Double D watched Jonny stumble around the obstacle course with a slingshot, wearing the giant goggles that were handed to him under the promise of being a 'True Virtual Reality Experience.'
He sighed to himself. The goggles were just a pair of binoculars that were sawed in half with a clear green film over the empty lense-holes, because Eddy insisted that it made the goggles look 'high-tech'. Ridiculous. This was almost as embarrassing as the tacos Eddy tried to sell made out of paper plates, grass and crayon shavings. Just about as creative, too.
These scams never worked. Double D was growing tired of rushing these half-cocked designs to fuel Eddy's need to make a score. It also irked him to watch Ed to be used so frequently as a blunt instrument. Ed's current assignment was to jump out at Jonny while dressed as an alien, prompting Jonny to shoot him with the slingshot.
"YEE-HAW," Jonny shouted, as he pelted poor Ed directly in the forehead with a rock. Eddy laughed in the distance. The wonders of virtual reality.
Double D loitered by the money jar, resting his head on his palm, waiting for more customers, or as Eddy liked to call them, suckers. They'd been at it for hours and had only gathered fifty cents, which seemed to clearly show that the neighborhood kids were wise to Eddy's tricks by now.
Just then, Kevin rolled up on his bike with a handful of quarters. Double D perked up. He couldn't place a finger on what the feeling was exactly, but his mood always seemed to improve whenever Kevin was nearby.
"What's up, double-dork?" Kevin asked.
"Not much at all, my fine fellow!" he replied with as much false enthusiasm and bravado as he could muster. "Merely a sophisticated demonstration of the latest in virtual-reality technology! Once you don these goggles, you'll be transported to an arena of the stars, pitted against a vicious alien beast in mortal combat! Armed with your trusty—"
"How much does it cost, dude?" Kevin interrupted as he inspected the goggles with a raised eyebrow. "I've got some time to kill before chores."
Double D choked, taken aback by the response. Kevin always managed to make life seem simple; it's why the other kids in the cul de sac called him "cool." He felt a bit of envy, there.
"25 cents, huh?" Kevin asked, after looking at the poorly spelled label on the jar that Ed made.
"That's correct, sir!" Double D replied. In the background, Jonny hit Ed with another rock, causing him to scream.
"Seems like my kind of party," Kevin said. "I'll pay triple to shoot Eddy."
"Well—Uh, that could be arranged perhaps—"
"YOU GOT IT, KEVIN!" Eddy shouted as he burst out of the obstacle course. Anything for a nickel, Double D thought to himself.
~Later~
Moments later, Edd found himself nervously fastening the shoddy goggles to Kevin's head. Strange as it may seem, he thought, Kevin smells nice. Something like... baked goods? Odd.
He snapped himself out of it and readied the slingshot. Kevin grabbed it, then did a few athletic stretches as Double D read Eddy's flavor text out loud.
"Brave space cadet," he began, bracing himself for the terrible grammar ahead. "You have been… 'choosed'… to fight the aliens on behalf of the… 'Federalated' Ally Empire." He then cleared his throat as his face went red. "There is no greater task than this, earthling: destroy the… king alien… for better of the galaxy!"
Double D put the paper down and looked at Kevin, who had been staring at him while stifling a laugh. Wonderful, he thought. He silently thanked Eddy for making him look like a fool.
"Let's do it, sockhead," Kevin said.
"Very well," he replied. "Let the games… begin!!"
The thin cardboard door to the obstacle course opened, and Kevin sprinted into the room. What followed was an admittedly glorious half hour of Eddy screaming as he was repeatedly pelted by rocks. It gave Double D time to think about things. In other words, time to worry.
He didn't like the idea of Kevin thinking of him as a joke. He thought of the obstacle course and blushed; it was obviously a bunch of tire stacks, dumpsters, barrels and other such nonsense strewn about in Eddy's front yard. Eddy truly thought he was fooling everyone with the virtual reality premise, but Double D was certain that nobody was falling for it. Kevin clearly only wanted to shoot Eddy.
The sun began to hang low.
"That was the only thing you dorks put together that was worth it," Kevin said as he left the course, grinning. He tossed the gear to Double D, who scrambled to catch everything.
"Glad you enjoyed it, Kevin!" he said, trying to salvage his self-esteem. He looked at the googles, noting that the green film had fallen off. His face sank into a deep frown.
"Uh, yeah, the goggles broke," Kevin said. "Sorry, man."
Double D stared at the crummy binoculars disappointedly. He didn't care that the goggles were destroyed. He cared that they never worked at all.
"Don't worry," he finally said sadly. "They weren't actually capable of doing anything. Just junk."
~Later~
"Quit hoggin all the ice, Ed!!" Eddy shouted. He had been wrestling with Ed over a single ice pack as they treated their slingshot battle wounds. The struggle was bound to cause more injury, Double D thought, as he alone worked to break down the obstacle course before sunset. Even the term 'obstacle course' began to feel pretentious.
"Gentlemen, I've told you there's a spare—"
"Can it," Eddy interrupted. "What's the score? How much did we get?"
"One dollar and twenty-five cents," Double D replied. "Our worst haul yet, I dare say."
"What?!"
"We only had three customers, Eddy. Kevin paid triple. I encourage you to check the jar yourself. Afterward, we should discuss the reason that this happened."
"I bet it was beorufomffmphpm," Ed interjected as he jammed the ice pack in his mouth. Eddy punched him in the gut and caught the ice pack in midair.
"It was sockhead's stupid goggles, they didn't look cool enough," Eddy said. "Where's your head been at, Double D?"
That was the last straw of the day.
"I'll have you know, Eddy," he shouted, "that if there were any opportunity to make the best false virtual reality goggles, it would have been stifled by your IGNORANT clinging to the concept that sheets of green film would make them look like sophisticated technology! In regards to where my head has been, I can confidently say that wherever it's been is wrong! You don't appreciate my intelligence!"
"Uh, Double D—"
"Perhaps one could consider the ACTUAL reason for the low revenue! Could it be the fact that under your greed-filled direction, we've been attempting to scam this entire community for YEARS with proverbial snake-oil and parlor tricks, all the while never considering the consequences of each attempt?!"
"Double D—"
"I'm going home! You can clean the rest of this nonsense up, Eddy. And do try to think things through before approaching me again about another of these schemes."
Edd stormed out of Eddy's yard and began to walk home, leaving his friends behind in confusion. He was seething with anger. How could he let himself be repeatedly used like this? What compelled him to return to Eddy, only to face humiliation time and again?
He clenched the broken virtual reality googles in his small fists with great resolve. He would do it, he decided. He would design something practical and useful. Something that would actually work as intended. Eddy would have nothing to do with it.
And the neighborhood would love it.
