Ah. There he is.
You are staring at him, gazing after him longingly. He was only half a cafeteria's walk away, but he felt so far to you. How beautiful he looks today. You feel yourself gulp, and you are distracted by the sight of him, noticing only moments later that your friends are staring at you. They sigh and know what you are thinking. They know it's useless; you know that as well.
"Kris, that's useless, staring at him like that." Your friend Leaf says, quietly taking small bites of her sandwich.
You know, but you just can't help it. It's not like he would talk to you on his own.
So you gulp when he stands up and makes his way towards the trash can, wanting to slap yourself because you had actually wished that he was heading towards you.
It was an impossible dream, you knew. After all, you hadn't seen him much at all recently, and the only time you could be somewhere near him was during lunch.
I will confess today.
How many times had you lied to yourself?
How many times had you almost walked up to him and tapped him on the shoulder, only to walk away because he might find you strange?
You were just a coward in denial.
So you swallowed.
Today I will confess.
You stared at him, knowing that you would never do it.
A coward.
That's what you were.
So you'd stare at him.
You wanted to forget him. You also wanted to confess to him. For closure, then.
You were always a coward.
You sighed and took one last fleeting glance as people swarmed out of the cafeteria.
If I see him again, today, then I will confess. If I don't, then I will forget about him.
So your eyes drooped sadly as you realized you had put yourself into another impossible situation.
...He's not here...
You were a coward.
A pitiful fool.
And you were standing there, because Arceus, you hadn't seen him and you didn't want it to end like this, and you never actually-
"So I guess that's it, then?"
A remorseful shake of the head.
You were afraid of being weak. Of being useless.
And then you really wanted to cry, because no matter what-
You were still a coward lying to herself.
You wouldn't forget about him for a long time.
Because you were a little girl with a crush.
And a coward was so much better than being weak.
Yes, I will.
Why would you lie to yourself, even now?
Only fools bet their hearts on chance.
A/N
WAGH, I KNOW THIS STORY SUCKS, SO... ;_;
Feel free to interpret her crush as whomever you want, although I had someone in mind while writing this. XD
...So, I actually had this happen today. I wanted to forget about the dude I liked, but I still wanted to confess, so I decided that if I was to see him again I would tell him.
And if I didn't, I would give up...
but I know I won't give up, and I know I won't ever confess either.
It's a horrible cycle, isn't it?
