Sorry for the wait.
Reception of Barney and Robin's wedding:
Lily: I'm so happy for them!
Marshall: I know.
Lily: *troll face* I knew it! I knew it! I was right! Pay up, bitch!
Marshall: Damn it. Why, babe? *pays*
Ted: *sobbing* She's the ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNE! Why did she choose that man-whore over MEEEEEEEEEEEEE?
*enter the beautiful Tracy McConnell playing bass with her band*
Ted: *eyes turn to hearts* Who is shheeeeeeeee?
24 hours after the wedding...
Ted: MARSHALL! LILY! I THINK I'VE FOUND THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!
Marshall: *slaps Ted*
Lily: *slaps Ted*
Marshall: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR F****** MIND, TED? DO YOU REMEMBER HOW MANY TIMES YOU'VE FALLEN IN LOVE TOO FAST AND GOT YOUR HEART STOMPED ON?
Ted: But it's the bass player from the wedding!
*Marshall and Lily go from astonished to smiling harp darps*
Lily: Tracy? She's awesome! Go for her, bro!
2 years later...
Tracy: Ted, sweetie! *harp darp face* I think we should postpone the wedding for 5 years because I'm pregnant!
Ted: *harp darp face* OK!
1 year after that...
Barney: ROBIN I CANNOT STAND THIS S*** ANYMORE! YOU NEVER HAVE TIME FOR ME!
Robin: WTF, BARNEY? I TOOK YOU WITH ME, DUMBASS!
Barney: THIS PLACE HAS NO WI-FI! I WON'T BE ABLE TO UPDATE THE NEXT BONER JOKE (that I stupidly believe people care about and selfishly believe is more important than your job, which ACTUALLY IS important)!
Barney & Robin: *RAGE RAGE RAGE RAGE RAGE*
Barney and Robin: *hump like dogs*
Barney: *harp darp face* I think we should get divorced even though I swore I'd love you forever.
Robin: *harp darp face* OK!
4 years after that...
Barney: I LOVE BEING SINGLE! I WILL NEVER LOVE AGAIN!
BANG BANG BANGITY BANG! I SAID A BANG BANG BANGITY BANG!
*hump hump hump hump hump. I said a hump hump humpity hump*
Barney: HOLY F*** I GOT A SLUT PREGNANT!
9 months later...
Barney: You are the love of life. You will me my life forever. I will be your one and only guardian angel for all of your life.
Number 31: What about me?
Barney: Shut up, bitch.
4 years after that...
Tracy: *cough cough* I'm dying.
Ted: I will love you and only you until the end of time!
6 years later...
Ted: And that is how I met you mother, kids.
Penny: Dad, get your head out of your ass. Mom is hardly in the f***** story! Just admit you are still in love with Aunt Robin and were only telling this story because you want to ask her out AGAIN even though you have been apart for 23 years and you want our blessing. Just do it.
Ted: THANK YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH! *sloppily kisses Penny and Luke with "Mwah!" sounds*
Later...
Ted: WILL YOU BE MY BACKUP WIFE?
Robin: YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!
*Make out session*
Marshall: *troll face* IN YO FACE! PAY UP!
Lily: *pouts and pays*
Leandra:
How I Met Your Mother has failed
But Ted and Robin's love reminds us
That-that-that-that-that-that
That-that-that-that
OH GOD! *sobs*
Chorus: How I Met Your Mother has failed
Bays and Thomas: Don't judge us!
Chorus: How I Met Your Mother has failed
Bay and Thomas: Don't judge us!
Chorus: How I Met Your Mother has failed
Ted: *sobbing because he lost Tracy* What's the point?
Barney: *angry that he lost Robin* You sons of bitches!
Leandra: We all wind up with hate mail!
THE END
R&R
