The unspoken truth
The heart of a mother
Her fingers weakened, trembling violently as the letter wrinkled under her grasp. Lies. Lies. Lies. She felt the words devouring her alive. Each line was read countless times. Still, she could not believe the truth behind those words.
There was no way he could have…
Biting her lip, she smothered the painful thought that detonated obliviously.
"From Shinra?"
Her husband walked in with a sweat-towel draped on his shoulder. The years of sun and field work seeped through his weary face. He had a smile hanging on his face that was still mischievously handsome even for a man his age.
"Well?" He gently locked the door behind him and pulled himself a chair.
"..."
She couldn't respond. The world was loosing its color. Someone shoved too much air into her lungs. Too much to breathe.
"Dear?"
"Shinra..." Her voice stopped.
"Is it him? Man, what did that kid do now? What kind of crisis did he cause... again?"
The only thing alive in her mind was the thought of their son. Every memory, every phrase he ever spoke began to haunt her eerily like a broken record. The crumpling curtains shrouded the rooms in engulfing shadows, masking over her hollowed face.
She was drowning in reminiscence.
Unlike her neighbor's kids, instead of 'Momma', his words had been something inappropriate. But she still loved him and she knew exactly where he got it from. His father was just not the type of man who was fit to raise a child, not mentioning speaking casually around one.
He was her child. Her first born and her only child. Her health had denied her the chance to have a second baby. But she never minded. It was all because he was her star when there was no moon.
Now there was only darkness awaiting ahead, creeping like a famished beggar behind her doors.
"Honey… You alright? What happened to Zack? Did he do something again?"
Of course not. Her star didn't do anything wrong. He was the innocent cub that was fed for slaughter.
Averting his eyes, she spoke in a fragile whimper.
"He's gone."
"Gone where again? What do you mean? That wild kid's always running off somewhere. It's been four years since he last contacted us."
"Zack…"
"Our Zack's gone above. He's…." With an aching throat she squeezed the last sentence out until it became too painful to talk. Tears trickled down her face, like the waves they flowed with a fury.
"You saying he's dead?"
Shaking, she passed him the letter and watched his face transformed as he read it. There was a tint of blue, pale then a horrifying white. Like her a moment ago, he was absorbing each throbbing word that was scribbled over the page.
It was no use seeing him suffer. She couldn't allow loosing him too. Quietly she covered his eyes with her delicate fingers. There was a fresh hollow dug out in her heart but she knew his hurt would have been deeper and more agonizing to bear. It was he who always told Zack to be a man. To dream. To make something big for himself and not be like his old man who was born, lived and eventually will die in the very house he grew up in. Go out and look for opportunities! Go get lucky, they told him.
But where there's opportunity. There's Shinra.
She couldn't cast the heavy feeling off her chest. They basically asked Zack to get killed.
She should have restrained him from leaving the village with only an amateur packed bag. She should have jumped in front of the truck when it was about to carry her boy away. She should have done all these things… but she didn't.
"I don't believe it."
"This piece of crap." Suddenly her husband stood up and scrunched up the letter without a warning. As she held onto his arm she could feel his muscles tensing and his rapid pulse pumping in an anxious pace. "I don't believe any of this shit."
"The letter's from Shinra…"
"Shinra's a bullshitting company and we both know that. He's alive. I know he is. You can't kill off that kid like that. He's good at protecting himself."
Her husband's tone was filled with so much uncertainty that it was too obvious to hide. She knew he was a horrible actor but he was trying his best to act like the tough, strong and protective man when she needed him.
Leaning her head softly on his shoulder, she tried to tell herself that it was okay. Zack would come home soon. He promised he would after making it big. In every single treasured letter and photo he sent them she preserved it all in a box under the bed. He would definitely come home and they would look for his baby photos and laugh at how much taller he has grown. Hopefully when he comes back, he would bring home a wife. A good girl to help her with the cooking.
"I believe you too. He's still out there."
The lie dangled on her lips. Her husband just tightened his hold on her without uttering a further sound. It was useless to argue anymore.
Yes… Zack will come back. And when he does, she would run toward him and never ever let him return to that horrid place; the cursed Midgar which they heard so many not very nice rumors about.
No matter what the reality was...
Her boy would be coming home.
