Sonicle Hedgeman's Magical Adventure:
By Fluff, age 5
One day in the winter, Sonic was sleeping because he is a hedgehog and that is what hedgehogs do. However, he is so fast that in his sleep he made the world spin faster so it would be summer again. Millions perished in the resulting tsunamis including Tails. These global catastrophes lead to the polar ice cap breaking up and slamming into northern continents and islands, killing thousands more and dooming the polar bear. Several species of whale and large fish also went extinct, ridding the world of sharks once and for all. However this did not fix the cold so Sonic put on a scarf. All furries instantly gain immense insulation from scarves because a coat would cover up boobies. Sonic went outside and met with his friends Fink, Jimple, Knuckles and Tails. Fink was a rat who had super-disease powers and so was wearing a suit of power armour to prevent his friends from dying from Rat AIDS. Nobody knows what the fuck Jimple is because Sonic Team's grasp on biology is looser than a nice floaty dress or an elephant's vagina.
"Hello Sanic" said Jimple. "We are the only ones in Emerald Glaze Meadow Field Zone who survived the tidal holocaust."
"I bet Eggman is responsible for this!" said Knuckles, jumping to conclusions like an Olympic athlete.
"Yeah, I died!" said Tails. "But Sega brought me back to appeal to the gay furry pedophile demographic!" Everyone was silent for a second because they all had minor strokes caused by Tails' voice.
"THE FLOODS HAVE DESTROYED ALL OF MY PLAGUE-BEARING CHILDREN,"
exclaimed Fink through his power armour. "NURGLE WILL NOT BE SATED WITH ANYTHING BESIDES EGGMAN'S PUS-RIDDEN CORPSE."
Sonic, already well-established as a moron, was also amoral and happily complicit to an innocentish man; therefore he shouted "Let's ride Eggman's ass like a rollercoaster until he begs to get off! BUT HE CANNOT GET OFF; THE RIDE NEVER ENDS."
On that bizarrely out-of-character moment, the four friends prepared a hamper full of jam sandwiches for the journey ahead, and set off to find the Eggman.
