Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara! ! or any other implied websites or works.
Warning: Izaya's perverted jokes, Shizuo's use of words
A/N: Yo~! First, this story is dedicated to my friend roxxyyy 'cause it's her birthday~ Yay, happy birthday! Thanks for stickin' by me during those tough times and helping with my studies (especially maths. And chemistry. And bio and human bio. And- okay, basically everything.). I'm glad you're my friend and I hope we can graduate school together along with those two (you know who I mean, yeah? ;D *winkwink*). Ha, you're older than me, you lil granny. *chortles* Anyways, happy birthday~ Again, I hope we can keep this friendship (along with those two. Btw, this story is also written on behalf of them. Even though they don't know, ha.) 'till we die (owo such a omnious thing to say, I know.).
Second, the personalities of the characters involved in the story are altered to go along the flow of the story.
Third, hope ya enjoy~
In a dim lit room, a man furiously punching the keys of his keyboard. Wearing his trademark black coat with white fluff, his usual smirk was on his face as he typed. His reddish-brown eyes focused immensely on the screen, the only source providing light to the room, and his spiky black hair framing his face. With continuous swift movements of his fingers, his pale hands, characterized by one silver ring each on his index finger, quickly typed whatever he was typing.
Yes.
This man was non other than the infamous informant of Ikebukuro, Orihara Izaya.
A certain glint passed through the information broker's eyes, widening his smirk. His already incredible speed of typing doubled with the now barely visible movements, but with gentle pressure on the keys. Then, he paused. His eyes widened before the smirk morphed into a frown. His eyes narrowed into a glare. And then, his frown turned into a small smirk, before his eyes started twinkling with amusement and mischief.
Yes, there was only one thought in his mind.
'I better show this to him.'
The strongest man in Ikebukuro was walking, until his phone started ringing. Two rings later, the blonde haired man flipped the phone open and stared at the unknown number. It was probably a prank or wrong number, because not everyone had his number. He snorted before answering the phone.
"Who the fuck are you and what the fuck do you want?"
The voice on the other line chuckled with amusement, but the voice enough was familiar enough to recognize who it was.
The blonde haired man growled before fixing his sunglasses. His coffee colored eyes, already covered by the sunglasses, narrowed into a fierce glare.
"What the fuck, flea?"
"My, my, is that how you greet people, Shizu-chan~?" the voice on the other end of the line asked, his voice painted with sarcasm. The strongest man in Ikebukuro, Heiwajima Shizuo, scoffed at the name.
"Let me ask in a different way, then. What the fuck do you want?" He asked, patience running out and teeth gritted. Shizuo balled his free hand into a fist and had to restrain himself from breaking the phone to pieces out of rage. Of course, Heiwajima Shizuo was never a fan of Orihara Izaya, it's quite a surprise he didn't break the phone right now.
"My apartment. Now."
If Shizuo would have listened closely, he may have sensed a tone of seriousness but too blinded by anger, all he heard was an order.
And no flea should have the right to order him.
He flipped the phone close with his index finer, the other fingers holding the phone. He took the cigarette which was hanging in the side of his mouth with his free hand and crushed the cigarette butt against a metal railing on his side, leaving a scorch mark. He tightened the grip on the phone, resulting small cracks in the edges before jamming the poor, damaged phone into his pocket. He removed his sunglasses and tucked it into his other pocket and ran screaming,
"FUCKING FLEA! WAIT 'TILL I GET YOU, YOU LITTLE SCRAWNY ASSWIPE!"
Shizuo made his way into the luxurious apartment and made his way to Izaya's. After making his way to the door, he kicked the innocent door, leaving it hanging on it's hinges.
"FLEA-" Shizuo started screaming, but was immediately cut off by a voice.
"It's always a pleasant to see you too, Shizu-chan~"
Shizuo's mocha colored eyes fell on a certain figure.
Yep.
That's him.
The asshole who's made Shizuo's life miserable.
Orihara Izaya was standing in front of Shizuo, before making his way to the door next to him. With a simple twist of the knob, he opened the door and went in.
Shizuo raised an eyebrow at this.
"You're supposed to follow me, y'know," Izaya told him, his voice coming from the room.
"Who the hell would follow you with an attitude like that," Shizuo muttered under his breath and walked towards the room. He saw Izaya standing beside a chair which was in front of a laptop. He stared at Izaya as if he's running around screaming 'I love you Justin Beiber". Seriously, who on Earth would wait for his arch nemesis to sit on a chair to use a fucking laptop?
Shizuo muttered something under his breath before sitting on the chair.
Izaya pointed at the screen of the laptop.
And that's how it began.
Shizuo stared at the screen, his mouth literally hanging open.
"WHAT THE GODDAMN HELL IS THIS?!"
On the screen was Shizuo and Izaya in, um how can I say this, rather... intimate poses.
"DID THIS EVER EVEN HAPPEN?!" he screeched to no one in particular.
"I don't think so," muttered Izaya, sweat dropping at Shizuo's reaction. "But that's not all."
Izaya's pale fingers reached the touchpad of the laptop and with quick movement of his fingers, he quickly changed the image on the screen. Shizuo stared at the play button and his eyes reached to Izaya's, glaring at Izaya to go on. Izaya noticed this without even turning his head and pressed the space button.
"Nnnngggghhh, Shizu-chan, go on~~~" the speakers started playing. Shizuo stared at the screen with wide eyes.
"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!"
"Of course, Izaya-kun~~~" Shizuo's voice, worn out from exhaustion but still husky, played from the speakers.
"I know right? I mean why do I have to be in bottom?" Izaya said, with his cheshire smile.
"Ha? That's what you're worried about?" Shizuo asked, with dotted eyes.
"Uh. Yeah. I mean, why does a protozoan like you have to be the seme?"
"'cause I'm more sexier of course."
"Uh. That's not true. People favor me more."
"Uh. No, they don't."
"Um. Yes, they do."
"I have more muscles." Shizuo said, flexing his arms.
"You're admitting that I'm more sexier?"
"Not really, 'cause I'm way more sexier than you."
"Narcissist."
"Ye- DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT, FLEA!" Shizuo said as he heard the speakers go, 'nnnnn, more, more, MOOOOAAAARR ASKDLFGHYRHXM~~~".
Izaya pouted, "I don't wanna be the uke."
"You have the body of a girl, you know that right?"
"My body is sexy, Shizu-chan."
Shizuo scoffed at the statement but didn't say anything.
"I'll take that silence as 'yes'," Izaya said, grinning. A vein popped, Shizuo stood up and grabbed the nearest thing, which happened to a thick book, and threw it at Izaya. Izaya elegantly dodged the on coming object.
"Hey, that was my favorite book!"
Shizuo grunted and glanced at the screen. "Oh great, now we're in a more disgusting postion," he thought sarcastically, his temper rising.
"Shizu-chan?" Izaya called, that taunting smirk plastered on his face. Shizuo observed that smirk. Something was definitely wrong. He grabbed a pair of headphones which was sitting next to the laptop.
"Is that your real size? I mean, the size of your di-" Izaya was quickly cut of by Shizuo throwing the pair of headphones at him.
"DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT FINISHING THAT SENTENCE DAMN IT," he screamed as Izaya swiftly dodged.
"I'm kidding, Shizu-chan," Izaya said, rolling his eyes. "It surely must be bigger-"
Again, Shizuo cut him off by raising his fist and descending towards Izaya's face. Izaya's eyes narrowed as he sidestepped the punch, resulting Shizuo to punch the wall, leaving a large hole. Izaya stared at Shizuo's face and snorted. He had never seen the other's face so red from embarrassment. Shizuo can have a competition with a blushing high school anime girl and win at this state.
"Shut up."
After saying those two words, Shizuo made his way to the chair and sat.
"Next."
Izaya stared at Shizuo and walked towards the laptop and showed him the next tab after closing the video. Shizuo raised his eyebrows at this one. This seemed more like a story than any visual images. Shizuo grunted and read anyways.
"People call them 'fan fiction'. Apparently, people from all over the world can participate and write stories in this website. And surprisingly we have a section too. How people all over the world and write these is beyond my comprehension." Izaya explained, slowly shaking his head.
Shizuo's face morphed into a disgusted face. "Can you even do this? I mean, how can you put that inside that?"
Izaya stared at the screen. "I think you can probably-"
"It was rhetorical."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"And how do you even do that? Is this humanly possible? Not even masters of fucking yoga can do this, I swear," Shizuo said, his voice now more curious.
Izaya quickly switched to next tab, ignoring the question. Shizuo started reading the next one.
"Aw, this is cute~" he cooed. "Fictional, but cute."
"That's why it's called Fan Fiction, protozoan."
Shizuo stared at the screen, further reading.
"Aw~ This is just fucking sweet. Look at how cute this is," Shizuo gushed, like a fangirling girl over shoujo manga.
"I know right~?!" Izaya said, his face red.
Both started fangirling at the cute fanfiction.
"This is ju- WAIT, HOLY CRAP I FORGOT IT'S ACTUALLY US, IT'S TAKING OVER MY BRAIN WITH THE CUTENESS" Shizuo screamed dramatically while clutching his head. Izaya silently agreed as he remembered his first reaction. Instead of saying anything out loud, he switched tabs.
"18 plus images. There were a lot of links," Izaya mumbled so only Shizuo can hear him.
Shizuo stared at the images, his mouth unable to speak. Were these really pictures of them?
Izaya stared at Shizuo. Of course, after seeing, reading and watching these over and over again, he has gotten immune to the embarrassment, shock, disbelief and confusion. But, it had taken a while (not really, just a few hours.).
Shizuo stared at the display. The two, or what seemed like the two, were in various... and inhumane... close, if you know what I mean, positions.
After seeing all, Shizuo simply stood up and started walking towards the exit of the room. Izaya blinked twice in confusion.
"Where're you going?"
Shizuo said nothing. Even with his back turned to Izaya, he looked miserable. If the front can be seen, Shizuo's face is sickly pale, almost white, even his lips were nearly white. His eyes were bulging out in shock and his eyebrows were knitted in confusion leaving little wrinkled lines of confusion on his forehead. And a tiny Shizuo-like ghost, probably the poor debt collector's soul, leaving through his mouth.
Shizuo left the room.
A second passed.
Izaya sat on the chair and sighed.
Two seconds.
Three seconds.
One minute passed.
CRASH
Izaya flinched at the huge noise and automatically got up from chair and ran towards the commotion which was probably in the living room. "What the hell," Izaya whispered under his breath.
A huge black leather sofa was turned upside down with Shizuo standing beside, his eyes covered by his unnatural blond bangs with a lit cigarette in his mouth. Izaya narrowed his eyes. Sure, he can understand why Shizuo is so confused but he didn't have to take it out Izaya's house just to blow off some steam, right? Shizuo took a huge drawer which was close to him and threw it as it were paper, toppling the vases and pictures. The vases fell emitting sounds of crashes, spilling the contents inside it.
"Ugh, Shizu-chan," Izaya groaned in frustration. "Those were pretty expensive!"
Shizuo grunted and started attacking the walls, leaving large holes and different sized cracks everywhere. He tore open the curtains and threw everything from his view.
"Shizu-chan! I'm gonna have to pay for those!" Izaya groaned again, more like whined like a little kid.
Shizuo entered a different room and messed it up.
And the rest of the evening were filled with various sounds of crashed and cries of protests.
After a whole apartment nearly torn apart, Shizuo sat beside Izaya, both panting on a floor littered with paper and shards of glasses and plastic. Well, Izaya had a pretty hard time subduing Shizuo, but after threatening which involves a certain debt collector's little brother who happens to be a famous celebrity, Shizuo finally and reluctantly calmed down. And due to that and cries to stop destroying his apartment, Izaya was hoarse and definitely tired from the experience.
Shizuo got up, staggering, and walked towards the fridge, the only thing standing without any damage. Who would damage a fridge filled with food anyways?
He opened and found what he was craving for.
Milk.
Milk.
Milk. Milk. Milk.
Well, there was just one opened bottle of milk. A bit was missing, probably the Flea must have drank it, which explains why the bottle was open. Shizuo eagerly snatching the bottle and hungrily gulping the contents inside the bottle...
"Ne, Shizu-chan, do you think we have some sort of television show filmed by some sort invisible camera?"
...and Shizuo immediately spat out the milk.
"Ha? Where did you get that idea?" Shizuo asked, annoyed that the milk had been childishly spat out by him, wiping his mouth in the process with his sleeve. His voice was muffled by the sleeve but Izaya had understood the meaning.
"I mean, there's no way people, who we don't know, could know so much about us. Maybe, they're in another dimension? And we're in another, slightly fictional, dimension? Or maybe parallel worlds?" Izaya asked. Then he chuckled seeing the puzzled look on Shizuo's face.
"Dimen- what?"
"Di-men-sion," Izaya replied, breaking the words into syllables. Shizuo, obviously embarrassed being treated like a child, huffed uncharacteristically. Then the blond haired man let out a thoughtful 'hm', which kind of shocked Izaya because Shizuo was usually the one who acted without thinking much, leaving Izaya the thinking.
"If so... does that mean we have some sort of anime series? And that anime series has been adapted by a manga or light novel series? And we have a lot of awesome fans that support? And ship the pairing of you and me? /And they know a lot of details about us?" Shizuo asked, ignoring the milk bottle and raising his bare hand to scratch his imaginary beard in thought.
"Yes! That's exactly what I mean!" Izaya exclaimed, slightly grinning.
"..."
"..."
"Naaaaa," the both simultaneously said, before laughing their asses off.
-The End-
Wow.
It that was way too OOC. The plot suddenly took a turn even I didn't expect in the middle.
Ha.
And about the fanfictions, doujishi, images and videos mentioned... I have no idea what those are about. I know there are lots of lemon-y limish works created and the works mentioned in this story aren't related to the works of other writers, artists and creators. This is purely imagination. If it is, please inform me.
Anyways, I hope you enjoyed, thank you for reading.
And again, sorry for the uploading this story so late roxxyyy, I was distracted by Hunter x Hunter, so yeah. Happy belated birthday~~~
