Chapter One: The (Great) Divorce

Sitting on a throne comprised of crystalized volcanic ash from a billion-year-old eruption, Hades, the dreaded ruler of souls, fearsome deity mortals dare not speak his name, was holding his head up with his mighty blue-skinned fist as he watched his wife rant and rave about whatever mistake he had made that day.

He let out a heavy but inaudible sigh as he half listened to her diatribes:

"—YOU NEVER…I'M SO SICK OFF…YOU ALWAYS DO THIS TO ME…"

So forth, litany after litany of reasons why being the respected queen of one of the largest domains in the universe was making her miserable:

"I COULD HAVE MARRIED APOLLO! I COULD BE VACATIONING IN MY OWN SUN SPOT RIGHT NOW! INSTEAD I HAD TO GET KIDNAPPED BY MY OWN UNCLE!" (In all fairness, Persephone did have a lot to deal with—her dad is her mom's brother and he was the same guy who signed off on her getting married to her uncle/ half-brother)

At this point though Persephone had run out of material to scream about so she just hurled an orb that one of the oracles gave them as a wedding gift against the wall. Hades, still listening but just barely, didn't even flinch. Instead he thought to himself, wow she's got a good arm for a hippie chick.

But none of his wife's good-naturedness could be found in her in that moment: Her golden hair, which he in a past life marveled at its striking resemblance to the sun's glow, was snarled from her harried movements, making her look as wild as a nymph. Her eyes, greener than spring time, flashed at him no desire or warmth but hatred. Her face, more perfect than marble, was twisted by rage. Even she, fair daughter of Demeter, was changed by this abject plane of existence.

Hades was so used to this one-sided lambast of his husbandry that when Persephone was finally done screaming and finally got to the point that she wanted to make…

"I'm leaving you."

…That he wasn't even shocked…

Persephone was still panting when she made this announcement and in the time it took for her to catch her breath, he still didn't react.

Was this stunned silence or apathy? She couldn't tell. Either way it enfuritated her even more.

"ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING?"

Hades arched an eyebrow.

"DO YOU EVEN CARE?!" She bellowed, her shrill voice bouncing off of the skulls of mortals long, long dead.

It wasn't until the very last echo had faded into nothing that Hades got from his seat, glided over to his now ex-wife until he was just a few inches apart from her, placed a gentle hand on her back and purred,

"Oh darling, honey, sugar dove, turtle cane…I care. I cared for the first couple of milleniums I cared a whole lot. But," he travelled as he spoke, gently guiding her to the River Archaeon, "After you just get bitched at for years and years and years you tend to…how can I phrase this…not give a flying shit."

His abruptness garnered his a prompt slap across the face which he half-guessed would happen (still worth it). With that, Persephone grabbed her things and got herself into Charon's boat.

The skeleton employee looked at his employer mutiniously, begging him with his empty sockets to let him drown her in the river of wasps but Hades shook his head.

"Get her out of here." Said Hades simply.

Charon let out an audible sigh (which only prompted Persephone to re-up on her incessant bitching: "I'M SO SORRY MY SHATTERED PERSONAL LIFE AND MY TRYING TO GET MY LIFE BACK TOGETHER IS AN INCONVIENCE TO YOU, CHARON!") Hades watched with a mixture of despair and bemusement as Charon oared his wife out of his life.