The Saving Grace of Hairspray and Lighters
Kurt was standing by his locker retrieving his books for first period when he happened to glance down the hall. In an instant his eyes snapped shut and his head spun around into his locker, so fast he feared he had whiplash, as an instinctive reaction to protect his eyes. This reaction however, was not due to the now habitual reason. No, no slushie facial was being aimed at him yet, today. This was instead from the shear amount of hideousness coming toward him in the form of one Rachel Berry.
She stopped beside him bouncing on her toes, with an exceptionally wide smile stretched across her face. (Her number 6 show smile, she had debated on which to use, but decided to stick with the one she always used when asking someone for a favour, it was tried and tested after all). And in an annoyingly perky voice that was grating to Kurt's nerves, declared in her typical bossy manner "Kurt! Great! I wanted to talk to you about…"
"No" Kurt interrupted her before she could build up steam because once that happened there was no shutting her up.
"You have to go away," he continued in a clipped tone, still with his head buried in his locker.
"But…" Rachel tried to protest, only to be cut off once more.
"No! Right. Now. Rachel. before my eyes start bleeding from that, thing you have on." Kurt gritted out.
"If you expect me to acknowledge your existence, today or from now on for that matter, You. Must. Burn that abomination." Kurt averred.
"Do. Not. speak to me until it is done and the fashion world has been cleansed of the atrocity that is currently on your person". Kurt stated slowly and deliberately to ensure that the message got across that he was absolutely serious.
Rachel looked down upon her jumper with a frown; she really couldn't understand Kurt's hatred of her clothes. She loved her animal sweaters and was particularly fond of her most recent addition. (A fuzzy orange sweater adorned with a pink fluffy kitten with, God forbid, googly eyes).
"Kuuurrt…" whined Rachel.
"No! I suggest you get out of here Rachel. I have a can of hairspray in my hand and a lighter in my pocket. If you do not remove it from my vicinity, I won't be responsible for my actions". Kurt stated in a neutral tone.
"Why do you have a lighter? You're not smoking are you, that could damage your voice and…" Rachel began in an incredulous tone, putting her hands on her hips and pointing at him to emphasize her admonishment. Not that Kurt was aware of this as he was yet to open his eyes since spotting the offending article he was reluctant to call clothing.
"Focus Rachel" Kurt again interrupted. "You have 5 seconds to get it out of here before I burn it for you."
"You can't, if I don't take it off" said Rachel smugly while crossing her arms over her chest and tipping her nose in the air with a superior look on her face.
"I didn't say you had to" Kurt deadpanned.
"You wouldn't" replied Rachel.
"5…" Kurt counted as he aimed his can of hairspray at her. Rachel shuffled nervously. "4…" Kurt continued counting down as he pulled the lighter from his pocket. Rachel squeaked and rushed past him to get away.
"I'll be bringing my hairspray and lighter to glee, don'tmake me use it" he called after her, chuckling darkly as she hurried away.
The End
