Ike had just gone down to the kitchen to get a snack when the hooded figure had knocked him unconscious. Now, waking up in a dark tower in the middle of who-knows where, he was beginning to think that the pack of cookies wasn't worth it.

He began to struggle to free himself from the wall he was chained to when the door into the tower opened to reveal a young, red-haired man.

"I see," the man muttered, "You're awake."

Ike could hardly believe his eyes.

"Roy?" he gasped in disbelief.

"That's Professor Doctor Roy to you, scum," Roy cackled evilly.

"Uh huh," Ike replied disinterestedly. "Is this another one of your schemes to kill me?"

"Of course not. Today, I need your help," Roy smirked, sounding somewhat like one of Ike's clingy ex-girlfriends who always cheated on him.

"All right. What do you need me to do?" Ike groaned.

"Prepare yourself," Roy grinned, causing Ike to roll his eyes. "I need you... to pull... the lever on the right wall!"

"I still think that 'lever of doom' has a nicer ring to it," Pichu shouted, hanging from the ceiling for no apparent reason.

"Whatever," Roy replied, before turning to Ike and asking "Are you going to do it?"

"Of course not!" Ike exploded. "You interrupted my 'Cookie Time', kidnapped me and brought me all the way over here, just to make me do something that you could have done yourself!"

"Pfft. Ike, I am a scientist. I don't dabble in the art of button pushing and lever pulling. That would be my assistant's job." Roy scoffed.

"Isn't Pichu your assistant?"

"No, he has to stay up at the ceiling so that when you pull the lever, the mechanism will poke him, causing him to create a thundercloud to help power my creation," Roy explained, gesturing towards a mysterious lump on a table. Part of Ike was curious as to what that bundle was, but he figured that he shouldn't stick around to find out.

"Well, I'm going to leave now. After all, you're such a smart scientist, I'm sure you can pull one little lever without killing anyone." Ike sighed.

"Hoo, boy!" Pichu exclaimed. "You should have seen what happened the first time! Mewtwo was so pissed!"

"Silence, rodent!" Roy hissed.

"Oh, joy. I've been downgraded from 'not-assistant' to 'rodent'."

Roy ignored Pichu and sent a pleading gaze towards Ike.

"No," Ike replied firmly.

"Fine, then," Roy chuckled maniacally. "If you don't pull the lever, then I won't get the chiropractor to fix your crooked spine!"

"But my spine is-" Ike began, before a hand popped from out of the ceiling and disfigured his back so hard that he hunched over at a 90 degree angle.

"You... you jerk," Ike growled in defeat before waddling over to pull the lever.

There was a whirring noise, a creepily girlish shriek from Pichu, and the roar of thunder as a bolt of lightning shot down towards the lump on the table. The whole room glowed with a mysterious light as Roy (sorry, Professor Doctor Roy) and Ike (his hunchback assistant) watched.

After some time, the glowing stopped, and Roy rushed over to the table and lifted off the blanket to reveal a man who looked similar to Marth, but with white clothing.

"Behold," Roy cackled, "Marth the clone!"

"You cloned Marth?" Ike raised an eyebrow. "Why? Do you want him as your husband or something?"

"What! No!" Roy stammered, glaring at Ike. However, he recovered his composure and began his explanation. "I cloned him and decreased his I.Q. so that I could embarrass the real Marth in public."

Ike simply stood still, and Roy looked at him excitedly, expecting a response. After an awkward silence, Ike finally spoke.

"Can you fix my back now?"

Roy's face darkened. "No," he spat, clearly peeved that Ike had refused to acknowledge what he had done. "And your back will stay that way, because I have a new assignment for you and Pichu."

"And what would that be?" Pichu asked, not really wanting to stick around much longer.

Roy pulled a sack from seemingly out of nowhere, and (before leaving with the clone of Marth) told his faithful helpers:

"Watch Marth for me."

Me: Whoo hoo, first fanfiction here!

Remy the Reuniclus: Whoop de doo dah.

Me: You don't need to be so excited. Anyway, read and review!

Remy: And stick around for more chapters. Or not.