What can I say; I like my one-shots. Especially the short and sweet ones like this.

Disclaimer: I don't own Batman, Superman, or any related characters. I don't even own the codeword 'Muskrat'; I stole the idea from Meet The Fockers, when the mother-in-law has to say it to make the father-in-law nice to the main guy.


Muskrat

Clark Kent walked into the living room, introduced by Alfred as "coming to visit". He stepped in front of Bruce, who was sitting in a chair, took off his hat and smiled but before he could say anything, Bruce growled, "What are you doing here?"

"Hey Clark," came a greeting from the next chair with Dick Grayson seated in it, Bruce's all-grown-up-and-moved-out ward. "Did you hear about that muskrat that got loose the other day? Nasty business." Bruce shot him a look and Dick shot him one right back.

"Uh…no, I can't say that I have," Clark said, confused.

Bruce stood up and shook the other man's hand, "Good to see you Clark," he said without an ounce of pleasantry on his face.

If Clark wasn't confused before, he sure was surprised at Bruce's kind greeting now. "Good to see you too, Bruce. Anyways, I just came around to see if you wanted to go talk over coffee or something. I had a free day, and thought we could hang out."

"I have perfectly good coffee here. But thanks for the offer," Bruce snarled.

"Is that a muskrat out in that tree?" Dick wondered, looking curiously out the window.

Bruce's eye twitched and he grimaced, "I mean…that sounds great. Let's leave now so we can get home faster."

Dick was suddenly overcome with a cough that sounded a lot like 'muskrat'.

Bruce pulled his lips back and twisted his face in what seemed to be a growl, his eyes so dark, Clark stepped back a little before he realized it was a very painful looking smile. "You can drive if you'd like," but the look was telling him if he drove, he'd die.

He was pushing his luck, but Clark thought that this was the best time if any to ask. "Yeah…and maybe afterwards we can go to that comic book convention in Trenton. It's supposed to be really big!"

Behind him, Bruce heard, in a sing song-y voice, "Muuuskraaat."

He turned around and charged at the young man, who exclaimed "Oh snap!" before being gripped by the throat, and hit everywhere Bruce's other hand could reach. "ACK! Stop! Help! Clark, help!"

The second man zoomed forward and pulled Bruce away, but Dick was dragged with him. After a few minutes of struggling, Clark threw Bruce onto the couch across the room and helped Dick up.

Bruce stood, brushed himself up, straightened his suit, and started to walk out the door, saying in a calm but dangerous voice, "come on, let's go get that coffee."

"Uh…maybe we should take a rain check-"

"YOU SAID YOU WANTED COFFEE, SO WE'RE GOING TO GET SOME DAMN COFFEE!" he roared from the hallway.

Clark gave Dick a look that clearly said 'Help me', but he just smiled sadly and pushed him towards the door.

"I trust that the codeword has not quite worked the way you planned?" Alfred asked, having walked in just in time to see Clark walk out of the room, his head down and shoulders slumped.

"If anything it made it worse. Let's just hope for Clark's sake, Bruce doesn't have any kryptonite on him."


Poor Brucie, having a bad day.

Next Chappie: The Comic Book Convention