House: Hufflepuff
Position: Prefect 1
Category: Themed- friendship
Prompt: [Romantic Pairing] Sirius/Remus
Word count: 2703
A/N: It was very, very painful to write the content of this fic. To be clear, Lily's, Remus', and Sirius' friendship is the main focus. It's the sort-of falling out of one friendship and the strengthening of another. I don't like flames, even though I like to play with matches. There may be a sequel to this, though I am not sure. If I do write one, it will be a co-written project with justaninnocenthufflepuff.
Many, many thanks to my lovely friends and betas Aya Diefair and justaninnocenthufflepuff! You two are awesome.
Warnings: homophobia; slash pairing; possible James Potter!bashing; possible Light!bashing; POV switches; profanity
Sirius and Remus were sitting by the Black Lake, studying for their NEWTs. Well, more so Remus was studying and Sirius was laying with his head in the werewolf's lap, absently playing with a loose thread on Remus' robes.
"Hey, Moony?" Sirius asked, and Remus huffed in annoyance at being interrupted.
He reluctantly set his book aside and looked down at his best friend and lover.
"Yes, Sirius?" Remus asked, still refusing to call Sirius "Padfoot" after the six years they'd known each other.
Sirius focused his eyes on Remus, looking oddly, well, serious for once.
"Are we ever going to tell Prongs?" Sirius asked, frowning slightly.
Remus felt a heavy weight settle in his chest. They still hadn't spoken to their friends about their relationship. Remus was afraid of what James would say. He wasn't worried about Lily or Peter, because they were always so supportive of Remus, but James . . . he was another story.
Remus had heard things from James' mouth that hurt to acknowledge. The Potters were traditionalists, when it came down to it, and while they still fought for the Light, they weren't exactly accepting of everyone.
Werewolf? Sure.
Muggle-born? Of course.
Family escapee? Why not?
Outcasts? You're always welcome here.
Homosexual? We'd never let a pouf into the Light!
There were certain things that even the "good guys" couldn't accept. Remus thought that that was why so many people followed Voldemort.
James, practically the poster-child of the Light, threw words like "faggot" and "queer" around, directed at kids who probably didn't even understand sexuality. Remus did his best to use his Prefect position to keep James at bay, but a month's worth of detentions wasn't enough to stop James from spitting slurs at people—regardless of their sexuality.
"Sirius. . . we've talked about this. We can't tell him. You know how he is," Remus said tiredly.
Sirius sighed, knowing that Remus was right. The werewolf always was, and if he wanted to keep James as his friend and Moony as his boyfriend, he'd just have to keep quiet.
"I know, Moony," Sirius whispered. "Sometimes I just wonder what it would be like to kiss you in front of people, you know?"
Remus felt a pang in his chest. He wanted to kiss the pained expression off of Sirius' face.
Without much thought, Remus leaned down to do just that, Sirius' lips meeting his half-way.
Lily wasn't an observer. She didn't normally pick up on the longing stares—especially those directed towards her—or the heavy glances that said more than words ever could. She wasn't really one to notice when a bruise was actually a hickey. It just wasn't in her nature.
That's why she was more than surprised when she started to pick up on the heated glances Remus and Sirius shared when they thought no one else was looking. She saw the "casual, but not really" touches between them.
She felt the heavy weight of realization in her chest, tinged with worry. Homosexuality wasn't unheard of, but there was a lot of stigma surrounding it that Lily didn't want to subject her friends to.
It was only that they were Remus and Sirius. They weren't strangers in the halls that James could just push around or sneer at. They would be completely broken if James were to abandon them.
Remus had been through so much already. He was too fragile to handle losing one of his best friends, especially one who'd been there every full moon since their second year. His spirit would be shattered, and she feared that he'd give up altogether.
Sirius. . . he would recover, if he stuck with Remus. But Sirius was unpredictable at the best of times and he didn't exactly think before he opened his mouth. Things could quickly get out of hand when Sirius was upset.
Lily needed to talk to James about it, to make him see reason before he did anything he'd regret—probably regret—later. Eventually, Sirius and Remus wouldn't be able to keep their relationship a secret, and things would blow out of proportion once James found out.
Lily wouldn't be able to get everything under control, because, at times her boyfriend could be the most bigoted and intolerant person she'd ever met. Sometimes, she didn't really know why she was even with him in the first place.
She wanted Sirius and Remus to be honest about everything that was important to them; it wasn't healthy to keep something so large and important under wraps. Lily didn't like secrets, and she generally didn't keep them.
But once James found out. . .
Lily was not going to let Sirius and Remus deal with him on their own.
Sirius, Remus, and Lily were in the common room, studying or, in Lily's and Sirius' case, pretending to study. James and Peter had disappeared to bed after getting a scolding from Lily about not doing their homework.
Lily was curled up on the armchair closest to the fire, occasionally looking at the two Marauders over the top of her book, eyes narrowed. The boys in question were sitting on opposite sides of a couch, legs tangled and facing each other. Remus was, of course, immersed in his book. Sirius was doodling in his textbook.
"Hey, guys?" Lily asked nervously.
She hadn't exactly planned what she was going to say yet, but this seemed like the best time to approach them.
"Hmm?" Remus and Sirius hummed and looked up at her, nearly in sync.
It was kind of unnerving.
"I just wanted you to know that I'll never, ever judge you. And I'll always be there for you, even if James isn't. You're my best friends and I love you," she said slowly.
Remus had paled sometime in the middle of her speech, and Sirius was looking like someone had slapped him.
"L-Lily? What?" Remus stuttered.
For a moment, Lily thought that they were going to bolt.
"Does James know?" Sirius all but whispered.
Lily bit her lip and shook her head.
"No, he doesn't. I didn't think it was wise to tell him," she said honestly.
Remus and Sirius visibly relaxed.
"I. . . you both know that I mean it, right?" Lily asked, her stomach twisting.
Lily bit her lip and glanced between her two friends, worried that they would be upset with her. After all, she did just spring it on them without warning.
Sirius nodded vigorously, and Lily was startled to see tears in Remus' eyes.
"Sorry," the werewolf said thickly, wiping at his eyes.
Sirius sat up and pulled Remus into a hug, wiping away his tears and pressing a sweet kiss to his lips. Lily watched them, a small smile on her face. They were so patient and tender that she knew that they were a good match.
"Thanks, Lils," Sirius said softly.
Lily nodded, still a little unsettled at how much her words had affected Remus. She supposed that it made sense; he always did have trouble being accepted.
James was going to apologize to Lily for being his usual stubborn self and not completing his homework. He wanted to get on her good side again, maybe she'd let him snog her.
He silently padded down the stairs, hands in his pockets as he thought over what he was going to say.
He was about to step into the nearly empty common room when he was stopped on the foot of the stairs by what he was seeing. He could only watch, frozen in place, as Padfoot—his best mate—kissed Moony.
Moony and Padfoot. Kissing.
James was missing something. He was confused, to say the least. He blinked owlishly, trying to process what he was seeing.
Sure, Moony and Padfoot had always been affectionate, but they didn't share intimate touches. Well, not many, at least. They were just. . . close, was all.
James balled his hands into fists, realizing how stupid he'd been. He felt like he'd been lying to himself for years, ignoring every single sign. His pride was battered.
His blood boiled as he watched Sirius and Remus peck each other on the lips again, smiling. It wasn't right. It was. . . it wasn't how things were supposed to be!
They were three of the four Marauders, best mates and lady-killers. They were supposed to tell each other everything, even if it was more meaningful than "I used your hairbrush to comb Padfoot" or "I cheated on my potions exam."
They were supposed to tell each other things that they'd never admit to anyone else. They were a family, best mates that told each other everything.
Apparently James wasn't worth enough to them to be informed that they were gay. That they were in a relationship.
He didn't know he had moved until he was right behind Sirius, fury coursing through his veins. He was dimly aware that Lily had shot to her feet and was trying to placate him.
"What the hell are you doing?" James yelled.
"Calm down, James, it's not what it looks like!" Lily said desperately, grasping James' forearm.
James shook her off, and Sirius growled, sounding very much like his wolfish Animagus, and stood up, right in James' face. Lily looked helplessly between them, wringing her hands, distress written on her features.
"Oh, dear," Remus muttered, glancing with wide eyed between Sirius and James.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" Sirius asked, voice dangerously low.
"It looks like you're snogging Moony," James replied.
"So? Got a problem with that?"
Sirius took a step towards James until they were nearly chest-to-chest.
"Yeah. Yeah, I do," James said.
Sirius' eyes narrowed. How had things escalated so quickly?
Sirius shoved James. James shoved back. Elbows were being drawn back when Lily darted between the two, scowling.
"Stop it!" she shrieked.
James and Sirius glared at each other over Lily's head, but didn't make any move to hit each other.
"I can't believe you," James spat.
Lily opened her mouth, probably to stop the oncoming argument, but was too slow for Sirius' quick tongue.
"You have no place to judge Remus and I," Sirius said heatedly.
"It's disgusting!" James retorted vehemently.
"Shut the hell up, Prongs! You have no right!"
Sirius balled his fists until his knuckles were white. Remus had tears in his eyes.
"No!" James yelled. "You're wrong! I have every right!"
"Why? Because you're one of the good guys? Because you were born in a family that taught you to hate?"
James growled.
"My family has nothing to do with this! It's about you and your disgusting preferences," he said through clenched teeth.
"They have everything to do with it, James! Don't you see that they blinded you?" Sirius ignored the jab about his sexuality.
Lily was frozen between them, watching them go back and forth. Realization sparked in her eyes. It was a look that James dreaded.
"No, that was your family, Padfoot. They're the ones who taught you to Crucio Mudbloods before breakfast every morning—"
A resounding slap rang throughout the room as Lily's palm connected with her boyfriend's cheek. He stared at her in shock and dawning horror as he realized what he'd said.
"How dare you," Lily said, green eyes alight in anger.
The room was silent as James struggled to find words. An apology. An explanation. Anything. The tension hung heavy in the room, weighing on their shoulders. Lily opened her mouth, probably to twist the knife in deeper.
"Guys. . . please," Remus whispered, effectively cutting her off.
The trio turned towards him, startled. They'd forgotten that he was still there.
The werewolf looked utterly devastated, tears rolling down his scarred face.
"Don't fight. I can't—I can't stand to see you tear each other up," he whispered.
Remus stood up and left the portrait hole, shoulders shaking. James watched him go, guilt and anger twisting in his gut.
James looked at Sirius, expecting to see him to be glaring at him, but he was staring at Remus' back with a look of pain on his face. James bit his lip.
"I. . ." he trailed off, not knowing what to say.
Sirius sent him an icy stare before following Remus.
Lily looked at James with disappointment etched on her face.
"I hoped that you might be able to see how happy they make each other and let them be, but clearly I was wrong," she said softly.
James looked at his feet, and didn't glance back up until he couldn't hear her retreating footsteps anymore.
He messed up.
Remus hadn't made it very far before he felt Sirius' arms wrap around his waist. He struggled against them for a moment before sighing and leaning back into Sirius' touch.
"Moony. . ." Sirius murmured into the werewolf's shoulder-blades.
"Sirius, this is all my fault, isn't it?" Remus asked.
He felt sick to his stomach. He knew that he couldn't control everything, but the argument with James was something he could've prevented. He hated coming between Sirius and James, because they were best mates, and Remus was just a werewolf. He didn't want Sirius to settle for him, not when it was either him or James.
When it came down to it, Remus knew that Sirius would be happier—safer—if he stayed with James. Remus was dangerous. Sirius didn't deserve that.
Remus' vision blurred with his tears. His knees felt weak.
"No!" Sirius said loudly.
He stepped around the brunet and looked up at him, gray eyes burning with conviction.
"It's not your fault, my love," Sirius soothed.
He took Remus' scarred hands in his own and pressed a kiss to his knuckles, adoration evident in his eyes as he looked at Remus.
Remus felt his heart stutter, despite being so upset.
"You know that I love you, right?" Sirius asked quietly, threading his fingers through Remus'.
Remus nodded, lip quivering.
"I love you, too," he whispered.
Sirius stood up on his tippy-toes and kissed Remus slowly. Remus could taste his own tears, but his boyfriend didn't seem to mind.
"I will always be by your side, my love. You're my everything, and there's no use trying to get rid of me," Sirius whispered once they parted, a small smile tugging at his lips.
Remus bit his lip and his eyes fluttered closed for a second before tilting Sirius' chin up to kiss him again.
He knew that his boyfriend was as stubborn as they came, but Sirius always knew what to say.
James hadn't made any move to go back to the dorms where Peter would no doubt be snoring. He didn't feel like sleeping, not with the guilt and the anger still burning him from the inside out. Instead, James was sitting in the armchair Lily had previously occupied, thinking about everything Sirius had said. Every once in a while, Remus' anguished face appeared in his mind and James felt his stomach twist.
He'd never intended to hurt Moony—one of his dearest friends who didn't know what kindness had looked like until he met Sirius, James, and Peter.
James regretted what he'd said to Sirius. Padfoot wasn't like Bellatrix, or Regulus. He didn't have the same beliefs as the rest of the Blacks did. Maybe James' family had been wrong when they told him that being gay was being dark. Sirius was the furthest thing from evil, and Remus was the kindest soul that James had ever met.
Still, James had trouble wrapping his around the idea of Sirius and Remus being together. He knew that they needed a family, someone to love them.
James thought that maybe he could just let them love each other. His friends' happiness was worth more than his pride or traditions. They were worth more to James than that.
It would take some getting used to, of course, but James was going to try his hardest to be there for his two best friends, no matter if they liked men or women. He wanted them to be happy, above all else.
James sighed and stood up, walking to his dorm and going over all the ways he could apologize to Lily, Sirius, and Remus in his head.
He realized then just how much he really screwed up. There was going to be a lot of embarrassment in his future, he could just see it.
