ZAMA: ello, am finally back to writing again. This story used to be some strange adventure, but, due to numerous character issues, I decided to ditch that plot, and make one that actually fits the title, so here it is. IMPORTANT NOTE!: this oll takes place five years after the Melee tournament. Another has started up, and this will mainly be the antics in between the battles. Some of the character's appearances ave changed, some aven't. so no flames, please.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Super Smash Brothers Melee, GSN, Dog Eat Dog, Match Game, Lingo, or any other shows featured here. They oll belong to their respective owners. Enjoy!

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"Cartoons!"

"Educational!"

"Cartoons!"

"Educational!"

This had been going on for hours. If you haven't guessed by now, Ness and Young Link were arguing over what to watch on TV for the day.

"CARTOONS!" The young elf yelled, holding onto the remote controller with both hands and pulling it towards him.

"EDUCATIONAL!" Ness shrieked in return, yanking the remote back. The two were creating quite a fuss and had woken some of the other Smashers, as it was only three in the morning.

"Beep. Click. Buzz," a black, 2D, humanoid figure walked towards the two quarreling boys and grabbed the controller from them. "Beep! Motherly scold: It is not healthy for young boys such as yourselves to be arguing over a silly matter such as television. Beep! Unselfish comment: Mr. Game and Watch want to Watch and Game! BUZZ! Error! Error! Correction: Mr. Game and Watch want to Watch a Game!" he announced, receiving odd stares from the youngsters as he changed the channel.

"...Freak," Ness mumbled as he and Young Link plopped down on a couch situated a few feet away from the television. Mr. Game and Watch sat down between them. Mario, Bowser, Link, and Mewtwo – who was completely covered in his large, brown cloak – meandered into the room. Bowser and Link took up an arm wrestling match on the desk that stood just to the right of the plush couch, Mario took the last seat on said couch, while Mewtwo curled up in a ball on the floor, dazedly muttering something about nightmares, censors, and being woken up too early.

"So-a, what's on-a the men-a-u?" Mario inquired in his thick Italian accent.

"Nuthin," Ness and Young Link answered nonchalantly at once. After a few minutes of everyone's staring at the muted TV, Mewtwo finally crawled over and turned the volume on, the silence having given him a headache. "Lazy brats..." he muttered as he crawled in a circle around his spot on the floor, then tripped over his entangled cloak and curled up.

"This, is GSNN," a seemingly metallic, but welcoming, female voice resounded from the television, "the Game Show Network for Nintendo." A blue and black cube with the letters GSNN printed on it spins into the middle of the screen. Another portion of the screen, just to the right of the cube, margins in to reveal a schedule, with the same color scheme as the cube. "Next up, Dog Eat Dog. Followed by Match Game, and then it's Lingo!" The voice announces. The screen turns black, transitioning into the opening of the next program.

A tall woman stands amidst a group of midget wrestlers. She has pale skin, green eyes, and long purple hair, and she wears a black jumpsuit with bold, red stripes up the sides.

"Welcome to Dog Eat Dog!" she exclaims, holding her arms out to her sides. "Today, we ave a special set of guests, six of the Super Smash Brothers! The Smashers will have to measure their wits, against weight! Find out who will be top dog, as they claw their way to the top!" The camera zooms out, and then switches scenes to what seems to be boot camp. Cuts are seen of Captain Falcon scaling a rock-climbing wall, Luigi – wearing his green swimming trunks – diving into a pool, Mewtwo – having grown dreadlocks, a mini goatee, and sporting two silver earrings in his right ear – fumbling to hold a large black pen steady while writing something down on paper, Zelda wobbling across a tight rope strung between two trees, Peach yelling encouragement up to her fellow princess, and Ice Climber Nana – in an orange T-shirt and jeans, instead of her usual parka – pushing the Captain into the swimming pool.

"It has been five years since the Melee Tournament, and our friends may ave forgotten each other, so we stuck em in this camp to get to know each other, or, at least what they CHOSE to reveal," the hostess's voice echoes out of nowhere as the camera cycles through more random scenes of their camp. We zoom in on Captain Falcon as he gives an obviously fake struggle halfway through the wall. Cut to a scene where he is sitting on a log, speaking into the camera.

"I am Captain Douglas Jay Falcon, I have been apart of the Super Smash Brother competitions straight from the beginning. I have won a few tournaments, and I am confident I can win this. See, I have a sure-fire strategy here. Distract everyone while they are doing their little stunts, and they'll fail! As for the others? Well, Luigi shouldn't be too much of a hassle, he's afraid of everything. And the girls? They're weak, no problem,"

The screen moves to show Zelda standing by the side of the pool, laughing. It then fades out, then back in on her sitting cross-legged on a log, speaking to the camera. "Hi, my name is Princess Zelda Gaiden of Hyrule. This upcoming Smash Tournament will be my second, so I am sort of new. This will help in the fact that the other Smashers do not know me very well. They would never be able to guess that, as a Princess, I have under gone extensive combat training. Pick me for a physical challenge, and somebody will be going to the Dog Pound! Alas, it won't be me!"

Now, Luigi is seen poking Mewtwo. With a flash, the screen zooms in on him sitting on the log, speaking shakily to the camera. "H-hello there...my, my-a name, is-a Luigi Mario. I-a just hope I don't-a have any scary challeng-a-es..." Yes, pretty boring.

Now onto Peach. She is pointing up towards the tightrope that Zelda is crossing, and yelling something. After the scene transition, Peach is on the log, talking to the camera. "Ooh, is it my turn? Yay! Okay, my name is Princess Peach Toadstool, from, like, the Mushroom Kingdom! Hi Mario!" She waves at the camera with a cheesy grin plastered across her face. "I got that cheese pie you sent me!" ...How disturbing. Onto another scene transition.

Here, Mewtwo is seen running the hundred-meter dash. Wait, no, he's running from where he was meditating...Zelda just fell off the tightrope and nearly squashed the poor guy. Just as he was about to trip over his tail, the scene flashes over to him sitting on a log, arguing with the cameraman. "...but I don't WANT to tell the people about myself!"

"Mewtwo, you MUST! It's part of the show! Now hurry up, we're on!" The agitated cameraman shouts back.

"Fine, whatever..." Mewtwo mutters. He sits back, thinking for a moment, then begins to speak. Yes, speak, not think, speak. "My name is Mewtwo. Here is a piece of advice for you all: STAY AWAY FROM CAMERAMEN! Oh, and if you are one, get a life!" he proclaims, grinning like a goof. Just after he finished speaking, a look of terror crossed his face. He jumped up and bolted away. The cameraman had left his post, and magically produced a crowbar. He was chasing Mewtwo, waving it like a maniac. The audio was completely censored, thanks to our wonderful, responsible cameraman.

Fade out; fade in on Nana watching the chase. Another transition, and she is sitting at a DIFFERENT log, with a – thankfully – different cameraman. "Hi, I am Nana IceClimber. I came here to prove that, even without my brother, I could still win! See you at the top!"

The screen transitions back to the stage, where the hostess is standing on a raised, circular platform. Behind her is a large, deep swimming pool, to her left, the audience, and right in front of her; the six lucky Smashers were standing in a straight row on another raised platform, each behind a pedestal with their name and the Dog Eat Dog symbol printed on the yellow screen on front of it.

"Welcome, Smashers. M'name es Zephyr Analea, and twill be your host this evening. Did ye oll ave fun at camp?" Zephyr asks, clasping her hands in front of her. Assorted murmurs of yes and no rose up from the group. Zelda and Mewtwo just pressed their icepacks closer to their heads. "Sure looks like it..." Zephyr continued. "Well, for your first challenge, twill be one of you strapped to the Spinning Comet of Doom!" She proclaims, holding out her right arm, gesturing towards a large contraption. It has a triangular base, about five feet high, and a large beam is sitting horizontally on it, spinning clockwise. At the end of this beam, a large disc about five and a half feet in diameter with four adjustable clasps – two for the hands, two for the legs – are left open. It is spinning counter-clockwise, ten rotations per one rotation of the long beam. Our friends the Smashers stare at it in horror, Captain Falcon falling to the floor laughing.

"That thing would, like, totally ruin my hair!" Peach shrieked.

"It looks dirty!" Nana screamed.

"It looks like Ganondorf's bed!" Zelda yelled.

"It looks-a s-scary!" Luigi hollered.

"HAHAHA!" Captain Falcon howled.

"I can't fit on that..." Mewtwo complained.

"It looks like someone will ave ta prove their endurance! Vote for who you want to be sent spinning to their doom! It is time, to choose the loser!" Zephyr called. "Someone will either lose their lunch, or lose a team mate, when we return to, Dog Eat Dog!" she says as the screen fades to black, preparing for a commercial.

Back in the living room where the Smashers are watching the show, Young Link and Ness are rolling around on the floor, laughing fit to burst. Mario is staring at the screen, drooling. Bowser and Link are trying to get the cloak off Mewtwo. Mr. Game and Watch is beeping and buzzing to himself. Mewtwo is struggling to keep his hood on.

"Take it off! Take it off!" Ness and Young Link cheer as the three older warriors fight over the façade.

"Come on! I wanna see that stupid hair cut of yours!" Link pleads, pulling at Mewtwo's hood.

"No! It's mine!" the Psychic kitty yells, trying to duck away without losing his cover. Samus – wearing a tank top and shorts, not her armor - walks in, stops, and stares at the men pulling at Mewtwo.

"Umm...WHY, are you fighting over a lump of dirty laundry?!" she asks, apparently she hasn't recognized Mewtwo. It HAS been five years since the Smashers last saw each other, anyway. The three men stopped their fight and stared at the woman.

"...You scare me," Mewtwo simply stated, raising a brow.

".....AAAIIIEEEEEE!" Samus screamed, pointing to Mewtwo, whose hood had fallen off. "A cute rock star's ghost has possessed Mewtwo! Someone call the Ghoul Bashers!" Everyone just stared at the crazed bounty hunter, then glanced over to Mewtwo. He looked around, noticed he had lost his cloak, and then...

"AGH! NO! DIE!" He yelled, as he extended his claws and chased after Bowser, trying to scratch through that thick shell of his.

"HELP! CRAZED KITTY GONNA KILL MEEEEEEE!" Bowser whimpered. He tripped, sending Mewtwo tripping over him in the process. They both landed face first, arms in front of them and tails in the air. Just as they landed, the commercials ended. Everyone froze where they were, however odd that position may be, and turned their attention to the screen.

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ZAMA: first chapter down, more to come. The rest of Dog Eat Dog will be in the next chapter. Please R&R!