Ok, so this is my first (and so far only) attempt at a fic, so comments good and bad are really appriciated. It picks up right where the season finale left off and hopefully cleans up some of the mess that was left.
Disclaimer: Grey's anatomy is not mine, if it were then there would be lots of scenes with Patrick Dempsey, naked and covered in chocolate sauce.
"Meredith, I do love you. Don't you see? Don't you understand? You're the love of my life. I can't leave you. But you're constantly leaving me. You walk away when you want; you come back when you want. Not everyone, not your friends, but you leave me. So, I'm asking you, if you don't see a future with us. Please... please just end it because I'm in it. Put me out of my misery."
Meredith lay awake in bed, her arm underneath her head. It was numb, but tingly, that feeling you get just before pins and needles. She wanted to move it but couldn't. She didn't want to wake the person lying next to her. She'd known that she would spend the night of Christina's wedding in bed with somebody; she just never expected it to be Christina's bed, or with Christina.
The clock read 2:30am. It was 5 o'clock earlier that evening when Meredith had entered Christina's apartment to find her just stood in the living room, still in her dress. When Christina had broken down Meredith had stayed with her, holding her and sitting with her on the floor until 8 o'clock when she had managed to convince Christina that they should eat something. Not even knowing where to begin in the kitchen Meredith opted to phone out for a pizza instead. After eating, the only thing Meredith could think to do next was get Christina to bed. Not wanting to leave her alone Meredith had crawled into bed behind her person. That had been at 9:30 and now 5 hours later Meredith still lay awake.
She kept playing over in her head what Derek had said when he'd pulled her behind in the locker room before the wedding. She'd been angry with him, hurt by what he had said to her about the woman from the bar and after the week she'd had she was just about done. Trying to keep the hurt and pain out of her voice she told him straight to just end it if that's what he wanted. That's when he had made his declaration of love for her. She could remember each detail as though it was happening again right in front of her, his words, the look on his face, his piercing eyes looking straight into her and the touch of his hand on her cheek. She thought about his words, was she constantly leaving him? Did she walk away and come back whenever she wanted?
He'd thrown her off guard at the time. They were running late for the wedding and at that time she still believed that what she had said to Christina the night before was true. She thought that she needed Christina to get married to prove that people like her and Meredith stood a chance, to prove that Meredith wasn't wasting her time.
Looking back now she realised how stupid she was being trying to decide the status of her relationship based on the status of somebody else's. She realised that Derek was the love of her life too and that she did see a future with Derek.
She just hoped it wasn't too late…………
"Okay, here it is, your choice... it's simple, her or me, and I'm sure she is really great. But Derek, I love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me."
Derek lifted his head up off the table. He glanced at the clock, it was late. He shouldn't be here, he knew that, but where else was there to go? He didn't want to be at the trailer and Meredith obviously didn't want him. He knew she'd gone to Christina after the non-wedding, not that Meredith had told him herself, he'd had to ask Izzie if she knew where she was. That'd been hours ago, he knew Christina was going through something important and that she needed Meredith but surely Meredith knew that Derek needed something too.
An answer to his question was what he needed. Any answer. Honestly he didn't want Meredith to end it. He wanted her to come running up to him, telling him that she felt the same way, and then they could be together, but something in his gut made him feel like it just wouldn't happen.
He looked at the drink in front of him. Joe had poured it for him about 3 hours ago but he couldn't bring himself to drink it. He pulled out his wallet, threw some money onto the counter and left the bar. He checked the time. It was approaching 12 pm. He wasn't due in work until 10am in the morning but he didn't know where else to go.
As he walked along the hospital corridor towards his small office he paused outside a scrubbing in room next to an OR. He'd never forget this room. It was where Meredith had declared her love for him and asked, no, begged for him to pick her over Addison. He sighed and carried on walking. He hadn't picked her, but he wished that he had instead of trying to fulfil some sort of obligation to Addison. When he thought of all the wasted time it made him sick and sicker to think that they probably wouldn't be in the mess that they were now had he stayed with her when she asked him to.
As he rounded the corner he was so lost in his thoughts that he nearly fell over someone coming the opposite way. "Sorry Dr. Shepherd" he heard Bailey apologise. No usual sarky or witty comment, she didn't quite seem herself. He saw a bunch of unfamiliar faces behind her. "That's ok Dr. Bailey I wasn't concentrating" on a second look not all of the faces looked unfamiliar, in fact one face in particular looked very familiar, a little too familiar. "Well" Bailey interrupted his thoughts again "this is as good of a time as any to introduce you to this years interns. She turned to the interns "and this is our Head of Neurology, Dr. Shepherd"
Derek couldn't think what to say as he saw the female intern at the back staring at him intently with a humoured look on her face and a hint of flirtation in her eyes.
