A/N: Hi! This is my first Naruto fic! I've been meaning to write one for a while; I just never got around to it. Anyway, this fic is based on an anime called Pani Poni Dash! It's realty funny and REALLY random. So, expect this fic to be the same! Expect extreme OOCness.

Side Note: All other stories will be put on hold until further notice, thank you

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or Pani Poni Dash! They belong to Masashi Kishimoto and Hekiru Hikawa

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Announcer: Naruto Uzumaki…born to an American father and a Japanese mother, he was the youngest to graduate out of M.I.T. He came to Japan to become a high school teacher.

However…

He's still eleven years old at the time

Naruto: …(sighs)…this sucks…

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Chapter 1: Coffee or Tea? I prefer neither

Happatsuki Academy (also known as Leaf Moon), is you're normal everyday kind of high school. All the students had just gotten back from their summer vacation. The dread of putting on those stupid uniforms (the boys, blue slacks and jacket with the school insignia on it, the girls, a short blue skirt and a jacket as well. Both genders are required to wars ties) made most of the student's groan. They were just starting to settle in, when someone noticed something was a bit off in class 1-C.

Their teacher had not yet arrived.

So they sat, gossiping about the misfortune their teacher must have fallen. Hit by a car? Eat too much pocky? Had gotten food poisoning from eating bad seafood? Had he shot his best friend in the face? No one really knew. "MAHO!" Someone yelled from down the hall. "I have terrible news! Awful news!" Suddenly the door to the room flung open. In ran an pink haired girl, with a ahoge(1) on her head. "It's omaga big news!" Before she could get whatever she had to say, she tripped on a banana peel, ran into the teacher's desk and smashed her head against the floor.

"Well, you're rather noisy this morning." (Sasuke Uchiha: Class 'study-bug')

"Isn't she always..?" (Hinata Hyuuga: 'plain' student)

"What is it, Sakura? Did the alien shuttle finally visit you…?" (Gaara Sabaku: Mature one of the class)

"Maho, maho, maho, maho…" was her only response. It was a useless word, no meaning whatsoever. Only one student actually got up to check on her. He was kind and kneeled down, offering to help her up.

"Are you alright, Sakura-san?" (Haku Momochi: Class nice guy)

She just ignored him and got up, brushing the fall off, even though she was severely bleeding from the head. But hay, it was only a flesh wound! Nothing could really faze her. She was, after all, the class ditz.

"…Big news!" (Sakura Haruno: Class ditz

"HUH?!" the whole class shouted at once.

"Our homeroom teach, (beep)-sensei, quit?" Gaara said, making sure that his glasses didn't fall off of his face.

The pink headed girl nodded furiously, everyone thought her neck would break his she did it any harder. "He quit yesterday! Isn't it big news?" She said as the crew of the fic cleaned the blackboard. It was quiet dirty you know and I sure as hell wasn't going to clean it. It's not my job…

"What's up with that…" Hinata said. She found it quiet odd that their teacher, (beep)-sensei would just up and quit. Maybe he couldn't stand them…

"Quitting so suddenly without any notice is irresponsible." Sasuke said, nodding at his own word and adjusting his glasses. There was a logical reason for everything, Sasuke thought. Like the sky being blue, how magic tricks are done, why good show get cancelled when their raking in money…okay, so he wasn't sure about that one…

"What was the reason?" Haku asked.

She thought for a moment.

"Umm…that's what I don't know." She said with a smile. The entire class let out a groan. If this was an anime, they would have all had an anime-style fall…oh wait…

(Anime fall for all)

There we go.

As they chit-chatted, the lights dimmed, and a spotlight shined on the class representative stood up.

"…I have become a priest" (Sasori: Mysterious class rep.)

"A priest?" Gaara asked.

"Seriously?" Sasuke also questioned.

"…Let's become priests!" the rep. said.

"…He changed the way he said it…" Hinata said, deeply confused.

"…That's the only thing you find a little odd…?" Gaara said, equally as confused.

The lights came back on and he sat back down. He really was quit the odd one…

"Well, you guys aren't far off, but not close either!"

"Hay! It's Kakashi-jiji from class 1-D!" Sakura exclaimed even though it was not necessary, seeing that EVERYONE knew who he was. If you didn't, well…you were a lucky one.

"Your class is next door, Kakashi…" The mature one the class said in a rather flat voice. After all, who else was going to keep that class in line? The class rep. sure wasn't and Gaara was the only other person who was qualified. Just thinking about what would happen if Sakura or Sasori was left in charge, made him shiver.

"Don't call your teacher 'grandpa'! I'm not old! And I'll be out of your hair in a minute, now sit down!"

Everyone did as they were told.

"Unfortunately, your homeroom teacher, (beep)-sensei resigned as of yesterday."

"What was his reason for quieting?" Sasuke asked raising his hand.

"…(beep)"

"WHAT?!" The class roared. Could this really be ture?

"Actually, it's because…" Kakashi let out an evil laugh, making the class shake.

"What's going on behind the scene of the school…?" Gaara asked himself as Kakashi continued to laugh.

"Therefore, a new teacher has come today." Kakashi looked towards the door, and the class soon did the same. There was a long silence as everyone just stared at the door.

"But he isn't here yet."

Everyone groaned again.

(Also insert anime-style fall)

"In that case, don't talk like he's already here!" Gaara shouted.

"What's the new teacher like?" Hinata asked in a bit of curiosity.

"Hmm…his name is Uzumaki." The old, er, I mean, teacher said as he opened his briefcase and pulled out something. It was small box and it was rapped up in a napkin.

The whole class was silent.

"Ah, bento for lunch again, huh…"

"What you have for lunch doesn't matter!" Gaara shouted again, his tolerance growing thin.

"OMG! What kind is it? I love bento!" Sakura exclaimed.

"You're not helping at all…"

"Do you have a picture of him, Kakashi-sensei?" Hinata asked.

"Ah, I do."

"Show us! Show us! I OMEGA wanna see it!" The pink haired girl yelled.

The five of them (Sakura, Sasuke, Hinata, Haku, and even Sasori) began the shout in unison 'we wanna see, we wanna see, we wanna see!' and of course, the only one not shouting was Gaara. 'They're so childish…' was the first thing the thought.

"You better no take out a picture of yourself, Kakashi…!" He said.

"…damn."

"No 'damn'! Just take it out and go back to your own class!"

"…this is Naruto Uzumaki-sensei…"

Kakashi pulled out what was definitely a picture of Naruto-sensei, but…

"That looks like a picture you'd see at a funeral…" Sasuke said.

"What the hell? Don't 'kill' him off!" Gaara shouted.

"…damn"

"But the picture is real, isn't it?" Hinata said as she stood.

"Regrettably, it is…"

"What do you mean 'regrettably'?" Haku asked.

"…he's a foreigner!" Hinata said.

"And blonde no less." Sasuke added.

"And she's tiny! Tiny! OMEGA kawaii!" You should know by now who said that…

-------

A little blonde stood by the bus stop, with rather depressed look on his face. He was late for work and VERY tired. Two thing that even together are very bad to deal with.

"…I overslept on the first day…" (Naruto Uzumaki: 11-yeay-old M.I.T. grad.)

"I tried to wake you up several times…"

He looked down at his pet fox. He was quiet small and had the same depressed look on his face. The thing was he always had that look. The poor thing had little to no confidence. He suddenly became even more depressed.

"I-I'm sorry, for not waking you up correctly…" (Kyuubi: 'Cute' mascot)

Naruto just yawned. He was still quite tired and wanted to go back to bed, but he knew he couldn't do that. He was a teacher now! He had responsibilities to uphold! He looked down at his clothes. The school had given him a white coat the resembled something you'd ware in a lab. His shirt was a bit wrinkly as well as his pants. The blonde really didn't care about such thing at the moment.

Kyuubi still felt terrible about not waking Naruto up the right way. He looked down feeling defeated, then noticed the bag Naruto had with him.

"U-um…can I carry your bag?" He asked sheepishly.

"Oh uh, sure"

This made the little fox perk up. Naruto handed his bag to Kyuubi and just as he let go, the bag fell to the ground. The little foxes had forgotten a very important thing about himself…he didn't have thumbs.

"I…I can't hold it…"

"Well whatever, the bus is here…"

"I…I couldn't hold it…"

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Gaara now stood behind the teacher's desk and sighed. If the teacher wasn't going to get there anytime soon, then why not run the class a little? It wasn't like he was going to 'completely' take it over…he would save that for the world. Kakashi had already gone back to his class, and he praised all the gods and goddesses out there for it (this would include Godzilla, Vincent Vega and Jules Winnfield from Pulp Fiction). He called attention to the class, but no one was listening. So he tried again and still got the same result. Getting fed, he yelled.

"OI! SHUT THE HELL UP! IT'S STUDY TIME!"

The class grew silence.

"Anyway…I was thinking about have a class discussion about our new tiny teacher." He said with another sigh.

"Maho! That sound's fun!"

"This is stupid…" Sasuke said while writing in his notebook. He, after all, had better things to do then talk about the new, and very late, teacher.

"What's your problem, Sasuke…?" He asked.

He looked up from his work.

"What are we going to talk about?"

"Oh! Oh! How about how small he is!"

"That just as stupid!" He shouted.

"Alright, shut up both of you. Just go back to studying, study bug…"

"Don't call me a bug!"

"Ah, so Sasuke is a big?" Sakura asked. "I didn't know tha-"

"SHUT UP!" he yelled.

"Maho?"

"First off, who the hell put you in charge? Aren't these kinds of events the class representative's job? And the representative is Sasori, you know. Right, Sasori?"

The lights dimmed again, and the spotlight shined on Sasori. He stood up, sipped on a cup on green tea that he has somehow acquired and nodded without a single word said.

'Why is he class representative again…?' He thought to himself.

He took another sip of his tea and nodded at Sasuke. Sasuke, deeply confused, nodded back.

"Okay, well, let's continue." Gaara said.

Sasuke sunk to the floor, feeling defeated.

"…hay look, ten yen."

-------

As the bus left, Naruto and Kyuubi were left stand at the edge of what looked like the….the ocean?

"This is the ocean, isn't it…?"

"Yes…"

"We took the wrong bus, didn't we…?

"Yes…"

"I wanna go home…"

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"…how about we give a nickname to Naruto-sensei or something…" Gaara was getting really bored.

"Ah! Pick me! Pick me!"

"I really don't wanna hear your idea, but...what is it, Sakura…?" He said with a groan.

The pink haired girl jumped for joy. She was great with coming up with name! Well, except for when she named her old goldfish Kill 3000…

"Narta!"

"That sounds stupid…"

"Then, Naruano!"

"That makes no sense!"

"How about we do what some Americans do. The shorten names, so 'Catharine' becomes 'Cathy', 'Michael' becomes 'Mick' and 'David' becomes 'Dave'…" Sasuke finally said.

"'Cathy' and 'Mick' huh? I understand! Heeere!" She quickly raised her hand.

"Go ahead…" Gaara said flatly.

"Mik!"

"Go home, Sakura…"

The light dimmed again and the spotlight came on. Sasori stood up, and everyone stared.

"…Sasori…?" Gaara said.

There was still silence. There was great tension in the room; everyone was anxious.

"…"

He said nothing and sat back down.

(Insert anime-style fall)

"He only stood up?!" Gaara shouted.

"Namik!"

"I thought I told you to go home!"

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Once Naruto and Kyuubi had left the bus again, they had ended up in a weird looking forest. Who do you blame in situations like this? The bus driver? Or yourself for, waking up late and taking the wrong bus?

….

Yeah, you blame the bus driver.

"Where are we?" Naruto said with a sigh.

"Looks like a forest…"

"Why…"

"Beats me…"

Naruto sighed. What had he gotten himself into? Was it really worth it? Did he really need to teach? Yes he did! There would be no story if he didn't! Who would want to hear a story about a bunch of high school student's and there weird lives!

….

Hmm, that sounds familiar…anyway, Naruto really did feel like going him, but then he spotted a…vending machine. Yes, I said it, a vending machine. As in, the large box you put money in and something comes out. This one just happened to be a soda machine…yes, yes; I know it's in the middle of the forest!

"Well, I'd rather be upset, then thirty and upset..." He said, as she walked towards it. He reached into hid pocked and pulled out a coin and placed in the 'coin slot'. Once that was done, he pushed the 'apple juice' bottom and waited…and waited…and waited…

"…"

"Maybe it's stuck…" Kyuubi said in a small voice.

"This is just GREAT! As if I wasn't already irritated, now I have to deal with this!" With that said, he kicked the machine. He half expected the juice to come out, what he didn't expect was for the front part of it to open up, reveling a cat holding soda cans.

"…my body temperature keep them warm, nya." It said

"…who are you?" Naruto asked.

"God, nya."

Now Naruto, being the college grad he was, tried to figure this out. First, he had to assess the situation:

1. He was out in the middle of some unknown forest

2. He was thirsty

3. There was a cat in the vending machine that was calling itself God…

'This is definitely one for the books.' He thought. The cat took on of the cans it was holding, and handed it to the blonde.

"Here one, has a token of our acquaintance, nya"

Naruto reluctantly took the can and walked away. He REALLY needed to get to class.

"Um, could you close the door please?"

"Why should I…" He said as she threw the can to the side. In some strange way the can manipulated time and space, and hit Kyuubi in the head knocking him over. As if things couldn't get any weirder, a small statue came out of the bushes holding a plate of green tea. A piece of paper shot out of its mouth and said, 'I have come to pick you up, Naruto Uzumaki-sensei'

"…"

A fan appeared its back and flashed the words 'Leaf Moon'.

"Oh, you're from Happatsuki Academy…how did you manage to find me here?"

It spit the piece of paper at Kyuubi, hitting it square on the forehead. Another piece of paper popped out of its mouth reading, 'Don't underestimate Happatsuki Academy – Headmaster'. With that said, a police car rolled up, and Naruto got inside, sighing.

"Well, at lest I'll finally get there…"

-------

In the teachers lounge, everything was quiet. Well, it was up until everyone there started hearing a strange beeping noise. It was coming closer and could now been heard as a…

CRASH!

The police car crashed thru the window, fighting all the teachers inside and running over a few.

3…

2…

1...

KABOOM!

The car exploded.

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Naruto sighed as he stood near to door to his class. He was so late; he knew that he needed to apologize for that. The problem was…he was really nervous, and really didn't feel like going in.

"Well, we should probably go in…" Kyuubi said in a small voice. His ears twitched, and looked up at the blonde. "Is something wrong…?"

"…I can't believe I'm this late on my first day…they'll probably make fun of me…"

"Should we go him then…?"

"No…we've come this far…"

He perked up a little and took in a deep breath. He stared at the door for the longest time. He slowly lifted his hand, and placed it on the door knob. Was he ready for this? Slowly turned the knob and cracked the door open so he could see in. There were students having a conversation about something, but stopped and looked over at him. The blonde quickly closed the door.

"Should we go home?" Kyuubi asked again. He shook his head furiously.

"Alright! I'm going in!" With that said he opened the door fully and stepped in. Everyone stared at him, and he stared. Maybe he should have gone home…

"Hello, Naru!" They all said in unison.

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Naruto now stood behind the teacher's desk, with everyone's eyes on him. Panicking, he ducked down and began to converse with Kyuubi. The whole class became silent.

"…what's that thing he's talking to?" Hinata asked Gaara. "It looks like a fox…"

"Looks like it…" He said in his usual flat voice.

"Can we eat it?"

"…wanna try…?"

Naruto finally came back to his senses, and placed a book on his desk.

"Um, I know it's kinda late, but I'd like to take attendance…" He said as he opened the book "But before that…I'm…I-I'm sorry for being late…" He said with an ultra kawaii voice.

"Ahhh! OMEGA cute!"

"Omega?"

"Maho! I have a question for the tiny teacher!"

"Don't call me tiny!"

"Hay! Is your mother or father Japanese?"

"Starting off with the hard question, huh Sakura..." Gaara said.

"By the way, were you born in America? Or Japan?" Hinata asked.

Naruto began to be bombarded with questions. Some ranging form the mundane, like 'what's you're favorite food?' or 'Do you like pocky?' to the usual 'In a fight between a pirate and ninja, who would win?' or 'I'm the class representative, Sasori' …okay so that last one wasn't a question, but it was weird. Poor Naruto was starting to feel like maybe he should have stayed home…

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CLASS 1-A

"Huh? What's going on next door?" (Tsunade: Lazy teacher of class 1-A)

"Beats us…" (Sakon and Ukon Souseiji: Twins of story)

"My sister's in that class…" (Neji Hyuuga: Older brother to the 'plain girl')

"I'm so bored…" (Tayuya Deki: Member of the intelligence club)

-------

CLASS 1-B

"Well, class 1-C sounds pretty lively!" (Asuma Sarutobi: Teacher of class 1-B, also the gym teacher)

"Well at lest he distracted." (Temari Sabaku: Gaara's big sis)

"Can you please continue what the lesson, old man?" (Kin Tsuchi: Class shorty)

"I hate this class…" (Choji Akimichi: Lazy one)

"I can not wait to get the big scoop on this!" (Rock Lee: School reporter)

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CLASS 1-D

"Ah! The new teacher has arrived, hasn't he?" (Tenten: self-proclaimed 'magic girl')

"I wonder if he has a pet!" (Ino Yamanaka: Animal fanatic)

"I really hope he doesn't…" (Shikamaru Nara: 'Pet finder')

"Let's go over and check!" (Deidara Kyougen: Drama club member)

Everyone started to get up and leave.

"…if you leave, I'll be by your bedside every night…" (Kakashi Hatake: Scare tactics teacher)

Everyone slowly began to sit back down.

"They're so easy to control…"

-------

Everyone was running amuck in Naruto's class. With His anger growing, he broke the piece of chalk in his hand, and threw it at the closet student, which just happened to be Sakura.

"Don't underestimate me you DAMN BRATS!" he yelled.

The whole class when silent at his outburst.

"Look, asking question is okay; just raise your hands…" He sighed.

"Besides, you're questions are too simple…you…lower life forms!" He said as he gave the entire class the finger.

Everyone gasped. How could he?

WHAM!

Gaara had just hit the teacher.

"How dare you do that to your students; it's completely and utterly disrespectful!"

Naruto began to tear up.

"Is…is he crying?" Hinata asked.

"Gaara! Don't make him cry! He's only a little kid!" Sakura added.

"He may be a little kid, but he's still a teacher…" Gaara replied. "He may be a genius, but…huh?" Gaara looked over to see that Naruto had hide behind the blinds that hung from the window. He sobbed lightly making Gaara feel a little bad. Kyuubi stood beside the blonde, trying to couch him out. But alas, he couldn't.

"Geez, this kid is really sensitive…" Gaara remarked.

"How could you? I'm you're teacher…" Naruto whimpered.

"Oh man…"

Naruto sobbed.

"Okay, okay, I want too far that time..." He sighs. "I won't do it again, so please come out…"

Naruto looked away not believing his statement.

"Really, I'm not angry anymore."

"…"

"…it's okay"

"…really?"

Gaara nodded. Naruto hesitated for a moment, and then began to come out. He was still sobbing a little, and still felt like it was a bad idea coming to school.

"Ah! He came out!" Hinata exclaimed.

Gaara crouched down in front of the blonde and smiled. Yes, I said smiled. 'Gaara smiled'…scary isn't it. Thank goodness he so OOC…

"Look, we're all just really curious about you, so we're going to ask you a lot of questions."

Naruto rubbed his eyes.

"We'll ask you one by one. You don't have to answer any questions you don't want to. Okay?"

The blonde nodded.

"I'll start; you graduated from an American university, right? Which university was it?"

Naruto smiled.

"M.I.T." he replied.

"M.I.T., wow, what does that stand for?"

"Massahussive Insit...I mean Massassahu, Massaschu…chu…chu…chu…" He stopped once he heard a sound. He looked up and noticed that not only Gaara but the entire class had this funny face on them…like they were going to…

"AHAHAHAHA!"

The whole class busted into a fit of laughter.

"OMEGA kawaii!"

And once again, Naruto retreated behind the blinds. He began to sob again, cursing the face he couldn't say that damn word.

"I'm your teacher! You're not supposed to laugh at me…"

"You asked that question on purpose, didn't you…" Sasuke accused Gaara of being up to no good.

"Yeah, it was funnier then I thought I'd be." He said pushing his glasses back on his face.

"You evil bastard…" The bug muttered.

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A/N: So what did you think? Should I keep going? And sorry for my bad grammar!

Ahoge: lock of hair sticking out from the top of the head (think Edward Elric from Full Metal Alchemist)