A Fool's Words
Courage is the magic that turns dreams into reality…
There's reasons why I do the things I do. I wrinkle my nose from behind a dusty pillar in the ruins you've descended into as I ponder why my mind gravitates towards him. It's the way he says "I'm…sorry" , the demure gaze, the lemon locks that tries to hide his fears from the world. Maybe that's why I've become such a fool. To watch from afar like this…
I see you wince again as Marta clings to your arm. I wonder what you think of her and I wonder how often I cross your mind. Maybe I hope too much when I see your face turn from flustered to brooding, but standing out here in the cold from behind a shop stall, I could have sworn you whispered my name in the wind. Yes…that's right…even when she's laughing and even with your ever-growing group you lips should be tracing my name. No-that's wrong of me, such a fool's words.
"I wonder…" Your murmur reaches my ears as if you were standing right next to me. If I close my eyes I can remember your uncertain hands on the hilt of a battered training blade. Such a fool's thoughts. You're looking away in deep thought and you seem to not hear the Centurion next to you ask his quiet inquiry. "It's nothing Tenebrae…I'm just…thinking." Are you making that face because you know I'm your enemy even though you obviously have conflicting feelings? Or maybe Im just reading too much into it, as I watch Marta in bitterness, yanking on your arm again. I know we'll meet soon-I will not force a confrontation like I did in Palmacosta. Even then I knew my motives were changing.
"If I so much as see her I will kill her. Understand?"
Those weren't the words I meant to say after we met again, but your acceptance bothers me. You're supposed to care about Marta… "I knew you cared. Thank you." I have to look away, knowing your naïve response holds more depth than you can imagine. Now it's not so much having to do the unpleasant deed of killing for the core I just simply…want her out of his life. I felt heat crawling to my face. "Don't misunderstand me. Let's go."
-Emil-
"This is the first time we traveled like this in a while". Why am I saying stuff like this? It sounds so…awkward. But I really mean it. You make a grunt, avoiding any more eye contact than is absolutely necessary. That's just how you are-I've come to accept that. Actually there was a lot of things I've accepted about you. I know you want to get Ratatosk's core and that to get it early you'd have to kill Marta-which I won't allow. For your own reasons, you're allowing me to stay close to you for this duration of time-which Im not complaining about. But…you occupy my every waking moment and haunt my dreams-which I can't ignore.
"Good job."
I wipe my forehead to clear the sweat out of my vision and the heat in my face I hope you mistake after battling our way in this dark mausoleum. Wait it's so dark you can only see my face if you're really close-
"Are you alright? You're rather red. Not out of breath are we?"
Your scent makes me jump back in shock but not before the breath of a chuckle escapes you. This might have been a bad idea after all. Should have listened to Tenebrae on this one, I thought sulkingly as the Dark Centurion piercing gaze pierced me with a quiet knowingness. I blinked. Had Tenebrae heard me when I snuck away in the dead of night away from everyone, with my hands wrapped around myself, thinking not of Marta but of…?
"Richter.."
"What is it? Not finishing another thought again?"
"Oh. No-uh.." I'm sorry. I stifled the urge. Thank Martel it's so dark down here…
The quite chuckle made my fist clench instinctively. But it wasn't from the red head who was examining something and seemed suddenly disappointed that I didn't notice anything odd.
I wish he'd tell me more about himself-
"Give this to Marta and tell her this is why you were gone so long. It should satisfy her curiosity."
Numbly I reached out and a bracelet was deposited into my hand. Since when had we stepped into the light? I must have been that out of it. I blushed faintly as his fingers barely grazed my palm. Tenebrae coughed.
"It won't poison her will it?"
He looked instantly crossed and I placed it in my pocket hastily. I felt a guilty pang of "I wish I kind of would" race through my mind.
"You can examine it for yourself."
I don't know what to think anymore. I felt bad for lying to her as she hugged me, thanking me for the braclet upon my return. The Centurion watched me closely as I felt my mind drifting again to the mausoleum and that sinful urge of wanting to sneak my lips onto his in the dark.
"You might want to keep your affair with Richter a secret."
"Oh, yeah…."
There was something in his eyes when he said that…I wish he wouldn't read so much into it. I was sure he meant only about our recent travels together but that gleam made me think maybe there was something else he was implying.
-Richter-
"I guess you really are perfect. I hope to be like that someday."
His openness made me feel a small twinge of guilt. He had, unquestioning, came to Triet to see me due to Aqua's Influence. I envied that in him…I sighed as the scent of herbs waffed into my nose. It was calming and I needed as much composure as I could get-I still hadn't completely recovered from our trip into the winding darkness, with Tenebrae's knowing chuckle still ringing in my ears. The sunlight was working wonders on the boy's skin tones-a guilty thought I had no more energy to repress.
"Do you dislike herbs?"
"No, I quite enjoy them." Just as I enjoy your company as twisted as that is…perhaps more than I care to let on. When I hear you trying to like them too, something in me snapped. "There's no need to match my tastes. There's nothing I despise more than someone with no individuality." Your easy acceptance again bothers me but yet it's tantalizing. Perhaps I could make you accept more things from me. We start to dig- I can tell this type of labor isn't something you know very well the way your brow is furrowing. You're driving me insane-maybe it's the scent of rosemary mixed with your sweat.
I can feel a dark shadow watching me. No, now wasn't the time to push his acceptance-
My finger's slipped though you hair as I picked up the shell I was looking for. You freeze under my touch and I smirked when I saw a faint flush creep into your face. Perfect.
"Ah-!"
"Thank you for your assistance. We should go back now."
A noise of disapproval came from the shadows at my feet.
"You'd do well not to toy with Emil's feelings you know." The deep tenor of the Centurion of Darkness's voice whispered in my ear. "Marta is more suitable for him than you, you know."
"All the more reason to do away with her influence…" I mumbled. I don't trust his motives for goading me on but I can't help the words that came from my mouth. That chuckle again. My feelings are more transparent than I had hoped.
"Just know that he's not the same as him…"
-Emil-
It's so cold here it seems like such a harsh contrast to the caves you and I were in just days ago. But whenever I recall that slip though my hair I get all tingly and I feel my chest restrict uncomfortably. Is that so wrong? I never feel that way with Marta-
"I mean it's not like I love Richter or anything! No I mean I really like him but-I don't know what Im saying…"
I shook my head. I didn't know what to think of myself anymore.
But maybe…if Marta wasn't around…I would never have met Richter-
"Richter! What are you-?"
He had cornered Marta with a deathly calm look on his face against an ice statue. I really must be twisted, and I felt a small thrill run down my spine as Richter pressed the blade against Marta's throat. His back was turned to me and I felt a pulse of anger rush though me. Face me dammit. I want see your face when you actually do it-do you have the guts?
"I told you I didn't want you to see this but if you insist I have no choice-"
His sword sung though the air and I froze. Did he really-?
"Marta!" It wasn't supposed to happen this early, this soon. I can't loose him now-I'll never see him again! Maybe if I could have talked to you sooner-
The core floated to his open palm and I could only stare numbly at him, as if I was far away in a fog. Maybe Ratatosk had taken over by then but over the clamoring pulse of blood n my veins I couldn't tell if I was ridden with sickly guilt or pleasure. She's gone…
She's gone and now I no longer have an excuse to see your face.
-Richter-
The moment I touched the core and walked away I knew it was a dupe. But…I suppose in my own way I wanted to see Emil break and to believe my own selfish desires.
I have severed you from her, from your responsibilities. Just believe that and we can see each other again less painfully…
"I'll make you pay for this! MARTA!" That cry was not Emil's but the demon within him, the one that was in my way as well. But he was nothing compared to Marta's interference. Maybe it was how much she threw herself at you that made me view her as that much more of a wall between us. After all, you can't remove someone deeply engrained in your psyche.
"Richter."
You followed me into the Vanguard base even though it had nothing to do with Ratatosk. Why? To mock me? To harass me about Aster? You have no shame. Why do you care so much about a guy you never met?
"Richter?"
You may look like Aster but that's not why Im so obsessed over you that it pains me to hear your voice. Why did I just let you follow me here? I already acknowledged a long time ago that you were not Aster and I had never hoped for you to be him.
"Richter!"
"I'm not deaf!" I snapped harshly, my back to him. If I turned around now, my face would betray everything. My anger, my pain my fear and my desire to acquire the taste of your lips and your skin. My Centurion companion watched my face, brow furrowed. She, like the dark one, knew my mind and had long since resigned in trying to argue with me as to how wrong it was. Sure, perhaps she was a bit jealous but she sensed the depth of my twisted feelings with resignation.
"No matter what kind of person you are I'll still like you."
You clear pure hearted statement catches me off guard as we continue. I sigh. I refuse to read more than what I needed to in that statement. I had gone too far back at the Ice Temple, showing my clear distain for Marta and her closeness, and in my act of savagely breaking the illusion of her, I wondered dimly if he saw the expression on my face. It was enough to send shivers down Aqua's spine.
"Why must you keep saying things like that?" It only makes my self-control that much harder to maintain.
"I-I'm sorry…"
I lost it.
You caught a glimpse of my eyes in shocked silence before I descended upon your parted lips. Months of fantasy had finally materialized into the molten contact between our mouths. Your breathy apology, those wide eyes-it was too much to ignore. Nothing mattered-not Ratatosk, not Marta, not the meddling reformed Chosen parade. It was this moment, when I breached the forbidden that mattered most to me. Your shock soon melted into a needy whimper and I felt my consciousness rise to dizzying heights. You would not reject me-not that I would give you the option to. Treading my fingers into your hair I pulled you close and you reached around my neck. I breathed you in as I adjusted my angle, my tongue slipping past the folds of your trembling flesh. I meshed with your own tongue and I lazily wrestled with yours for a few breathy minutes.
Courage is the magic that turns dreams into reality…
I was the fool that believed in that. But maybe that belief, in this blink in eternity , wasn't so bad after all. Your heart was so open, burning bright that I felt a twinge of guilt as I finally pulled away. Flushed, bright eyed, it pieced though the dimly lit Vanguard Base and I cursed slightly for feeling so turned on by his ravished appearance.
"We are enemies after this. This is the last time I'll let you help me."
It sounded so cold, so harsh I saw the visible flinch. This is what it was supposed to be not this tangled mess of thoughts racing through my mind and clouding my judgment. He saw in the way I looked away that I didn't want it to be that way. His quite acceptance killed me even more inside. If a kiss could make things better…
I had you pinned up against the wall.
It's the words a human with a few screws loose told me a long time ago…
Slipping my hands under your shirt I felt you shiver, muscles rippling under my touch. I received an automatic moan in response to my touch and I couldn't help but smirk. You won't let us be enemies and I won't let us be friend's. Why won't you run away? I'm dangerous-
If you never stand up for yourself nothing will ever change…
"Run away, Emil…" I whispered. A sigh escaped your lips.
"No. I won't run away…I'I'm not a dog-"
Are you dog or are you a man?
You half screamed, slamming your head into the wall in reflex. Heat, heat, heat everywhere. I shuddered, plunging forward, deeply embedded inside of you. You squirm-this wasn't your fantasy of us was it? But even so as you lay back against the stone floors, I can't hear anything else but your heartbeat echoing in my mind. You don't care where we are at all- you seem to see is me and only me. I want to keep it that way.
"R…Richter I-"
Stop apologizing.
"I'm not…sorry. For this. For us."
White light blinded my vision as I collapsed against you, your voice driving me over the edge in a way I never thought it could. A monster cried out down the hallway, but I could have cared less. You slipped your fingers though my hair and I shivered at the contact. You brought your mouth to my ear.
"'Courage is the magic that turns dreams into reality.'"
I laided there atop him, breathing unevenly. A fool's words.
But for once, they didn't seem so foolish.
