1IxPokexYou: I got this idea one night while my friend Saphira946 was spending the night and we were playing Resident Evil 0. It's was funny when I suggested it and she put it into words. So, I'll do my best to make it as funny as possible. Enjoy :)
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, but the city Of Weasleville.
Umbrella HQ; Somewhere on Earth . . . or is it?
Albert Wesker sat in his chair . . . thing, in his dark office infront of his black agent. Er, I mean infront of his Asian agent.
"Ada I need you to go to Weaselville and check it out."
"Why?"Ada asked more interested in biting the hangnail on her middle finger than what Wesker had to say.
"Because, there have been reports of Paranormal happenings."
"What paraphernalia happenings?"
"No. Para-normal happenings."Wesker said slowly. Maybe having Krauser drop Ada out of a 5 story window on her head was a bad idea. She had a helmet on, but suffered some brain damage anyway.
'Not enough to kill her though.'Wesker thought gloomily.
"Oh, isn't that you?"Ada asked. That question made no sense. That is what Wesker thought. The window cleaning man thought that same thing. He had really good hearing. Well anyway, back to the story.
"What?"Wesker asked dumbly. Yes, that's right. Wesker asked a question dumbly (Saphira946: AHHHHHHH, THE SKY IS FALLING!!! THE APOCALYPSE IS HERE!!!!!)
"Well, you know."Ada said cautiously. She may have a bit of brain damage, but she knew better than to make Albert Wesker mad.
"No, I'm sorry. I don't have a clue what you're talking about."Wesker replied, starting to get his daily migraine.
"When your French alter ego appears and you start talking to it and singing "Thanks For The Memories" by Fall Out Boy."Ada said. Wesker froze. They heard that. The singing wasn't his alter ego. It was him. He always secretly wanted to replace Patrick Stumph because, he always felt he would do a better job because. Well . . . we all no Wesker is egotistic and enigmatic.
"Uh, sure. Why don't we go with that. . . . sighJust go and don't get yourself killed. Well, at least not yet." Ada nodded her head vigorously like an idiot and left the room tripping over the invisible pinata Birkin invented before he turned into the Birkin-thing and got his ass killed.
Wesker thought a moment.
'Ada will get herself killed. I can't afford that. But, if she got killed. I could hire Jade Puget. He's a ninja. . . . Better call Krauser.'Wesker turned on his gi-normous computer and tracked Kruaser by the little tracking note he had the Umbrella doctor peoples plant in his butt above the mysteriously placed Billy Coen tattoo. Wesker shuttered at the thought of having to see a tattoo of another man on Krauser's posterior.
"Gross."he simply said as Krauser's face appeared on the screen.
"Ello Wesker."Krauser said in a creepy voice, trying to sound like Hannibal Lecter. Wesker sighed.
"Where are you?"he asked in annoyance.
"I am in Sviden. Looking for veryvulfs."he replied in a crappy Swedish accent.
"Go after Ada and make sure she doesn't get her Chinese ass killed."Krauser nodded and hung up.
Somewhere on a beach, most likely Tahiti or Kokomo. But, most likely Miami . . . PINK HOUSES!!!
"Agent Kennedy. . . . Agent Kennedy. . . . Agent Kennedy? Agent Kennedy!!!"Mr. President yelled over the phone.
"Uhh . . . Mr. President you have the phone upside down and I'm standing right infront of your desk."Leon replied exasperatedly.
"Huh."Mr. President turned his swively chair around."Oh, ma bad."Leon just sighed and shook his head.
"You need something. . . . Let me guess, Ashley got kidnapped by the Ganado and I have to go to ruralSpain, then I gotta find a bunch of keys, defeat some jacked up monsters that used to be human, then find Ashley, save herthen she gets kidnapped . . . AGAIN!!! Then , I gotta find her do some more stuff and afterwards we gotta escape on a jetski and Ashley will hit on me . . . AGAIN!!!"Mr. President said nothing as Leon continued his rambling while pacing the Oval Office with his left index finger in the air like Sherlock Holmes or Vin Diesel(Saphira946: Vin Diesel WHERE!!!???)
"Leon . . . Uhh, Leon??? LEON!!!!!"Ashley yelled. Leon whipped around and yelled
"WHAT???!!!"
"Geez, you ain't gotta yell you idiot."Ashley said adjusting her hearing aid. It was an unfortunate accident involving a meat cleaver and a monocle
"Oh, sorry Ash. I didn't notice you there."Leon said not caring that they heard the annoyance in his voice.
"Well, anyway did you want something Mr. Kennedy?"
"Uhh, Mr. President. You wanted me for something . . . Duh."
"Huh. Oh, yeah right. Uh haha."Mr. President stopped for a moment. And stayed paused. Leon sighed for the umpteenth time today.
"You wanted me for something?" Leon asked slowly.
"Hey! Don't to my dad like he's slooooow!" Ashley said. She was the one though who said 'slow' like she was slow. (Saphira946: Mabey 'cuz she is?)Leon could tell that this was going no where. The president of the United States had alzheimers so he problably didn't even remember why Leon was there in the first place.
Then one of the super secret spy agents in pink came in with an ashamed look on his face. Leon was used to seeing them and knew that they could really kick butt when they wanted, but, alas, Ashley was spoiled rotten by her unknowing father and so she got to design their clothes. Actually, most of the White House and the employee uniforms was either pink, black with pink polka dots, or blue. The officials might as well rename the 'White House' the 'Pink House with a hint of blue' Leon thought sarcastically.
"We have been informed of major paranormal activity in Weaselville." The S.S.S agent stated with a bored tone.
"Major Paranananal Aclivity as in Wealelville ! I knew I should have disposed of him when I had the time." The president shouted in Leon's ear.
"Umm sir?" The S.S.S. agent cautiously said (Last time he said anything to the president he had been tied to a stripper pole with a phone cord and had peanuts shoved in his ears and nose for an hour). "There is no 'Major Paranananal Aclitvity. There is paranormal activity in Weaselville. As in ghosts and ghouls. Also, when you said 'you should have disposed of him' you should have said 'when you had the chance' not 'when you had the time' sir."
"Well it don't matter what I said now doos it since Major Paranananal Aclivity doesn't exist now does it." The president reasoned.
"But sir..." the S.S.S. agent was cut of by Leon at that point. Leon just gave a look to the agent that said "shut up while you still have the chance" and said "Yes sir." to the president.
Ashley just stood there the whole time drooling on herself.
The S.S.S. agent finally informed Leon that his mission was to go to Weaselville after more bickering from the president, sarcastic statements from Leon, pitied looks from the agent, and a puddle of drool from Ashley that Leon was forced...ahem...requested of to clean up. Leon then left as soon as possible.
Somewhere in some random Spain...in a random house, watching a random Samsung T.V. was a random Luis sera.
"El hombre, yo odio esos maldice telenovelos."(Oops, translation needs to be turned on...Okay, there we go.) Luis had a television with 150 channels that came with it. On the downside, 149 of those channels were soap opera channels. The other channel was half news, half infomercial. It just hit 10:00pm so now the infomercial was over on that one channel. (A/N: I think Luis needs to get a new t.v.)so Luis flipped channels until he found the one (there were no numbers on the remote or the television) he wanted.
"Okay, what's going on in the world today." Luis wondered out loud.
"Let's see, France and England/Great Britain/Britain/United Kingdoms is still at war. Africa is still poor. Japan is still rich with technology. Australia is still left out and is still thinking WTF. America is still dumb and full of whores...whoa there's something new! No, it's not the dumb or full of whores part. There is major paranormal activity in Weaselville,????? and Albert Wesker has sent Ada Wong and Jack Krauser to investigate. Wesker is going too, just in case the more than likely situation of Ada and Krauser's failure. Also, the dim-witted president Gram is sending Leon Kennedy to investigate the supernatural crap. He will meet up with Ada, Ada will leave, and he will holler 'Ada Wait!' as always. He will kill Krauser, again. Then Wesker will appear from no where and gloat about nothing. Then Wesker will leave and Krauser's body will dissapear. Luis Sera is watching this program and will decide to go to Weaselville because it sounds like fun and he might get money. He is also hoping that Ashley, President Gram's daughter will show up so he can hit on her." Luis read from the silent t.v. screen(the sound didn't come with the television). The stalker outside his window had finally gotten bored with Luis's ramblings and left. Luis then decided to go to Weaselville to see if he could get money, if Ashley was there so he could hit on her, and because ghosts sounded like fun.
IxPokexYou: Ok, well I hope you enjoyed it. Saphira946 helped me type it too. So, give credit to her.
Saphira946: Yeah, you better or I'll come to your house while you're asleep and open an umbrella in your . . . I know where you sleep at night.
IxPokexYou: --' Uh sure ya do, dude. Well anyway. Sayonara and tune in next time for Supernatural . . . er I mean Resident Ghost. Heh heh
