There once was a man wearing glenplaid and tie,
He thought he'd have lunch
Say, pastrami on rye
His friend said
"Egads, are you at it again?
Your sandwich has ketchup.
You know that's a sin"
The sinner felt lower
Than lower can be
His friend was so caustic
His accents so free
When he spoke in French
There were people in awe
But his own slight tongue
Only drew him guffaws
"I'll best him at something
I'll not let him go
I'll bleach my hair blond
And wax long on Thoreau"
If only the others
Could see through this veil
My many admirers
They would not fail
To love me
To love me
In that I prevail
