The prompt reads simply this: Ebisu, Kakuzu, R, Locker room, lightning.

Please keep that in mind before you go all comments ninja, and utterly wreck me.

Ebisu walked into the spacious locker room, suspicious. His crew, a group of the most talented young pirates an academy could offer had been cheerily pranking any and all they could get their hands on, starting with stringing Sakura up by her underwear on the ornamental bits adorning the outside of their academy, and reaching a crescendo with the brutal hair-shaving of a woman named Shizune, who they apparently attacked, held down and sheared all her hair off because she was wearing socks.

And now, on his birthday no less, his rowdy group of fledglings had decided to go and do... something to their own damn comrade, an intimidating, quiet young man named Kakuzu.

Ebisu had always liked Kakuzu, he was a strange and refreshing mixture of stoic, and explosive. So when he realized that the others had probably done something unspeakable to him, he immediately assumed that they had left him in the locker rooms, because Kakuzu hated it in there, and everyone knew it. So Ebisu walked down the empty, silent halls (they had a large, state of the art locker room, with its own room for a spacious, expensive public shower, which was probably why Kakuzu hated it so much) and contemplated what could have possibly been done to Kakuzu.

He couldn't see them actually overpowering him individually, because no matter how obnoxiously tenacious Hidan was, or impossibly crafty Itachi could be during battle, no matter how many times you sicced that psychotic motherfuck, Deidara on Kakuzu, he always came out at the other end.

No matter how numb and ruthless and tough Sasori was, the most he could do was gouge an enormous hole in Kakuzu's leg, and no matter how horribly lucky Tobi was, no matter how many times he bounced, like some kind of hate-able, overgrown, masked puppy, away from Kakuzu's wrath, all he could do was rebound off of Kakuzu.

Strangely, all Kakuzu could do to Tobi was remarkably similar...

and Zetsu hadn't even tried once to hurt Kakuzu, choosing instead to remain boringly aloof. Pein didn't quite deign to stoop so low as to actually come out of his rooms, (He was working on it, but he was just so busy) and had sent Konan, who left Kakuzu with tiny, non-lethal cuts all over his body (...somehow.) that itched and burned and drove him insane.

Kisame and Kakuzu were apparently on good terms (They hadn't quite noticed each other yet.) and had only ever fought to the death once.

Ebisu viewed Kakuzu as the most promising of his students, the most dignified, the stoic, reasonable person who spoke his mind when it suited him, and quietly and efficiently carried out missions and raids with dignity and poise, just like he did everything. He was truly an admirable studen-

He turned a corner, and happened across Kakuzu, who was masturbating furiously in the shower.

(A.N. Now, here, I was nearly overcome with the mad urge to take advantage of this beautiful, beautiful cliffhanger. But I just... couldn't... stop.)

Kakuzu was a normal young pirate. He planned on becoming a captain, soon, and he would lead the five nations in unison, or possibly just open a business and rake in the cash. It would, admittedly, be a lot harder without his prodigious team mates at his side, seeing as they were all fucking dead when he got out of this shower, but he was sure he could manage. His hand slid rhythmically over his erection.

GOD, to hell with rhythmic! He had always, always teased himself like this, he wanted to have a nice, mind blowing orgasm, by himself, and then he wanted to systematically hunt his team mates.

The thought made his dick pulse in his hand and he bent over it, rolling his hips up into his hand and completely disregarding the way his knees felt against the floor.

The water spattered against his head, Ebisu made a choked sound over by the door, and Kakuzu was this close to getting his fucking fingers nice and wet, and then screwing himself until he could not-

Wait.

What?

"K-Kakuzu-"

Oh, god. The sound of someone talking to him during this, Ebisu's voice rough and deep from shock (And probably the choking) made him almost whimper. Almost.

Instead, he he looked up at Ebisu. Ebisu! Of all people! And uttered one word that he thought he would never say.

"Dude."

Ebisu was across the room in an instant, kneeling at Kakuzu's side and putting a hand to his forehead. "Are you ill, Kakuzu?" he asked, concerned.

Kakuzu, saying dude? Was it even him?

At Ebisu's touch, Kakuzu panted harshly and managed not to choke on air that seemed too hot to breath, suddenly.

"Itachi. Orochimaru. Some kind... some kind of d-drug.."

Ebisu looked absolutely unsurprised at the mention of Itachi the Strangely and Passive Aggressively Vindictive older brother, and Orochimaru the Openly Terrifying Thingy who was Far Too open to Suggestions (Especially ones from Itachi.)

"Is there anything I can do to help, Kakuzu? I could take you to the Nurs-"

It was an odd sight, Ebisu with his funny black hair that stuck up everywhere, dark glasses dangling off the edge of his nose, and Kakuzu with his raging erection, (one hand wrapped firmly around it) and an arm slung around Ebisu to keep him from getting away, as Kakuzu essentially fucked Ebisu's mouth with his tongue.

After about an eternity of Ebisu completely forgetting himself, and Kakuzu learning all about what it felt like to be kissed like you were dying, they broke apart, gasping.

Then Ebisu said; "Oh." and lunged at Kakuzu, and then he had him pressed up against the tiles and was kissing and nipping at his lips, and Kakuzu couldn't think anymore, couldn't think as his own hand was slapped away from his dick, and Ebisu's took its place.

He writhed under the new sensation, bucking into the hand and yanking at Ebisu, down for another kiss, but then Ebisu was at his throat instead, biting and sucking at the muscle there.

Kakuzu wailed, and came all over Ebisu's hand.

In the aftermath, in which there was a lot of sitting against the shower wall and blushing, they managed to work out what had happened. The second time Kakuzu managed to actually complete the sentence; "My evil, scumsucking companions drugged me with Lightning powder, one of the more expensive aphrodisiacs in existence, Ebisu managed not to laugh.

There wasn't a third time, because the effects came back, and Ebisu decided to find out how long it would take for Kakuzu to come undone over his knee.

It took three fingers, and endless patience, but at the slow, hard grind of long fingers against his prostate, Kakuzu came so hard he passed out, and Ebisu congratulated himself on the control it took not to wake Kakuzu up and buck into that tight ass, until Kakuzu came like a fucking animal, and Ebisu finally achieved some kind of release. Yep, it took a special kind of control to let the poor man sleep.

For ten minutes.

A.N

OHGODWHATISTHIS