This is based on the premise of a fic from called "For Her Benefit" from author CrispyBaconBits, in which Jeff finds a new serious girlfriend and Annie struggles to adjust. Her struggles may seem a little….shrill at one point in this opening chapter, but this is as bad as it gets for the whole long story.
Nevertheless, this was all planned out and halfway finished before "Virtual Systems Analysis" came out – an episode that made me a bit uncomfortable finishing this. I now feel that after seeing that episode, the Annie on the show is at a place where she wouldn't overreact like this now. Plus, that Annie would have already learned the lessons she winds up learning later in the story, or at least not have gone through as much effort as I have this Annie go through to learn them. This troubling contradiction almost made me scrap the entire fic, but thanks goes to Hypnotoad76 for talking me off the ledge.
Therefore, this is an AU story to a point – in that here, all the events after "Contemporary Impressionists" never happened, including "Systems Analysis." It's not like Annie is really that bad or Jeff-obsessed here, but I feel like if I included those episodes, I would be regressing Annie too much – not a lot, but too much for my liking. But hopefully that doesn't scare you all off of this too.
Annie knew that Jeff was probably expecting her. After what happened, how could he not?
She would have gotten to the apartment earlier, but she needed time to plan out what she'd say and ask. This likely gave Jeff time to plan ahead for deflecting all her questions, yet it was a risk she had to take. If she wasn't very careful, this could be a complete disaster. Of course it might be one no matter how careful she was.
After all, Jeff having a secret girlfriend that she and everyone else just met on the last day of school was a special circumstance.
So Annie suppressed her legendary overreacting gene, as she had for the last hour, and at least looked calm when Jeff answered his door. He hardly looked shocked to see her – and was probably expecting an ambush, all things considered. Annie suppressed the part of her that said he should be ambushed, and just started with, "I'm only here for information, Jeff."
"Annie, summer vacation just started. We're not supposed to learn things again until September. I'd hoped you'd at least hold out until June," Jeff joked although Annie was not laughing. Yet to her credit, she wasn't snapping at him, and Jeff at least knew enough to know this wasn't working.
"It's not like I want to learn this stuff, Jeff. But I'm not here to bite your head off, I'm here to hear you out," Annie assured.
"As if I did anything wr-" Jeff started before he actually caught himself. "You're right, you're right. I'm in no mood for biting today, either." Annie would normally be proud of Jeff for stopping his snarky impulses. But it was probably due more to her – was what Annie wanted to stop herself from thinking.
"Look, Jeff, we were all….taken by surprise, that's all," Annie started, as if Jeff really believed she was referring to the group – although they were surprised. "One minute we're recovering from today's madness, and the next you get hugged and kissed by some woman! You can't go the whole summer without explaining that. So if you tell me first, it'll be easier for you to tell the others later," Annie theorized, proud that she was still stable enough to make an intellectual argument.
As a bonus, it actually worked, as Jeff had his "Crap, no choice but to come clean" face on. But instead of talking, he went up to a nearby drawer and took out a picture. Once he handed it to Annie, she understood why he led off with it.
It was a shot of Jeff and the woman that hugged and kissed him after today's 'finale event' as Abed called it. She had short blonde hair, but it was straight instead of curly, so she couldn't accuse him of seeking a Britta replacement. Her eyes were a bit wide but green, not blue, and she was clearly older than Annie, yet still a little younger than Jeff. Her figure wasn't as….well defined as Annie's although it was easy to look at, but it wasn't the typical super hot model type Jeff always aimed for.
Since she was already defying Annie's expectations/theories/hopes, Annie didn't know what to think. A few words from Jeff would help more, so it was a good thing he finally started talking.
"First of all, her name's Alison. Second of all, she does go to Greendale, but in classes that are far away from ours. But she was worried about me today, and she hugged me in public because she was relieved I was okay," Jeff cleared up. "We didn't meet at Greendale, though. It kind of happened three months ago in group therapy."
Well, at least that was one more new mystery to distract Annie for a while. "Group therapy?" she wondered aloud. "You're sharing your issues with more than one person?"
"Well, individual therapists and Britta weren't exactly cutting it. And the study group has been one long group therapy session for three years. So I thought that method might work outside of Greendale too," Jeff shared.
"Why did you need that when it was working so well here? When I was working so well for you here?' was what Annie kept herself from asking. Instead, she went with the slightly less inflammatory, "And you proved it by getting involved with your therapist?"
"Annie, why would a real therapist let herself anywhere near Greendale?" She had to admit that Jeff had her there. "She was part of my therapy group, but she didn't lead it."
"Were there seven people in this group of yours?" Annie started to joke, trying to lighten the mood and/or delay hearing about Alison more.
"No, and they weren't all study group doppelgangers from another timeline, Abed," Jeff shot down. "And Alison isn't a double or polar opposite of anyone I know," he continued pointedly. "She's her own person, and she's a pretty good one too."
"I'm pretty good, too. You told me a bunch of times, but I'm just not good enough or bad enough. Is that it?" At that thought, Annie very quietly told her brain to shut up. Once she made sure Jeff didn't hear that, she made herself press on peacefully. "So tell me about how good she is. Did Greendale drive her into therapy too?" she asked evenly.
"No, there are things other than Greendale that can make someone nuts. Hard to believe, but it can happen," Jeff informed. "Her mom left her before she turned 13, and living alone with her dad….wasn't a picnic." Annie resisted the urge to compare how Alison's mom, not her dad, left when she was young and doomed her to a rotten single parent home.
"She couldn't handle a real college, so she dropped out after about a year. She was in pretty bad shape living on her own for a while, but she got herself in therapy before she….made herself worse off. Since then, she's been in some form of treatment for six years. She doesn't need it that bad anymore, but it helps her unwind and relax every week anyway. And she's been in Greendale for three years too, so you can imagine how much unwinding she needs." Annie laughed at the truth of Jeff's statement – although it didn't help her unwind that much now.
"And you just happened to meet someone from Greendale in group therapy?" Annie nitpicked. "Isn't that coincidence a little….odd? Like Abed-level odd?"
"Oh, she knew that too, don't worry," Jeff assured. But this made Annie a little less assured, actually. "Wait, she knew about Abed-levels of weird? So she actually knows about us – the group?" she corrected.
"Annie, she's been in Greendale for three years. Even Greendale couldn't make her dumb enough to not know who we are by now. She doesn't go to our classes, but…..come on," Jeff gestured, as if not knowing who they were was impossible. It kind of was in Greendale, but still. "So she's some Jeff Winger stalker- uh, fan?" Annie corrected herself again.
"Not at first, really. She actually likes going to classes, and we kind of make that impossible sometimes," Jeff said, barely hiding his pride in that accomplishment.
"So she's one of those uptight schoolgirls, then?" Annie asked before she realized she used the wrong words – in more ways than one.
"She just turned 30, so school woman would fit better," Jeff countered, which was a mixed bit of information for Annie. "And she's not uptight, really. She likes learning, but she does more things than study. And after she forgave us for our class-canceling antics, I got to see that for myself."
"For three whole months?" Annie checked in a quieter voice.
"We've been secret dating for a month-and-a-half, really. If we lasted through the summer, we were going to tell you guys on the first day back….after we had a full three months to figure out how. But today's chaos made her forget that plan, and now we're….ahead of schedule," Jeff resigned.
"Was it her idea to keep it a secret? Or did she know – think! Think that we wouldn't react well? Does she know us well enough to think that already?" Annie made herself go on.
"She only knows you guys by reputation, and I filled in the rest as best I could. But she knows dealing with you guys is delicate, even for veterans like me. And it's not like we've been good with outsiders before." Annie knew that could just be an innocent reference to Todd, Buddy and Rich – or at least hoped it was only that. "So she agreed we could put it off until fall, and see if we could work during the summer first. But I guess we'll have a bigger audience for that now."
"Do you think it'll still work anyway?" Annie checked, keeping her voice 90% stable.
"I'm not that secure yet, don't worry," Jeff quipped. "But I can imagine it working with her."
"Funny, your imagination wasn't that strong with me," Annie's inner voice called out. Her real voice muttered "Shut up" again, although it was a little louder and a little shakier. Yet she managed to ask Jeff, "How do you figure?"
"Well, if anyone can put up with me, it'd be her," Jeff started. "She sees me in therapy every week, so she's seen me vulnerable more than anyone. She knows how screwed up I've been and still am, and she accepts me anyway."
"I accept you!" Annie struggled to stop thinking to herself.
"I mean, she's a little messed up herself and she still has a hard time getting attached to people, but she attached herself to me," Jeff wowed at. "I'm finally making progress in this therapy thing and working out a lot of stuff, and it's largely because she's there to hear it. She even said I'm helping her too, and knowing I have that kind of impact on someone is….not as lame as I expected. And it's really helping me get the hang of this boyfriend stuff too."
Jeff looked almost as carried away as he did during one of his Winger speeches, which was…..something. "I know it's only been for a few months, and we just got forced into public today. But if I reached all these milestones in private, who knows what could happen now? I don't know….being with Alison is finally helping me be….a little better."
"Are you kidding me?" Annie heard her inner voice call out.
Wait. That was a louder inner voice than usual.
"What?" she heard Jeff say with shock and a frown. Oh God, there might be a very good reason for that. "Did you really say 'Are you kidding me'?" Yeah, there it was.
Annie dragged out a high pitched "Ummmm….." about two seconds longer than she should have. Yet she still tried to use the best excuse she had anyway. "What I meant was….how do you know this isn't another quick fix, like the pills? Do you really want Seacrest Hulk to come back, Jeff? I mean, you probably take your shirt off all the time with her anyway, but…." She quieted down, since that was the absolute last place she wanted to take that argument…..consciously.
"Interesting theory, now let me shoot it down. I took those pills for a week, and I've known Alison for three months. By that math, Seacrest Hulk should have returned 12 times already. But he still hasn't shown up or gotten robbed for any more awards! So I'm pretty sure she's stopping him from coming back and claiming his rightful trophies," Jeff concluded.
"Well, leaving that aside, you've only known her for three months! Isn't that your limit for actual relationships? Aren't you worried she'll be another Slater?" Annie inquired, relieved that she still sounded more concerned than….anything else.
"Slater flaked out because she didn't get therapy. Alison's had it for years," Jeff reminded.
"And she still hasn't been cured, what does that tell you?" Annie shot back, before making herself calm down – a bit slower than before.
"Considering how unhappy she was before she took therapy, it tells me some good things," Jeff confessed. "It puts my problems and slow progress in perspective, that's for sure. But she's helping me and showing me I can get better, even if it takes years. So I'm starting to think there's something to this stuff after all."
"And it took you three months to see that?" Annie repeated. "After three years of help from us, you see the light from someone else in three months?"
"From us? Really? Is that who you were referring to?" Jeff countered, before deflating a bit and sighing. "Annie, this isn't about finding a replacement for you, or someone older than you, or something else that has to do with you. Not everything I do is about you and me….and I thought we were getting better at separating that. I thought we were getting our friendship back in order now, anyway! Unless you were playing the long game towards the other stuff."
"What? How can you suggest that?" Annie responded, legitimately offended. "Jeff, I'm not friends with you just because I might want….the other stuff! I know we weren't ready for anything more yet, and I wasn't going to push it! I like where we are now, I just thought…..when we were both ready later, we'd…." Annie stopped and regrouped. "I, I just didn't think you'd be ready first, that's all. Especially with someone else after just a few months!"
"You think I was looking for it? I'm as shocked as you are about this, but it happened anyway. And I'm actually feeling good that it did," Jeff admitted.
"I guess it's nice not to be ashamed to find someone attractive again. Even after all the misleading looks!" Annie let out before finally hearing what she was saying. But before she could backtrack and apologize, Jeff had a quick retort of his own.
"Annie, I haven't been ashamed of you in quite a while. In fact, I'm pretty comfortable saying you're one of my best friends, if you still want to know," Jeff laid in to induce maximum guilt, although he still deflected the looks question. "And as one of my best friends, I had some hope you'd still be happy for me. You know how bad things have been for me, you know it better than almost anyone. But now I found someone to make me feel and act a little better!"
"I thought I – I mean, we…..made you feel better more," Annie said a bit quieter, before getting louder again. "I mean, you've gone through so much with us for years, and some outsider makes you feel so much better in one semester? Abed would tell you it makes no sense and it's bad storytelling!"
"I'm fully ready to hear that all summer, don't worry," Jeff tried to semi-joke before getting serious again. "You can nitpick the story all you want, but it's still true. If this keeps up, I can be the better person you wrongly thought I was from the start!"
"You've been better all along, Jeff! You just didn't believe it coming from me! But you have no problem believing it from her, I guess," Annie resigned. "Why is it easier to hear it from her? I've believed in you and thought you were really good the whole time! But…..but why did you believe her right away and not me?"
"Why does it matter who I believe it from?" Jeff asked back.
"See, you're still deflecting the real issue! If she really made you that good, you would have answered something about us this time! But I guess that's just too much progress for you to make. And I'm just not enough to inspire you, unlike her. Even after all these years….."
Annie was crashing down and still somewhat aware of how irrational, childish and somewhat bitchy she was being. She didn't even have alcohol to use as an excuse – so she still knew somewhere that she was getting out of line for the wrong reasons. Yet the situation was spiraling too out of control for her to do something productive about it. All she could do was stay a big jumble of emotions and hear Jeff rub it in – intentionally or not – even further.
"Annie, I actually didn't deflect from the real issue here. And that issue is that no matter what….is or isn't between us, you should still be happy that I'm getting better! I'm still a wisecracking jackass a lot of the time, but I'm not letting that define me as much now! You don't have to like how I did it, or who I did it with, but I know part of you is happy that I'm happier. If it isn't, then it says more about you than it does me," Jeff risked saying.
"You mind filling me in more on that, Jeff?" Annie insisted, although not all of her wanted to hear it – for various reasons.
"I feel like I could finally be fine again someday. At least now that I'm getting real help and I have someone like Alison to help me! I want to hope that you care about that, even though you weren't the one who pushed me along!" Jeff insisted.
"I've been pushing you along for three years, Jeff!" Annie reminded again.
"And Alison took me the last step of the way! Does that mean it doesn't count because it wasn't you? Does that mean more to you than me actually being better, just because it's with someone else?" Jeff drove home. "If us being together means more to you than my progress, then like I said….it says more about you than me."
"But….but they don't have to be mutually exclusive…." Annie sadly went on.
"I'm sorry, but it's that way right now," Jeff stated. "I really like this woman, and being with her is really helping me. The fact I'm even saying stuff like that out loud should tell you how big this is for me! And I'm not using her to get over you, or to settle for not having you, or anything like that! This is a real connection I have here, and that's really rare for me! Shouldn't that count even if it isn't with you?"
Annie wanted to say it did count. She wanted to apologize for acting out, realize she was being unrealistic, and act better than Jeff did when Annie found other male attention. She wanted to say she was happy that Jeff was doing so well – because she did care about his well being even when she wasn't involved in it.
She wanted to do all that.
But the angry, jealous and betrayed side of her had other ideas.
It had been fueled by how Jeff was throwing away everything he had with Annie to be with someone they didn't know. Fueled by how he would continue to bury his feelings for Annie even longer – and that he was going to unbelievable extremes to do it now. And it was fueled by how freaking happy and well adjusted he appeared to be…..and that it should have happened more because of Annie than because of some therapy girl.
Annie was the one who put in the hard work on Jeff. Annie saw what was always buried underneath Jeff all along. Annie was entitled to get something for it after being strung along for two straight years – without so much as a freaking apology yet for all the times Jeff broke her heart! And now after keeping her at arm's length all this time, he was going to let some new character in just like that? He was really going to toss her aside like this one more time – for the last time?
No. Not without a reality check, he wouldn't.
"NO! It doesn't count! It can't count if it isn't with me! How can it? I'm the only one that's helped you grow as a person, Jeff! You think Britta's done a better job than me? Or Pierce, or Shirley, or Abed? No, it's been me! This is all just a detour before you see what's been in front of you all along, and that's me! Just like with every TV couple that's ever lived! So don't treat it as anything more than that, okay?"
"Annie, you don't look drunk, so you really should know how awful you sound right now," Jeff said lowly – although it came across as condescending in Annie's current state. And she had felt like that long enough.
"Oh, I'm awful, am I? Well, since I'm so awful to be with to you, you would know, wouldn't you?" she rambled. "If you're still deluded enough to think that, then you're not better, Jeff! You can only be better if you stop feeling ashamed for how you feel about me! That's how this works, just ask Abed, he'll tell you! It's logical storytelling, Jeff, and there's no logic about this!"
With that, Annie took the photo of Jeff and Alison and started waving it around. "She doesn't get to be the one who makes you better! Not after I've done that for three years! I'm supposed to get rewarded for it, not her! It's mine, not hers! He's MINE!"
Annie was now yelling at the photo as she crumbled it in her fists and shook it around, before getting ready to tear it apart. She just had to keep her hands from shaking before she got started…..
But they wouldn't stop shaking.
Why wouldn't they stop shaking? Were they…..was she that angry?
She hadn't been that angry since Annie Kim, or Jeff dismissing Annie after the Transfer Dance, or the "Annie of it All" denial. They were all events where she wasn't proud of herself after a while. But she couldn't have been that bad here…..
That opened the floodgates for Annie to remember what she said, how she said it…..and what she was implying.
And the more she remembered it, the more she started trembling for reasons other than anger.
And then it fully hit her once she recognized what she did to that picture.
Annie just stared at what was now a paper ball in her hands, before she made herself try to straighten it out again. She turned away from Jeff and put the picture on the nearest table, trying to flatten it out and make it look normal again. Yet it got harder and harder as the words she just yelled kept ringing in her brain.
Along with the equally painful question, "What have I done?" And then came the even more painful answer.
She had let the worst, most childish, irrational, ugly parts of herself take over again. And she was starting to feel worse about it than she ever did before. She even acted worse than she did on that first day back from the dance. Worse than Jeff ever was against Rich. Maybe even worse than Jeff was when he denied the Annie of it All.
It even began to look on par with her Adderall freakout…..but she wasn't on pills or on any addictive substance here. This was all Annie. It was all ugly, jealous, terrible, out of character Annie…..if it really was out of character.
She just yelled that Jeff's happiness meant less to her than being together. That Jeff having a real connection for one of the first times in his life meant nothing, if it wasn't with Annie. That he was her's, even though they hadn't had a real romantic moment in almost two years. That she only viewed their friendship as a means to an end before they got together. That she was every bit the Jeff obsessed, co-dependent childish brat that she didn't want to be anymore!
But she was. A big part of her still was. There was a part of her that believed all of the nonsense she just spewed at him. And now Jeff had no reason not to believe that Annie wasn't this way – like she made him believe two years ago. And now all of the progress she made since then….all that they made….and all the strides they made in being real, true friends…..it was all gone.
She just killed it off for good. Not Jeff, not Alison – Annie did it.
It took everything Annie had left not to cry, since that would only make her look worse – if that was still possible. Instead, she finished making the picture look a little better again, then finally made herself turn to Jeff. "Jeff, I'm so sorry….." she barely whispered out. "I am so, so sorry….."
She expected the riot act from Jeff, and all but wished he would give it to her. And yet he stayed almost….still. He didn't tear into her, accuse her of being a deranged child, spout out a snarky one-liner, or act out like a child himself. Dear God, he really had been made better by Alison.
In fact, all he had to say was, "Are you?"
And that was five times worse. Because there was a part of Annie that clearly wasn't sorry. That still thought her outburst was defendable and justified, even now. And Jeff knew that – he probably always knew it was there.
And the real Annie – at least the Annie that she hoped was the real Annie, but now didn't know for sure – had to get that Annie out of here.
So the Annies united to hand Jeff the wrinkled picture, then worked together to successfully leave the apartment without crying.
But not crying until they got back home was another impossible challenge altogether.
