharpening her claws on a piece of sandpaper. "By the way, Oakbrain- if you're going to keep her here,you might as well give her something to wear. The pretty kitten will catch cold." she added.
"Williamson, Thelma Ariel. Lancer Third Class, 3WA. VidID number XX3778042378821. DOB 14 JunJul AD 2242. That is my name, ranking, service number and date of birth, sirs. That is all that I am required to reveal to you under Section 6, Subsector XX-7, Paragraph 168 of the 'Galactic Law Codes'. Do what you will with me, sirs. I will not tell you anything!" sobbed Thelma.
"Like the pretty kitten knows anything useful, Oakbrain. Oh, let me cover her indecency at least." hissed 'Catwoman'.
"Oh, alright. Get her into some of your clothes, Cat. (Zorin turned to Peterson again.) Tell me that you at least saw Marlene Angel's 'LA5' docked somewhere." snapped their leader angrily.
"Yeah, we seen it, boss. It was under triple guard, man. I felt that was a lil bit ridiculous given that this is a new planet." drawled Tom Jorgenson. This old trooper had served with the infamous Khan aboard the 'Botany Bay' and had been part of Khan's ill-fated first crew when they were picked up by the 'USS Enterprise'.
"Then Angel could very well still be aboard the 'LA5'? Isn't that so, Tom?" asked an excited Zorin Oakenshield.
"Seems that way, boss. Can't be sure though. Want that we should try again?" asked Tom, but ZO was poring over a hastily scrawled map of the other side of Mt Peabody.
"Isn't she just purr-fect now that she is dressed like the cat's pajamas?" hissed 'Catwoman', ushering Thelma Williamson back onto the bridge. The embarrassed blonde was wearing a black latex 'catsuit' complete with ears, whiskers and fluffy tail! You could tell that the poor girl was not happy in her new finery at all!
"You'd best send her back, boss, before they send out a search party to find her." suggested DeJoliet quietly. Without looking up from his vidcharts, Zorin signed for him to carry on. "Peterson, Jorgenson. Take Miss Williamson back to the encampment where you found her. Wait! Blindfold her first. We don't need the 3WA blundering into our little hideout here, do we? My apologies, my dear girl, but it is necessary." apologized deJoliet.
"You may keep the 'kitty jumpsuit', my sweet little tabby. It looks absolutely purrr-fect on you. I wonder if I have one to fit Miss Angel? Oh, Peterson? Try not to muck it up this time. Zorry wants Air Marshall Marlene Angel. Bring the cat back this time, not the kit!" hissed 'Catwoman' angrily.
Tom Jorgenson blindfolded the terrified girl while John Peterson placed forced-beam cuffs around her trembling wrists. Then deJoliet carefully guided Thelma onto the small skysled and snapped the top down tightly. Tom fired up the engines, hit 'silent mode' and quietly lifted off with nary a whisper to betray their presence. The trip back to the 'staging area' took less than ten minutes.
Suddenly, Thelma felt herself gently lifted and carried. She heard the shoosh sound of a portal sliding open and then she was set down gently on a bunk. While Tom removed her blindfold, John unlatched her cuffs. She tried to scowl at them, but all that she could manage was a wan smile. After all, they had treated her well and it was that 'Zorro' guy that had ordered her snatching, not John or Tom or even Mr deJoliet.
"Again, allow me to offer my apologies for your rough treatment, miss." said Tom.
"And I would not advise your friends to come looking for the 'Starmauler' either. I-" said John.
"Peterson! Why don't ya just tell her the rest o' our plans while you're at it, blabbermouth?" scolded Jorgenson.
"Sorry. I didn't think, Tom." replied a chastised Peterson.
"However, John is right, young lady. Don't try to find our camp if you know what's good for ya. Been a pleasure making your acquaintance, my child." said Tom. Then they both kissed her forehead, locked the portal behind them and left her alone in the hut where she and Jin had 'trysted' last night.
Now that her terrible ordeal was over, Thelma did what any other frightened girl would have done. First, she banged on the portal which remained sealed. Then she threw herself down on the bunk and wailed and sobbed like a baby! An hour later, she remembered that she still had her comlink earrings. Of course, her wristchromo, 'morphing' bracelet, crucifix necklace (Thelma was one of the few Catholics on 'Victorine') and comm badge had been taken from her as soon as she'd been taken before that horrid Zorro Oak-something guy!
"Uh, can anyone hear me, man? This is Lancer Williamson. I'm in a quonset hut and I'm locked in. Can anyone hear me? Over." she said into the aether.
"Yeah. I can hear ya, Thel. It's me. Andy? Andy Carter? From 'Stalag 13'? Remember? We met at the debriefing session last week. Are ya in the hut that you and Jin used last night, Honey? Over." trilled the former USAAC sergeant.
"Affirmative, Andy. It looks like the portal's latches have been fused. I can't get out. Andy? Hullo? Hullo? Dammit! I knew that I should've replaced that mini-power pack last week! If you can hear me, Andy, send help! Over." yelled Thelma. Dead aether was her answer.
"Damn and blast! Power's gone! Great! Nothing in here to use for a tool and no weapons either! Take that, door! Ouch!" screeched Thelma when she launched a kick at the Kelvinite portal which hurt like Hell!
"OW! Darned old 'Catwoman'! At least, she could have given me some boots or shoes instead of these slippers! Help!" screamed the girl, beating on the portal with gloved fists.
"Simmer down in there, Thelma! We'll have ya outta there in a few more minutes." said Ranger Walker.
"Make sure you're decent, Honey." chuckled Ranger Jimmy Trivette.
"Just about there, Rangers. Just a few more crossover wires to go." said Rock Obajime, Revy Roberts's 'Black Lagoon' partner from ancient Terra's Roanispur.
Suddenly, the portal shooshed aside and Thelma rushed out and right into Cordell's arms.
"Easy there, kiddo! I'm a married man, ya know?" laughed the bearded Ranger. "Where on Earth did ya get that get-up, Honey?" added Walker.
"Yeah, ya look just like-" began Jimmy.
"Please don't say it, Mr T. The 'Catwoman', right? Guess who's here with Mr Oak Tree and his pals?" said Thelma. "I was aboard the 'Starmauler' and-" she added.
"Did you say the 'Starmauler'? Garner comm relayed us that somebody swiped that ship from our base on 'Minerva'! Oak Tree? Kee-Rist! You couldn't mean Oakenshield? 'Zorin Oakenshield'? And 'Catwoman's with him too?" rumbled Dynamo.
"Yeah, I think Tom said his name was 'Zorro' or something, man. Why?" asked the puzzled Lancer girl.
"Because he must be here to rendezvous with Lord Vicious, that's why, my child." explained Allison, wrapping the shivering girl in a fur cloak and leading her towards the big hut where a belated dinner awaited her.
An hour later and back in uniform, Lancer Williamson was being debriefed by Commander-in-Chief Poe about her harrowing ordeal. According to her story, after Jin had left her alone in the hut (To preserve her dignity. Ladies did not sleep with gentlemen they had only just met! At least, that was how Jin explained it!), she had just started to dress when a rag was pressed across her mouth and nose and as the sickly sweet smell permeated her sinuses, she felt herself being gently carried while some kind of blindfold was tied across her eyes.
When she awakened (No idea when but it had to have been at least an hour later because the twin suns had both set and there were stars above her.), she seemed to be aboard some kind of vessel and poor Thelma was shackled and force-beam cuffed! She was also still completely naked. A bright-eyed teenaged girl a little younger than Thelma and dressed in a black uniform brought her supper in on a tray and then vanished without a word.
"I remembered my training and I didn't eat or drink anything, mum. I was thirsty and there was a small basin with taps. I drank some water and then I began to try and escape. The room was barren of anything save a mattress, a chair and a toilet. The silverware was made of soft plastic as were the plate and cup. I could find nothing metallic at all so shorting out the door's circuits was impossible. I was just about to start on the low ceiling fixture which I could just reach by standing on the chair on tiptoes when an older woman arrived wearing a nurse's scrubs.
"This lady told me that her name was 'Grendel' and that she was a nurse. She injected me with an autohypo and left. It must have been a sedative of some sort because when I came to, I was lying on the floor, still the same way I was when the stork brought me home. The mattress was still there, but the chair was gone and so was the light fixture in the ceiling. A soft glow emanated from the walls so I wasn't in the dark. My food tray had been removed as well.
"I dunno when it was that two big guys came in and told me to get up. My ankles must have been asleep because it was like trying to stand on pins and needles! The one guy told the other one to be careful with me and then they half carried/half dragged me out of the room and down several corridors and stairs. Finally, we rode a lift car up a few floors and I was brought before their leader.
"He was a short dumpy man and he had a cute mustache- guess that's why I got Zorin confused with Zorro. Remembering what I'd been taught, mum, I gave my name, rank, vid ID number and my date of birth- and nothing else. That was when I found out that they hadn't been after me at all, mum! Mr Oak whatever was really after an Air Marshall, someone named Angel! Then there was quite a bit of discussion about what was to be done with me.
"This 'Catwoman' lady insisted on my being properly clothed first and she stuck me into one of her 'kitty cat' outfits. Then I was again bound, gagged and blindfolded. I was again carried somewhere and we lifted off- I heard the whine of engines. They brought me back here and untied me, took off my gag and blindfold and left me in that hut. As an extra precaution, they fused the latches after they had sealed me in. Then Mr Walker came and- you know the rest, mum.
"Oh and one of 'em let it slip that I'd been aboard the 'Starmauler'. There were a lot of rocks we flew over because Tom kept cautioning John not to crash into the mountains during the trip back here. They seemed to be waiting for somebody coming with a 'night hawk' which made no sense at all, mum. Goodness! It's almost 1800 hours (6 PM), mum! I'm due on duty at six!" said Thelma. She made to get up, but Dynamo's strong arms held her in her chair.
"Take the rest of the night off, child and all day tomorrow as well. And make sure that these are on your shoulderboards when you report to your OD Friday at 0700. You are dismissed, Warrant Three Williamson. Get some sleep, girl." cooed Allison Poe. Thelma's eyes were as big as saucers when she looked at the blue warrant officer- third class 'stripes' in her hand.
"Yes, mum. Thank you very much, mum. Oh and whom will be Friday's OD (Officer of the Day), mum?" she asked.
"That'll be you, dear girl. So- report to my office Friday morning at seven- in proper uniform, Miss Williamson." said the small white doggie who was the base's logistics and strategies officer- Colonel Peabody! Thelma saluted and left. As soon as she was out of sight of the command centre hut, she whooped for joy and ran all the way back to her quarters to show the other ratings her new 'stripes' and tease them- just a little!
"My lord! She is here! The spitfire Amazon! I was gathering firewood on the other side of the mountain and I saw her flagship! Just for an instant and then she 'cloaked'! It won't be possible for us to remain here for a week! We-" shouted Voldevort excitedly when he had rushed back into the campsite beside the 'Nighthawk'.
"Damnation! Fire and brimstone! Raven's on 'Minerva'! So that's out too, Lord Vicious!" growled O'Malley angrily.
"Widow! Any word from Zorin yet?" called Vicious over his shoulder to 'Black Widow' who was operating an extension comm relay set which was tied into the ship's main comm systems.
"The fool's on 'Victorine', Vicious. He's after that blonde bimbo, Angel. She's an Air Marshall now, don't ya know." replied the Widow.
"Catwoman's with him too. Jordan just trilled me. They kidnapped the wrong bimbo! Know what he did then, man? He sent Tommy and John Peterson to take her back where they found her- in the 3WA's 'staging area'! That means that we can't rendezvous with Oakbrain on 'Vic'." grumbled Lady Ranee.
"Kagura is too bloody close to Shimougou and Mars. Unless we wanna tangle with the ISSP and the 3WA not to mention KASP and the IGSC! A pretty pickle we are in, my lord!" whined Ming the Merciless, who was a bigger crybaby than Prince John!
"Dammit all! This bloody planet was perfect! Why the Hell'd Reds have to show up here- of all places? Did anyone see you, Vol?" snapped Vicious, causing his pilot to jump up nervously.
"No. At least, I didn't see anyone, sire. However-" stalled the former headmaster of Hogwarts Academy.
"Out with it, man!" ordered the Ranee.
"Across the river there is an encampment of- of- what looked like 'Cybremen'! There isn't any gold on 'Workoh', is there?" stammered Voldevort shakily. Gold was the only thing that could destroy 'Cybremen'. Sorta like Superman and Kryptonite.
"Wunnerful! Got any more good news, Volly?" demanded Alicia Adams aka 'Panther Girl' who was fingering her daggers.
"I did notice that the 'Lovely Angel 2' had just launched something and it was heading this way." admitted Voldevort.
"A probe!? That tears it, man! Me and my TARDIS are outta here, V! We ain't got anywhere near the firepower to take on that flagship and the Cybre creeps! Anyone wanna come along?" seethed Lady Ranee who was sitting beside her 'Poseidon statue' Type 40 traveling machine.
"Cool it! And that's an order! We're 'cloaked' so let's just get all o' this junk packed up and get everyone back aboard! As far as leaving this planet goes, we haven't got a prayer, baby! The 'Cybremen' and Her Nibs would spot our vapour trail in an instant. Let's just see why 'She' is here, shall we? It doesn't appear that 'She' knows about us. 'She' may know about the metal freaks, but not us. A probe launch means that 'She's looking for something else and it ain't us. If we have to, we'll submerge in the lake and just wait her out- and those metallic meatheads too. OK! Strike camp! Everyone pitch in and help. That means you as well, Ming. I wish that Khan was with us." snarled Vicious, dumping his java on the fire.
"Where is he anyway, my lord?" asked O'Malley, carrying five tents at once back aboard the ship.
"He's at Kurestan by now. Oakbrain sent him after something that the Senate is guarding. You know as much as I do now, my friend. Careful, Orgok! That comm relay equipment is delicate. Hurry up, gang! The suns are setting and it'll soon be dark. But that probe doesn't need light to find us. Let's move it!" growled their leader and in a twinkling, everything had been stowed aboard and the 'hot stones' tossed in the lake along with the remains of their fire. 'Panther Girl' and the Ranee scattered brush and leaves to conceal any traces that they might have left behind them.
"I sure as Hell hope that 'She' doesn't have that half Indian Ranger with her. Walker could track us all the way to Gybipp!" said the Ranee, manipulating her TARDIS 'statue' back aboard the 'Nighthawk'.
"Ranger guy with the beard ya mean? He's not there, milady. Tom, there's no way that Miss Williamson can find her way back here, is there?" asked Voldevort anxiously.
"Nah. We had her blindfolded and the sled was sound-proof. She did see our campsite for a few seconds though and the mountains behind us, but only for a few seconds before we blindfolded her." replied John Peterson, hoisting a box of kitchen utensils onto his shoulder and striding towards the 'Nighthawk'.
"I defy even Ranger Walker to find us here, milord." chuckled Tom Jordan.
"Especially since we are not going to be staying here much longer. Are we, pet?" purred 'Catwoman' sweetly and stroking Lord Vicious's arm with her claws before he yanked his arm away from her.
"I told you not to call me that anymore, Cat! Our relationship is all business now and nothing else! Got that?" snarled the tall dark-haired gang leader angrily. "It's high time for us to head for 'Minerva' anyway. Saddle up, everyone! We are leaving this world in ten minutes. Be aboard by then or I'll leave yer arses behind! Now, get a move on yer bums!" ordered the impatient Vicious.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the huge mountain, Kei and her away team had returned from their exploration of the ancient underground Dalek city and they had found nothing new there.
"Damnation! That was a bloody waste o' time, Saavy! Not even booby-trapped and with good reason! Nothing left in the damned city! Sure looks like one o' 'Workoh's moons may have been the Daleks' original home world. OK- so we tried. Now, we'd best head for 'Vic' to help the new colonists. What's wrong with you, 'Kadara'?" growled the Boss when the 'young' time lady came racing over to her with a vidsignal clutched in her fist.
"Bad news, man! One o' our lancer girls has been kidnapped from 'Victorine', mum! And she was taken away 'sans clothing', my dear child!" shouted 'Kadara' whose actual age was closer to a millennium. She was a Gallifreyan after all!
"I am NOT 'your dear child', Sub-Lieutenant Greystokes! I don't insist on military courtesy, but I am a grown woman same as you, 'Kaddy'! Good grief! Now what? Here comes 'LeAnna' and she's got a vidsignal too. Over here, Lee!" grumbled Kei.
"Your pardon, mum! This just came over the aether wires! It seemed to be important so I took the liberty of decoding it for ya." said the short plump blonde 'Beta Zoid' whose native world was 'Bjorn'. No need to ask how she just 'happened' to know a top secret code either. Kei's memory was phenomenal and she never wrote anything down on paper, parchment or even on her PDO! All of it went into her fantastic brain!
And 'Beta Zoids' are notorious for reading minds like we might read a newspape or vidnovel!
"Hmmn. Uhn huh. Yeah. OK. That tears it. We are going to 'Victorine' right away. Make the 'LA2' ready to go, Saavy. Lancer Thelma Williamson has just turned up back there where she was snatched from- safe and sound- and- wearin' a 'catsuit'. We all know what that means!" snarled the Boss, grinding both vidsignals beneath her boot heel.
"Unh unh. What?" asked LeAnna innocently.
"Even I know that answer, Lee. It means that the 'Catwoman' has teamed up with Lord Vicious! I wonder where the Dickens he is though?" replied 'Kadara Greystokes'. Kei laughed aloud.
"Vicious? He's camped in a small ravine on the other side of that mountain. He's no more than a few kilometres from here. I too have 'mind send' abilities, 'Kaddy', even though they are not as pronounced as yours. Remember- this world was my home until I was ten!" chortled the redhead.
"Then why ain't we goin' after him, Reds?" demanded Vash the Stampede.
"Because that is not my mission, Doughnut Boy. My mission was to explore that strange subterranean city and report back to 3WA HQ any findings or discoveries that we made. I was also told that if, in my own judgment, 'Workoh' posed no threat to the Federation, to immediately make my way to 'Victorine' to assist the new colonists in any way that I can. Those were Garner's orders and Uncle Chuckie was relaying orders from 'God' himself- Uncle Vito Galadriel! I might disobey Charlie Garner's orders or Andy Gooley's or even Willy Gustav's- I will never ever disobey a 'royal command' from the 'God of the 3WA' and 'United Galactica Federation of Galaxies'! I may be crazy, but stupid I ain't! Savvy, I wanna lift off within the hour. Somehow I suspect that Vicious's destination may be the same as ours. Let's go, ladies and gents! I wanna be well clear o' the 'Omega Quad' by suppertime! Make it so!" commanded the tall redheaded Amazon firebrand Hellcat whose very name invoked fear in grown persons throughout a dozen galaxies!
"Vicious! This is Oakenshield! I too am on 'Workoh'. I will follow you to 'Victorine'. Understood?" trilled Zorin Oakenshield across the squawkboxes aboard the 'Nighthawk' which confused the Hell outta both O'Malley and Vicious who had been sharpening his 'katana' blade.
Several hours ago, the 'Nighthawk' had lifted off from 'Workoh' unseen by the 'LA2'- or so he thought! Nothing escaped 'Old Eagle Eye' though!
"Say again, Oakbrain! We are heading for 'Minerva' to rendezvous with-" trilled back Vicious.
"No! No! NO! Negative! Stay well clear of 'Minerva'! John Raven's there and he's laid a trap for us! I say again! Avoid 'Minerva' at all costs. New destination is 'Victorine' and for Heavens' sakes, stay 'cloaked'! No telling what kinda firepower they have down there, V!
"By the by, what's this I hear about your trying to kidnap Air Marshall Angel and grabbing a mere 'sub-striper' instead? Did she get back to 'Vic' safely? Over." trilled Zorin and Vicious sighed and handed his vidmike to Tom Jordan.
"Sire? Commander Jordan here, milord. Leftenant Peterson and I personally escorted the girl back to where we'd found her on 'Victorine', sire. She was blindfolded both ways and since we left immediately thereafter-" trilled Tom.
"Yes. Yes. Well done, sonny. Oh, by the by, you did know that we were sharing the river back on 'Workoh' with some 'Cybremen', didn't ya? Over." trilled Zorin.
"Of course, Oakbrain! Give us credit for a little common sense, will ya? One o' the Gael's men spotted 'em right off the bat. They seemed to be looking for gold and you already know why, Zo. Over." trilled Vicious.
"Oh and be careful around that big mountain in the Southeast on 'Vic'. There's at least one indigenous creature native to that world- and it's humongous, my friend! See ya on 'Vic'. Oakenshield out." trilled Zorin and his leering face vanished from the vidscreens.
"Vicious out. OK, turn this vessel about and head for 'Victorine' and do not drop our 'cloak'. Better mask our vapour trails and muffle our thrusters and afterburners, boyos. 'Catwoman'! You and the 'Widow' get on the scanners. I wanna know if a space gnat takes a dump within a hundred kilometres of us. Got it?" snarled Vicious.
"Aww, have a heart, V! I just came off 12 hours o' KP duty and afore that, I had a double shift guard mount, man! I'm bushed!" said the 'Black Widow'. Vicious thought for a moment and then pointed to Ming the Merciless who had been misnamed! He was nothing but a crybaby!
"Ming will fill in for you this shift. Get some sleep, 'Widow' and spell Ming at midnight. 'Zandar Zan' will take over from the Cat at midnight. I really don't give a damn who's on those scanners so long as they are manned for the duration of this voyage. Otherwise- heads WILL roll! Kapish? O'Malley! Make sure our weapons are fully loaded. That includes the small arms and our newest toy that we 'borrowed' from Dr Cueball's labs at the 3WA! I'll be in my quarters if ya need me." ordered Vicious and he picked up his Samurai blade and headed for the lift.
Shall we leave both of these vessels bound for 'Victorine' and instead head right straight to their destination and see how the colonists are faring?
"I said that I was feeling OK, sir. And you look like you need some dispatching help too. I used to work as a dispatcher for a space trucking company. Well, it was only a summer job. That was the year before I joined the 3WA, sir. And-" said Thelma and the big Triceratops dinosaur alien 'truck push' grinned at the girl.
"OK! Call off your dogs already, Honey! Light! Over here on the double, laddie." yelled Dynamo and Light Yagami came over to see what his boss needed.
"You bellowed, Mr Dynamo?" asked Light, tipping his cap to Thelma. Then he caught sight of her epaulettes and her new Warrant 'stripes'. He raised his fist for the galactic salute and then dropped his hand to his side again. As a First Lieutenant, he outranked the 'striper' so a salute was not needed. However, Thelma remembered and saluted Light belatedly. He returned the salute and then shook hands with the girl.
"Take Miss Williamson over to the comm hut. Show her the ropes and stuff. She's gonna be our comm relay dispatcher. That'll save your shoe leather, kid. I don't really trust that apple chompin' pal o' yours around those explosives. See ya later, Thelma." growled the big guy and Light beamed a smile to his new replacement.
"Follow me, Thelma. You have any experience with dispatching loads?" asked Light. She grinned back at the 'Death Notebook' 20 year old guy.
"A little. I worked for 'Waldess Industries' a few summers back as a 'truck push'- before I joined the force, sir." replied Thelma.
"OK. That's your vidmike hookup and that's the vidcode chart. You simply assign loads to rigs. Got it? (She nodded) Oh and I'm Light and I'll call you Thelma, OK? I hate military protocol and so does Dynamo. Any questions?" said Light.
"I don't see any destination codes, si- I mean, Light." replied Thelma. "I mean where-" she added confusedly.
"That's because we don't need any destination codes. This is the 'staging area' and everything we send out is going to the same place- the newly erected 'Victoria City' on the other side of 'Mt Peabody'. Just assign loads to rigs. That's it. Simple. Anything else you need, kiddo?" asked Light.
"Well, I could do with some lunch and a jug o' java. If it's not too much trouble?" asked the girl.
"Just use the 'repper' on that table behind ya, Thelma. You do know how they work, right?" replied Light.
"Oh. Sure, I do. I didn't see it there, Light. Thanks. Don't worry. I'll be OK now. Oh, could you please tell the Prez where I am, Light? I am supposed to be 'OD' tonight at suns' set and-" stammered the worried girl. Light smiled.
"No problemo, milady. I will personally inform Miss Poe that you're working with us. You'll be too tired to be 'OD' tonight though. I'll have her replace you with another officer. No, you won't get into any trouble, kid. Don't look so shocked, my dear. Ya hang around 'mind senders' enough, it's sure to rub off on ya. I seem to be able to read some minds every now and then, especially those of the younger crowd. OK! I heard ya, 'Ryuuk'! More apples comin' up! Oh and if you see a big tall dude that looks like seven kilometres of torn up aetherways, that'll be 'Ryuuk'. He's harmless, but he's been hangin' around the Ninja and Demons so he may be a little flippant towards ya." laughed Light. She looked a question at him.
"He's a 'shinigami', a 'death god', but he's under orders not to kill anyone without permission. He may come in here for apples. He's addicted to them. Like I am to smokes and booze. Just 'rep up' a bushel or two for him and he'll be as happy as a clam. I gotta go and you have work to do! Comin', Boss!" yelled the Earther guy.
"Let's see now. Hmmn. 4,000 'Nitroglycine' blocks for someone named 'Ahura'? Oh yeah, that big 'Djinn' guy giant. Guess I'll assign 'em to Number 6 rig. Mr 'Bear' the 'ice roader' and John Kinchloe, the former 'Stalag 13' POW. Yes, they are both responsible enough to haul boom booms without blowing themselves up. (She picked up her vidmike and keyed it) Attention in the huts! Will Mr 'Bear' and Mr Kinchloe please report to the 'dispatch hut' as soon as possible. Please bring your vid ID cards and rig vidpapers with you. This is the new dispatcher, Warrant Officer Third Class Thelma Williamson. That is all. Out."
When she had finished speaking, she hung up the vidmike again and began to fill out the necessary vidpapers and vidforms for the shipment destined for the giant 'Djinn'. 'Ahura is foreman on the ground clearing project for the new courthouse on Mason Square, Thelma. We trust him implicitly. Sorry! I forgot how unnerving it can be to hear someone's voice inside of your own skull, my child. Not to worry. Light told me that you are their new dispatcher so I have made Colonel Peabody 'OD' for this evening. Until further notice, you will be our rig dispatcher. However, I want you to get at least six hours of sleep between your shifts. I'll have someone take over for you at two tomorrow morning, my dear. Have fun. Allie Poe out.'
"Man! Is that ever weird! Wonder how come I can't 'mind send' or read minds or nothing? Oh well, mine is not to reason why. Mine is but to do or die. Now, where did I put my PDO unit?" mused the new Warrant Three, repping up a big lunch and a big jug o' java.
"Staff Sgt John Kinchloe reporting as ordered, ma'am." said the big tall former POW NCO of 'Stalag 13', snapping to attention and saluting Thelma. Thelma placed her right fist across her left breast- the galactic salute.
"Bear reportin' as ordered, ma'am." said 'Bear' the ice roader without saluting her.
"At ease, gentlemen. Your vidpapers and vidID's, please." replied Thelma, holding out a gloved hand for the requested vid-docs.
"Here's mine, Honey." said 'Bear', doffing his cap.
"And mine, ma'am." chuckled John.
"What's the joke, Sarge?" she asked.
"Oh, nothin', ma'am. Just that I was reminded o' the dozens o' times that a German soldier asked for my papers back at the stalag. O' course, they were usually forged by Alvin (Newkirk) or Andy (Carter). They were never questioned though." replied the big dark sergeant.
"These are genuine though, I take it, Mr Kinchloe? Mr 'Bear'?" she asked dryly and they both assured her that they were.
"Very good. Here are your orders. Four thousand 'Nitroglycine' blocks for Mr Ahura in the new city. They will be loaded in Rig Number 6 and ready to go by the time that you have finished your dinners, gentlemen. Questions?" she said efficiently.
"You doing anything Saturday night, Sugar? Or don't you newly commissioned officers fraternize with us non-coms, Warrant?" asked John Kinchloe.
"As a matter of fact, I, er, already have a date for this weekend, John. However, thanks for asking. Yes, 'Bear'?" said Thelma.
"Same route as before, ma'am? Through the mountain tunnel and past the stalag? Then, up the aetherway to 'Vic City', right?" asked the older rig driver.
"Affirmative. Be sure that you let Mr Dynamo or Lt Yagami know when you're leaving. Dismissed." she said, saluting them again.
"Uh, we are supposed to salute you, not the other way around, Warrant. Bye." said John with a wink.
"C'mon along, Casanova. I told ya that she had a thing goin' with that big gawky Samurai guy with the specs, didn't I?" chuckled 'Bear', clapping his partner and co-pilot on the back.
"Like Bobby (Hogan) always says- 'Nuttin' ventured, nuttin' gained', pal. Let's get some chow." replied John.
"Amen to that, brother. No offense, son." said 'Bear'.
"None taken, my friend. There doesn't seem to be any prejudice in this century. At least, I have yet to see any. Mmmmnn! I smell roast duck! Let's hurry before the chow hounds get it all!" said John, double-timing it towards the dining hall. 'Bear' tried his best to match the younger guy's speed, then gave it up and settled into a stroll.
"No! No! No! Hamilton! Perry says that I cain't have an office next to yourn! Why the heck not?" demanded Ben Matlock, attorney-at-law.
"Because we are defense attorneys, Ben! Hamilton's a prosecutor even if he isn't the district attorney anymore. I have put your offices on the next floor above. Will you explain it to him, Michelle?" said a frustrated Perry Mason who was poring over the details of his architectural drawings for the new 'Vic City CourtHouse'.
"Perry! I need a bigger office!" yelled Paul Drake.
"We need a bigger office, Darling! I'm your partner in the biz as well as your partner in bed!" snapped Yancie Drake-Drew.
"Mrs Drake-Drew! A little decorum in your language, if you please!" yelled Hamilton Burger, first assistant DA of the new city.
"Perry? Now that I notice it- I need a tad more space in my office as well." said Della Street, handing out java to everyone.
"I don't like the colour scheme, Mr Mason and-" began Michelle, Ben's partner lawyer.
"That is E-NOUGH! I am going home! We'll take up these matters tomorrow!" yelled Perry.
"And why are the damned courtrooms almost on the roof?" screeched Mr Burger at the top of his lungs.
"Can't blame Perry for that one, Hammy!" snarled Paul. "Galactic Law states that courtrooms must be within easy walking distance from the roof because that's where the main parking docks are located." he added.
"What about the lifts? Surely they could be used to get to the lower floors?" suggested Lt Tragg, burping on his beer.
"Here! You read it, Arthur! 'Galactic Law 2260'. Section XXV, SubSection XVII, Paragraph XIII. Explains all about the unreliability of the lifts in this quadrant! So the lifts are out!" stormed Paul Drake.
"Ladies! Gentlemen! A little less noise, please. Um, I just came up to borrow some sugar." said His Eminence, High Reverend Chapel the Evergreen. Seventy floors down were the 'Ecumenical Offices' for his parishes. Why church offices were in the law building was something that none of them could fathom. However, since it was just a few offices the size of an amusement park, Perry had grudgingly agreed to allow him to share their building.
"How's your cathedral coming along, Reverend?" asked Della politely while she was loading sugar, creamer, java beans, tea bags, candy, cookies, pastries and practically the entire larder onto an anti-grav trolley for the big preacher.
"Splendidly, Miss Street. Nick (Wolfwood) has the ne'er-do-wells painting the place for me- Tom Sawyer style. Oh, do you have a few extra PDO units, my dear? And some extra vidfile folders? Thank you ever so much. Well, I will allow you to return to your 'discussions' now. Ta ta for now and thanks again." said Chapel, trundling his over-laden trolley out of the door of the 'war room'.
"Look, my lord. They have already arrived and the colonization has begun! Look at that city, sire! Sire! There is a deposit of the 'yellow metal ore' here! Where shall we put down?" said the 'Number One' Cybreman officer.
"Land us on the Southeastern side of that tall mountain, 'Number One'. Do not drop our 'cloak'." ordered his superior.
"Are you certain that 'Her' flagship is also headed for this world, my lord?" asked his exec.
"She will be here before nightfall. I hope that we can find that mine before suns' set and be well away from this miserable planet. Take us down." commanded the Cybremen's Leader.
END of Chapter 1. Chapter 2 'Law & Order' or 'Ahuran Antics' coming soon. Have a swell weekend. Read/Review/Suggest away. Reviews & Suggestions always welcome here! See ya soon, folks!- Thelma and Your Friendship Team.
