What If
"El wait", cried Elrohir as he turned the corner, dark ebony hair flying. "You can't blame yourself El, no one else does", Elrohir declared in a firm, slightly frustrated tone. The murder of Arathorn, husband to Gilraen, father to Aragorn and the leader of the Dunedain shook his twin brother Elladan to the very core.
Elladan swiftly spun around, same ebony hair flying, to face his identical brother with a with a glint of anger behind his pained eyes. "Well they should blame me! If I had scouted ahead..." Elladan trailed off reliving the memory. The orcs, the screaming and yelling, the one arrow that ended Arathorn's life forever. He remembered the look of surprise and pain flashing across his face, before falling from his horse. His last breath, fighting for air...Looking to Elladan for help. Help he hadn't been able to give, failed to give.
"There is nothing you could do Dan that fourteen other rangers couldn't" countered Elrohir, his dark chocolate coloured eyes soft with understanding. Although he dealt with his pain and suffering better, he still felt equally responsible for his death. He was a close friend, and one they failed to protect. But really, there was nothing else they could of done.
Elladan turned away silently, the same dark eyes flashing, to stare over the small, grassy hill where little Aragorn was playing with a orange kitten. He remembered when Arathorn was little, he looked just the same as his five year old son. He loved to chase the barn cats around until he came back crying, with quite a few scratches. Smiling slightly at the thought, he came crashing back to reality when he remembered that Aragorn was now fatherless. The smile slid from his lips.
"What if I had seen something if I rode ahead, what if I could of made a difference?" Elladan whispered, the sorrow and guilt in his unanswered questions, breaking his voice. Elrohir also turned, just in time to watch Aragorn pick up the kitten and cuddle it to his chest. His father, Elrond had named him Estel, which meant hope. He prayed he would live up to his adopted name, that's what they, especially Elladan needed right now.
"We can't live on what if's Elladan, there is nothing to gain from it. Aragorn and Gilraen are healthy and strong and will heal from this disaster". "Your wrong there Elrohir!", Elladan nearly shouted, "Those what if's determined Arathorn's life, whether his son would grow up with a father or not!" "Those what if's, they are everything...."
Elladan let all the emotion he had been holding back show in his eyes and spread through his bond with his twin. Elrohir felt the regret, blame, sorrow, anger and pain that matched his own, but hadn't been controlled as well sweep through him, leaving him craving his brothers arms. Elladan felt tears sting his eyes, at the same moment he felt Elrohir pull him into his arms.
The brothers stood together, pulling strength from the other and finally getting the comfort and support both so sorely needed. After a few minutes, Elrohir gently pulled away, placing his hands on Elladan's strong shoulders and looking him straight in the eyes, wishing he could see the usual spark of light, laughter and mischief in his eyes.
Softly and quietly he asked, "Do you remember what nana used to say?" Tears were now blurring Elrohir's vision as he remembered another, more painful memory. Elladan thought for a second, then replied in a soft whisper "No matter what happens, you will always be the light of my life because I love you." "And I do believe that, I believe that right now she is watching out for us and is here in our hearts. We just have to look for her", Elrohir spoke with so much absolute trust and faith that Elladan knew that what he spoke was true.
"I will always be there for you, follow you wherever you go, and we can face this together but you cannot blame yourself" Elrohir added quickly, searching for hope or trust in his brothers eyes. The only one who truly knew him, the one who should be able to see that every word he spoke was true. Elladan sighed an closed his eyes. He wanted to believe him so much, but could he just let go of the guilt, let go and try to move on without forgetting him, a dear and close friend?
"I'll try Ro, I will try for you, for Aragorn and..." Elladan paused slightly, took a breath and whispered the last part of his sentence, "and for nana." Elrohir inwardly sighed with relief, he was afraid Elladan was going to push him away again, distance himself again. When he looked into Elladan's eyes, he saw hope, trust, faith and a glimmer of happiness again.
The now happier, more at ease twins turned in harmony to watch Aragorn again. Grins gracing their features, they watched Aragorn chase the kitten into the bushes, after pulling on the kittens tail, a tad too hard. Elladan and Elrohir, not wanting to lose sight of the very curious, and sometimes, too adventurous child, they ran after him laughing.
"You know Elladan" Elrohir said in between laughs, "we will never be bored!" "Elladan smiled, eyes dancing, "Well who wants to be bored anyways!" With quick, elvish strides, Elladan burst into the bush following the little boy. Who knew that such a little human child could disappear so quickly and quietly?
Elrohir, sighed happily and followed, glad to have his brother back, and in turn gaining a new one. With a huge grin, chocolate eyes sparkling he thanked the Valar, but more importantly he thanked his nana, across seas though she was. Today him, and his brother would start the beginning of a new beginning.
The End.
