"Talk"

"Thoughts"

"Kyuubi/Kami/Someone Big (EX: Bijuu, something Susanóo sized)"

[Gamer Shit]


Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or The Gamer. I only own this story and an incredibly small amount of money.


[You have slept in your bed. HP & MP 100% restored]

Okay, what in the actual fuck am I looking at right now? I swear to Kami, if that ramen last night was laced with crystal meth then I am going to be pissed. This is just the most fucked up thing I am seeing right now.

I mean seriously, why the fuck is there a BLUE TAB from a fucking VIDEO GAME just fuckin' FLOATING in front of my KAMI-DAMNED FACE!? This is bullshit. I'm calling it right now. Get me out of this fucking genjutsu and I won't kill you brutally, you fucking asshole whoever you are.

I throw my hand through it, but it doesn't go away. I keep on swinging at it like an annyoing fly that won't stop buzzing in my ear, but it just won't go away.

"Argh, just fucking leave already!" I swing my hand once more, except this time I put it through the X in the top right corner of the tab, as if it were a computer tab. This time, the tab disappears, as if I can interact with it like a normal computer. I fucking hate my life.

"Well, time to get ready for the day, I guess," I say to myself as I get out of my bed and drunkenly hobble over to my bathroom. Well, I say drunkenly, but it looks more like I'm stoned out of my mind. Keep in mind, I'm completely sober; however, I'm tired as fuck and my mind can't comprehend life yet. Especially after the fucking game tab in front of my face.

I turn on the shower, and as that is heating up I get undressed. I toss my clothes haphazardly across the hall and into my bedroom, and step into the shower. It wakes me up quite well, and I am rejuvinated.

After my shower, I pretend to be awake, just like I did in the shower, and get my 'rejuvinated' self some ramen for breakfast. Damn, this ramen tastes like shit. Contrary to popular belief, I do not like ramen too much, it's just that I can't afford anything else with the bullshit prices the lovely citizens of Konoha set when they see me. Fuckin' assholes.

"Okay, time to head to the academy to get my education! I AM STUDIOUS!" I shout just to piss off my neighbors. I vaguely hear a 'shut up devil spawn!' in the background and smile. It's fun pissing off your pissy neighbors.

[New Mission: I AM STUDIOUS!

Objective(s):

1. Get to the Academy on time
2. Pay attention

Bonus Objective(s):

1. Don't fall asleep
2. Don't get yelled at for slacking off

Completion Reward(s):

1. 50 EXP
2. +1 INT

Bonus Reward(s):

1. +1 INT
2. Increased Reputation with Iruka Umino

Failure Reward(s):

1. Detention
2. Decreased Reputation with Iruka Umino

Accept? Y/N]

Bullshit. Fuck me. MY LIFE IS A FUCKING LIE!

"Fuck my life. Okay, I accept this shit," I say sarcastically. Unfortunately, floating blue boxes don't seem to understand sarcasm too much. A new box popped up in front of me.

[Mission Accepted. Objective(s):

1. Get to the Academy on time ✖️
2. Pay attention ✖️

Bonus Objective(s):

1. Don't fall asleep ✖️
2. Don't get yelled at for slacking off ✖️]

Shit.


I start on my way to the Academy, but I notice something peculiar in the corner of my vision. In the top left of my sight, I see a red bar and below that a blue bar. What the hell?

I look toward it, but the shit moves with my vision. At least I can see it clearly, unlike normal peripheral vision. I am just going to go out on a limb and say that the red bar is my health meter and the blue one is my chakra level, from what I know of video games. I have seen a few from over kids' shoulders at the academy on their PNGD, or Portable Ninja Gaming Device. A clunky name for sure, but it quickly became one of the top selling products for children. I also saw that there was an inventory in games, so I wonder where that is. I just hope it doesn't pop up randomly in the middle of class or something.

I look up and suddenly notice that I'm at the Academy. How deep of thought was I in to not even notice where I was going?

I walk inside and find my classroom. I sit down in my normal spot, except this time I don't immediately fall asleep and stay like that until the class is over with. This time, I stay awake and ready to learn. People coming into the class seem surprised that my head is off my desk, but they shouldn't worry because this is only an experiment if the gaming thing is really real.

[Mission Update. Objective: {Get to the Academy on time} complete]

Interesting. So far, it's accurate. I'm going to have to study this, since it seems to be real. Then again, it could be an elaborate genjutsu, since I suck at those. Either way, it's pretty cool right now.

Ooh, Iruka-sensei is walking in now. I better pay attention and complete my mission.

"SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!" Well, that was unnecessary, sensei. Now my eardrums hurt.


Holy fuck, this is boring. No wonder it's so easy to fall asleep in this class, the content is so dull. Right now, we're learning how to calculate the ideal trajectory for a kunai in certain wind speeds. What the fuck? How is that in any way useful on the field, when you have no time to do any calculations. That becomes instinctive, but math does not. These calculations are useless.

My time is being wasted.

My life is running out.

I have no soul.


The bell! Oh, sweet mercy! No more mind numbing math! Now, all that's left is practical stuff! The stuff that I'm good at!

[Mission Update. Objectives: {Pay attention}, {Don't fall asleep}, and {Don't get yelled at for slacking off} complete. Mission Complete]

Oh, hell yes! Another window pops up in front of me with my rewards list.

[Rewards Earned:

1. 50 EXP
2. +2 INT
3. Increased Reputation with Iruka Umino]

I wonder how things work in this game thing. Will it just state facts or will it actively change reality around me?


I get home tonight and decide to try out a few things concerning this Gaming thing going on. Maybe there's a way to bring up some sort of menu? Voice commands worked before, so maybe they'll work again.

"Menu," I say. Nothing happens except for me feeling stupid. Well, I might as well try again. Maybe a different word this time. "Pause." Nothing. "Options?" Now that got me a screen. Though it's not the one I wanted, I might as well check it out.

[HUD: On: Small

Difficulty: Legendary

ID Auto-Enter: On

Minimap: Off]

Well, this is interesting. It seems I'm stuck on the highest difficulty there is. Having an auto-enter feature on anything sounds dangerous, so I think I'll turn that off. Minimap? That sounds useful. Turn it on! I think I'll try to turn up the HUD to Medium and see what that feels like, since I don't even know what an HUD is. Maybe it's a Height Under Doctor or some shit like that. I don't fucking know. I close the options screen with the X in the top right corner and try to pull up something else. Anything else, really.

"Status." Ooh, now this is a jackpot. I get to see me! Or at least my stats.

[Naruto Uzumaki
LVL 1 {EXP: 50/500}
Title: Academy Student, ?

HP: 50/50
CP: 300/300

STR: 4
SPD: 2
DEX: 1
END: 5(-1)=4
VIT: 4(-2)=2
INT: 2
WIS: 3
CHA: 1
LUK: 7

Points to Allocate: 0

STATUS EFFECTS:

Malnourishment: You aren't eating enough. Your body is weak. -2 VIT, -1 END

SKILLS:

You currently have no skills available.

TITLES (Can have 3 active at a time):

?: ?
Academy Student: You learn things 1.25x faster]

Well, that's informative, if a bit long-winded.