The Letters
Prologue: Agony
I smile and kiss Bella on the forehead. "I'll be back soon to pick you up for school," I promise. I glide easily from her window and run to my house to change clothes. Alice greets me with a huge smile and Rosalie rolls her eyes. She doesn't understand my fascination or love for Bella. Sometimes this frustrates me beyond words. Today, however, I am too happy to care. I run upstairs, shower, and pull on jeans. Just as I grab a t-shirt, Alice screams and runs into my room.
"What?" I ask, although I can hear her thoughts just as easily as her words.
"Bella," is all she says, or at least all that I can hear, because I am running, harder than I ever have in my life. I don't know what is happening, I only know that I have to be there. I make it to Bella's house in record time. I prepare to climb the wall to get in through her window, but then I realize that she is standing right in front of me. She isn't alone. A vampire with flaming red hair stands before her, ready to kill. I gasp in horror. How did I not see this coming? How did Alice not see? But right now, I don't have time for questions. I have to save my Bella. It is then that I realize that I am too late. Bella's back is to me and I can see Victoria's eyes peering at me over her shoulder. I glare at her, but before I can even take a step, Bella falls to the ground, paler than snow. There is no glorious pink in her cheeks, and I can't hear her beautiful heartbeat. I look at Victoria and notice that her lips are the color of blood. After that, there is no thought. I move by instinct and instinct alone. The next thing I am aware of is using a lighter to catch what's left of Victoria on fire. When that's done, I lift Bella in my arms and I don't run to my house. I walk. This will be the last time we're alone together. I look at her face. Her eyes are open wide, as if she is in shock. I know, however, that this cannot be. My Bella is dead. I stare into her eyes for a moment, memorizing them, before I gently close them with one finger. Her mouth is open in a frightful shape. I can practically hear her screaming "Edward!" as Victoria lunges for her, but I am not around to hear. I curse myself for leaving her alone. By now I am at my house. Everyone already knows. I can see by the pity in their eyes. Even Rosalie seems upset. But I know it is only an act. I growl at her, for always hating Bella, and she throws her hands in the air and runs upstairs. Carlisle comes up to me.
"Edward, give her to me." he says calmly, but I can hear the strain in his voice. I can't bring myself to shake my head. I have no energy. Still, my hands tighten around Bella. I won't let her go. I won't. Esme pats me comfortingly on the shoulder as I sit down on the couch. I manage to nod at her in acknowledgment. Alice is gazing at me in wonder.
"What?" I hiss. She looks frightened and takes a step back. I am instantly sorry, but my lips can't form an apology.
"It's just...you're crying. I didn't know we could do that." she says quietly. I reach one hand up to touch my cheek. Sure enough, it's wet. I draw my finger away to look at it. It's venom, I can tell. I laugh with no humor. Even my tears are dangerous. I can't help but think this is all my fault. If I had never taken Bella, taken someone who was not rightfully mine, she would still be alive and reasonably happy. I should have left her a long time ago. I would rather be miserable than have her...dead. I would trade places with her in a second.
I look up, through the windows. The sky is dark, darker than usual, and it is storming heavily. Perfect. I knew it. The world is bound to be darker without Bella in it. It makes sense. I am somewhat aware of my family coming up with plans. Cover stories, funeral dates, things along those lines. I don't contribute much, but I nod when I'm spoken to. Someone calls Charlie, and he screams a lot and cries over the phone. I don't care. I am numb. I feel nothing, except a hollow feeling in my chest where my heart used to be. Bella had it, always, and she took care of it for me. But now that she's gone....my heart is gone as well. Days pass. Tears run relentlessly from my gold, inhuman eyes. I hate myself. I want to die.
The day comes for Bella's funeral. I go, to honor her, and when the minister asks me if I want to say anything, I force my legs to move. I walk as if going through quicksand. It takes me days to make it up to the podium. When I reach it, I gaze for a moment out into the crowd. Every face is the same. Sad and sympathetic. Many of them didn't even like Bella. I want to kill them all. I close my eyes, then open them again and I look down at Bella's coffin, which is sitting half-open. I stare into her face as I say my last words to her.
"I love you," I whisper. But the room is so silent, I know everyone can hear. Suddenly, someone sobs uncontrollably. I look up and see Rosalie in the very back, covering her mouth with her hand. No tears fall from her eyes, yet she is sobbing, loudly. Everyone turns to look and she races out of the room. I sigh, and chase after her. We are in a deserted hallway and she turns to face me, apologies written in her eyes.
"Edward, I always loved her, too." she cries when she can breathe. I nod once. "I was always so jealous. But I really did love her. She was...," she sniffles. "She was perfect for you." I can tell by her voice and her thoughts that she truly means it. These are the most heartfelt words to ever fall from Rose's mouth. I take two steps towards her and wrap her in a hug, trying to imagine her pain. At least with myself, I know Bella died fully aware of my feelings for her. With Rose, Bella had no idea.
Rosalie and I hold each other for a long time, both of us sobbing and remembering. I go through everything. From the first time I saw her, all the way up until those most painful last moments. When I am finished, I force myself to sober up and I somehow smile at Rosalie. She grins weakly in return. I know neither of us are happy, but she'll get over it. She has Emmett. Alice, besides me, will probably feel the pain the most, but she still has Jasper to help her. Who am I left with? No one. I want to be angry with someone, anyone. But I can't bring myself to be mad at Bella for letting herself be taken away from me. I can't taint my memory of her at all, because I know she was and is utterly and truly perfect.
Soon, the funeral ends and people spill out. I glare at Jessica and Lauren as they come out, crying and falling all over each other. They are actors, and nothing more. Charlie comes out and spots me. He isn't crying, but I can see redness in his eyes and tear stains on his shirt. He puts a hand on my shoulder and looks at me. That's all for a while. And then we both cry, but he doesn't notice that no tears fall from me. When we are both somewhat stable, he looks at me again and speaks.
"She was happy with you." he says, and the words drive a dagger through my stomach. He uses the past tense. Bella isn't here anymore. My Bella. Bella. "She really loved you." he smiles, only a bit, and I think I smile back.
"She shouldn't have," I tell him, and it's true. If she hadn't, none of us would be here, garbed in all black. We look like nighttime, I think, as we all walk out of the church. I believe I am wearing the darkest black of anyone. Why? Because I don't want to be happy anymore. What's the point? I put on sunglasses, although the sun has decided not to come to work today. I put them on, and I put my hands in my suit pockets, and I walk to the edge of the parking lot where it meets a forest. I run, run to our meadow, because it's the first place that comes to mind. I don't think I can handle being anywhere else. When I get there, I walk around and touch things that she touched. I see a broken twig that she stepped on the last time we were here. I allow myself to chuckle. I sit next to the twig, as if it is Bella, and I pull my knees to my chest. I am broken. I wonder about what to do. I consider going to the Volturi, but I can almost hear Bella saying, "Don't you dare hurt yourself!". I can see her face. It's angry, and her cheeks are flushed, she's so mad. Her eyes are burning. She's pointing a finger at me, and I laugh, because I never would have thought a human would have been able to keep me from doing something I really wanted to do. What I really want is to go to Volterra and die, but I know Bella would hate me for doing it, so I don't. I sit in the meadow and think. I remember.
When I've decided that I've been gone long enough, I stand and trudge back home. I don't say a word to anyone, and they don't speak to me either. They're all seated at the kitchen table and they stop talking when I enter. I shake my head at them and I walk upstairs. Slowly, I walk to my room. I turn on Debussy, sigh, and go to my couch. I stop before I sit down, though. Because there, looking startlingly white against the black, is an envelope, with nothing written on it, except two words.
From Bella.
Okay, that was just the prologue. The rest of the story will be written in past tense, for those of you who don't like present tense (: I know this chapter is really depressing, but it will get happier, I promise! I hope you liked it. Review and I'll update soon!
