AN: So reality attacked, (as did writer's block), and I haven't been able to update Never Let A Superhero in the Kitchen. Chapter 3 will come... after I've finished all these semi-important essays I'm supposed to be writing...
Note on this story: You know you've been studying too long when you start comparing fictional cartoon characters to actual historical figures. But hey, I aced my test!
As always, please point out any errors to me. The words don't really make sense to me anymore...
Read on!
Wally the Ever Hungry walked into the kitchen seeking sustenance. Grabbing a slice of pizza from the fridge, he walked over to the couch in front of the television. Maybe a rerun of The Walking Dead was on…
Only to find his usual spot occupied by his best friend, the one and only Robin. The boy was sitting cross-legged on the sofa, staring down at a thick textbook with tightly spaced print. Oh joy, homework.
"What'cha working on, Rob?" the speedster asked, flopping down on the sofa next to his friend.
The younger boy sighed, looking up at Wally from behind his shades. "Do you know why the Battle of Saratoga was 'vitally important to the American cause'?" Dick read from his textbook, "Because I don't, and if I have to sift through this huge book for every time the Battle of Saratoga comes up, I am going to go crazy."
Wally racked his brain for an answer. His class had just passed Revolutionary Era American history earlier in the year, but for the life of him, he could not remember anything about the Battle of Saratoga. "Uh, no. Couldn't you just Google it, or something?"
"Now I know how you do all your studying," muttered Robin. He pushed up his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "I would, but I know I read it somewhere, I just can't find the paragraph." He looked dejectedly down at the textbook.
Wally glanced over at the boy about to pass out from sheer boredom. He suddenly sat up, buzzing with excitement. "You know what you need, Rob? A break. And I know exactly what we're going to do." The speedster zipped out of the room, leaving a confused Robin in his wake.
And this is what the girls walked in on twenty minutes later: The boys had positioned the couches across the center of the rec room as make-shift barricades, and volleys of Nerf darts and bouncy balls—where did they get so many?—hailed down on both sides.
The three girls paused momentarily, before Zatanna asked, "Do I want to know?"
A rogue dart hit Artemis in the cheek. She pulled it off and tossed it in the general direction of the battle. "Probably not."
Wally ran up and stopped in front of them. "Hey guys! Grab a musket- you can be Molly Pitcher! Or, er..." He looked to Robin, who shrugged.
"There weren't that many women involved directly with the revolution. You could be a kick butt Abigail Adams if you wanted, or we could always use a Marquis de Lafayette."
M'gann continued into the kitchen, trailing floating shopping bags behind her. The other two shook their heads at the boys' antics and followed the Martian.
It was semi-peaceful (if ignoring the boys' war cries in the background) for a whole three minutes.
Artemis put the last box away in the cupboard when she felt something hit the back of her head – hard. Looking down, she noticed a small green ball bouncing away on the floor. She spun around, searching out the culprit with a glare.
Her gaze snagged on a sheepish looking Kid Flash, who began backing away, even if he was already a good fifteen feet from the archer. "He-Hey, Artemis-"
"Give me a sling shot." The girl commanded. One quickly appeared in her hand, followed by a cackle from above. "I declare war on Kid Idiot!" She announced, chasing after the fleeing redhead.
Zatanna and M'gann looked at each other and shrugged. It wasn't like they had anything else planned for today.
Nearly ten minutes later, the girls had quickly claimed one side of the room, sending Conner and Wally over to Kaldur's side. Robin sort of floated around, disappearing and hitting his targets from behind. "Who's side are you on," Wally grumbled, rubbing the back of his head where a dart had struck him.
"What exactly are we doing?" asked Zatanna. The magician had so far refrained from using her magic, but Robin's antics and Kaldur's excellent aim was starting to wear her down.
"The Battle of Saratoga! The turning point in the American Revolution!" Wally declared.
"I'm not sure it was the turning point…" muttered Robin, landing behind the boys' couch.
Wally shrugged, focused on reloading his Nerf gun. "You should know. It's your test."
"Wait," began Zatanna, "You have a test on the American Revolution, and this is how you're studying?"
"To be fair, it was Wally's idea."
"Hey, you have to admit this is more fun than glaring at a stupid textbook."
"Is that why you told me my name was George Washington?" Conner spoke up from his position in the corner of the room. Surprisingly, or not, the clone had been doing fairly well considering it was his first time working a slingshot.
"Oh, yeah, we're all supposed to be pretending we're important people from the Revolution."
M'gann grinned as she nailed Robin in the head. "Lucky shot," muttered the Boy Wonder.
"Hey, Kaldur!" The dark haired girl called out over the battlefield.
The Atlantean peeked over the top of the couch to look at Zatanna. "Yes?"
"Who are you supposed to be?"
"A man by the name of Benedict Arnold. He was a prominent general in the American militia."
Artemis ducked back down behind their cover and murmured, "Well, yeah, until he defected to the British…"
Robin popped out from behind the other sofa. "We never said anything about historical accuracy here!"
Wally snickered as he sent a stream of darts to the girls' side. "Yeah, no duh. I doubt General Howe was a thirteen-year-old acrobat, or… Wait, who am I again?"
Robin sighed. "Wally, you're Benjamin Franklin. One of the most well-known scientists and political minds of the Revolutionary era. How can you not remember that?"
"Dude, have you seen my grades? American history is not exactly my forte."
"I actually have seen your grades, Wally, and I completely agree."
"Rob! You're stalking my grades?"
"Correction: I'm stalking everyone's grades." The boy hit Superboy point-blank with a bouncy ball.
"Hey!" A chorus of voices shouted out.
Three dart guns and two slingshots trained their sights on the hacker, who ducked behind a chair arm and shouted from behind, "On Batman's orders! If you start failing classes you'll get kicked off the team, so he has me monitoring your grades in case we need to help you. Not that any of you are having trouble, but I know you all want to stay." This explanation did nothing to stop the barrage of projectiles fired at him.
Before anyone could speak, M'gann suggested, "I think we should continue this discussion another time."
"Agreed." Kaldur responded calmly. He was the only one who had not attacked Robin, having no grades for the Bats to check.
The team lapsed back into their fight, but if Robin was noticeably more of a target than before, nobody said anything.
Zatanna managed to hit Wally three times in a row on his arm with her bouncy balls. "I just thought of something. Where'd you guys get all the bouncy balls?"
"Wally had them." Conner answered helpfully.
"Okay, why…?"
The speedster dodged Artemis' shower of darts before explaining, "Science project. I'm making a model of Newton's Cradle for physics and had a bunch left over."
"Of course," Artemis sighed. "Hey, you know what would make this interesting?"
"You falling on your face?" No one even bothered to acknowledge Wally's comment.
"Winners get control of the TV, while the losing side takes shopping duties for the next week!"
Robin fell from the ceiling, plugged the traitorous archer in the forehead with a Nerf dart, and declared, "You're on!'
Thus, the battle began anew.
Black Canary was the one who finally calmed the teenagers down. Although by that point even Captain Marvel and Wolf had joined the 'fight for independence'. She quickly rounded up their weapons and began shooing the ones who lived elsewhere to the ZETA tubes. A quick game of 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' between Artemis and Wally left the boys to do the shopping for the next week, although Wally firmly protested the archer had cheated.
Megan and Conner walked out with the rest to say goodbye. "Oh, by the way," the Martian girl added, "You guys don't think you could help Conner and me study for our French Revolution test next Tuesday, do you?"
"I call Louis the sixteenth!" Robin called out as he keyed in the code that would take him to Gotham.
Wally ran up next to him. "You know the guy gets his head chopped off, right?"
Robin snorted. "Oh now you remember your history."
"I aced the French Rev test, thank you very much."
"In that case, you can be Louis, I'm sure Artemis would make a great Marie Antoinette." With that, the bird boy disappeared in a bright light.
"Dude!" shouted Wally, before following his friend through the teleport, presumably back to Central City.
Artemis smirked as she walked to the ZETA tube. "Let them eat cake."
Thanks for reading!
Review?
