I hated him.
I was just about eleven years old when it all started.
Mother cam in holding Haruto as he napped. I couldn"t remember ever being so excited. My very own baby brother, my very own friend.
I could teach him how to whistle, like dad had taught me. Show him how to duel and catch ducks and butterflies like mother tried teaching me. I was too rowdy to be able to catch any ducks. They'd always flutter away whenever they caught site of me. They liked Haruto thought. Dad too. My mother and myself were too loud and abbrasive to get close enough to even hold them.
Mother was ever-alive, gentle when it came to my feelings, but active and alert when it came to everything else. She would tease dad and kiss him playuflly, and when it all boiled down to nothing I knew they were really in love.
The way he spoke to her and blushed at her every smile, pout, or snort, really made me happy. We all loved each other and were happy together.
But then Haruto's illness started to show itself.
It was strange, unlike any cold or fever I had ever gotten. He was wiped out completely, like hs soul had escaped his body for a time. He later told me he was awake during it all. He could see and hear us clearly, but he just couldn't make his body work. Like some kind of numbness had swept over him and made him feel apart from everything else in the world.
Hearing this from such a small child terrified me. I had never felt anything like that, nor had any idea on how to treat it. He was just so tiny and innocent…I…didn't know how I could protect him from himself.
It's my fault really, but I know he would blame himself if he remembered.
I was showing him my cards in the backyard, trying to get some kind of responce out of him. Mother arrived bright as usual, ruffling both our heads in greeting. Before Haruto and I were born she was a proffessional riding duelist, one of the best. Or…maybe that's me being her bias son? Either way, she was the best in my eyes.
She didn't give up her career to take care of us. Dad had offered to take time off work if she wanted to go, but that was one of the rare moments I saw her grow infuriated with him. She was cold in her responce, saying she would never leave her children.
She later apologized to him…knowing he too wanted to be with us. It was difficult seeing them so strained, and I started spending less time outside, and more time with Haruto. Even if he couldn't respond, I wanted him to know I was there for him. That his big brother was going to help him get better and protect him.
She really loved us both. She wanted to be around for us. I still wish Haruto could have properly met her, so he would know what it was like to have a real parent.
Haruto was silent as I chatted idly with mother, we were trying to show him different monster card effects. But…
He seemed more distant than usual…
His body began quaking, and he started to shake his head in pain. It looked like something was trying to come out of him, and I just wanted to cling to him and brush his hair back until he felt better,
But mother wouldn't allow me to.
She instead held Haruto close to her, trying to calm him down from what ever was causing him such grief. Tears fogged my vision as I felt a powerful wave of cold air throw me back, like an attack from some kind of monster.
As shaken as I was, I needed to check on Haruto and our mother.
Mother was shivering and brushing back Haruto's hair as he slept.
He was sleeping…just…resting again.
Mother looked a little wind swept, but fine.
I tried not to cry too loudly so I wouldn't wake him up, and just ended up clinging tightly to her waist.
Haha…she…she was pretty short. Just like I am now…
A kid somewhere…or a teacher maybe? Asked me when I was really little if I wanted to grow up big and strong like my dad.
I shook my head glaring up at them and told them I wanted to grow up to be just like my mama. She was pretty, strong, and really cool. Haruto could grow up to be big and strong like dad, I wanted to be like her.
Strange…but…I'm glad it's ended up like that.
We went inside, and mother went to call dad. I watched over Haruto for a little while longer to make sure he was okay, and went back to check on mother.
She was breathing pretty badly. She had her head rested on the back of the couch, and gestured for me to come sit with her.
At that point in my life I thought I was too big to sit on my mothers lap, but her quiet insistance quickly brought me to her side.
She brushed my hair back and told me I had to protect Haruto and take care of myself…
She told me how much she loved us…and how…I had to be strong now. She said so much, too much, for my tiny mind to really process.
All's I could really remember was to protect Haruto.
I wanted to ask her why she was breathing so funny…but I was scared.
I was really…really…scared.
Dad came home quicker than usual, and picked us up both into a tighter hug than I was comfortable with. He was reluctant, but told me to watch Haruto while they were away.
Mother gave me something of a wink, and left with father through the door.
I never saw her again.
I hated Haruto for taking her away.
I was angry…so angry.
He just laid there blankly, our tiny house now silent spare a few pattering footsteps.
Father hardly spoke anymore…and alls I wanted to do was shout at them all.
I thank every powerful force in the universe I never did.
Haruto's condition grew worse, but…
But one night I heard him crying.
…I…went into his room to find him huddled up under his sheets bawling his tiny little eyes out.
Mothers words rung clear in my head, and my heart sunk from my previous selfishness.
I never wanted to leave his side again. I was done being a selfish child, I needed to take care of my brother now.
Adapting her quiet, soft smile, I went over to his side and slid him out of his sheets into my arms.
I told him we could go play out in the forest tomorrow, and make breakfast together.
He was so excited, he stopped crying immediately.
I told him I was sorry I had been so busy with my work…and that we'd play together more than ever.
He nodded, trying to understand. He…
Asked me a few years later why we didn't have a mother.
I lied.
I told him mother had gotten sick, sicker than him, and had passed away happily. Quickly reasuring him nothing like that would happen to him, that he'd grow up to be bigger and stronger than me (which in retrospect isn't that much), I felt relief course through my veins as he smiled up at me.
This was my family now.
This is what I have to protect.
