A/N This takes place during the first season episode, Shadows. I was fascinated by the confrontation between John and Sam at the end of the episode. The first chapter is Sam's perspective on what happened in Shadows.
Letting Go
by CFEditor
You've got to let me go.
Those words reverberated in Sam's head and he could only stare at the father that he'd only just found again. The father he was just starting to understand. The father who had thrown an arm around Dean when he saw him but who didn't do the same for Sam. Neither he nor his dad could cross that bridge. They had looked at each other like two prize fighters who were so used to swinging at each other that they didn't know how to act when the fight was over.
His father admitted that he was closing in on the demon, that he would kill it, not just send it to Hell. And Sam had said, "Take us with you," but his father refused. He didn't want his sons caught in the crossfire. But Dad, Sam thought, we've done so much since you left. You don't have to worry about us.He said as much, but it didn't matter. "I'm your father," said his Dad, and though Sam wanted to protest that he wasn't a little boy who needed protection, something in the way his father spoke warmed him. Those three words were the closest his dad had ever come to saying "I love you."
He thought that would be it. But his father took it further.
"See, Sammy... The last time we saw each other, we had one hell of a fight..."
"Yes sir..." he answered, swallowing. Would they take up where they had left off?
"It's good to see you. It's been a long time."
"Too long."
The words had been hard for both men. But there was a hole in the wall between them. Finally, they crossed the physical distance and embraced.
But then, just when he had found his dad again, the shadow demons attacked. It looked like the end had come, that none of them would survive. Quick thinking on Sam's part and a flare saved them all, chased the shadows away. Until his father uttered those fateful words.
You've got to let me go.
They ran through Sam's head now, as he stared at his Dad. They were so like what Sam himself had said to Dean when they were talking about what they would do if they killed the demon that murdered Mom and Jess. "Dean, when this is all over" Sam had said, "you're going to have to let me go my own way."
And suddenly Sam saw that he and Dad were the same. He had promised to find justice for Jess; Dad had made the same promise for Mom. The same focus, the same obsession, was driving them. But Dad's quest had already taken 22 years, and his whole life was wrapped around the hunt; like Dean, he could see no other path. And the hunt demanded that he and his boys separate again.
Sam had only just found his father. But if Sam would demand that Dean let him go when his quest was over, when the rest of his life could continue, how could he not let Dad go now, even though their story was just beginning?
