Anne's story

Chapter one

When realisation hits

It was too late to change my mind now. I had made my choice, and had worked out a plan perfectly. I just hope I would be forgiven one day...

I laughed as I ran through the forest, Vivian by my side. We had just finished hunting, and were now just enjoying time in one another's company. I was laughing purely from joy, and the sound made my eyes shine. We stopped abruptly, and Vivian hugged me, grinning.

"Do you want to visit Geoffrey? I'm sure he would love to see you." I tried to be sympathetic when it came to Geoffrey Wood, but Vivian, I thought, was in the wrong here. Of course, she had a reason to hate him, but he was alone – he didn't deserve this, after saving her life. Vivian had lived 20 years of human life before she was created. She was gifted as a human – doctors called it a rare illness, so she had ignored it. Then, when some superstitious fools had noticed her gift, they called her a witch and threw her in a river to die. Of course, she sunk, and Geoffrey, who was very lonely at the time, stressed from trying to hunt away from the village, but kept in the village by werewolves, had found her. He waited for the villagers to turn their backs, and saved her. He filled the sack with water and rocks so they didn't notice her escape. She was very scared at the time, a stranger he was to her, pulled her into the shadows, and muffled her screaming for three days and finally let her go, earnestly telling her what she had become. Of course, I admired him. At the time, he had been overwhelmed with thirst, and he had stopped himself from killing her in an effort for company. Vivian, on the other hand, saw things from a different perspective. She would have rather died. I respected that, and didn't push her on it. Now though, she was over four hundred and twenty-five years old and grown used to this world. I did not know Geoffrey's age. I presumed he was very old, as his self-control even four hundred and twenty-five years ago was exceptional.

"No, thank you." Vivian said, releasing me. I sighed. She hadn't visited him in years. I was lucky if I could get her to see him once in a decade. Part of it was the fact that I was scared to go alone. My gift was no use in attack, or defence. It was a mere trick. Of course, when I wanted something, it was good to have. We wandered around aimlessly for a few hours, and then decided to get back home. I agreed instantly, savouring the time we had alone together for once. Our house was very remote, far out in Dallas near a forest, and I was very comfortable there. It was only Vivian and I, two best friends, closer than sisters. We relied on each other, though lately, she annoyed me. Her husband, who I thought I had grown used to and civilised, was practically stealing her from me. She didn't put up with our quarrels over her for long. She hated being torn in two like a doll. I sighed and grumbled, but didn't ever push my luck. Will did, though. She didn't ever complain when he wanted something, and I didn't like it. I clung onto her when we got indoors, knowing exactly what she was going to do. She stared back innocently.

"What is it, Anne? I really should be going; I'm meeting Will at his house in five minutes." Her eyes clouded, and a big soppy smile lit her face up. I snorted, and tried to put on a brave face. I envied her a tiny bit; at least she still had a husband. I sighed. I knew that our time together was always limited. Even as a guess, I knew she was going to go back to Will when we got back.

"Please? Please can I go with you?" I begged Vivian.

"Sorry Anne, but I want some alone time with Will for once. I'm surprised that he puts up with all of your questions; it drives me insane! I've already spent time with you, so don't start pouting." She giggled, winking at me. I pouted anyway, frowning at her. So that was why she had spent time with me for once, so I didn't have an excuse to grumble at her.

"But I won't ask any questions. I just want to go out. Have you any idea how boring it can get, staying inside and "guarding" the house while you go out and have a good time?" I frowned. I hated it when she did this. She hugged me, trying to be sympathetic.

"Anne, you can't change yourself in the sun. I can." She smiled at me. Her "gift" was changing herself, her skin, her eyes and her hair. Shape shifter. I grumbled at her. "Don't cheat! I know how you control my head sometimes, and it won't work." She turned away then, and before I could protest more, she was gone. I grinned despite myself. I was working on morphing my voice when I spoke inside people's heads, my "gift". There for I could tell Vivian in her mind that she should let me go with her, and she wouldn't even know it was me. I sighed, grabbing a random French manuscript from the hundreds of shelves of books. I got comfortable in my chair, and started from the beginning. As I read, I thought about Vivian. She has been my best friend for over fifty years, and we knew each other inside-out. We both loved each other dearly, and we hadn't let each other down ever. We laughed together, joked, cried and annoyed each other sometimes. We were like sisters, unable to separate. I felt so lonely when she wasn't around. Usually I would go back to Paul's place to find some company, but Ruby's problems, Violet's latest handbag and Richard's new car didn't seem very appealing to me right now. I'd just read and think until she got back.

I groaned as I sat up. I had managed to sit through the night reading the French manuscript. How on earth had I got so absorbed in it? I need a life, I thought, and grumbled to myself as I moved around. I was always like this is the mornings when Vivian had been out the previous day. I hardly ever got out, and school doesn't count as going out in my world. I wondered what Vivian was up to – at this time in the morning, I would interrupt her thoughts by grumbling good morning to her. Maybe she was already at university, hoping to get a glimpse of what our "schoolmates" would be up to today, what the latest fashion statement was to fit in. I don't see why she cared so much. Still, I had to get to school, late or not. I put the French manuscript carefully back in its rightful place on the shelf, and ran to university. I grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder, picking up my books as I ran. I stopped running about a mile away from the school. I couldn't see Vivian. Where the hell was she? Then I heard something. A low murmur...William's voice. So Vivian wasn't here, yet Will was? It didn't make sense. Only a few days ago I thought they were permanently joined at the hip. Paul said it was just temporary first love and all that, which would calm down soon. I didn't know it would calm down this much. They were apart, far apart if I couldn't speak to Vivian. I decided to ask Will. William is Vivian's husband (shortened to Will), so surely he would know. They have been together for at least five years, so they had no secrets. They were truly in love, I could see that much. Or that's what I thought. I'm not the sort of person to ask about love, or relationships. For one, it made me so angry I usually ended up hurting someone or something, and secondly, it's a very sensitive subject to me. No one has dared to ask me about Oscar for at least a decade. I checked no one was looking, and ran to where Will was standing, grabbing his hand and running to the parking lot before anyone noticed.

"Hello, Anne. Where's the fire?" He queried, staring around us. Checking for danger, I assumed.

"There isn't a fire, Will," Yet. "I just wanted to ask you something." He rolled his eyes, clearly thinking I had overreacted to something judging by the way I had pulled him away.

"Look, Anne. I need to get to class. There isn't time for your usual round of twenty questions. Ask me when I'm free, okay?" he sighed. I know I sometimes asked a little too much when I didn't know what one of us was doing (which was very rare), but he didn't need to point it out so often. I grabbed his arm, though I knew that even my inhuman strength would be no match for his. My arm went numb after a few seconds. That was Will's gift. He could do whatever he wanted to harm any part of you that touched him when he didn't want you to. He could have sent an electric shock through it, but I guess he didn't have the patience to concentrate for it. I folded my arms across my chest with a huff.

"It won't take long, just one question." I didn't give him a chance to answer. "I haven't seen or heard Vivian since last night. And she either she isn't thinking of anything at all, or away from my hearing range. If you know where she is, tell me now. Or I will quite gladly make your life worse than it already is." I stared at him, waiting for an answer.

"That's a threat, not a question." He replied, turning away from me. I yelled into his troubled thoughts.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?! I wished I could read thoughts, not enter them. But it's the best I could do. His hands gripped my shoulders. He was trying to calm himself, but it wasn't working. He glared at me darkly. My shoulders were screaming in pain as he sent fire through them with his anger. I concentrated only on his answer.

"Vivian is away from your hearing range, as you put it. She didn't want you to know, as she will only be away for a few days. Now get out of my sight." He pushed me into a wall, the bricks breaking as I hit it, and stalked away with his hands balled into fists. I sighed, and another million questions burned inside me. The part that bothered my subconscious part of me most was wondering what she was doing. She hardly ever left Williams side, and he had never left hers. They were loyal to each other, faithful. They were in love with each other. I could see it in their eyes when they looked at each other. I remember feeling that way. I sighed again. I had to remind Will to be careful, just in case.

I'm sorry. Don't do anything stupid at university. Explain everything later. Please, for me.

I decided to visit the forest, to clear my head. The more my emotions chewed at me, the less chance I had of thinking straight. I hated it when I was like this. I usually tried to hide it from anyone, but I broke down so often now that I gave up trying to keep it a secret. My throat burned with the fight to cry, and I couldn't breathe. I hadn't cried in over 10 years. I wasn't going to start now. It's not the tears that matter; it's the sobbing, knowing you're crying. It scares me, because then I lose control completely. At least now I have some control over what I was doing. I could feel the pain, but that meant I wasn't numb yet. That was a good thing. The numbness always meant pain afterward.

As I was running, another question joined the feast of me with the others. What if – no, I wouldn't let myself go back down that road. "What if" is what got me like this is the first place. I shouldn't lose control because I'm not an ordinary human. It would hurt too many people if I decided to lose what little control I had over myself. I don't even call myself a being. I'm much, much worse. I'm the core of your nightmares; I'm the reason behind children crying in the night. I'm the most hated creature on earth, and the most powerful. I'd tried everything – from pretending I was normal, that everything was the same as it was before I was made into this monster, to giving in to my instincts and killing everyone in sight. For a few years now, I'd attained a healthy balance. I acted normal, but I didn't try to pretend I was when I was alone. But I still wished I was human. That everything was normal. I could enjoy university, get a job, not forever stuck at eighteen, make friends, have a nice boyfriend, and have my own family... Vivian helped when I was losing control. I felt hysteria bubbling up in my chest; I had to get away. I ran, as fast as I could, deep into the heart of the forest.

"Oscar," I whispered, as I sunk to my knees, "Come back." I knew this wasn't possible, but I said it every time I got like this. It's lame, I told myself. I remembered him holding me recklessly close when I cried, never once telling me to get a grip. He let me loose in a safe place when I angered, never once telling me that I should calm down. He believed whatever I kept locked inside would once come out; he was right. I felt all my past guilt over the 24 years build up, all the lies, the broken promises...and the pain that overpowered it all; him. Oscar let me be who I was. I didn't have to pretend around him. I thought he loved me, as I loved him. But he didn't. My heart yearned for him, for his company, his love.

No, not his love – any love. Any end to this hatred, this emptiness.

When I was first created, 286 years ago now, Oscar helped me. My creator, Paul, wanted to save us all. I was part of a rebellious mob, defending against the cruel times of slaves. At the same time, thousands of new vampires were also created. Millions of investors in the money that was earned with slavery started killing those who rebelled. I was part of a group of 108; all of whom were the same age as me, 16 years to 20. Paul helped thirty of us; we were the ones most likely to survive. Twenty six of them, once they found out what Paul had done, had left us. Paul let them go, once he was sure that they were fully aware of how things worked. Oscar was already eighty six years old when he found me; he was captured and half-dead when he was created. Some vampires were hunting a group of men when the werewolves moved into the area, trying to protect them, and Oscar was half-finished. They had left him to die – they didn't care much what happened to him – and fled. What they didn't know was that they had just created another enemy. An enemy with as much power as them, maybe more...In the end, he got revenge. When he met me, our lives changed, instantly. 24 years ago now – I will never forget – he left me. Saying he needed to find his own clan, people like him. He wondered why I didn't search to find the people I was with at first the minute I knew I could control myself, but that had an easy answer. I wanted to stay with him. There was nothing I could do to stop him, not the begging, the guilt, the lies...I even considered leaving Vivian to go with him. He said if I went, they would reject me. I wasn't with him when he was created. He called them his brothers and sisters – even though they are strangers to him, and might not exist. I try hard most of the time now to avoid thinking about him, but nothing could stop me when I was upset. I remembered his last words; "Don't try to find me." And then he lifted his head, like someone was calling his name. Then he disappeared. I was crushed for weeks, I spent every day and night searching, until I realised that it's exactly what he didn't want me to do. I simply curled up then, and wanted to die. I repeat the same actions whenever I get like this, arms wrapped around my knees, mumbling his name while unshed tears burned my throat. Then realisation hit. He had disappeared just like Vivian had done, but had said goodbye first. I couldn't interrupt his thoughts, to beg him to come back, to talk to him, like I can't interrupt Vivian's. William had seemed in such a bad mood; probably missing Vivian. I'm sure if he was worried, he would have asked me by now to see if I could talk to her. He must have had some warning...But of what? I screamed in frustration, birds flying away and animals fleeing as I did so. I was scared; I'd left this feeling unused for so long, it felt a thousand times worse. It was the same with my new heartache. It scratched at my chest, my cheeks, my throat, until I felt empty. I felt numb, like I had just been injected with aesthetic but it wasn't making me sleepy yet. I was making rash decisions, false accusations, Vivian would have no reason to leave me after all this time, and if she had left Will too, that didn't make sense. They were still together; I could tell by the ring he had placed proudly on his finger. I fell down from my knees onto my face, unable to move. No thoughts came to mind, no heartache, and no more pain. I was surprised at my sudden mood changes, so quick, yet so painful. I had to keep control. I had for the last twenty four years. I imagined what it would be like now if Oscar was still here; I would be laughing with him, with Vivian, Will and my clan. We could be happy, together, and still alive. I would hold his hand always, and he would never object because he liked it. We would have every night together, nothing to stop us. No danger. We would be immortal together, enjoying every second. That's impossible, but I imagined it every second of the day, when I was sad, when I was angry, and when heartache did extra damage to me. I didn't know how there could be any more pain; the numbness took over. Maybe I've reached my limit, I thought to myself. Maybe there's no more to rip apart, to tear, to damage, to kill...

I let myself think of everything; not sparing my own feelings. I had to make use of this numbness, to use it while I could. So Vivian has left for a few days? It didn't seem like it to me. That's what Oscar said before he came back and told me he wanted to leave me. I had time to prepare for it, he said. He told me that it was against the original plan, but it wouldn't make things any more difficult. I wonder what he meant by that. His last words "Don't try to find Me." were ringing in my ears, lashing at me, trying to break the numbness. It was like I was sleeping, but with my eyes open and scared. I was lonely, but I could handle it. My heartache I could control; my hunger for him, my yearning, my emptiness, my pain is what I could not handle. It tipped me over the edge, and I let the burning take over. I let hysteria take me over. Everything was a blur, and I didn't care anymore. I just didn't care. It crushed me.