Ianto's POV

It's so cold and dark here in your room now, now you've left me alone. The sheets on your bed still smell like you. I want to change them, it will hurt less if I can't smell you but then your gone and I wont be able to pretend that you're coming back any moment now.

You forgot to pick up that dirty shirt on your way out of my life, forgot to pick up anything didn't you Jack, so now I have it...I remember what you feel like when you hug me, the way our bodies meld together, your broad chest and muscled arms wrapped around me. I hug your shirt to me but it's not the same, I wish you were here in the shirt to hug me back, to whisper dirty words and sweet nothings in my ear in that way you do about what we'll do once the lights go out but you wont cause you wont be here when the lights go out!

The trap door into your room is shut, the team doesn't bother coming in here anymore Jack but they tried when you first left, telling me it would be ok but it wont be ok will it Jack? You aren't coming back and it will never be ok again. My face has track marks drawn across it from the paths of my never ending tears. My eyes sting and ache begging to be closed but when I do I see your face and that's worse then my stinging eyes. Im gonna lay here in your shirt, holding your pillow, underneath the covers we had sex underneath a million times and cry, my chest hurts from the sobs that rack my body...everything hurts.

Your door opens and I hear someone descend the stairs and I can swear I can smell you, feel you come to rest behind me but it's a dream...you aren't coming back, your doctor came for you…Why would you come back to me when you could have him? I feel your arm come to pull me closer to your body like you used to do when you were here but it's just a dream. Big, fat, salty tears roll down my neck but they aren't mine. A hand twins with mine but it's not my other hand, my breathing quickens "please..." I softly breathe out ...please let it be you, please be anything but my imagination playing tricks on me and laughing when I fall for it.

I twist in what I think is your arms, a sob tears from my lips as you pull me to be pinned half underneath you...wrapped in your arms, where I belong with your face in my neck. Your soft chestnut hair smells the same, and as you lift your head so your eyes meet mine and I know you're not a hallucination, you came back to me.

Your eyes are red and puffy as mine and you face is also covered in tear tracks.

"I'm so sorry" You sob into my neck and I squeeze you tighter.

"Just stay...don't leave me" I beg you and you start to kiss my face all over with tiny little butterfly kisses.

"I promise" You whisper into my cheek as you kiss it. My hands anchor your face still against mine so our foreheads meet. Your eyes burn a hole in my soul and I welcome it.

"Promise" You re-affirm, your eyes tell me that when you left you felt as much pain as I did.

"Promise"