Sasami: You are about to read the pseudo-sequel to Sins of a Shadow. I say pseudo in that it is not a direct response to Yami's thoughts, only in reference to them for the most part. Plus, this will not be a Yuugi one shot! Hooray! I have here some insight for all of you from Yuugi's perspective. Later chapters will be from other perspectives though…I think Malik is my next one.
Nijuu: That's just scary…
Sasami: Anyhoo, please enjoy, and remember to review.
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Reality
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I have fallen in love with the pharaoh. The almighty ruler of an Egypt centuries since gone has, in such a short period, become the only one with whom I share my heart, soul, and body. He is hardly older than myself, a mere three years at best, yet he is three millennia my senior. Is it so strange to fall in love with someone like him? Yes. But the real question is 'do I care?' No. He is my everything, my existence, my soulmate, and my lover. They have all stared, have all asked how I can be so sure. They all empathize, and yet they will not understand no matter how hard they try. Not a single one of them sees the tender affection he pays me when no one watches. No one feels his heart race when I scream for his name. No one can fathom how deeply the light and darkness have become intertwined. He would not allow them to see everything, nor would I.
My yami blames himself. I have heard his thoughts even when he wishes for me not to. He has still yet to realize how far into him I can see, how much of his existence I can hear. My beloved yami…I live my life as I see fit, and he has never forced me to do a thing despite the guilt that plagues him. I drowned myself in him, in his sweetness because it was right, and it was more than I could ever want. Sweetness. Yes, my yami is sweet. Sweeter than sugar and honey and, gods, something else I cannot even recall. But he is more than sweetness; he is passion and glory, feral and carnal, molasses and desert spice. Everything.
How could I fault him for loving me? Somewhere within him, I feel his self-condemnation for this love of ours. Yes, ours. Guilt and fear have driven my dearest yami to think he stole my innocence away from me. Steal my innocence? I gave him my innocence because he deserved it. What mistake did I make in offering him what he lacked? My entirety belongs to him. It always has. Nothing I give him is obligated; my innocence was everything he needed. That is my purpose, to be the absolute innocence in the face of his beautiful corruption. Poison, as he believes it to be.
He asked me once if I could pass judgment upon my own darkness. What judgment do I have right to pass? He fears my resentment for that first night of passion. More than anything in the world, I wanted what he gave me that night. Fulfillment. Completion. Passion. Love. Gods, I love him so.
I know he loves me too. Ultimately, he has reached the point where he will speak the words. Not solely within our mind. Not just in the whispered silences after we've made love. All the time. There is a quiet desperation in his voice, as if he fears I will disappear if he fails to inform me at every opportunity. We both realize how hopelessly lost within each other we are. I would die without him. Willingly. Without hesitation.
He was not the only lost soul. I too was lost without him. Indeed, I freed him from the prison that was the puzzle, but how he freed me too in that moment when our eyes first met. I've always loved him I think. Even when I thought I loved others, it was always him. We were created for each other, two halves of a whole, and utterly incomplete without one another. How did I live before him?
I have heard his thoughts, his innermost voice, and the words he cannot speak aloud. Even now, he thinks of me and fears. Never would he admit the fear, but I can sense it within him; he fears that I am angry with him, that I blame him for the relationship he thinks he forced me into. Most of all though, he fears he will lose me. Precious yami of mine cannot even see it himself, but I can. Me, the naïve hikari can see the fear even the pharaoh cannot.
So I hold him, bathed in moonlight, hold him like there is no tomorrow. We're damaged, he and I. But, he wrapped his brokenness around me, and I felt whole. The world could end for all I care, as long as I could have his arms wrapped around me like this forever. Hell, I would destroy the world if it meant keeping my yami beside me forever. No one would expect it. Not even Yami. Chances are there will not be a tomorrow anyway. Perhaps I have breathed his corruption deeper than I once considered.
And still we hold each other, in this maddening intoxication of twilight, within our heady visions of eternity. Gods forbid heaven watch us, for what we do is wrong. And yet, despite it all, nothing could be more right. To be loved this way…who else could claim this love as their own? In furies of passionate need and desire and lust, I have found infatuation and eternal devotion. Love lies behind his kiss, and I embrace it, drink it in, allow it swallow me whole. He is my soulmate. He is everything I lack, and everything I desire. He is the one I love, now and forever.
It is only recently I have seen how deep this emotion of mine, of ours, runs. Only recently have I realized how much he cares for me, how much he has relinquished for my sake. There is so much vulnerability that he has suppressed so I will not worry for him, so much power he has renounced to oblige my aversion to violence. I see it in his mind when he thinks I cannot. So, I kiss him. What else could I possibly do? I take his breath away in gratitude, and in his bewilderment, he smiles. A genuine smile I alone possess; Yami smiles for no other.
All I want is to feel. I long to feel him beside me, in my mind, in my body. When he is not, I feel incomplete, and yet I must go about my life without him alongside me occasionally. But when I return, he is there for me. Gods he amazes me, and I just want to kiss him senseless. It's amusing really, that I want what he wants so much more often that not. What I really want is him. His lips against my own, pressing tender and firm, and always wanting more. His skin against my own, warm and salty, and golden as the desert sky at dusk and dawn. Those blessed hands of his always touching and nuzzling and caressing. You see, I have fallen unequivocally in love with my shadow. My darkness.
//Forever is a long time aibou, like trying to sweep away Mount Everest with a handkerchief. Will you spend it with me anyway?//
Gladly.
What is left for you to see when reality has held you in his tender embrace?
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Sasami: Yea! *^^ I think I will write my Malik chapter next…*grin*
Nijuu: Scary…o.O
Sasami: Scary, but oh so beautiful. I have such plans for that chapter…*skips off to write it*
