Hey everyone! This is a random crackfic that was born from boredom and listening to 'Take me or Leave me' from RENT (if you've never heard this, you'd better go and find it, because it's AWESOME!) Remember, I don't write this to offend! It's just for laughs! :D
Enjoy, and no flames please!
P.S: MUST READ THIS!:
Bold = Random crap that spilled out randomly
Italics = the actual story
Regular font = song lyrics
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It was an ordinary day in Forks, Washington. And it seemed like the ordinarious (is that even a word?) was going to continue throughout the day...but it was not to be.
Because, deep in the forest, in a house made of glass that was filled with sparkly vampires, was a vampire named Edward, and a human girl named Bella, who were *drumroll*...fighting! *GASP* *DOUBLE GASP* *THE Bella/Edward FANS GASP SO MUCH THEY PASS OUT*
Author (Me): You ok Twihards?
Twihaters: Don't you mean Twitards? *snorts*
A (M): No, no be quiet Twihaters, this is a peaceful environment *snickers* Okay! Moving on...
They fought over the fact that Eddie-boy—
Eddie-boy: Seriously?
Twihards: *GASP * Edward! *all run after him*
Eddie-boy: Author! Help me!
A (M): *whispers under breath* Idiot...You deserve it for stepping out of my story...
Eddie-boy: PLEASE HELP ME!
A (M): *Sighs* Not until you've learned from your dear mistake Eddie-boy!
Eddie-boy: I'VE LEARNED! NOW PLEASE PUT ME BACK INTO THE STORY!
A (M): *sighs harshly* Fine!
They fought over the fact that Eddie-boy refused to let Bella see her precious werewolf, Jacob. All of the Cullens heard them fighting, but they assumed that Bella and Eddie-boy loved each other too much to break up for no reason. Well, until they decided to eavesdrop...
~MEANWHILE~
"That's it Mr. Ivy-League!" Bella cried, pacing in the living room of the Cullens. Edward stared in shock at his beloved Bella.
"For a long time I haven't said boo to any of your rules!" Bella continued, "'Don't have sex with you', agreed. 'Let you watch me sleep', absolutely. 'Ride with me in the Death Volvo instead of my truck', whatever. But, 'No seeing Mr. Guy-Who-Actually-Has-Abs'...that's too much to do! Just to let you know, I love-"
Edward gasped audibly, but Bella just rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips, "Shut up! Of course I love him you idiot! Now baby—"
"I knew it! I mean, you punching him gave you away! I mean, a punch is abuse, so that means—"
"Oh c'mon! I love you, and him! Jeez, give me a break!"
Then suddenly she broke into song.
Twihards: What?
Twihaters: This'll be interesting
Bella: *groans*
Twihards: OMG, its Bella! Let's kill her so we can have Edward!
Bella: *starts to run and hopes she won't trip* Mrs. Author—
A (M): Miss, actually. Unlike me, I don't have an Eddie-boy yet! *smirks*
Bella: *rolls her eyes* Okay, Miss Author, I'd rather sing then- *trips and falls on her face* HELLLPP! EDWARD!
A (M): *whispers* you gonna help her?
Eddie-boy: *whispers back* no, I'd rather sing
A (M): Fine!
Anyways...
Bella
Every single day
I walk down the street
I hear Mike and Jacob say,
"Baby so sweet"
Ever since I came to Forks
Everybody stares at me
Boys - vampires
I can't help it baby
So be kind
Don't lose your mind
Just remember that I'm your baby
Take me for what I am
Who I was meant to be
And if you give a damn
Take me baby or leave me
Take me baby or leave me
A wolf in a cage
Can never see the sun
This girl needs her man
Baby - let's have fun!
You are the one I choose
Mike and Jacob would kill to fill your shoes
You love the limelight too now, baby
So be mine
And don't waste my time
Cryin' – 'Oh Bella- are you still my my my baby?'
Take me for what I am
Who I was meant to be
And if you give a damn
Take me baby or leave me
No way - can I be what I'm not
But hey - don't you want your girl hot?-*laughs*
Not!
Don't stalk - don't lose your head
Cause every night - who's in watching me sleep in my bed?
Who? Who's watching me sleep in my bed?
Kiss, Eddie *tries to rape him*
Edward
It won't work.
I look before I leap
I love my Volvo and I love me
I watch you sleep
Baby, don't steal my virginity!
Never quit - I follow through
I hate depressing girls - but I love you
What to do
With my impromptu baby
So be wise
Cause this vampire satisfies
You've got a prize
But don't compromise
You're one lucky baby
Take me for what I am
Bella
A control freak
Edward
Who I was meant to be
Bella
A diva – who is also a bimbo
Edward
And if you give a damn
Bella
A creepy talker!
Edward
Take me baby or leave me
Bella
And a sparkly fairy!
Both
That's it!
Edward
The straw that breaks my back
Both
I quit
Edward
Unless you take it back
Bella
Vampires!
Edward
Brooding girls!
Bella
What is it about them?
Both
Can't live -
With them -
Or without them!
Take me for what I am
Who I was meant to be
And if you give a damn you better
Take me baby or leave me
Take me baby
Or leave me
Guess I'm leavin'
I'm gone!
All the Cullens (except Emmett, he's laughing his ass off) gasped when they heard the door slam, and Edward went to the phone to order a Red-Eye to go to Italy.
Meanwhile, in front of the over-priced house, Bella was surrounded by Jacob, Mike, and all the Twihaters who are congratulating her for finally growing a backbone.
Me, the writer, sits back with a sigh and begins to laugh with Emmett as I watch Bella get squished by the mob of Twihaters.
The End! :)
A (M): See, wasn't that a nice ending?
Maureen: I hope you realize I'm NOTHING like Bella! She's a skinny little—
Joanne: Maureen!
Maureen: *rolls her eyes*
A (M): I agree with Maureen 100% by the way!
Joanne: *seething*
Bella: HEY! I THOUGHT SINCE YOU WERE WRITING ABOUT ME YOU LIKE ME!
Eddie-boy: *trying to keep the large double doors that held all the screaming fangirls close* Bella, little help?
Bella: No, thanks. You can handle it baby! *turns to me* Anyways—
Emmett: *barges in from some from secret door* Ha ha Eddie-boy, you got pawned by the author, Maureen, AND Bella when Bella sung that to you! *starts to laugh hysterically*
A (M): True dat! *pumps Emmett's fist*
Edward: Please, anyone, hel—
A (M) & Maureen: I'M GOING HOME!
Edward: *glares*
Joanne: *glares specifically at me* don't you try anything with my girlfriend! You—
A (M) & Maureen: *run away giggling* THE END!
