I slowly opened my eyes and smiled hearing the thunder and the rain hit the roof. I heard two snores, soft snores at the same time and laughed. I turned my head slowly and laughed louder. Kendall, was passed out hard, on his back, his mouth hanging wide open. Laying right on top of him, facing me, was our 4 year old son Matthew. His mouth was also open and there was a small puddle of drool of Kendall's white shirt. There was a loud thunder clap overhead, but neither of them moved. I dear hear a tiny yelp and then fast footsteps. I sat up just in time to see our 6 tear old, Emma, clutching her tiny bear, eyes wide open. I motioned for her to come on the bed and she ran to my side, and jumped on. I pulled her on my lap, scooting back and sat against the headboard.
"Did the thunder scare you?" She nodded and snuggled into my chest.
"I feel sick." I quickly put the back of my hand on her forehead and sighed.
"Are you sure you're sick, or just don't want to go to first day of the first grade?" She pushed up and dropped her teddy.
"Papa! I don't want to go!" I laugh and pull her back onto my chest.
"Okay…if you don't want to go you don't have to." She laid back on me giggling and I wrapped around her closing my eyes. The rain was still going hard and it was making me fall back asleep.
"She's going Logan." I open my eyes and look down at Kendall who is wide awake staring at us. "Emma do you remember the talk we had last night?" Emma turned her head away from him and he sighed rubbing his eyes. "I'm going to get up and go make a big breakfast before you get to school. You have to get ready Ems." I watched him sit up, holding onto Matthew and smile at him. He smiles back and leans in kissing the side of my mouth. While still holding Matthew, who blinked his eyes opened and then dug his face into Kendall's neck. I laughed and got myself up holding Emma just like Kendall did with Matthew.
30 minutes later Emma trudged down the stairs a grumpy look on her face, bright yellow rain boots on and her pink Hello Kitty backpack on her shoulder. I smiled wide and set Matthew on the chair next to me and got up.
"Kendall come look! She looks so freaking cute!" She put her bag on the ground and climbed on the chair across from me. I heard movement behind me and then a plate of French toast with eggs and sausage was put in front of her.
"She doesn't look very happy." She stood up on her chair and stomped her foot.
"Daddy I don't want to go to school! Matthew doesn't have to go!" I sigh and look up giving Kendall a puppy dog look but he shook his head.
"Logan she has to go." I frown and look back at her, tears in her eyes.
"Papa!" I sigh and lean forward.
"Sweetie you have to go. You're going to have so much fun. And meet new friends and learn lots!" She sat down rough and picked up her fork stabbing at her eggs. She started eating and I heard Matthew pick up his Sippy cup. I got up, and walked out to the kitchen, seeing Kendall still in his PJ's making more French toast for us. "Kendall…" I whine and wrap my arms around him, from behind him. I rest my head on his shoulder and he chuckles.
"Don't start Logan. We are not making this like kindergarten. You have to be strong, for her so she knows not to be afraid." I sigh and know he's right but she still is my little girl.
It was hard to get her in the car, after making sure she brushed her teeth. She sat in the back, huffing and whining while Matthew played with some action figures. We drove in silence. Kendall holding my hand brushing over my knuckles, occasionally rubbing the ring on my left finger. I was hoping the rain would cause us to be slower but Kendall drove through it like a champ. When we parked it finally hit me and I turned to him quickly. He shook his head and got out, putting his hood on. I got out and while he got Emma out, pulling on her hood I grabbed Matthew putting him on my hip. We walked slowly to the front, Emma crying on Kendall's shoulders. When we walked in, because it was raining, there were a bunch of little kids running around laughing and chasing each other. I smiled until I saw two familiar faces and quickly walked over to them, Matthew clutching onto me.
"James. Carlos!" They turned and smiled. "Where's Jessie?" They both looked around and Carlos shrugged his shoulders.
"Off with some friends I think. Why? Where's Emma?" I sigh and turn nodding over to Kendall who was bending down, holding her little face trying to get her to calm down. "Tough morning?" I turn back and nod.
"She is terrified and I don't think she's ready for it. I don't want her going through today scared out of her mind. I tried getting Kendall to let stay but…"
"He said no." I turned to Carlos and nodded. He smiled and looked at James. "Jessie was the same way. She was afraid no one would like her and that she wouldn't have friends. So like the big softy I am, I was so close to getting her to stay home until…"
"I told him she has to grow up sometimes, no matter how hard it is. From him and her." James wrapped his arm around Carlos's waist and Carlos blushed, beaming up at him. "It's hard Logan, but this is going to be so much fun! She'll come home today, with so many pictures and stories and will thank her dad for making her go. Trust me Loges." I sigh and nod turning back to see Kendall hugging Emma and swaying something in her ear. She pushed away and started bouncing on her toes. I smiled and she ran off, giving him her bag. He stayed down for a minute and smiled. When he got back up I could see him faintly wipe his face and smiled to myself.
When we got back home, Emma practically forcing us so she could play with her friends, Matthew ran to the backdoor and pushed it open. Our two dogs, both Mastiffs came charging in, making him giggle.
"Matthew! Take them back outside. They are going to get everything all muddy!" Matthew giggled some more up at Kendall and chased them back outside leaving the door open. "That kid…I swear to god." I put my hand son my hips and watch him take off his jacket. He turned to me and raised his eyebrows. "What punk?" I sigh an pop out my hip. "What Logan?" I start walking towards him and he stands up straight staring at me.
"You cried this morning." He rolled his eyes and tried walking away. I grabbed his arm and pushed him up against the wall, running my hands up through his hair. "You cried because you didn't want our little girl to leave us today." He looked away and I leaned in kissing on his neck. "You are just as big a softy as me. Admit it old man." I gently bit on the skin and he put his hands on my hips.
"Yeah so what? I'm aloud to miss her, and not want to see her go. You got a problem with that?" I pushed away from him and slowly put my hand in the front of his jeans. He closed his eyes and put his head back. As I lean in again I hear a car door shut and then Matthew.
"Grandma! Grandpa!" We both straighten out, and my stomach turned. I heard the side gate open and we both quickly walked out the back.
"Matthew. You are so dirty. Your dad just let you hang out around here in the mud?" We walk out and Kendall gives an irritated sigh. My parents, both looking at Matthew are standing on the porch, their fancy expensive rain coats on.
"Mom. Dad?" They both turned and Matthew runs to us, Kendall picking him up.
"Logan. Kendall, we came by to see Matthew. I thought you would be out Logan?" My mom looks me square in the eyes and I smile.
"I haven't left yet. You should have called." My dad steps up and I have to use all of my will power not to strangle him. "And Matthew has to see the doctor today so…"
"We just wanted to check on him." I groan and before I can ask them nicely to leave Kendall steps up.
"Of right…because I'm a bad father and I can't take care of my own son?" I see my mom smile weakly and pinch the bridge of my nose.
"Kendall…take Matthew inside. Pease." I hear him walk away quickly and slam the door shut. "Seriously guys?" I stare at them. They don't look sorry.
"When are you going to give up this game of just pissing us off? Just drop this charade and find a nice girl." My mom sounds desperate. "Don't you want the best life for your kids?"
"Mom they do have the best life! Kendall is a great father! He is a great husband! Why can't you just be happy for me?"
"Because it's not right!" My dad shouts back at me. "We were fine when you went off with your friends and started singing and dancing. We were happy when you got rich and famous off of your boy band. But it crushed us to find out you were gay and dating Kendall! Don't' you care about our feelings? About what our whole family back in Minnesota think of you now?" I step forward and my dad shook his head. "I am so embarrassed by you!" My whole body feel. Not literally but my spirits and my feelings were crushed. My mom moved forward and put a hand on my dad's arm and pulled him back. My dad huffed angrily and walked away. I turned to my mom and she sighed.
"I just want your kids to be in a house with a mother and a father…its what's right Logan. Just please…think of your children." She kissed my cheek and walked off. I turned quick and walked to the door and pushed it open. Kendall was in front of the sink with Matthew sitting on the counter next to him. Kendall turned to me and quickly shielded Matthew not wanting him to see me crying. I quickly walked out of the room and headed for the stairs.
I laid up in the bed, crying hating my parents. I never wanted to see them again and definitely didn't want my kids near them. It was so hard for them to just be happy for me. I couldn't understand that.
"Loges?" I put my face in the pillow hearing Kendall walk in and sobbed out. "What did they say to you?" I didn't answer and he crawled on the bed behind me. One of his hands went on my hip while the other ran through my hair. "Talk to me." I shook my head and he sighed. I felt him kiss into my hair and I slowly turned my head so I could look at him. He wiped my tears quick and lay next to me.
"I don't want Emma and Matthew around my parents anymore." He at first looked confused and then slowly nodded.
"If that's what you want I will support you. I love you with all my heart."
