Rating: PG
Main Character: America, Russia, England, Canada
Coupling: RusEngAme, Side: France/Monaco, Spain/Belgium, past PruHun, etc.
Summary: It's not easy being a single dad. Or being in love with two men... or bringing those things together. No one ever said life was easy though.
Warnings: AU, Threesome, de-anoning
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
He hadn't meant for it to happen like this. He'd been so careful about this kind of thing, really he was. He never brought home the people he dated, he was always careful not to mention them in front of Matthew, or mention Matthew to them. It was a rule, he didn't want Matthew to have to worry or stress over Alfred's dating life- and really, he didn't usually have much of a dating life anyway. Between work, and Matthew, Alfred wasn't usually too interested in a love life, and he rarely accepted dates. It was just too much stress, and he was happy on his own.
But then Ivan and Arthur had walked into his life. They'd been a couple for a few years, and they'd been genuinely interested in him, and he couldn't help swooning over them. Between their accents, and the way they flirted with him, he couldn't help it... He had assumed he would be just a passing interest for them. There might be some good sex, maybe even a few dates, but anything more? Doubtful.
And then, they'd showed up on his doorstep, and asked to talk to him about their 'relationship', and he was left in a panic. Had his assumptions been wrong? Were they really interested? Did he want them to be interested in him like that?
Yes.
He did.
He really, really did. He adored them. He liked that he could fight with them, and cuddle with them, and that they seemed to like him even if he was kinda dumb some times, but... well... there was so much more to consider. Could he trust them with Matthew? Would they just up and leave when he told them about Matthew? Would they even be good with kids? What if they stayed, and Matthew got attached, then they grew bored and just left? Could they be that cruel?
They were sitting on the couch, Arthur doing most of the talking, since Ivan still struggled with English some times, while Alfred numbly listened, nervous, and glancing at the clock constantly. Francis was going to bring Matthew home within the hour, and he wasn't ready for that. Not at all. And Arthur just kept talking, and Ivan was such a strong force, warm and tall, and there. And Alfred wanted so badly to believe that this could work, that the three of them could be together and be happy... but... but, it just... maybe not.
"... and we think, we'd like to try." Arthur finished, looking a little out of place, and uncertain himself.
Alfred glanced at the clock out of the corner of his eye, and when he looked back Arthur looked a bit annoyed.
"Are we wasting your time, Alfred?" He snipped, anger flashing through those green eyes Alfred had grown to love so much.
"No!" The American stuttered out, waving his hands, "I-it's not that, I'm just..." He fumbled to search for the words. What was he supposed to say here? How did you even say yes to the type of thing that Arthur (and Ivan) were proposing? A serious relationship, a real try at being a couple (triple? Was there a word for this?).
"It's just... I mean, I didn't know you guys were... looking for that." Alfred finally managed to get out. He felt somewhat thrown off balance, out of place. Something he'd not felt since he'd gotten his studio set up. "And, there's just... so much that you guys don't know about me, or me you, and I.."
Ivan's arms, warm and strong, and so painfully gentle wrapped around him, and pulled him back. It was such an odd feeling for Alfred, who'd always been tall and broad shouldered, to be enveloped so completely. It made him think of when he was small himself, and it was such a nice feeling, he wanted to just melt into it, and never leave that safe feeling behind.
"Dorogoy, that'll be the fun part, da?" Ivan's voice rumbled, Al could feel the vibrations against his back.
"We have so much time to learn all those secrets, Alfred." Arthur assured, leaning forward to press a soft kiss against Alfred's lips.
It was all so sweet, and so nice...
And it was horribly ruined by the sound of the door opening and closing. Ivan's arms loosened, and Arthur, still leaning towards Alfred, twisted to look back at the door. Over Arthur's shoulder, Alfred could see Francis, with Angelique in his arms, and Matthew holding his free hand. Francis' face shifted into something of grant amusement, just a hint of surprise present. Angelique buried her face against her father's shoulder, always shy of new people, and Matthew...
Matthew looked so shocked, and confused, and Alfred's heart ached at the look on his son's face. He didn't have to struggle as he slid off the couch and out of Ivan's arms. He moved and swooped his son up into his arms, trying not to flinch at the soft, "Daddy?"Matthew whispered. He rested the boy on his hip, and Matthew looked back at the two men sitting on the couch, over his father's shoulder, and Alfred tried not to look, afraid of what he'd see.
"You're early..."
"Oui, Vianne called, and we're have a business meeting, I was wondering if perhaps you could watch Angelique, but now seems to be a bad time." Francis leaned a little to look passed Alfred, but didn't speak directly to Ivan or Arthur, just let his gaze flit over both of them. "I could take Matthew over to Gilbert's, if you'd like some more time with your... friends?"
It was so rare, Alfred knew, for him to have any guests over. It wasn't uncommon for Francis to bring the kids over while Alfred was still in the studio working with clients, but never had he had guests like this in his apartment. He knew the signs of curiosity on Francis' face, and knew even better that the only reason the Frenchman didn't ask for details or introduce himself was because his daughter was in his arms.
Matthew's hold tightened a the mention of going to Gilbert's, and Alfred knew the boy wouldn't go without making a fuss. For a three year old, Matthew was surprisingly well behaved, he rarely cried or threw tantrums, but he was stubborn, and if he didn't want to go, there was simply no chance of him going. Not without a fight, and Alfred didn't feel he could handle a fight right then.
"No... No, that's okay. It's a school night anyway." Alfred could feel the eyes staring at him. Knew Ivan and Arthur were watching, could feel it, like knives stabbing him in the back.
"Thanks... for bringing Mattie home, Francis, and for picking him up."
Francis nodded, and gave a soft wave, "I will see you tomorrow then, Alfred."
Angelique didn't look up, and Matthew clung even harder to Alfred as Francis left. Alfred took deep breathes, to try and calm the rising panic he felt. This was why he didn't like the people he dated coming to his home. Why didn't let Matt know he was dating, or the people he did date that Matthew was there. Quick, fast, and uncommitted relationships were best, then no one got hurt, but now... he'd left himself open for attack, and not only that, he likely had hurt both Ivan and Arthur as well. He'd never meant to do that, and just hoped that if they were going to hate him, they'd not make a big scene about it, not now. Not in front of Matthew.
Silence held in the room, Alfred afraid to turn, and Matthew too shy to speak in front of strangers. It was awkward, and painful, and utterly and completely terrifying.
Until the silence was broken by a thick, deep voice.
"Alfred."
It wasn't the usual childish tone Ivan used most of the time. It was serious, and even a bit concerned, Alfred thought (hoped). He'd only heard it once or twice in the month he'd known the tall Russian, and usually meant that Ivan was finished playing whatever game the American was playing. He wasn't sure what it meant now.
Giving Matthew a quick kiss on the forehead, and a light squeeze around the middle so he knew everything was okay, Alfred turned. He didn't looked at the two on the couch just yet, still afraid. Setting his son on the floor, and ruffled Matt's hair, "Why don't you go to your room and wait put your books away, okay?"
Matthew, giving a nervous glance at Ivan and Arthur, nodded and scurried off down a short hall and into his room. He wouldn't come out until Alfred came for him, he was a good little boy like that. Obedient, and likely felt safer in his room then he did out in the living room right now. Alfred watched him disappear, and the door closed, and still looked in that direction for a few long moments.
Gathering his wits, he turned his head to look at the two on the couch. Trying not to focus on them. (On Arthur's distressed expression and Ivan's blank one.) Swallowing heavily, Alfred licked his lips, and crossed his arms, hugging himself slightly.
"I... I said that there were secrets... and..."
"You have a son." Arthur still sounded a bit baffled.
Alfred gave a short, quick nod, "Yes..."
"You didn't tell us." Ivan stated, short and to the point, as to be expected. He wasn't type to beat around the bush, and that was usually why he and Alfred got along (and fought) so well.
It took a second to find the words from there, "I... I don't usually date much, so... It's not fair to Matthew to have everyone who might want to date meet him... it's not good to have people coming and going so... no."
"Then we're just a temporary game?" Arthur's voice had taken a bitter and hurt edge. As if Alfred's words had bruised him, and they likely had, for Alfred had never been good with words, and knew that they were coming out horribly wrong right now.
"That isn't what I-"
"I think I'm ready to leave." Arthur stood up, and moved to collect his coat from the chair near the couch. Ivan did not budge, but that didn't seem like it would stop Arthur from going to wait in the car.
"Please, wait, I didn't mean that!" Alfred said quickly. He didn't want this to turn into shouting, as all fights with Arthur were bound to do. Not with Matthew in hearing distance. Much to his distress, Arthur was already half way to the door. "We've only been dating a month and a half, and I wasn't sure- I mean, you guys have been together for years, and I figured I was just something just to have some fun, I didn't know if you guys were serious, so I didn't say anything- I... I was going to tell you- I just didn't think.."
Ivan stood as well now. His expression was still blank, as he moved to collect his own coat. Arthur was standing in front of the door, looking caught between anger and regret. Alfred hugged himself tighter, and bit down on his lip. There was little more he could do or say, really, so he'd just have to wait and see what they would do. After a long, long moment, Arthur turned to look at him, looking somewhat sad.
"I need some time to think." With that said, the Englishman had opened the door and walked outside.
Alfred turned to look helplessly at Ivan, who was still unreadable. What else could he say? How else could he possibly explain this? It wasn't like he had done it on purpose to hurt them- he'd been trying to avoid anyone getting hurt.
Suddenly, Ivan turned, and reached up to rest his hand on the back of Alfred's head. He pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, chapped lips and the smell of cologne filling the younger man's senses. When Ivan pulled away, he gave a soft nod, patted Alfred's shoulder and left the apartment as well, closing the door quietly behind himself.
Alfred stood in the middle of the living room, feeling lost and alone, and so terribly small. All the comfort and warmth he'd felt on the couch with them earlier had left, and he was struck by the same emotions that had filled him when the doctor had handed Matthew to him, just a small pink thing in a bundle of blue, and told him that Alice had not made it through.
Alone.
But, that wasn't really true, was it? Alfred wasn't alone, because he had the most important person to him right there, and if Arthur and Ivan couldn't accept that he had Matthew, then they weren't right for him. Because Matthew was everything, and there was nothing more then that.
Alfred left the living room, and hurried to his son's room, knocking quietly before opening the door and stepping inside. Matthew was on his bed, curled up with his arms around his knees, and looking so small and fragile. A small little thing that needed so much protection, and Alfred moved into the room without any hesitation. Sitting on the bed near where Matthew was, he pulled the boy into his lap, and nuzzled at his hair. "I'm sorry, Mattie, that must have been so weird for ya, huh?"
Matthew clung to his shirt, and looked up with big dark blue eyes, so filled with confusion and uncertainty. And of all the things that had just happened, that was the most unacceptable thing of all. Alfred couldn't bear it, to think that his son would ever be in his arms and be uncertain of anything. He hugged the little boy, and kissed at his forehead.
"Are those men your friends? Did I make them mad?" Matthew asked in a small voice.
Alfred rubbed at his back, and scooted back on the bed, so his back was to the wall. He hummed softly, and offered a small smile, "They're special friends of mine yes. And they aren't mad at you, they're mad at me."
"Like Uncle Gilbert's special friends?" Matthew had never really met any of the men or women Gilbert dated or was interested in. Like Alfred, Gilbert tried to keep his love life and his life as a father separated, he didn't have a problem letting Ludwig know about them, or them about Ludwig, but he still didn't bring them home to meet the boy. Gilbert, Alfred mused, might be doing this better then he had.
Sighing, Alfred could only nod, and try on to look as sad as he was, "Something like that yes."
"And they're not mad at me?"
"No, Mattie, baby, they're not mad at you." Alfred reassured again, kissing Matt's cheek, and ruffling his hair, "They're mad at your daddy. I made a mistake, you see, and now I have to make it up, to them, and to you."
"To me?" This just seemed to further confuse the child, who tilted his head to the side, and blinked through pretty blue eyes up at his father.
"I should have told you I had special friends like Uncle Gilbert has."
Matthew blinked a few times, then let out a little laugh, so quiet and sweet it confused Alfred. Getting up to his knees, Matthew leaned up to nuzzle at his father's cheek, similar to how Angelique did to Francis all the time. "I knew that!"
"What? How-"
"Uncle Gilbert said it. That daddy had special friends too."
Alfred got the distinct urge to smack his friend- even if he did believe Gilbert was right. He still had no right to bring that up with Matthew, none at all.
"Ludwig said it's good." Matthew continued, not seeming to notice his father's growing ire. "He said that having special friends made Uncle Gilbert really really happy. So it's a good a thing." Matthew's head tilted again, to the other side, and he smiled, that uncertainty peeking back through his smile, like it always did. "Do they make you happy, daddy?"
Alfred paused, not knowing how to answer that. What was the right answer, anyway? Did he tell Matthew that they made him happy? Would that make Matthew think he wasn't enough? Like Alfred ineeded/i someone else? "I... You make me happy, Mattie."
Matt gave him the most disgruntled look a three year old could manage, and pressed his small hands against his father's cheeks. Smushing Alfred's face this way and that, he frowned at him, "That's not what I asked, Daddy."
It was so hard to take that little face seriously, especially when his own face was being misshapen. He couldn't help laughing, which just made Matthew look even more perplexed, and drew more laughter. As if to escape being asked again, Alfred started to tickle the boy, who flailed and started to laugh, struggling to get away, but to no avail.
By the time Alfred had stopped, he'd been kicked in the stomach, and Matthew was a giggling mess panting for breath. They stayed on the bed like the were, Alfred now sprawled over the small mattress with Matthew perched on his stomach, cheek to his chest. He had a moment to hope that the subject had been forgotten, that for the moment he could ignore it.
"Daddy?"
Alfred smiled at the almost tired tone his son's voice had taken. "Yeah, Mattie?"
"Are you happy?"
TBC...
