OK, I'm taking a break from Rocket Chronicles for the time being, I just wanted to write something from James' point of view. :) So don't hurt me. Please. PLEASE!!! :( :( I'll give you chocolate!

...

Monday

Okay. Let me get this straight first. THIS IS A JOURNAL, not a diary. Diaries are for little girls with problems alright? So I'm not going "Dear Diary" every time I open this goddamned book (grabs your collar). Understand??

8:00

Well, I'm waiting again for my boss to partner me up with someone, my last partner wasn't very cunning, unlike ME. Plus he wasn't handsome, like yours truly. Heh.

Man, I feel like I could take on the world today! I got a fricken MOLTRES!! Do you have any idea how hard that is? (And I caught on fire five times... *shrugs* whatever.)

I guess I'll just pass the time by writing in here. I could be playing my Gameboy, but the last time the Boss caught me he slashed my pay in half to 500. Stupid Mario... always sucking me into his world of dragons and mushrooms and princesses and bozos and peaches... it goes on and on and on.

My last partner's name was Simon. He was this scrawny little runt, always going everywhere with me. That creep is worse than Jessibelle, leech-like, anyways. At least he never told me when I wasn't proper or looming over my sleeping figure with a whip every night. Ugh. I hate her.

This is boring, but at least it's better than getting massacured by some guy with a spiky shell while annoying music plays in the backround, slowly drilling itself into your brain.

"Koffing!"

Aw crap. It used sludge on me. Time to get the antidote...

(Three hours and eighty antidotes later)

OK. There, done.

Apparently my boss has found a partner. YES!! I heard it's a toughy! Maybe it's Polo or Marc or...

(20 minutes later)

Oh my fricking god. My boss had paired me up with a... a... a GIRL.

Ugh.

Tuesday

4:00 AM

Wow. When he said tough, he meant tough.

Nobody I know can use a frying pan THAT BLOODY WELL. I mean, this dia- journal is CLOAKED in my nose blood, like the pan. (Now all the ommletes look like me, O.o) And I'm lying in a hospital bed right now.

"Learned your lesson?" she says, hovering over me.

"I don't know. I ticked you off hours ago before I was out like a light so I can't remember," I snap, a little pissed myself.

Life Lesson Number One: NEVER talk back to Jessie.

Her face goes red as her hair and she knocks my ass right out of that bed and practically out to Johto.

Huh. A skilled frying pan AND mallet holder.

This shall be fun.

(Forty minutes later)

I spoke too soon.

This woman is HOT, sure, but (hold on... she's reading over my shoulder, hits her)

Life Lesson Number Two: NEVER hit Jessie.

I awoke several hours later in a daze.

Like I was saying, sure, she's hot and all, but she insults me and her temper and patience is thin as a cheese wire (Oh crap... now I made myself hungry with the mention of cheese) and she totally despises me. She is really strong, I'm at least an inch taller and a year older and she can still kick my ass however she pleases...

"Hey Jess, how old are you?"

Life Lesson Number Three: Never imply anything to Jessie, even if you are totally unaware of it.

"ARE YOU SAYING I'M OLD??" she shouts, raising her fist and punching me through a wall.

"Sheesh. Women."

Life Lesson Number Four: Never say anything like this.

Alright, two walls down, five to go.

A laughed a little bit. "Your voice gets really high and shrieky when you yell!"

Life Lesson Number Five: Oh god, do I really need to say any more?

THAT HAS TO BE THE THIRD MAJOR CONCUSSION TODAY WITHOUT ANT BRIAN DMAJE!

... Nevermind.

Wednesday

10:00

Alright, the first mission!!

...

Wait, we need a pokemon too... (slaps forehead) our boss is really slippin'.

"Me-owth! How yous twos doin'? I'm da Poke-mon, Meowth, at yer soirvice!" I hear a voice from behind me.

"WHAT THE FU-"

Jessie quickly cuts me off.

"Awwww, it's so CUUUUUUUUUUUUUTE!! AND IT TALKS, TOO! Hold on..." She looked up, realizing the abnormality. "Wait... they aren't supposed to talk..."

"NOOOOOO, Jessie. I thought humans said 'Me-owth' for a living."

So I've forgotten Life Lesson Number One, apparently.

I notice Meowth looking horrified at Jessie when I wake up in midst of being choked as Jessie drags me through a forest by my collar. "Ack... I'm awake now," I wheeze. Jessie, sighing in relief, quickly drops me and Meowth hitches a ride on my shoulder.

"So, how many bricks did you eat today?" Jessie half-jokes.

"...Oh geez, now I'm hungry!" I whine.

Life Lesson Number Six: NEVER, EVER, complain to Jessie that you are hungry.

You know the drill.

As I'm climbing back up the cliff, a goose-egg on the back of my head (from a mallet, a certain little mallet), I start wondering: WHAT THE HELL WAS GIO THINKING.

Thursday

Holy freakin' crap. This woman is a flippin' clone to Jessibelle. Peerrffeeccttt... a remider of a phycopath. Just what I need right now, A REMINDER OF THAT GOD-FORSAKEN LEECH.

What were Mom and Dad thinking? I swear I was adopted.

Jessie, in the meantime, is rocking along to her MP3. She's listening to Cascada or some crap like that that girls always get into.

"Dude, that band sounds like Sesame Street somehow got CRACK on their budget," I joke.

Life Lesson Number Seven: Never make fun of what she likes. EVER.

She actually got out a CHAINSAW this time. OH my god, now my hair's lopsided.

Holy crap, I'm turning into her. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

"Ohhhh, I'm so scarrreeddd, Jessie!" I whine, trying my best to sound sarcastic.

Life Lesson Number Eight: Never be sarcastic to Jessie. EVER.

Oh, just frickin' great. Now she has a blowtorch.

...Now my hair's black.

Friday

5:00 PM

Well, seeing as I'm hiding in the closet from my pyro-manic partner, bored out of my skull, I suppose I'll just write in here. Meowth is here with me, trying to strike up converstaion.

"So... how are tings wit you, Jimmy?" he asks, hopping onto my lap.

I shrug. "Not so good... I mean, that woman is one tough puppy..."

"O.o She's a puppy?" Meowth asks, totally confuzzled (creative word license. Shut up.).

"...It's just a turn of phrase, cat," I blink a bit, and sneeze. It sure is dusty in here.

"How d'ya toin a phwase?"

"God you're dumb..." I murmur under my breath, then continue with this. "And be quiet, will ya? You don't want her to find us, do you?"

Meowth reels back in horror. "Hell no."

I merely nod. I feel the feline hop onto my shoulder, reading my stuff. (hits him, makes dent in wall and his cry of pain is so loud it lets Jessie know where we are.)

Life Lesson Number Nine: Never trust felines.

Jessie was on me like a Houndoom on a bone. I started to defend myself, but got lost in her eyes...

Life Lesson Numero Ten: Oh god. Never look at those sapphires when you are about to be treated like a f#ing golf ball.

(bleeding)

Saturday

3:00 PM

Aw geez. That's the third blood-soaked tissue box since we were first paired up. I don't really like her, she makes me weak in the knees, she intimidates me all the time... taking my manhood away, dude.

"JAMES!! GET OVER HERE OR I'LL MAKE ANOTHER INDENT OF YOU IN THE FRYING PAN!!" I hear her scream.

"WHAT THE HELL?? I'M JUST MINDING MY OWN BUISNESS HERE, WHY D'YA HAVE TO BE SUCH A BITCH ABOUT IT??"

Life Lesson Number Eleven: ...Try never to snap in front of or at Jessie.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhh, I've done it now. Her face is in the doorway, and she has all four of her "friends" (frying pan, ect.) with her.

Thus endeth the day without pain.

Meowth whimpers. "Quit hurtin' him, Jess!"

"DO YOU WANT TO BE NEXT??"

She snaps at every remark we make! That does it. "Why do you always have to snap at us like that and attempt to kill us? Really! Please, just stop it!"

As the mallet came inches away from my face, she suddenly stopped and took a phone call.

"Thank you, boss," I sigh in relief.

Sunday

7:00 AM

Oh god somebody please hellppp....

Well, the maniac is chasing me again, this time with a paper fan. Apparently I said the wrong thing.

Now, I'm gathering, rounding the corner, hiding in the closet again with my furry little friend, that there is only three possibilities in this whole life of mine now:

1:I did something she didn't want me to,

2:I didn't do something she wanted me to, and

3:I did something she wanted me to do but ended up screwing up on that.

My bones are still intact somehow. I'm surprised they aren't crushed to powder by now. (sigh) This is madness. GIO I SWEAR YOU HAVE WENT CRAZY. UGH.

All is quiet except for this pencil scribbling on the page and Meowth. The silence is sickening, really. Meowth is raking his claws on the carpet now, the small sound is fairly grating, but I suppose it's better than being smashed with a mallet.

I figure all is safe, and open the door of the walk-in closet.

Most awkward moment of my life. EVER.

Jessie is standing there, in her skirt and (oh dear god...) a BRA. She whips around, our eyes locking.

For a moment, we all just stood there, looking at each other. (Some of us were blushing, even...) Another cloak of silence made it's way around me. Then Jessie totally shattered it with a scream. "PERVERT!!!"

Next thing I know I'm literally flying out of there with a broken nose and a sore head from getting it smashed against the wall. I must admit, I was aroused.

I hear Meowth chuckling on my shoulder.

I blush again.

What I've learned this week:

I've learned that the most fatal things on earth are:

A bear that chokes up grenades,

A dinosaur that has a gun,

Jessie when you're trying to make her angry.

And I've also learned:

KNOCK.