Life of an Orc in Middle-Earth

A Lord of the Rings Fan Fiction by Mason McAteer

My name is Jim-ee. I'm an orc. Not any special orc, just an orc. When I first came into being, Saruman told me:

"Listen, Jimm-ee. You're an orc. You will be raised as an orc, a servant of the Giant Floating Eye. You are cannon fodder in this war. Due to your totally unnecessary death, we shall rid Middle-Earth of all trees!"

"But what if I don't wanna be an orc, Mister Saruman sir?"

"To bad!"

And Saruman went off cackling manically as he went to oversee the burning off innocent saplings. I frowned. Was I really destined for such lowliness? No, I would secretly conspire to overthrow the Giant Floating Eye, and one day I would be a hero!

Twenty years later, though, and not much had changed, except for a blond Vulcan, a short Scottish dude with a big beard, four sickly children, and an old dude with a pointy hat have taken a stand. I wondered if I could join them if I asked, so I tried to post a notice on a billboard in the town called "Bree". Quite to my surprise, I was chased out of the town as people shouted things like 'filthy demon!' and 'orcish mongrel!'. They really hurt my feelings. It seems the town of Bree is just full of jerks without manners!

After that, I ventured to the mountains with a group of my friends when I heard the old man with the pointy hat and his posy were headed there. I tried to warn them there was a big scary demon in the caves, but they didn't listen- instead, they shot lightning and arrows at us! I was only trying to help…

Subsequently, they gathered an army and attacked Mordor itself! I tried to help, but they just shot arrows at me again. They killed my friend Boh-bh, but I figured that was alright- he was more of a bully than a real friend anyway. Then, two of the sickly ones actually went to Mt. Doom! I followed them up, and found that a really ugly and even sicklier creature was attacking them. I stabbed it with my sword and pushed it into the fiery lava of the mountain. After that, the two child-people taunted me by pretending to give me a shiny ring and then throwing it into the lava! I was still determined to prove myself, though, so I came down with them to meet back up with their party. I approached the old man, as he seemed to be the leader of the group.

"What are you doing here, orc?" he questioned.

"I wanna be a hero too! I saved your sickly child friends!"

He laughed as he stroked his long, gray beard. "You cannot be a hero, orc! You are an orc! JRR Tolkien created you to be despised and killed!"

"But… I don't wanna be an orc…"

"To bad!" he said as he pulled out a sword and sliced off my head.