Part 1:

Thunder echoed throughout the graveyard and lightning flashed across the night sky. A lone figure silhouetted the horizon as the lightning flashed. A hearse was parked a short distance away, the driver and his companion patiently awaiting the grave to be dug.

The grave digger diligently toiled in the rain, digging the grave for, what was in his mind, a poor soul. He did not know and nor did he care to know who it was that he was digging the grave for, he was merely doing his job. There was no ceremony for this person and there would never be a ceremony, nor would the gravestone bare any name. This person, whoever it was, clearly did not deserve a proper sendoff. It had stopped raining as the grave digger finished digging and exited the grave, signaling the driver of the hearse that he had finished.

The driver noted the signal, turned the key in the ignition and the hearse started. He put it in reverse and backed it up all the way to the empty grave. The driver and his partner got out and began unloading the equipment that would lower the coffin into the grave. They had barely begun setting up, when it started raining again. But they continued, wanting to get this job over and done with. The fact that they were getting well paid for this job was their only other motivation for continuing on in these conditions.

After they had set up, they began removing the coffin from the hearse. With some difficulty and with the help from the grave digger they got the coffin on the rig to get lowered into the grave. They had barely gotten the coffin lowered a few inches when the unthinkable happened. The chances of something like this happening are virtually incalculable, but it happened nevertheless. Lightning struck the coffin, splintering the lid right off and revealing the body inside.

The tree men were thrown off of their feet by the blast. At first they were stunned and confused by what had just happened, but soon they recovered enough to realize what had occurred. One by one they returned to standing positions and stared at one another, as if the others may have any ideas as to what to do now. The grave digger was the first to move; he stepped over to the now open coffin and peered inside. The sight that greeted him shocked him almost as much as the blast from the lightning bolt had. Gasping, he took a step back from the coffin, turned and ran for he was worth.

The driver and his partner stared at each other and shrugged, then together they stepped over to the coffin. They had hardly moved half a step when from inside the coffin a single hand reached upward and clenched into a fist. This was certainly at the very top of their weird-o-meter, but as weird as this night was turning out, they did not intend to stick around to find out just how much weirder it would get. Each one of them took of in different directions, running for all their worth, never once looking back.

As the driver and his partner ran for their lives, there came the most awful sound from inside the coffin, it was sound like no other, like nothing else in all of nature. It was the most terrifying noise that ever sounded in all of humanity. The body inside the coffin was suddenly alive and the sound emanated from it. The sound was laughter, but not the kind that inspired joyous thoughts or feelings.

It was the kind of laughter that invoked fear in everyone that had ever heard it.

It was the kind of laughter that borne of madness.

I am the Joker and I am alive.

ϿɃ ϿɃ ϿɃ ϿɃ

This is the strangest feeling. I thought. I don't remember getting into this coffin. This must be some kind of joke and if it is it's really not that funny.

As soon as that train of thought passed, there was a pain in my head that violently shook me out of my reverie. Then in an instant, the memories of what happened to me, hit me like a kick in the nuts. Not funny at all.

Lying there in that splintered coffin it all came back to me, all at once and in that moment my current situation made perfect sense. Gotham Cathedral, Vicky Vale, the Batman. THE BATMAN! And falling, falling forever it seemed, then nothing. Again the Batman was responsible for my demise, however, like I told someone once before, death can be very liberating.

So right there I began making plans, devising methods of how to take care of Batman once and for all. The plans all seemed extremely, wonderfully devious and I liked them all, but first things first. I needed to get out of that coffin. It was seriously cramping my style; moreover, the bastards that put me in there hadn't even bothered dressing me up for my own funeral. Lousy mooks.

I tried getting out of that nuisance of a coffin, but the movement caused a series of sharp shooting pains to erupt throughout my entire body. It felt wonderful and it motivated me to get moving again. Obviously, I was going to have to learn to walk all over again. No bother, I've been through worse.

So, with pain racking my body with every movement, I managed to get out of that infernal coffin. The effort of getting out took its toll and afterward I just lied there on the water soaked ground, panting like a dog, covered in mud. Ha! It was funny on so many levels really, but I'll explain it when and if I feel like it. Right, I thought, no time to lie around, time's a wasting and I've got some scores to settle.

Then, I braced myself for more pain as I sat up and prepared to get myself moving again. With a lot of excruciating pain filling my body and a lot of effort, I managed to get to my feet. I took a step, then suddenly I saw the ground coming up fast to greet me again. My reactions were too slow and I fell, face first into the mud, sputtering mud as the breath was knocked from lungs.

For long seconds I just lied there helpless, not breathing, but my body's natural instincts took over and I turned my head and inhaled deeply. The sensation of air filling my lungs was pure ecstasy. Then I turned myself, at first to my side and then again to lie on my back, trying to gather my strength. As I was laying there in the mud the irony of my situation did not escape me. That incident with the Gordon girl was and probably still is one of my best plans. Although, I have to say that the word, plan, is not quite accurate. I mostly act on the spur of the moment, spontaneously doing whatever I want, whenever I feel like doing it. It helps me sleep better at night.

I can't remember how long I lied there in the pouring rain, but eventually I got moving again with pain and vengeance as my only sustenance and motivation for getting the hell out of there. I still couldn't walk or even move right, so I resorted to crawling. I didn't know how far the gates were, but I kept moving, determined to get out of there. "Just wait Batman, I'm coming and I've got a surprise for you." I mumbled in between grunts of pain as exerted myself.

There were moments when my over eagerness got the better of me and I tried getting to my feet only to stumble and fall. I didn't let it get me down and I swore that nothing would ever again.

ϿɃ ϿɃ ϿɃ ϿɃ

I crawled until I ached all over, but still, I would not give up. I was determined to walk out of that graveyard on my own and as soon as possible. When I felt I could crawl no longer, I rested, then continued on. That night I walked out of that graveyard, with strength and determination, conceived by my undivided and undiluted, hatred of the Batman. Albeit somewhat haphazardly, nevertheless, I walked out of there on my own and once again the master of myself.

Somewhere during the night, between walking, stumbling and crawling, I noticed some poor sap about to get into his car. I walked/stumbled up to him, wanting to ask him for a simple glass of water, but he freaked out for some reason that I could figure out. Anyway, he just left his car right there on the side of the road with the key still in the ignition. It was quite bizarre really. So, there was this car, its owner having abandoned it and there I was. Then I got in the car, turned the key, shifted it into drive and simply drove off.

It was that easy and I could hardly believe it, but I didn't think about it too much after I drove off. The fact was that I needed to rest because my body was aching and let's face it even the best of need to rest. Besides, I had just been resurrected and my body was not functioning properly yet, so the drive was most welcome. Ha! Ha! Ha! I think that he more than likely pissed in his pants. The look on his face was truly priceless. And now that I think about it, when I looked in the rearview mirror I saw just what a mess I was, I laughed my ass off the entire drive.

I can't remember how long I had been driving, but at some point I spotted a filling station and checked whether the car needed gas or not. Just my luck, it did. So, I turned in at the filling station and stopped at one of the pumps. There wasn't anyone else there except the convenience store cashier. I got out of the car and opened the gas tank, then began to fill it. I was still thirsty so I went inside the store to get a drink. The cashier didn't even look up when went inside. I strode right up to the freezers with the bottled water and proceeded to take one. I opened the bottle right there and began to drink. My first swallow of water was painful, so much so that I actually choked, sputtering water all over the place.

I choked so badly that I knocked some items off the shelves and only then did the cashier look up to see what was happening. By the time he'd approached and asked whether I was okay, I'd recovered enough to turn to him and say with a smile, "Why yes, I'm just fine." It came out in a rasp. I still looked like shit at that point as I hadn't yet cleaned myself up. So I guess my appearance somewhat spooked the little guy. So, when I said, "BOO!" The little guy almost killed himself trying to get away, it was most hilarious. He ran so fast that the automatic doors were too slow in opening and he ran right into them. A riot if ever I saw one. HA! HA! HA!

My next stop that night took me to the Gotham Broadcasting Studios, where a certain gossip monger was having a late night doing the final editing on her latest episode of, 'Gotham Must Know.' If you guessed that she was, 'Gothic Gertie,' them you have guessed correctly. Now I know the burning question on all your minds must be, why her? Well, I can't really answer that question, honestly. I suppose one reason might be that she always really annoyed the hell out of me. Oh yes, now I remember. There was that whole episode she did about me. I never learned where she got her info from. So, that night I decided that it was a good night to learn just exactly that.

ϿɃ ϿɃ ϿɃ ϿɃ

The studios were all the way across town so, after I helped myself to some more water and something to eat that was exactly where I went. Score number one was about to be settled.. I drove through the deserted streets of Gotham, neglecting to adhere to the traffic signs. There seemed to be no one out that night and that was fine by me, less people to notify the cops and none to call for the Batman.

When I got close to the studios, I parked the car some distance away so I would alert the security guard. I just left the car there not bothering to even lock it, leaving the door ajar. Then I walked to the entrance of the studios' parking area, where the security guard was watching cartoons. HA! I snuck up on him, which wasn't all that hard as his back was toward me. He was so engrossed in the cartoons that, only after I picked up the phone which made a small sound as I did it, did he turn to look. As he saw me I swung the phone at his head as hard as I could. Sweet dreams, big guy. HA! HA!

The security guy had no weapons with him, which was ok, I would find something inside the studio. I entered the studio through a back entrance after I procured the keys from the security guy. This part of the studio was quiet, for now at least. I set out to find something to help bring about the demise of dear Gertie. Most of the offices were locked which didn't surprise me. The others that weren't locked didn't have much of anything that would be of any use. So, I kept searching.

At one point I found a layout of the studio and it's sets from which I learned just where exactly Gertie's set was. I was nowhere close to where she was. That gave me more time to search for a weapon of some kind and I doubted that there were any firearms on the lot. I happened on the receptionist's desk and rummaged around in the drawers. I was growing a little agitated by the fact that I had as yet not found anything and was ready to just go and take of Gertie with my bare hands. Then when I opened the next drawer, there she was a work of art, the most beautiful pair of long bladed scissors I had ever laid my eyes on.

Her blades were exquisite, she was a rare beauty. There was an engraving on one of her blades, it read, Gotham Scissor Factory Est. 1881. She was magnificent and tonight she help would perform an act that she was never intended to do, tonight she would become a legend. I left the receptionist's area and laughed until I left the main building. Gertie's set was on the other end of the lot and I was on my way there.

When I got there the set was deserted except for Gertie's car that was parked outside. For a moment I stood there staring at the car, my loathing for this woman growing ever more. Then I turned and entered the set.

The editing rooms were situated in the back and there was a long hallway that led to them. I proceeded down the hall walking slowly, relishing the fact that this was finally going to happen. When I reached the editing rooms, I noticed that Gertie was not alone. Too bad.

Gertie was in the sound room speaking into a microphone, probably doing a voice over for something with that devastatingly annoying voice of hers. The guy that was at the sound board was sitting with headphones on. The lights were off where he was. HA! HA! Some luck at last. I opened the door not taking care to watch for the noise, headphones would hear me in any case even if I had. Creeping up on him, I lifted the scissors high above my head and when I was directly behind him. I thrust the scissors downward with all the strength that I possessed at that time, considering I was not yet my normal self yet. I must've stabbed him in the heart, because he had a momentary convulsion, then slumped back and was still.

ϿɃ ϿɃ ϿɃ ϿɃ

Ha! Ha! That went off well, if I have to say so myself. The headphones slipped off when I stabbed Mr. Sound guy and I could hear that horridly annoying voice of that cow in the sound room. Time for the games to begin, I thought. I went over to the light switch and began playing around with the lights. On and off, on and off, simply hilarious.

Gertie tried to remain composed, I could see, when the lights began messing around, but she couldn't fool me I could see the fear in her eyes. "Robert? What's going on with the lights?" I hear her say over the speakers. I had unplugged the headphones so I could hear her fear. I then left the light switch and went over to the mic and said, "Don't know, but let me have a look. Carry on the tape is still recording. I'll be right back." Then I switched off the mic and began playing around with the lights again and laughed my ass off as I did. Of course, I had no intention to go and check on the light problem as I was the problem.

It wasn't long before Gertie dear, came running from the sound room. And there I stood waiting for her. When she came busting into the room, I relished in the expression on her face, the undisguised terror was like an aphrodisiac. The realization suddenly dawned on her face and she bolted, but as she ran past me, I sliced her thigh with the scissors. She went down sprawling on the floor in the hallway, blood pouring from the wound. I didn't want to kill her right away; I wanted to savor every moment of her misery. She did me wrong and she was going to pay.

Gertie got up again, slipping and sliding on the pool of her own blood, it was fantastically amusing. I stood there applauding her on her attempts to get away from me. She finally managed to get up and run or some semblance of it, blood dripping as far as she went. Then she stumbled and screamed as she did, and as she did I began moving toward her methodically. I was relishing the absolute fear that was radiating from her.

"Who are you? What do you want? Why are you doing this?" Gertie asked in quick succession. The question monetarily took me by surprise, but then I remembered my appearance and laughed. "Oh, I am so sorry, Gertie." I said in a raspy voice. My voice still had not recovered even after the water I had. "I understand that this must be confusing for you, I mean even I would not recognize myself if I were you. So for clarity's sake, allow me to reintroduce myself. I am the Joker and I am not sorry to tell you that you're going to die tonight. Oh and just to make it even more clear, no one is going to save you. As no one knows that I am here. Ha! Ha! So my dear Gertie, scream all you want, it won't do any good, I've seen to that. Oh, I am in a generous mood though, so I am going to give you a chance to get away if you can."

She stared at me from behind those incredibly idiotic spectacles with unbelieving eyes and when I motioned for her to proceed, she scrambled to get away. Just for fun, while she slipped in her own blood, I bent down and slashed at the Achilles tendon of her left leg. The awful piggy squeals that echoed and reverberated throughout the corridor was music to my ears…

ϿɃ ϿɃ ϿɃ ϿɃ

I watched with absolute amusement as Gertie scrambled and slipped in her own blood, it reminded me of those girls that wrestle in the mud, slip sliding away. Ha! When she finally got to her feet I was truly amazed at the agility she displayed for someone with a gash in her thigh and Achilles' tendon. She was actually quite nimble for her considerable size.
I decided that for a change I would be generous and actually give her that head start, I know it was out of character for me, but I was really beginning to feel that I was in a sporting mood. So, I let her run, but only to then end of the corridor, then I yelled to her, "Ready or not, I come!"

She turned to look at me as after I yelled and as she turned, those ridiculous spectacles she wore flew from her face almost like a boomerang. That was so funny that the next step I took, I stepped in Gertie's blood and slipped, banging my knee on the floor. That hurt like a son of a bitch, but the pain was welcome. I got up and continued after her, my fall gave her an opportunity to get outside and scream and I had to laugh at the total futility thereof. I mean I had already told her that her screams would not help. I got some spring in my step as I suppose that the adrenaline began pumping at the prospect of the kill.

I heard her scream once more as I got to the door and went outside and as I turned the corner I beheld a sight that was truly delightful. She had fallen again, but this time the heel of her shoe broke and it seemed that she had sprained her other ankle. I stood there smiling, well not like anyone could ever see that I was ever serious or anything, Ha! Then I lifted my hands and began clapping them and laughing of course, what a wonderful gift fate had given me, Kismet you gorgeous thing.

Then I started walking toward her, her moment had finally come I decided, "Now my dear Gertie, it is time for you to suffer the same fate that I had twice now endured at the hands of the Batman. But you my dear will not come back, fortunately, Ha! Ha!
She stared at me with bewildering and pleading eyes almost like a cat or dog would when pleading for food. Needless to say that, that had no effect on me and as I stepped ever closer she began screaming again. Then when I was right there by her, I stooped down and stabbed her once in the chest and as luck would have it, it was a killing stab. It must have been a stab to the heart, I thought, then I stood up straight again and just stared at her lifeless body. I almost shed a tear for her but the moment passed and I thought to myself, one down and one to go. "Batman beware."