Chapter One
Girlish Scheming
"Seems like a Confundus Charm, an extremely powerful one."
"I completely agree, but she has a glazed look in her eye, is that normal?"
"It was just powerful, I wouldn't put it past Lucius to put a few other charms on her as well..."
"That's what I was thinking..."
The voices, though whispers, were echoing softly down into the kitchen where Remus and Sirius sat in silence, sipping butterbeer quietly. They had reached an unspoken understanding that they wouldn't talk about how the world was now outside the Order meetings, things were grim enough. However, the solid silence was not much better than discussing the times bearing down upon them, as neither could think of some forced, happy conversation. Sirius, however, couldn't help himself.
"Think Tonks got the plans?" he asked, trying to sound nonchalant.
Thinking it would be pointless to pretend that he hadn't been listening to every word with great interest, Remus shrugged. "If she's been cursed, it's hard to say. I think it's safe to guess that she made it to the Ministry, or else there would be no reason to go for her."
"Except for the fact that she's an Auror," Sirius said, smiling grimly.
"Yeah, there's that," he said, trying to shrug the weight of anticipation off his shoulders. He took a sip of butterbeer. It didn't warm the empty feeling in his body. He felt like there was nothing in there at all. His heart felt like there was a hole in it's place, and it seemed that there was nothing filling in his flesh.
"Well, we'll need the plans for the meeting in four days, if we don't have them..." Sirius's voice trailed off. Remus grunted softly. He and Sirius sat in silence. Sirius sighed and when he spoke, it was in a deadened, hollow voice that he had had in the Shrieking Shack. "I suppose I'll go help Kingsley and Emmeline. They'll probably need it with Tonks, whatever happened to her." Lupin just nodded idly. The empty feeling in his body had not left him, and he didn't feel like he could speak. The words felt like they died before they had even reached his mouth. When Sirius had left, he stood up and put his hands on the back of the chair. He stared hard at the table, lost in half-formed thoughts that he wasn't even sure were there.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Tonks snuck down the stairs quietly, completely cured of her Confundus Charm. She heard Sirius walking up the steps from the kitchen, bidding a gloomy and tired goodbye to Lupin. Both had been severely subdued, like most of the Order. However, seeing Sirius come up those steps and hearing him bade Lupin goodbye had made her heart skip. She knew she was being girlish. She knew she was being stupid. But she just couldn't resist. When she heard Sirius come closer, she slid her eyes out of focus and skipped a step, so she fell and knocked over the troll leg umbrella stand. Right on cue, Sirius' mother started screaming. He glanced at her, and smiled weakly when she wobbled weakly on the spot and blinked innocently. Molly Weasley came up and almost mimicked Sirius's look exactly, and the two of them started on the screaming portrait.
"FILTH! HORRIBLE, VILE AND VULGAR HALF BREEDS, BLOOD TRAITORS, BETRAYERS OF THE NOBLE AND MOST ANCIENT HOUSE OF BLACK! FILTH! HOW I..." she continued to screech at the top of her lungs, her mad eyes rolling, but Tonks quietly ignored her. Smiling as more portraits yelled, awoken by Mrs. Black, she sneaked behind the door to the kitchen and closed it silently, dimming the screams of her Great Aunt. She crept down the stairs and stopped five steps from the entrance and tried to peek through the gap in the curtain. Lupin was there, and he was alone. Tonks suppressed a girlish giggle. She knew it was a stupid crush, but it had burned in her like a flame since the second they met. For a fleeting moment, Tonks thought her plan over. When she realized she was actually going to do it, it felt stupid. She could turn around right now, forget it. Remus looked incredibly solemn, should she dare bring herself to disturb him? That adorable grey-flecked hair, the inquisitive shine behind his eyes, the way his lips formed a secret smile when he was pleased...
Tonks smiled, unable to control herself. So what if she was being rash? She couldn't hide her feelings like she had done from every guy at Hogwarts. She wasn't a kid anymore, if she didn't make a move...
She trampled loudly down the last few steps, hoping her imitation of a lightly done Confundus Charm would be good enough to fool him. She walked into the doorframe before entering. She thought it would be a nice touch.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Lupin had looked up as he heard someone crashing down the stairwell, the faint screeches of Mrs. Black following them. He saw a flash of pink hair hit the doorframe.
"Hello, Tonks," he said gently, noticing the slightly out of focus eyes and the way she swayed slightly on the spot.
"Hello," she said, slightly buoyantly. She bounced and swayed toward him, a flicker of a smile
playing lightly on her lips.
"Are you doing okay?" he said, holding his gentle tone. Tonks just smiled widely at him, swaying a little. She was having a party in her head, the way he was speaking to her suggested that her act was going very well. She dared to go a few steps closer, and stopped right beside him.
"Hello," she repeated dully, swaying. She yawned, and put her head on his shoulder. Lupin jumped a bit. Her touch had warmed him much more sufficiently than the butterbeer, but it ebbed away as quickly as it had come. He shoved her off lightly.
"You don't know what you're doing, Nymphadora," he said, and even though his voice was gentle, Tonks sensed the stern tone he felt like taking behind it. She opened her mouth to correct him, tell him to call her 'Tonks,' but she closed it quickly, doubting that it would be how a slightly confunded person would act. "You'll feel much more yourself after a nice rest. Come on, let's get up to your room," he said, coaxing her forward. Sensing defeat, Tonks obeyed, hoping her disappointment that they hadn't gotten more romantic didn't show. Not that she thought they would even get to a simple hug, but still. They trudged up the stairs, Tonks dragging her feet slightly. When they reached the fourth floor landing, Remus took the door on the right and opened it for her. She was surprised when he followed her in. "Just lie down now," he said, "and close your eyes. Take a little nap and you'll feel much more yourself when you wake up." he turned to leave. Tonks had a sudden idea. Another rash, sudden, idea.
"Don't leave!" she said, trying to sound slightly panicky. "Don't leave me," this one made her sound truly pathetic. Lupin turned and saw her wide eyes, and felt a rush of sympathy. He clenched his fists and let out a deep breath, making his way back to the bed. He sat down upon it near Tonks' head, and he busied himself with pulling a few loose threads off his robes. "Thank you," she said breathlessly, watching him. She didn't feel the least bit tired, but she could just watch him.
"Now just go to sleep," he said, looking at her and noticing the open eyes. He stroked her hair lightly. His touch sent shivers down her spine. It was all she could do to try and calm herself down before her heart exploded, the way he was rhythmically stroking her hair was killing her. She took a few deep breaths and stared up at Remus. His shoulders were slumped, and his eyes had large bags. He needed a nap more than she did. After a while, she decided she had to do something about it. This wasn't a love scheme, she told herself. It was a good deed.
"I can't sleep," she said, slurring her words slightly and looking up at him blearily. Lupin sighed.
"You'll feel much better after a rest," he said wearily, stroking her head. "Just lean back and close your eyes," he said, demonstrating slightly. "And...and breathe dee–" he failed to stifle a huge yawn. "–ply. Deeply." She smiled at him and rolled over, further away from him. He put one of his legs up onto the bed, turning slightly as he did so, so he was parallel to Tonks. "Just relax," he said, the eyes he had opened drooping again. He let out a long breath. Slowly, Tonks heard his breath turn deep and rhythmic. She poked her head up and glanced at him. He looked oddly lopsided. He was leaning halfway back and one of his legs was pushed up against the end of the bed. Tonks rolled gently off the bed, landing lightly on her feet. She got up and stood next to Remus, who looked adorably handsome and serene asleep. She brushed his grey-flecked hair out of his face and pulled his other leg up onto the bed gently. She pushed him back onto the pillow and covered him and his extra-shabby robes with a the blanket. He rolled over and huddled under them. He was so cute when he was asleep. Tonks smiled at another sudden thought. She was hopeless. But she didn't care. She leaned forward and pressed her lips lightly on his own. Her heart skipped when his lips twitched into an unmistakable smile as she pulled away.
"It wasn't technically a kiss," she told herself as she closed the door. But she didn't believe it. Not one bit.
