The Opening of My Eyes
The rough gravel against my feet was merely an afterthought. The harsh, bitter wind blowing against my scarred body no longer mattered.
A large cave loomed up ahead, darker even than the surrounding darkness. My aching limbs were protesting violently with every step, yet I continued on my own, unique, path.
Huge gray boulders were carelessly strewn along the narrow path, and each presented yet another obstacle for me to cross. The moon had been overpowered by the clouds, this night. The inky darkness allowed me to see nothing but the faintest shadow of what was ahead. It didn't matter, however.
It had always been this way. Nothing more than obstacles to cross, on my way to fall into the loving arms of Death.
How bleak it sounded, living a life waiting for Death. But I could not fool myself into believing otherwise. Happiness was for fools, fools who would rather be secure in their ignorant bliss than to face the world as it is. To lead a life based on a false view of the world, ignorant of it's evils...it would be worse than Death.
Many people choose to live in such an unsightly manner.
But I know better.
I, after all, am no fool.
--
However, things had not always been like this. There was a time, not so long ago, when I had lived with my eyes firmly shut to the horrors of the world.
My ambition from a very early age was to be a Pokemon Trainer, just like countless other young boys. How amazing it would be, to travel with amazing creatures throughout the strange and mysterious world.
For many years, I did just that, collecting along the way quite a variety of Pokemon. I cherished each and every one as a valuable friend and companion, pitting them against other so called trainer's Pokemon in matches of skill.
At the time, it seemed harmless. Sure, on occasion a Pokemon would get hurt in a battle, but all I had to do was hand them off to someone else. Soon enough they would be well and I could continue with my journey. It was always of small coincidence, the battles.
The real reason I traveled was to explore. New places fascinated me, and the easiest way to travel was to go with Pokemon. So that I did, and I was, for the first time in my young life, content.
Content to do what all young boys dreamed of.
It was happiness, and I couldn't get enough. The feeling was indescribable and I chased after it like a crazy fool.
It all would soon, however, come to an abrupt end.
--
My arms and legs were on fire, and a thick red liquid dripped onto the slate gray rocks below me. I clutched my chest tightly, pushing past the pain and continuing over the boulder strewn path.
How odd it felt, walking to my Death. I had imagined my Death many times before. Dreamed, dreamed how it would happen. Would I die a hero's Death?
It was my far-fetched fantasy, but now that my eyes are open I know it was nothing but a carefully constructed facade. What was a hero, anyway? Did it really matter?
In the end, no. Nothing, I reasoned, mattered in the end.
Why should it? Would I be judged on what my life was about, and how I had led it? I doubted it. Anyone could make a mistake. It shouldn't affect me in the afterlife, as well.
--
The world came crashing down.
There was no use ignoring the facts.
My life collapsed, crumbling along with my hopes and dreams.
How it had happened...it seemed remarkable how, in the span of a few days, a life could be ruined.
The second I had walked into the small warehouse, looking for some extra money, was the second that changed my outlook on life, completely.
The man was very convincing. He offered to show me the "real" world, and I jumped at the chance. I was an adventurer, after all. All that he required...were the talents of my beloved Pokemon.
I, being the trusting fool that I was, agreed and handed all of my Pokemon over to the man.
What a fool I was.
--
Panting heavily, I finally reached the gaping chasm that was the mouth of the cave. The hike had taken more out of me than I had expected, but it did not matter.
Taking one final deep breath, I began my descent into the bowels of the cavern.
Immediately, it hit me how dark it was. The darkness outside was nothing compared to this.
Nevertheless, I continued. There was no getting lost here.
There was only one entrance.
And one exit.
I smiled morosely. The exit awaits.
--
It was the beginning of the end.
I came back the next day to find the man, and my Pokemon, gone.
Big surprise, right?
It was for me. I searched for my trusted friends and comrades for many long, grueling months, but to no avail.
As I wallowed in the depths of despair, someone new came into the picture.
To this day, I still cannot explain it. Why someone, anyone, would seek me out. To talk to. To listen to.
But it happened. She was...remarkable. By then, I had surrendered my morals to cold logic. When she was around...I felt the same rush of happiness as I had, all those many months before.
She lifted me up, out of the despair and into the light. For that, I will be eternally grateful.
But her effort was in vein.
For no one can help me now.
--
Stumbling through the darkness, I could feel I was nearing my destination. The thought of finally reaching the end gave me the willpower to continue.
It was all I had left.
I turned my mind to a morbid thought. What would it feel like, to die?
The thought curled my lips into a grimace.
I shall soon see, I thought to myself. Why spoil the last surprise I have left?
A wave of pain crashed through my conciousness.
Gasping, I fell to the floor of the cavern. One small break was in order...
--
Then the light was extinguished.
After several years, we were married. Life had been restored to what it had used to be. Still, the loss of the friends I had made in my Pokemon still stung.
But I had long since given up hope of ever seeing them again.
Until they turned up, but fundamentally different than I had left them.
They called them "Shadow" Pokemon.
--
I stumbled to my feet. There would be plenty of time for rest later.
I only had to take a few more steps, however, until I could see golden light. The cave was very deep here, and the normally black rock was bathed in the gold light.
It came from a flickering lanturn that was propped against the wall.
What it illminated...was a grisly sight, no doubt.
The cave was filled, with the dead.
The sight, and stench, overwhelmed my senses. Several mangled bodies were haphazardly lying everywhere. A thick, crimson liquid was everywhere, covering everything.
The walls told the story. Sprays of blood had impacted with the wall, seemingly the last sign that these people had put up a struggle.
I flinched, looking away. I did not need to see anymore. Then something else caught my gaze.
Not all of them were freshly deceased, either.
Many bones filled the area. Some were complete skeletons, others nothing more than a pile of bones. It was a graveyard of the damned, and I knew that many thousands of people had spent their final moments here.
It was distinctly eerie, the end.
But could it be any other way?
--
The second they were returned to me, everything started to fall apart. I became every part as vicious as the friends I had yearned for for so long.
Then...I snapped.
I could take no more. Happiness...was no longer my quest. I did not want it anymore, as it led to nothing but despair, in the end.
Once my eyes were open, I cast aside my feeble excuse of a life.
What was the point, having companions?
The answer came to me in a stroke of inspiration.
None. None at all.
--
At the end, I have reflected back on my poor excuse of a life.
One thought consistently floats to the top of my mind.
What mark have I left upon this sad excuse of a world?
The answer...none, I suppose.
While men struggle to cast a feeble footprint on the world their entire lives, I take solace in the fact that I have done no such thing.
I am obscure in my anonymity, and that is the way I like it.
To disappear into the world...yes. That is the way I wish to go.
But one thing is certain.
It is my time, now.
--
