Alternative Series 7 'Pure'

Disclaimer: neither show or characters are mine

Oblivion

Cassie stared at the woman's tablet sitting in her thin, pale hands. Photos. So many fucking photo's. And there she was. Every time. She couldn't remember half the situations they'd been taken under; she couldn't remember the people she'd seen when she was sitting in that cafe, dancing in her room. Her fucking bedroom. Oh shit.

Oh shit.

And to think there'd been a chance she'd left all the old bullshit behind her in Bristol. To think she'd believed that. Stupid Cassie. Stupid, stupid child.

XXX

Walking home that night was awful. Every turn she took she waited to see a flash, hear a click, glimpse a hooded figure. Once, she mistook a cars headlight flashing between the branches of a bush as a camera flash and screamed aloud. Embarrassment made her face red, although no one was around to witness her foolishness.

But. But a little bit of her enjoyed it. The feeling of adrenaline gushing through her veins as she ran up the path to her house. The cold door as she pressed her back against it, the relief of the security of the house. It reminded her of the past. It reminded her of ...

Shaking off the ridiculous thoughts, she reminded herself to be unsettled by the fact that she was being stalked, and slipped up the white washed stairs, passed the bedrooms shaking with music. She didn't want to miss her past. She didn't need to miss him. So she hung think blankets over her windows, staring out past the glass at the buildings opposite. Staring for a face staring back. Part of her knew which face she wanted it to be. Part of her knew that if she saw it everything was over.

No face appeared in the dark, derelict buildings windows, and she hung the curtains. She put her headphones on. She turned her music up so loud she couldn't think; couldn't speak.

That's it Cass. Drown it out. Drown it all the fuck out Cass and pretend you're happy.

XXX

At work, the website was all she thought about. Through Yaniv's chatter and Jakob's gentle half smiles and Amanda rolling her eyes at her in between talking to customers, the website rung in her ears. Oblivion. Oblivion.

"What are we doing Cass?" He'd yelled, rain dripping off his fringe into his eyes. She'd desperately wanted to brush it away from his face, to take his hand, to tell him that they were doing what they always did. But she knew she'd brought this upon herself. The idea of forever scared her too much to do it.

"Nothing! Fucking nothing!" She'd screamed but, hating herself for it as he recoiled. Standing on either side of that crappy little car where she'd never been happier, Cassie looked at him and wanted to tell him, again, that she'd love him forever, and that was the problem. But she couldn't do it. Not then. If she'd said it then he would have forgiven her. And she couldn't let him. The rain pounded off the roof of the car and almost drowned out his words,

"So what is it Cass? Oblivion or forever?"

"I don't know," all the fight had left her then, and she lent further over the car because she was going to reach out and touch him and take it all back. But her pushing had done its job and he stepped away, looking down.

"Well that's it then, isn't it? Oblivion."

"Cassie?" Yaniv shook her shoulder, and she blinked away the hot tears that had formed in her eyes. Images of the boy faded from her vision, and she loosened the grip she had on the tray she'd clenched till her knuckles turned white. Yaniv smiled at her, confused. "You okay Cassie?"

"Yeah. Yeah fine," she stepped away from him, out of the kitchen. Claustrophobia tightened her throat and made her heart race. She looked up out the window and remembered the cafe in New York, and how she'd been found. So miraculously. Just when she needed it most.

"Come on Sid," she whispered, "Come on,"