She tried again, subconsciously pulling out her phone unlocking the screen, going into the phone log and pressing the most recently dialed number. She sat on her bed, alone in the empty yet familiar house. Waiting for the dialtone to stop and for his voice to come through asking her to leave a message after the beep. The tears were begging to fall but she wouldn't let them…not just yet.
Finally the beep came through so she could vent. She wanted to talk to him and all day she held out hope that he would see how many voicemails she left and how many missed calls he got. She left everything on the table, through the speaker she let him know everything. Jeremy is gone, he died. If they all accepted what life was like being supernatural and having everything change, this…this flipped everything upside down.
She felt selfish, selfish for pleading into the phone asking him to call her back, to lose focus for just a moment to comfort her. She felt selfish for wishing maybe if she ran too she wouldn't have to deal with this pain away from here. She felt selfish for grieving the death of one when he just lost everything himself. Mostly the emotion resting right in her chest that she felt selfish for was abandonment. How were they going to deal?
Deep in the pit of her stomach…she knew this was only the beginning, most of them had eternity laid out in front of them and this would probably have to be done numerous times. Calling someone to let one of their own is gone. She ended the call and lay down, alone with her thoughts once more since the beginning of the day.
The combined smell of gasoline and death still remained in her nostrils. She sniffled and couldn't keep it together any longer. Anyone she could call right now would be in the same boat as she's in. An image flashed through her mind and the words "…because of you, Caroline."
Holding up her phone above her head, she barely saw the screen through her tears. She never had any use for the number. Only having it because Stefan thought it would be helpful someday. Leave it Stefan to try and think ahead for their dismal future. With trembling hands she pressed the contact page and tentatively brought the phone back to her ear. Half of her wished it would go straight to voicemail like Tyler's and the other half wished he would answer immediately.
Deciding that the fifth ring would be the last one before she came to her senses and hang up, the line picked up.
"Hello?"
She couldn't believe his voice was coming through the phone. All day she wished for a live voice to come through and now she got her wish.
"I can hear your breathing through the phone…speak now I'm a busy man."
"K-k-Klaus?"
"Caroline? How did you—what's happening?"
Caroline thought it was too late, she let herself be known and all she wanted was comfort. Even though he was the reason Tyler couldn't give it to her at that moment, let alone speak to her, she ended up calling him. How did it come to be that the one person she could turn to was essentially the root to her problems? That wasn't fair was it…she wasn't thinking clearly, the blame was not on his shoulders, on anyone she knew for that matter.
"Everything. Everything is happening. Katherine has the cure. Bonnie is crazy. Elena is scary. Tyler's gone. Jeremy is gone…his ring didn't work, hence why Elena is off her wagon. Oh and Silas is walking around that island somewhere. We don't know—I don't know what to do."
"You know I would come to you if I could…I'm in New Orleans and have yet to hear from Rebekah."
She listened to the sigh of exasperation he let out. Her tears subsided and she listened to his breathing and how even it was compared to her ragged breaths.
"Her humanity is gone ya know? She has no family left whatsoever…unless you count Katherine and Jeremy was only trying to help, he didn't—"
"Caroline, I hear defeat in your voice love."
"Because I feel defeated…I'm almost there, every time something happens I feel myself getting pushed closer and closer to that edge. To just take a note from the Salvatore handbook of shutting it all off so I don't have to feel the pain."
"Is that what you really want? To become the complete opposite of your true self?"
"Seems to work for you." Caroline snapped, fresh tears fell and no matter how hard she tried she couldn't clear her head. She couldn't press herself to be pragmatic or to find the silver lining. He let the silence settle in as she felt the trail her tears were creating from her eyes to her ears.
"Why did you call Caroline?"
She sniffled and wiped her eyes as she thought of the reason. She couldn't place her feelings. She knew of his feelings and wondered how a naïve vampire like herself could make an original fall for her. Klaus represented her future…he literally was the representation of what eternity and pain could do to someone like her. She already said goodbye to her father and Tyler, what would happen to her spirit when it was her mother's turn or Matt's or Bonnie's? The thought itself tarnished her soul to the point where a new wave of grief rode through her.
"Honestly…even through all the never ending pain and grief from these last few days, I know you'll be able to help me" said Caroline. "I just—I just wanna talk to someone who's like me. Someone who understands and can talk me down from the ledge because you were right…I do like the girl I am today…even though being a vampire has brought me pure agony it's also been the one constant joy I can depend on."
"Well I am here for you…but you already knew that. What I can tell you Caroline is that the bright side to eternity is the ability to work on yourself for however long you want or need to and you just may surprise yourself."
Wasn't 4x15 just soul shattering?! The pain...Hope you liked this.
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XOXO,
Steph
